thingshappen

INTRODUCTION TO QUANTUM THEORY

There are only so many parallel universes
that concern us.     In one, he isn’t dead.

In another, you drink light with your hands
all winter. There is a universe in which no one is lying

emptied in the street as the gas station burns, a universe
in which our mothers haven’t learned to wrap

their bones in each small grief they’ve found.
There is a universe in which there is no difference

between the past and the ground. Another
where the oceans pull the moon.      And so on.

        This is an incomplete list.  It has been abridged
for your comfort.       I could tell you

about the many universes in which bad things
happen to people other than the people

you love. Yes, in another life, it’s someone else’s sister
who climbs to the roof that night. In another life,

the boys rise darkly from the asphalt to choke
the engines of cruisers, and no one gives birth

chained to a hospital bed, and no one’s child washes
blue, ashore. Sure. You can have these worlds.

You can warm them in your hands at night. But know:
by signing, you agree also to be responsible for the universe

where the oceans glow red, the universe where
what we call shadow is pulsing with the musk

of hooves, and especially the one in which
humans exist, but only in the nightmares

of small children. Will you hold that one too?
The version of the story that never learned

to consider sound? and the one where sound
is only the opposite of metal? and the one

where the sound of metal is never enough
           to quiet the dead?

FRANNY CHOI

INTRODUCTION TO QUANTUM THEORY
BY FRANNY CHOI

There are only so many parallel universes
that concern us.     In one, he isn’t dead.

In another, you drink light with your hands
all winter. There is a universe in which no one is lying

emptied in the street as the gas station burns, a universe
in which our mothers haven’t learned to wrap

their bones in each small grief they’ve found.
There is a universe in which there is no difference

between the past and the ground. Another
where the oceans pull the moon.      And so on.

        This is an incomplete list.  It has been abridged
for your comfort.       I could tell you

about the many universes in which bad things
happen to people other than the people

you love. Yes, in another life, it’s someone else’s sister
who climbs to the roof that night. In another life,

the boys rise darkly from the asphalt to choke
the engines of cruisers, and no one gives birth

chained to a hospital bed, and no one’s child washes
blue, ashore. Sure. You can have these worlds.

You can warm them in your hands at night. But know:
by signing, you agree also to be responsible for the universe

where the oceans glow red, the universe where
what we call shadow is pulsing with the musk

of hooves, and especially the one in which
humans exist, but only in the nightmares

of small children. Will you hold that one too?
The version of the story that never learned

to consider sound? and the one where sound
is only the opposite of metal? and the one

where the sound of metal is never enough
           to quiet the dead?

You don’t want to die.

Maybe right now,
maybe right now you are wilting
from within the hollow
of your aching chest,

maybe everything is caving in,
maybe you can’t read,

maybe you are drowning,
or splintering,

something that is akin
to breaking,
to dying,

but this is not where you go,
this is not where you end.

Read me again -
you do not end here.

Not now, not this moment.

There are a million things
happening around you.

Maybe tonight is the night
you put your desk in order,
maybe tonight is the night
you paint your toes,
maybe tonight is the night
you try on fake eyelashes for the first time
in all of your life.

Maybe you learn to tie a tie,
maybe you find the proper way
to peel a banana 
(hint: chimps do it by the bottom
and not the top. Curious?
look it up)

Maybe tonight is the night
you finally understand astronomy
and how the entire universe
tells a story
that just never seems to cease.

Maybe tonight is the night
you recognize the constellation in the wrist
you want to cut into -

maybe you trace the patterns
and write your own novels
for the stories that exist
beneath your own skin.

Maybe tonight is the night
you start again,
or keep going,
or stagnate -

but you exist tonight, you exist,
I am telling you that you exist
and I see it and I am so in awe,
I am so in awe of you.

Persist, persist, persist,
dawn is a few hours out
and you exist, god you exist,

persist with me,
a little longer with me,
persist,

tonight you and I exist
together.

depression hangover

Do you ever just wake up feeling like a vegetable?
Like, okay today
I am asparagus.
Ha
No,
I don’t mean the kind you eat.
I mean
Do you ever just wake up feeling like you’re brain dead?
Like you’re a walking zombie
incapable of feeling
or thinking
Like someone somewhere is keeping you alive
with remote controls and buttons
and your heart only beats
because of someone else’s electricity?

Have you ever had one of those days,
where you just can’t feel anything?
Like your skin is covered in layers and layers
of scar tissue
and nothing that touches you
actually touches you
Like you are so emotionally unavailable
that even the insinuation that another person
could actually want something you have
does not make your insides lighter
and your cheeks cherry red?

Let me ask you something,
when you were a kid
did you ever do that thing
where you move your pencil around in circles
over
and
over
until
you’re like “oh hey
that kinda looks like a tornado”?
Well let me give you a tip:
Remember to keep the places where you go to think
clean
so that your mind doesn’t feel like tornadoes
destroying everything in your chest
and making your stomach a graveyard of debris.

So that the places you have planted your feet
don’t become uprooted
and you wake up not knowing where you’ve been
and the lessons you’ve learned.
So you don’t open your eyes with amnesia pounding against your skull
asking what your name is over and over
not recognizing the person that stares back at you puzzled
in the mirror.
Wondering why your throat burns
and your head hurts
and what you did last night to have a come down so incredibly unbearable,
or if it was worth it to have just a little while
free from all your memories?

okay, okay,
what about the feeling
where you feel like you’re walking up the escalators that go down?
You ever felt that?
Like no matter how many steps you take forward
you just keep going backwards
and you’re always down
Like you’re never gonna reach the top
and everywhere you go people are looking at you like
“what are you doing man?”
Yeah?
well, me too.

First of all
the only way to stop going the wrong way
is to realize that you are.
If you don’t know how to get back home,
it’s okay to ask for directions.
But I know that’s easier said than done.
Especially when you have no one to ask.
or you swallow cement for breakfast
so that your vocals chords only move when earthquakes
and jack hammers coerce your lips to part.
I also know nothing can break you more than another person.
That’s why everyone nowadays walks around like crime scenes
always warding eachother off with yellow tape.

But you can’t be scared of everyone.
You can’t be too hard to need help.
Especially when you’re hitting a new rock bottom every night.
When you’re asking yourself all these questions
like “can it really get worse than this?”
or “what’s the point in trying to be a good person if bad things
happen to everyone?”
Maybe if we cared more about getting better than how much it hurts to fall down,
then we’d actually change the things about ourselves that hold us back.

“Introduction to Quantum Theory” - Franny Choi

There are only so many parallel universes
that concern us.     In one, he isn’t dead.

In another, you drink light with your hands
all winter. There is a universe in which no one is lying

emptied in the street as the gas station burns, a universe
in which our mothers haven’t learned to wrap

their bones in each small grief they’ve found.
There is a universe in which there is no difference

between the past and the ground. Another
where the oceans pull the moon.      And so on.

        This is an incomplete list.  It has been abridged
for your comfort.       I could tell you

about the many universes in which bad things
happen to people other than the people

you love. Yes, in another life, it’s someone else’s sister
who climbs to the roof that night. In another life,

the boys rise darkly from the asphalt to choke
the engines of cruisers, and no one gives birth

chained to a hospital bed, and no one’s child washes
blue, ashore. Sure. You can have these worlds.

You can warm them in your hands at night. But know:
by signing, you agree also to be responsible for the universe

where the oceans glow red, the universe where
what we call shadow is pulsing with the musk

of hooves, and especially the one in which
humans exist, but only in the nightmares

of small children. Will you hold that one too?
The version of the story that never learned

to consider sound? and the one where sound
is only the opposite of metal? and the one

where the sound of metal is never enough
           to quiet the dead?

Time to move on!!

Wow I can’t believe I’m even writing this. You know that hurt feeling you get when your boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you? Yup exactly that one. Glad you get it doesn’t it suck it makes you feel like crap and want to be all emo and depressed in your room for a while but mostly it makes you feel betrayed and angry. My problem is that I didn’t have a boyfriend at all. Ok so I bet your wondering what’s going on. Well let’s start at the beginning of it all. Throughout high school no one really paid attention to me I was like Jenna from Awkward you know the loser girl no one really noticed. The only difference was that no one noticed me at all. It all started when I graduated I was so excited to leave for college and meet new friends and hello new hot guys. This would be the start of a new period of my life yay. But no sadly I stayed and ended up going to IVC the local community college. I was so sure it would suck and I wouldn’t meet anyone. I actually did, but not at IVC I actually met this fantastic guy during the summer a week after I graduated wow right. So here is the story of how we met. My aunt goes to this 3 day campout up in Laguna Mountain and this was the first time I got to go. I was so excited since I knew a bunch of people who would be there. When we arrived everyone was there we talked, setup and messed around. On the first night when we were all around the fire this random guy starts talking to me. Uhh he was so annoying he kept messing with me. He even made me spill my water on myself it was super freaking cold!! I know I should have been nice to him…not I was so mean to him. I didn’t talk to him the next two days. On our way home my phone got service again and decided to send him a friend request. Ya I know I’m dumb. I felt bad for being mean so I send him a message saying hi. For the next 3 months we really got along and became really good friends. Turns out he was also a student at IVC oh my gosh. We hung out actually got close in my opinion. We really opened up to each other mostly him to me. I was really starting to fall for him. Then after a few months he became distant he was coming down of the Ericka high but I was still high on him I was hooked. I made him a big part of my life my family loved him his liked me a lot as well. I was so comfy with him I even slept over I felt so safe and like I could just be myself. I was so understanding to everything he told me. But like everything good things must end and people show their true colors the last day I saw him he told me “See you never”. I didn’t take him serious but what do you know two weeks later he got a girlfriend and bye bye Ericka. I should’ve seen this coming he was never going to want to be more I think I was just trying to blow everything off. I still feel stupid and hurt but what I truly feel is anger. Why right. I feel angry that he couldn’t just tell me I don’t like you like that lets stay friends I mean I asked him am I wasting my time he said no. why couldn’t he just be honest he knew honesty was #1 to me. But in the end time to move on and hold no grudges.