things-i've-learned

If I Could Speak to My Younger Self

In my time as a man interested in men’s clothing and style, I’ve made many mistakes, some of them very expensive. If I could speak to my younger self, I would give the following advice. Note, I don’t pretend these are universal truisms, but from my experience building a wardrobe, and seeing others go along the same path, I think these are more often true than not. So, if you’re just starting out, perhaps you will find these useful. 

1. Always prioritize quality over quantity. It’s better to have one perfect navy sport coat than five sport jackets that aren’t quite right. Better to have five pairs of truly nice shoes than ten that are mediocre. In the end, many of us will acquire wardrobes that are much bigger than what we need, and only wear 10% of what we have. It’s better to trade quantity for quality.  

2. Beware of accessories. Nice things such as sport coats and shoes are expensive, and it’s easy to stave off these purchases by picking up small accessories here and there. If you do, you’ll soon find that you have a hundred ties, but only three sport coats to wear them with. Beware of acquiring too many accessories. It’s better to save your money for things that will make a bigger impact.

3. Beware of sales. Clearance sales can often be false bargains. Psychology Today had a good post about why this is. If given the stark choice, it’s better to purchase things you truly love at full price, than to go for a sale that will only leave you wanting. (That said, shop smartly, as most things go on sale, but don’t buy something just because of the price).

4. Build a shopping list. Figure out your annual budget for clothes, make a list of what you truly need, and then decide how much you want to spend on each item. This will help you avoid the pitfalls #2 and #3 above, and make sure you’re building a wardrobe, not just a collection of clothes. It also helps discipline you to something I think is truly important: giving a purchase a few months worth of thought before actually pulling out the credit card.

5. Prioritize fit above everything else. By fit I don’t just mean whether something fits you well (shoulder seams end at the shoulders; collars stay on the neck; chest isn’t too big or tight; etc), but also whether the silhouette flatters you. Learn the difference between fit and silhouettes, and pay attention to both. Don’t buy something just because it’s on sale, has some trendy stylistic detail, or is made with the finest hand stitching in the world. If it doesn’t fit and flatter, all that means nothing.

6. Pay attention, then ignore, what other men are wearing. One of the best ways to learn how to dress is by paying attention to well-dressed men. At the same time, know that just because something looks great on someone else doesn’t mean it will look great on you. You may not have the same body type or live the same lifestyle. Take inspiration from good places, but also be honest about how something looks on you.

7. Take time to find your sense of style. Feel free to experiment, but do it slowly. A little dabbling here and there is fine, but if you jump in with both feet too quickly, you may find yourself purging what you have in a year or two. Finding your own sense of style will take years of maturity (literally) and a lot of honesty. Give yourself time.   

8. Don’t spend too much money in the beginning. “Buy less, buy better” is a good mantra to live by unless you’re just starting out. If you are, buying mid-quality things on sale can be a smart way to experiment here and there, as well as make sure your mistakes won’t be too costly. And yes, mistakes will be made.  

9. Dress coherently and simply. There are some men who dress with great success by having thing clash and layering dozens of items on themselves. However, I’ve found less is more, and harmony is better than chaos. Have a message and stick to something simple

10.  Be patient. If you can’t afford something today, learn how to scrimp, save, and shop slowly. You don’t need that big of a wardrobe anyway, and you certainly don’t need to acquire everything now. Patient, thoughtful wardrobe building will always win out over a hurried, excited shopping. Once you’ve gotten a good handle on your sense of style, imagine the wardrobe you want in five or seven years, and slowly work towards that. 

11. Don’t go to grad school. Oh wait, that’s for a different blog. Nevermind. Still, this is a good thing to tell my younger self. 

Things I've learned from living with SBs (part 1)

A few of you ladies asked me to talk about some of the things I learned when I lived with Sugar Babies. Of course at the time I wasn’t really aware of what they were doing I did learn somethings from watching them.

First thing I learned. Always, I mean always look your best. The first SB I lived with had a membership to LA Sports Club and she would take my mom and I with her. She was very fit and would work out 4 times a week. Now this club had a lot of amenities and was always packed with Celebs and the rich. Now, I’m not saying you have to be thin to make it as a SB, just always be presentable. 

Anyways, she would take us shopping and tell my mom (and me) how to dress and what to wear for certain occasions. Her number one go to outfit for a casual day was a nice, fitted tank top, designer jeans and cute shoes. I remember she gave me a pair of True Religion jeans and bought me a really cute tank top and she, my mom and I went to Robertson BLVD to go shopping and for lunch. While at lunch a guy at the bar ended up paying for our food ;-)

  • Her Fashion Tip: Black, White or Gray fitted tank tops are always good for a casual day, paired with good jeans/ pants not necessarily designer but make sure they fit you well and have a nice look and cute shoes.
  • Keep a nice leather or jean jacket in your car or a nice black blazer encase it gets a little nippy.
  • Match your bra and panties. Ever since the day we went to VS and she told me that, I’ve always “tried” to keep my undies matching. Personally I feel sexy and grown up when I know my bra and panties match.
  • Having a good bra makes a big difference. She had a boob job but she still would get the good bra and cute panties that matched. Sometimes she would wear a sports bra over her bra to help lift her breast up.
  • Posture makes a big difference! At home she would wear a girdle (I use a waist cincher only 10$ on amazon) it keeps your stomach flat while forcing you to sit up straight.
  • Keep your makeup natural during the day. Only wear a full face if you have a date or event to go to. If a SD sees you without a full face and you like a different person, it’s kind of a turn-off.
  • Invest in yourself. She had a nose job and her breast done. She’d make sure she ate healthy foods so that what she put into her body would reflect to the outside.

She was lived for weave and even gave me and my mom some old (only used once) hair she didn’t use anymore. She wasn’t one who had the long, hair down your back kind of weave, she kept it simple so that it looked natural. A cute curly, blonde highlighted full head weave with a bang that looked very cute when straightened (being able to switch it up is always a plus).

  • Find a look that works best for you. You might not need a weave but make sure your hair is always done even if it’s in a ponytail (which men love) make sure it slicked back and your edges are smoothed down with edge control or gel (white people use hairspray)

She made sure that whomever she talked to was doing something for her. One guy helped her pay her car off, a few guys paying her 4K a month rent and bills (idk how many guys she had but they all thought they were paying her rent) Her son’s private schooling was paid for and she studied scientology which is expensive (no it’s not a cult) and she met a lot of her sponsors at the scientology center in LA. 

Smile! ALWAYS FUCKING SMILE!!! Her NUMBER ONE RULE was that, no matter what the situation was, when she was around her sponsors she always had a smile on her face. Even if she was cussing him out about something she would do it with a smile (literally I saw her do it) and especially smile when you have your hand out! 

  • Practice smiling in the mirror so that it doesn’t seem forced or fake. Try to make your eye’s wrinkle a little bit (that’s a sign of a real smile)


I don’t want this post to be super long so I will make other parts to it because I’ve lived with a few SB/escorts

10 things I learned in 2015

1) Stop giving people multiple chances. If they didn’t get it right the first time they probably won’t.

2) New friends can be made at any time. Click that groupme link cuz you might find your better halves.

3) Never be afraid to do crazy things with yourself. Dye your hair, wear that dress, get those shoes. If it makes you happy take a chance.

4) Stay up all night talking to your friends. Y'all can talk all day but them nighttime conversations are the best.

5) Dive in them DMs first. If you wait for them you’ll probably never get to know them. Take a chance.

6) Meet the people you can. If they’re close enough to be a friend it can’t hurt to try. Another friend won’t hurt you.

7) Don’t let people’s opinions stop you from taking a chance. You might miss out on the love of your life or the greatest sex because your homie said something and you took it to the heart. Its your life not theirs

8) Your parents are not you. They can have opinions about what you do but never let them Take control of your life. They were your age once, yes, but they don’t know what you’re going through at your age.

9) Wear your heart on your sleeve but also keep a hoodie on over it. You can be the most loving person but don’t let people know your whole heart right away. People will take advantage.

10) Cry when you need to. Life is hard and trying to be strong all the time is exhausting so let it out. You’ll hurt, you’ll feel hopeless, you’ll wonder how you can go on but baby you got this. Let it go and keep it moving.

1. you don’t ever need to write in cursive, no matter what your third grade teacher told you.
2. no matter how many times your health teacher tells you about the kid in the town over who died in a drunk driving accident, some of your friends will still get trashed off nips at one in the morning.
3. everyone has a story and everyone is fighting a battle that you know nothing about. remember that when you come across someone you don’t get along with.
4. it is possible for a boy to break your heart even when you aren’t together.
5. you are allowed to put your own needs first. forget pulling an all-nighter to try to finish that essay. watch an episode of your favorite TV show on netflix then go to bed early. it’s okay to put your mental health before school.
6. your friends will fuck up really bad one day and the most you can do is be there for them. they dug their own graves, it’s not your job to get them out.
7. people change, and that includes you.
8. people will hurt you, and you will hurt people. learn to apologize, and learn to forgive.
9. no one can save you but yourself.
10. do what you can about your mistakes, make peace with them, but don’t dwell on them. you can’t change the past, but you can determine what it makes of you.
11. prince charming doesn’t come riding in on a white horse. he’ll be wearing unfitted jeans and an old t shirt, and he won’t give you the happily ever after that you dreamed about when you were 11 years old.
12. you will go into your freshman year with certain friends, but by the start of your junior year, you’ll have totally different people in your life. and that’s perfectly okay. people are meant to grow apart.
13. have faith in the fact that everything happens for a reason. you’ll look back over the last few years and realize how everything happened in order to get you to where you needed to be.
14. people aren’t just black and white. there are always shades of grey.
15. always doesn’t mean forever.
16. you deserve so much more than someone who doesn’t know how to respect you.
17. make as many mistakes as you can, it’s how you learn. but be careful, some mistakes are unforgivable and more importantly, irreversible.
18. some of your best memories will be made with people you barely knew 3 months prior.
19. all it takes is being at the wrong place at the wrong time for your whole life to be flipped upside down.
20. you’ll graduate sooner than you think. you will never see most of your classmates or teachers ever again, and that is both a good and bad thing. so enjoy it. cherish your youth. cherish every damn minute of it, because once that graduation cap comes off, you’re in the real world, and there’s no turning back.
—  20 things I’ve learned in high school
It’s taken me nearly all my life to realize it, but doing what’s right for you doesn’t make you selfish…
It only makes you strong.
—  random thoughts by Haley

25 things I’ve learned

1. It’s ok to cry. Letting it out sometimes can make you feel ten times better.

2. Write. Write often. Write your thoughts or ideas or song lyrics you like, anything. Just write.

3. If someone makes you upset, tell them. By playing games, you accomplish nothing and sometimes they’re so oblivious they don’t even notice you’re mad. Tell them and try to solve the issue.

4. If someone makes you happy, tell them. We don’t have as much time as we think. Say it while you can.

5. If you love someone, tell them. It takes a weight off your shoulders you never even knew was there. And maybe they might even love you back.

6. Watch as much TV as you want. Read as much as you want. Do anything you love as much as you want. You may not be able to do it much longer.

7. Go to concerts, lose yourself in the music. Let loose. It’s good for you. And music is better live.

8. Crank your music up loud and have a dance party by yourself. Make a fool out of yourself. It’ll make you smile.

9. Text someone first. Who knows, they might be waiting for you to talk to them.

10. Go to parties. Let your hair down. Dance. You’re only young for so long, enjoy it while you can.

11. Stay home. Sometimes you need to be alone, embrace it. Connect with yourself.

12. Talk to your mom. She’s there to help you and guide you. Sometimes she may even give good advice.

13. Spend time with friends who aren’t so popular. Chances are they’re hilarious and much more fun. They’ll probably end up showing you more than the cool kids ever could.

14. Dress in sweats every once in a while. Stop trying to impress everyone. It helps to go to school feeling cozy and lazy.

15. Go for long walks. Look around you, the world is always changing. Learn from nature.

16. Eat as much as you want. Who cares about calories and whether or not you look fat. If you want some of that cake, eat it. You’ll enjoy it and it won’t kill you, trust me.

17. It’s ok to be a nerd. Study. Ask questions. If something interests you, learn more about it. You’re helping yourself more.

18. Take lots of pictures. Post them too. Who cares what everyone thinks, if you look cute or are having an awesome time, post it. You can look back and laugh over it in a few years then.

19. Go on adventures. Drive somewhere random late at night with friends. Explore the world. There’s a lot out there.

20. Don’t shut people out. They care. They can help. Someone out there wants to hear your story.

21. Play with your dog. Get on the floor and roll around with them. Pets don’t live forever and they would do the same for you in an instant.

22. Try new things. Don’t be afraid of the unknown. The unknown is usually better than what you do know and you might like what you try.

23. Go stargazing a lot. It will remind you of how big the world is. There’s more out there. Never forget.

24. Sing at the top of your lungs whenever your favorite song comes on. You’re not embarrassing yourself. You’re having fun. Be yourself.

25. Take a deep breath and let it all go. You only are young once and have one chance to make it count. Get out there and live. Do what makes you happy. Be yourself. Stop worrying over that boy or those fake friends. They won’t matter in ten years. For now, let loose and try to make the most out of what you have.

—  I wish someone had told me this years ago.
45 Things I’ve learned while studying for the MCAT
  1. Have confidence.
  2. Study like you have a final. Every day.
  3. Facebook is NOT your friend.
  4. Do not even think about stumbleupon.com.
  5. Your social life is officially non-existent.
  6. Sleep at least 6 hours a night.
  7. Coffee is your friend.
  8. Do not get annoyed when someone asks, “how’s studying going?” Please note, that asking someone how their studying is going is one of THE MOST annoying questions to ask them.
  9. Alcohol: minimal at best, none preferred. Think of the MCAT as the second coming of prohibition.
  10. Try your best to eat healthy. With all the studying you’re doing, you should at least not get fat.
  11. Pick up a hobby, or go to the gym. You need stress relief, and for me it’s doing pushups.
  12. Naps should only be 30 minutes. Any longer, and you’re a goner.
  13. The later you wake up in the morning, the more sluggish you are for the rest of the day.
  14. Full length practice tests not only assess your competence but aid in your stamina. Everyone loves long staying power.
  15. Once again, coffee is your friend. Your best friend.
  16. Sex life? Better yet, what sex life? Your only partner should be the MCAT. Who should be continually raping you every day. That’s the only action you’ll need/get.
  17. Enjoy the little things. Times are stressful.
  18. Study in an environment you know that you will study in. Location, location, location.
  19. Tell your loved ones you will be cranky. If you don’t love them, you don’t need to tell them.
  20. Sleep before midnight if possible.
  21. Music or no music? No music. Use earplugs instead.
  22. Imitate testing environment as much/as often as possible. See #21. Use blank scratch paper, use only wooden pencils. Stick to the 10 minute break between sections and DO the writing samples.
  23. Stretch. 5 hours of sitting down is not an easy feat. You will get knots in your muscles. This is a marathon, not a leisurely walk.
  24. Expect the unexpected. No matter how prepared you think you are… no one goes into this test with 100% confidence. Control what you can to lessen the stress.
  25. Take things one step at a time. The pyramids weren’t built overnight. Thinking about how you don’t have clinical experience/letters of recommendation for medical admissions won’t help you when you’re studying for the MCAT. Focus strictly on the MCAT. Baby steps.
  26. Only talk to people you like. You aren’t going to be social while you study, so when you make time for others make them count. People who want to tell you how they’ve been ‘hurt’ or about their 'problems’ are excess drama. Just this once, be selfish. Talk to your friends who will support you.
  27. Cherish break time. During break time, do not watch a movie or go on Facebook. Be active and happy! Walk outside, and feel the warmth of the sun.
  28. Stick to a schedule. Don’t take a 'break’ whenever you feel like. Don’t just study 'ochem’ because you have a feeling. Organization will save you time and boost efficiency.
  29. Have patience. Your parents will badger you. All the time. Your friends will do things that annoy you. Please be patient with them. You only have a 'he’s taking the MCAT’ free pass for so much. Use them only when they matter.
  30. Set your music player to shuffle. The 7th song is your 'official MCAT theme song’. I hope you like it. If you don’t, cheat until you do.
  31. Rest. One day a week, do not study at all. Don’t even think about the MCAT. Even God rested 1 day.
  32. Know your limits/cycles. I’m talking about your excretory system here. There is nothing more distracting while taking a test, then holding a bladder full of fluid. Know that drinking coffee now might mean a bathroom break in 1 hour. You have 10 minutes between sections on the real test. You should aim at going to the bathroom during those times.
  33. Distance. Try your best not to talk to other pre-meds taking the MCAT. They will make you feel inadequate about your own progress. A low spike in your self-confidence cannot be afforded.
  34. Understand progress. Don’t focus on how you’re stuck at a certain score. Realize that from the beginning, you’ve improved A LOT and focus on how that’s still happening. You will improve.
  35. 'Don’t complain, just work harder’ -Randy Pausch.
  36. Stay calm. You know a lot more than you think you do. If you stay calm, you can figure out what the question is asking and how to apply your knowledge. You’ll be surprised.
  37. Everything is there for a reason. Every piece of information in a passage is there to tell you something. Especially in the Verbal Section. Read carefully and always ask yourself, "why is this here?”.
  38. Find some inspiration. When you feel blue, a good source of inspiration is Nike commercials. You might not like their shoes, but you can’t deny that Nike commercials are awe inspiring. Try finding some on YouTube. ONLY use YouTube for finding Nike commercials.
  39. Have good posture. 5 hours of test taking is made more difficult with bad posture. Sitting up straight will improve your attentiveness. Also, slouching is unattractive.
  40. Menstrual Cycle. A great mnemonic device is 'Men, F Our Lives’. Menstruation, Follicular phase, Ovulation, and Luteal Phase.
  41. Using the internet is a double-edged sword. You can be really productive using it, or spiral into procrastination. I hope you have self control, because the practice tests on the AAMC website are very helpful.
  42. Take vitamins. A healthy body is the house to a healthy mind. Studying while you’re sick is not going to be pretty. Try your best to maintain good health.
  43. Be minimalistic. Guys, don’t take an hour to get your hair in the right 'messy look’ and girls, don’t take a strenuous amount of time applying make-up. You are studying and aren’t trying to impress anyone. All your energy should be to studying for this test. However, please change your clothes/underwear daily, and also shower every 24 hours. Most of the days I study, it’s a 'hat day’ because my hair is just crazy. That’s fine though, I’m studying.
  44. Utilize small time. Waiting for your cup of coffee (see #7 and #15), or waiting for your ramen water to boil is time you could spend with flashcards or listening to Audio Osmosis. Ten minutes may seem like nothing, but you can get a surprisingly large amount of things done.
  45. Have faith. Tomorrow is a brighter day, and the possibilities are endless. You decide your fate. Accept responsibility for your actions and study!

Here are 45 things I personally learned while studying for the MCAT. I hope it’s helpful for those who haven’t taken it, and I hope it’s funny to those that have. I have 1 more week until I’m done. I hope I can do it! Let’s all get 45’s!

 

Also, thanks for all the support!

-Eric

Things I Learned About Living Alone

Planning a nice evening for yourself is still worth it.

Fear over being alone will eventually fade.

If you try to force yourself to go to sleep, it’ll only make it harder.

Don’t isolate yourself. Find excuses to enjoy fresh air even if it’s only on your front porch.

Take the time to cook for yourself once in a while.

Catch yourself before you fall into despairing thoughts.

Don’t neglect your house because no one else has to see it. You deserve a comfortable place to live too.

Boredom can lead to self-destructive thoughts and behaviors so indulge in your hobbies.

Remember to be your own guardian– take care of your health and safety.

Know what makes you more nervous about being alone. There’s nothing wrong with doing things to make yourself feel more secure. 

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
—  Maya Angelou
10 things high school taught me

1. Never take being with your best friends for granted for a second, you’ll miss the annoying way they smack their gum in your ear, I promise.

2. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” -The Princess Diaries offers solid advice.

3. Gossip travels surprisingly fast- watch yourself, it can get sticky.

4. If someone offers to give you the answers to an assignment- take them, cheating brings everyone together.

5. Speak your mind when it counts. You will be respected for you courage and will be surprised with how many people agree with you.

6. Be honest with your teachers, they’d rather you say you didn’t do your homework than hear about how you left it at home for the thirtieth time.

7. Challenge authority sparingly. Break the rules out of necessity, not because it’s fun.

8. Write. Write down your thoughts, conversations you hear in the hall, that dumb thing the kid you like said in science class. Hold onto the things you hear.

9. Start studying for exams at least a week before you think you should.

10. No one will pressure you to drink or do drugs, it will be suggested, make sure you’re with someone you trust if you take them up on the offer.

Things to know about going away for college
  • You’re going to get homesick, no matter how ready you think you are. That’s okay. It doesn’t make you less mature or independent
  • You’re probably not going to have friends right away, and that’s normal, and you have time to get good ones
  • Your sleep schedule is going to get screwed but some times it’s for the right reasons
  • You’re going to start getting confused about the word “home”
  • Everyone else in your class is going through similar awkward transitions, and everyone older has gone through them already. Don’t be embarrassed. They want to talk about it too.
  • No one is ever going to force you to party or drink or do drugs, no matter where you are. They might suggest it, say no if you aren’t comfortable. 99% of people will be fine with that.
  • Having this much control over your life is probably going to be kind of scary, but you’ll figure it out
  • Your professors know you’re new, they want to help
  • You don’t have to try to be more mature for people, they have stuffies and crayons and kids things too- and if they don’t, they wish they did
  • Getting to know yourself is uncomfortable if you’ve never done it before and you feel forced into it, but it makes your life so much easier to understand. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Don’t be afraid to change
  • You might not come back radically different, and that doesn’t mean you didn’t have a good college experience. Confirming your beliefs and ideas is as valid as changing them.
  • You might come back pretty different, and that’s perfectly okay. You don’t need to try to be who you were months ago for your family and home town friends. Allow yourself to evolve and be open.
  • You’re probably going to miss campus on breaks and you don’t need to feel bad about wanting to leave your family. You’re at a different part of your life, it’s naturally to want to resume it.
  • If you hate your college, you can leave. Transferring is not failure.
  • It doesn’t matter if the “freshman 15″ exists, don’t spend your whole first semester worrying about food. Have fun, let it drop.
  • You’re going to get much more excited whenever you see a dog.

1. Don’t spend your day waiting for a text back from the person you like. If he wants to text you he will, if he doesn’t move on.

2. Wear makeup if you want to, but at the end of the day when you take it off it’s so important to feel as beautiful as you did with it on.

3. The bad grade you got on a test will not matter in a few years. Brush it off and don’t let it get you down.

4. If friends make you feel bad about yourself they probably aren’t your friends. It’s okay to lose them.

5. Post as many selfies as you want, make your snapchat story as long as you want, do what you want and don’t care about negative opinions.

6. Stop picking out every flaw on your body. Learn to accept them instead of of letting them destroy you.

7. It’s okay to cry.

—  Seven things I’ve learned in 2014.
What I've Learned

Don’t judge others, and don’t judge yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others, rather compare yourself to who you were before, and make improvements, and change for the better. But don’t change to be like someone else; only make changes to be a better version of you. I’ve spent too many years being envious and jealous of other people; enough is enough. I am me, and all I can do is try to become a better version who I am every single day. Don’t be angry with others for no reason, and don’t be angry with yourself for no reason, anger is pointless, and draining. Don’t hate others, and don’t hate yourself. Learn to love. That’s the greatest lesson I’ve ever learned. Love others, and most importantly, love yourself. Love. Even when it’s difficult. Just love.