last night i had a phone conversation with Tom Scharpling were he was super genuine and validating and accountable for a shitty thing that happened on The Best Show easily one of the best things someone has done to make up for upsetting me. like he didn’t have to personally call me at midnight his time, he could have given an apology on air or twitter and that would be fine. but the fact that he took time to make sure one fan was alright means so much and should speak a lot to his character and the Best Show broadcast

  • <p> <b></b> Person A and B are in the kitchen. Person A is a small muffin, B is slightly taller.<p/><b>Person A:</b> *struggling to retrieve items from top shelf*<p/><b>Person B:</b> Do you need me to get it for you?<p/><b>Person A:</b> *gasps* HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE VERTICALLY CHALLENGED!<p/><b>Person B:</b> *laughs*...okay then<p/><b>Person A (Moments later...):</b> *defeated sigh* help meeee<p/></p>
6 Questions to ask when you’re making a tough decision

1. What option would I choose if I knew I would definitely succeed?

2. What would I do if I didn’t feel scared?

3. Who can I talk to who’s been in my shoes?

4. What are the likely outcomes of each choice and decision?

5. What is the worst thing that could happen; what is the best thing that could happen?

6. Am I making this decision for myself, or am I choosing to please other people?

[Moonlight playwright Tarell Alvin McCraney] and I are this kid. We are Chiron. And you don’t think that kid grows up to be nominated for eight Academy Awards. It’s not a dream he’s allowed to have. I still feel that way. I didn’t think this was possible. But now I look at other people looking at me and if I didn’t think it was possible, how are they going to? But now it’s happened. So what I think of possibility, let’s take it off the table. The thing has happened.” - Barry Jenkins on the Best Picture acceptance speech he would have given.

The plight of tertiary functions


ESxJs (Tertiary Ne): “We love routine, but we are not slaves to it. We love when someone proposes something fun and exciting. We’re always on the lookout for new interests. We have a cooky, creative side to us. We have no problems shaking up things and trying to do what has worked before differently. We sometimes question whether our lives are stuck in a rut. Be careful because our sense of humor may sometimes shock or offend you.”

IxFJs (Tertiary Ti): “We are humanists at heart, but only to some extent. We’re also capable of detaching ourselves from situations and people, leaving our emotions aside and dissecting what’s really going here. We’re not blind caretakers, we can call people on their bullshit. We also have an interest for some things mechanical/scientific in nature that might surprise you.”

ENxJs (Tertiary Se): “We’re not as uptight as we seem. We love to let loose and have fun. Actually, we often delight in spoiling ourselves and giving in to our immediate desires. Designer clothes, nice cars, that’s the stuff that life is made of. We actually do abide by the philosophy that you only live once. We are visionaries, but also realists. A dream ultimately needs to be realistic.”

IxTJs (Teriary Fi): “We are not robots. Sure, most of the time, we look at things from a more business perspective, but we will speak out when an issue that is precious to us is trampled on. We value hard work ethics, but we also look down harshly on laziness, corruption or anyone taking short cuts in life. Integrity is of utmost importance to us and we will not allow it to be put into question. We know what we believe in, we know we are our own person. Take a minute to get to know us outside the workplace, and you’ll be surprised what a unique soul we can be.”

ExTPs (Tertiary Fe): “We may come off as insensitive assholes sometimes and even look like we delight in it, but the truth is, we care very much how you feel. Our charm is not superficial, it’s the first step into establishing a genuine connection. Whatever we argue for or against, we actually do want you by our side, in our cause. We’re rough around the edges sometimes, but do know that our apologies are usually heartfelt. We’ll give the shirts of our backs if someone we care about needs it.”

ISxPs (Tertiary Ni): “It often looks like we do things just for the hell of it. But in actuality, there is usually a deeper goal behind it. We do contemplate on the bigger picture, on the more important matters at hand. We don’t always take everything at face value, recklessly. We like to determine what is our bigger purpose in life. Don’t mock our projects and hobbies, they are usually well thought out and speak to who we are.”

ExFPs (Tertiary Te): “We may look lazy and carefree sometimes, but when we decide to buckle up and make things happen, you best get out of our way. We like to use sarcasm to mask our true feelings on matters, but we can call a spade, a spade. You’d be surprised how competent we are at projects and taking the leadership role. We are much more down-to-earth and realistic than you give us credit for. If you criticize something or someone we like, we will come up with logical arguments as to why you’re wrong.”

INxPs (Teriary Si): “while it may seem like our minds our wandering all over the place, we do know what’s important to us. We hold on strongly to what we like, what has mattered to us through our personal experience. We love to bring up references, we have a mean streak of sentimentality. Even though it looks like we’re always challenging the status quo, some things should never go out of style. We always look like we’re moving on to the next thing, but we’ll always leave a trail of breadcrumbs of where we’ve been and what we’ve seen. Not every new interpretations of things is always the good, often, the original is the best and can’t be outdone.”

Yoon Taemin is a freaking warrior


Can I talk about this young man, for a sec?

List of shitty things that happened to Yoon Taemin:
•Best (possibly only) childhood friend disappears on him
•His mom leaves him w/ his alcoholic abusive dad
•His father then leaves him
•He didn’t even get to finish elementary school
•Had to work his ass off to pay his parents debts they left him with
•JUST WHEN he was almost finished finally paying off the debt, and things were looking up-he gets hit by a freaking truck.
•Proceeds to wake up in someone else’s body
•The person his soul went into is bullied horrifically and relentlessly
•Oh, & he meets his childhood friend again, but their persona has done a 180.

& the sad thing is, it took me awhile to even fully register how tragic his life is; because he’s so freaking strong willed & tough, never giving up, I completely overlooked how much pain he must harbor within him.
Taemin has quickly become one of my favorite characters, not only in BL, but just in general.
I love him so much…like, he actually is inspiring to me.

anonymous asked:

You talk a lot about racism in the TW fandom and fans ignoring Scott and liking Stiles more because of racism. The exact same thing happened in Buffy when the funny best friend became more of a fan favorite than the main character. If it happens when race is not a factor, why are you so sure it's racism when it happens in TW?

I’m pretty sure then it was probably sexism, if it was a problem.  I wasn’t involved in the Buffy fandom, so I can’t say for sure.

Racism, sexism, homophobia doesn’t have to be antagonistic.   Your actions can have a negative impact without you slapping a Confederate battle flag on your pick-up truck and donning a sheet.   You don’t have to hate a minority to erase them.  

It’s not a simple matter of popularity.  It’s a matter of exposure.  It’s a matter of representation.   It’s a matter of watching a television program and forgetting half of what happened on the show because you only want to focus on the white characters.   

This is my fandom. I talk about it primarily because it is the one I know.   I am sure that in the future, unfortunately, I’ll find other examples.  And what I have seen in this fandom is a systematic erasure of the main character.   Want examples?

Let’s take Deucalion.   Remember in “The Girl Who Knew Too Much” when Morrell said: “If you want the psychologist’s perspective, he is an obsessive who both desires you and is threatened by you.  If he cannot have the object of his desire, he’ll choose to destroy it instead.“  There are 26 Scott/Deucalion fictions on AO3.  There five times that many for Stiles/Deucalion (131), even though Stiles and Deucalion have never talked to each other on the show.  The only time they were in the same place was on the hospital roof.  

Or Peter – He spent the entire first season trying to recruit Scott but most of fandom focuses on the 5 minutes at the end when he tried to recruit Stiles.

Everyone remembers Gerard kidnapping and beating up Stiles. No one remembers Gerard casually walking up to Scott to stab him, twist the blade inside him, and threaten his mother. 

Everyone remembers Derek/Stiles in the pool, but no one remembers Scott breaking into Gerard’s room to get a book and getting throttled by Chris.   

In this fandom, you don’t see people forgetting what Derek did or what Stiles did or what Isaac did.  It’s not about popularity, because Stiles or Derek or Greenberg could be the most popular person in the fandom, and it doesn’t mean for one minute that you have to erase the other characters, especially the main, eponymous one.  

There are 2534 stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  As of 2011, 77 were Latinx, 119 were Black, and 10 were Asian.  This is not a coincidence.  This is a cultural predisposition to ignore minorities in entertainment.  The only way we change that is by making a stand.    

(Thanks to @nyxelestia for her help). 

Top 6 Apps for Learning Mandarin Chinese

Last summer, while I was supposed to be studying French intensively, I accidentally started studying Mandarin instead. These things happen! The best thing about Mandarin compared to some other languages I’ve studied (specifically Persian and Korean) is that there are a huge number of resources available to help learners, including a lot of very well-designed apps. After months of obsessively checking the iTunes store for the best apps and trying them out, these are my favorite six (plus a few more worth mentioning). They appear in ascending order from my least favorite to my most favorite.

Worth mentioning: A couple of apps not included on this list but worth mentioning are Pleco and Skritter. 

Pleco is a highly-regarded Chinese dictionary. I have it on my phone and do use it, but I left it off the list because I prefer another (#6 on this list). Since I’m still very much a beginner, a thorough dictionary isn’t quite so important to me right now. However, it seems like every advanced student of Mandarin recommends this app, so I had to include it.

Skritter is another app that’s highly regarded among serious students. I believe it focuses on helping with character recognition and writing. It has a subscription service that is a bit expensive, which is why I’ve never tried it; however, everyone seems to rave about it. If you’re a serious student, you should definitely look into it.

Also, I recommend downloading some Chinese-language apps designed for preschoolers. I found several of them online in the iTunes store, and a lot of them include short stories with simple words, practice with basic characters, etc. Using these apps gives you some immersive listening practice, which is fun. They can be kind of hit and miss, so I recommend downloading all you can find and seeing what you can figure out and what you like. They won’t replace any of the apps below, but they still serve a purpose.

6. WCC Dictionary This is the dictionary I use instead of Pleco. I like it primarily because of its beautiful design (something Pleco doesn’t really have). This app is mainly a dictionary, but it offers a lot more than that. For example, it has a character scanner (so you can look up words you find in books by taking a picture of the character). It also has a “story library” with a few simple books to read (with Pinyin, the characters, an English translation, and the ability to listen to the story being read). Characters are color coded if you use that as a device to help you with tones. It has a flashcard program with pre-created word lists, extensive example sentences, a section on radicals with example words, and stroke order animations. It also offers a “character of the day” and daily “homework” to motivate you to use what you learn. The dictionary itself is free, but there’s a lot of content that you have to pay to unlock, although there’s also a way to buy the content using “coins” that you earn through using the app.

5. Mindsnacks Mandarin A lot of you are already familiar with the Mindsnacks app because it’s offered for a lot of different languages (and a few school subjects like geography). This app uses games to teach Mandarin, mostly focusing on vocabulary (not grammar or sentence construction). It’s a bit limited, but it can be a really fun way to learn. After a while, the games start to feel repetitive and can get boring, but the app also has you move through levels (which allow you to unlock new games) and uses other incentives to keep you playing. The audio is an actual human, too, which is a big benefit since many apps and programs rely on Google Translate robot voices. This is a paid app, which could be a drawback.

4. FluentU This app is the reason I started learning Mandarin in the first place. I tried using it for French, but I felt like my French was too advanced to gain much from it. Even though there were advanced-level videos with vocabulary I didn’t know, FluentU doesn’t do a good job of adapting to your level and guessing which words will give you trouble. That’s perfectly fine for a beginner, though, since every word will probably give you trouble, which is why I used it for Mandarin. I think the makers of FluentU are Chinese speakers, and they seem to have focused more on Mandarin in their app. They have a built-in course you can follow, using videos they made themselves for teaching the language. The videos are pretty good, and you will feel like you’re learning a lot. There are also a lot of other videos if you want to branch out, including some catchy songs and clips from commercials or TV shows. The built-in flashcard system is a good way to review, but there’s no way to adjust their algorithms, so you might end up reviewing the same words way too often. I stopped using the program when I had 400+ words to review every day, and I just couldn’t keep up and continue advancing. This app is also very limited in the free version, and the paid subscription is VERY pricey, in my opinion, especially considering that there are other apps out there that offer more features. All of the videos are on YouTube anyway, so you can still use them to learn as you advance (or if you have a friend who can help you). I recommend this app if you want to pay for one month and use it to study intensively and advance quickly. That’s what I did, and I think it helped me out a lot.

3. ChineseSkill This is the first app that was designed to be a “Duolingo for Mandarin,” and it has a lot of great features. There’s the typical “tree” like in Duolingo, where you advance through different lessons one by one. It teaches character recognition, pronunciation, and grammar. The lessons can be really challenging for a beginner (sometimes too challenging, I thought), but it covers a lot of material. I’m not completely happy with the order in which lessons are taught (for example, there’s a lesson on shapes near the beginning that has you learn words like “triangle,” which seemed unimportant to me). The other drawback is there isn’t an easy way to review what you’ve learned (like on Duolingo when your gold-level lessons start to fade). It’s possible, but not super easy to access. Other interesting features include a tone game, a pinyin chart, a “survival kit” that’s like a travel phrasebook, and practice with stroke order. Also, this app is 100% free, which is amazing! I definitely recommend this app.

2. Social Language This app is really different from the others and is probably the most useful if you believe in speaking a language as soon as possible. I don’t think a lot of English speakers know about it because it seems to be marketed mostly to Chinese speakers. It’s a bit hard to explain, but I’ll try my best: basically, there’s a tree like you have for Duolingo, but the exercises are all to improve your speaking and pronunciation. You work through the lessons, and Chinese-speaking users rate and comment on your recordings. They can even leave voice messages to help you improve. You can do the same for them (in fact, you have to if you want to unlock higher levels). That alone makes the app worth downloading, but even better is that it includes a CHAT FEATURE that makes it very easy to interact with native speakers. You can see the profiles of hundreds of Chinese speakers who are online at any given time of day, and you can send a text or voice message to them and later add them to your friends’ list. What’s more,the ratio of Chinese to English speakers heavily favors English speakers. You will find hundreds of Chinese speakers eager to practice their English, and often you will be one of only a handful of English speakers on the app, meaning you have instant access to a chat partner any time of day or night. Have a question about your homework, something you read, or a phrase you don’t know how to pronounce? Instant, free tutoring is available 24/7 on this app, which is also FREE! I met some really nice people here without the pressure of a more formal language exchange. You can have a casual conversation any time you want, and it’s like text messaging so there’s less pressure if you’re shy about speaking Chinese. The only drawback is the same as with all language exchanges, which is that it’s sometimes difficult to balance the two languages. Also, I had problems with sending voice messages in chat, which can be frustrating. Overall, though, I’d say Social Language is a must-have.

1. HelloChinese This app didn’t exist last summer when I was looking for a Mandarin version of Duolingo, but I discovered it last week and fell in love with it. It actually has fewer features than ChineseSkill, but the pacing seems much better, and it focuses more heavily on pronunciation (though the speech recognition software isn’t perfect and you will sometimes need to skip a speaking question just to keep moving forward). It comes with some good grammar explanations and a really basic flashcard program for review. Honestly, I feel bad for rating it higher than ChineseSkill since ChineseSkill has been around longer and offers a lot more features, but I feel like HelloChinese just makes more sense and is easier to stick with than ChineseSkill. Like ChineseSkill, it’s also 100% free! I consider HelloChinese to be my “core” app for casual study, with the other apps acting as supplements. If you’re a more serious student, HelloChinese might not be your #1 pick, but it’s great for beginners who like the structure of an app like DuoLingo.

anonymous asked:

I wonder how Shiro took the Garrison's treatment of him in the first episode and especially the lie about him getting the Kerberos crew killed. Even with his tendency to shoulder every burden, that must have stung.

I’ve seen a lot of comments to this nature and I feel like that’s really not getting “pilot error” how Iverson is construing it.

The Garrison isn’t saying that Shiro was like “hoo boy I think I’ll fly the spaceship with my butt”, crashed and killed everyone. Negligence is not remotely what Iverson is accusing him of.

It’s that, they have no idea what happened, don’t have reason to suspect a mechanical failure, so it’s likely the error was on the human side of things. What caused it? What made it happen? They don’t know.

Keep reading


special1004: .. #SuperJunior #SJ #The team in which I put in everything in my life #It is still the team that I’m putting in everything in my life now #In order to choose #I have given up a lot of things #But I have also received a lot in return #A choice is to bear responsibility in regards to whatever that you did not choose #I will do the same #From now on #this late hours #Feels #Cheesy #JustSaying.. ©

The wilting of a rose pt 1


Pairing: Jungkook / Reader / Jimin

Genre: Angst, fluff.

Summary: The simple joy of being with the one you care for, at such a young age; left to scatter over the floor in the ruins of a torn past. And it has always been asked, why does the worst things happen to the best of people?

Word count: 7,724

Note: First part of my collab with the lovely @lushguk, I hope you enjoy this series as much as we don’t do ;) You can find the collection here and Mel’s masterlist here

 Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

The tress whispered as a gentle breeze passed through their branches, great drapes of leaves billowing like a handkerchief flying in farewell, the sight comforting; after all said destination was frequent through his childhood and now teen years- and Jungkook was sure if someone were to play his life out before them, the green blur of trees and hushed grins would be more than common between the inked words of his memories. It was one of his most sacred places, an area of innocence that he kept close and dear to him, not only because it bought some kind of peace to his youthful mind, but also because the ground practically heaved with memories forged with gruelling care. True, the walk was long to the clearing, cruel to even the most experienced of travellers, and yet he happily pushed through the tension and pain in his legs if it meant getting away from the bustle and chatter of the village for a few blissful hours. Moss was soft from the log that his thigh was thrown over, cushioning the pull of muscle that jumped in defeated exhaustion every so often and sent pin pricks of heat over his weary flesh. Sun worn eyes gazed blearily over the crack of light that filtered through the plush of trees in colourful patches, the curve of his skull supported into the shallow cradle of his entwined palms as he lazily tipped his head back. 

Light breaths edged past the seam of his lips serenely, sighs pooling above him in the warm air, the dark fringe of his lashes fluttering across the high of his cheek bone in peace. The heat that had seemed to send his body into a fluster as he had struggled up the slope of the clearing was now soothing; treading the line between cool and warm in the delicious hue of the evening. And it was all Jungkook could manage not to fall asleep, motion born weariness bringing it’s arms around him to pull him into a delicious comfort that crept through his bones and tugged insistently behind his eyes as he fought to keep them open. Yet, just as he was surrendering and letting his vision rotate dangerously from the heavy tilt of his neck, a small sound broke him out of his reverie. Gentle and muffled, it slipped it’s small fingers around his own and, paired with a voice that practically sung the colours of the evening, it was enough to pull a lazy smile to the curve of his mouth and let his eyes squint back open. 

“Jungkook?” And his gaze was greeted by the lovely image of your face bathed in the giddy happiness of the mellow sun. Beautiful in it’s dying embers. 

A hum of acknowledgement sent small rocks of pressure over the skin of his throat, making the swell bob as he waited your reply with barely tamed excitement. Because it was at this time that Jungkook was sure he loved you the most, when you were crouched in the embrace of the setting rays, a thoughtful expression etched into your young visage and the words pouring thickly from the curious depths of your soul. Watching you indulge in the deeper side of yourself was always something of a privilege, the hope you held for the world so contagious it was hard not to see everything through that film of vision. With a soft puff of air, you were landing beside him, legs folding over his calves with a gentle nudge so that your temple could tuck beneath his chin and your breath laving shivers from the dent of his shoulders to the base of his spine. Platonic, he reminded himself with well trained ease, you were nothing more than friends. 

“Do you ever think that maybe there’s something more than this?” you began, the habitual fall and rise of your voice settling into the baked earth like deep carvings, sending a quiver of happiness through him as you ran hesitant eyes over your thoughts that would soon be exposed to his welcoming judgement.

The ridge of his brows met as he mulled over your words, tongue dragging over the inside of his mouth as he considered the meaning behind your breathy question, “What? Like after death? Because maybe, I’m not sure.”

Quick to deny it, your hair bobbed from the shaking of your head and a little concerned huff was making itself present in the small space between you, “No, no, not like the afterlife, more like… um, I don’t know, have you ever just felt.. connected to someone, like your supposed to be near them?”

Jungkook trained his eyes on the endearing way you fiddled with a loose thread from his tunic, the way your heartbeat thundered slowly against his stomach and the line of your body shuffled so close to his own. “Yes,” he whispered, words saturated in a tenderness he could only hope you missed, “I do believe that.”

With eyes that practically begged for reassurance you were angling your head towards his own, so close that your nose brushed his own and your breath warmed a path over his cheekbones when you spoke, “Even if you haven’t ever met, or even seen them?”

Staring back at your beseeching gaze, Jungkook sucked his lip into his mouth and let his teeth catch at the loose ends until the swell of plump skin was pink and irritated under his worry, eyes warming as he dove further into the enigma you hid behind the light of your irises “What do you mean?”

For a moment or two it looked as if you wanted to say more, lips parting under the pretence of explanation, eyes wide and scared, but then, as though something had occurred so you, your shoulders were rolling back into a shrug and your mouth was curling in a bashful smile. The light died out, fizzling as your hand fought to cup out it’s beacon of desperate knowledge. Gone as fast as it could arrive.

“It doesn’t matter.”

There were things that Jungkook wanted to say, to pull to your attention and coax you back into your train of thought to satiate the curiosity you had nurtured in the back of his mind. But warm fingers were fast to swipe over the plane of his chest as you rolled onto your side, relaxed giggle wiping away any questions left in his mind from your open ended statement; you had always been the one to divert away from your problems and gods only knew he was weak in the face of you affection. So he pushed away the doubt that clawed anxiously at the back of his consciousness, choosing instead to smother you under the bend of his arm, just the way he knew you liked it due to the amount of times you had begged for him to hold you when you had been edging along the line of your younger years. Ah, the image of you tugging at his sleeve, eyes wide and watery would forever be etched into his mind- the lisp that clung to the syllables of his name when you whined after him still enough to raise the hairs on the back of his neck and pull fondness hot and heavy into his cheeks. You had been such a cute kid, not that you weren’t now, but there was something so nostalgic about the friendship and infatuation he had held for you when he had himself had been little older than six years old. At that age it was almost monotone how the seasons stretched out;  growing up in such a small village it was inevitable that many of the same generation would know each other and, due to the nonavailability of travel, it was normal that small groups of children would band together in close companionship. It was normal, almost expected that these youths would hang together, and as much as he hated to admit it, there was something so companionable about that singular solidarity. And a part of Jungkook couldn’t help but think that maybe his parents had expected him to do that, urging him out of the door with ease under the belief that he would simply waltz up to one of the neighbours, stick out his hand and be whisked away into a bonding experience. But, sadly, that was not the case. 

At even such a youthful age, when he should be humming with eager bliss that would drive him out to beseech the friendship of those around him, Jungkook had been painfully useless at interacting with his peers, and spent most of his time holed up in a tree, sulking on his own as the shrieks of joy sounded like a mocking reminder below him. It wasn’t long before he had been labelled a loner, cloud hanging over his head like a tag that would warn people off- awkward posture and knocking knees doing nothing more than further encouraging the assumptions. But then, as a desperate last move, his parents had reached out to their old friends who live merely minutes away, complaining hotly about their antisocial son and delighting when the couple had struck forward the offer to introduce their equally as troublesome child: you. Quiet and shy, you had been an almost perfect match for him, never screaming or fussing to a point that he had been shying away, but never silent enough to let the conversation trail off- you had been something of a blessing.  

Of course at first it had been awkward- you had been adamant with hiding behind the walls of your house when he had first approached, and had favoured panicking if he so much as looked in your direction to any actual conversations. However even then he had been aware that you were different; maybe it had been the spark of compassion that flared below your lids or maybe it was the twitch of your mouth as you struggled to keep a smile at bay, but Jungkook was sure that you were hiding something addicting behind the frail fame of your stature and loosely braided hair, and he was happy to brave the stormy path of your introductions with a smile on his face. And, eventually, he had been rewarded for his patience a few moons later, in the form of you sliding around to his side, bright eyes watching with fascination and making sweet comments as he skipped rocks in the pond or scratched marking into the stone with the bunt blade he had stolen from his mother’s skirts sending a thrill of pride and joy that left his tiny heart beating at a hummingbird’s pace. And it was when he had been moving onto carving sticks and cracking boulders that you had taken the friendship into your own hands, completely blooming into yourself under a newfound comfort between you both that, in turn, coaxed him out of his shell to stand beside you in the bright landscape of companionship. It was almost unsettling how easily you changed, abandoning your awkward shy persona, who’s memory hung behind you in misfitting robes, to a force that practically glowed with happiness around him. You intoxicated him, the curl of your eyes when you smiled, the blush that trimmed over your cheeks in embarrassment, and the way the sun burnt the shades of your hair into a mass of molten gold all were like sacred. Every moment was spent in the embrace of your company, your voice following him like a shadow even when you stayed miles away from him, and truly it was just how he liked it. 

And what existed between you both had only grown, blossoming under the care and time you put into it, afternoons spent skipping stones by the creek and the sweet nights spent curled around each other, hushed giggles caught between your body and the dark building up the great heights of your bond. Though, like everything in this world, it wasn’t long before change was catching up with you, altering the canvas of your world in what seemed a blink of an eye. The years spent in his childhood was quick to flee away, falling through his fingers like fine sand until all that remained in his grasp was you; joining him as you stood in to the new world of your mature age with mirror hesitance and unquenchable curiosity. Here so many more hours were spent discovering each other, rebellions shared through journeys into the forest near the village that left you both panting with exertion and shimmering in joy to sneaking out late at night to crawl under the stars as Jungkook watched universes be born through the life in your eyes, hands clasped in together as you ran away from the responsibilities that crawled the path behind your rapidly moving feet. The time that had tied you together through the expanse of your upbringing had erased any boundaries between Jungkook and you, lines in the sand being wiped away in favour for the the comfort that came with being with someone that knew him more than he knew himself. Someone who knew exactly what to do to calm the flare of his rage or soothe the heavy burdens of worry that carved into the deep set of his shoulders with a soft touch or a gentle word. It was perfect like this; you were the dearest of companions and he basked in the promise of you staying by his side through the brief flash of his life. It should’ve been enough, and yet it wasn’t- it never was; and he wanted more. 

“Hello, Jungkook?” He was pulled away from the traitorous nature of his wandering thoughts by the sight of your hand wiping over his vision and the chuckle clutching onto your drawn out words as you peered at him from the space that fitted next to his side. Eyes shone with fondness as your lips pulled taut to let the edge of your teeth peek onto your bottom lip as you fought to hold back the laughter that bubbled into your chest at the seemingly lost look on the boy’s face. The light that dappled though the leaves cast a myriad of hues cast though your skin and the gentle flush that cut into the swell of your cheeks almost glowing in the warm haze of the evening air. For not the first time he was taken aback by your beauty, eyes unfocused as he roamed greedily over your features and fingers twitching with the urge to pull you closer. Down to the very last detail, your face was sculpted to be worshipped through the biased lens he had forged with his own two hands; the gentle curve of your fingers meant to be cradled in between larger palms, the sharp thoughts you had made to be encouraged and the seam of your lips to be kissed like only the gods knew he wanted to.

“Jungkook!” You were laughing properly now, snorts filling the air like smoke until he was drowning in your mirth and the weight in his chest was sinking with a newfound speed as you rolled onto your stomach and let out more blissful noises to the thick canopy of trees above you sprawling figures that watched over both of you with aged wisdom. Scoffs slipped through the rise and fall of your chest as tears dried in salt trials along the corners of your eyes, the image of his gaping mouth and glazed eyes amusing you to no end. When you finally calmed, and silence was treading back down like a lost friend, you were huddling closer to your side, finger running laps over his cheekbone as you spoke.

“Where do you go?” Curiosity dripped from you tongue, eyes soft and wide as you regarded him, the constant enthralment you bestowed onto him as addicting as you honeyed toned voice, “When you zone out like that…where do you go?”

The muscles in Jungkook’s shoulders complained bitterly as he shrugged, thoughtful hum leaving his lip to bleed into the stationary air, “I don’t know…I don’t really go anywhere, here seems pretty good enough for me.”

A bashful grin broke over your face like the sun beaming over dawn, your cheeks creasing and folding as a flush coloured your cheeks. Your shoulders caved in to each other, body curling into a writhing tight throng as you giggled, voice smoother than the tones of the birds song in the undergrowth. Graciously, your palms, which pressed over your eyes in faux shyness that he knew didn’t exist, covered the sight of his smug smirk that warmed under the force of your antics. “Oh gods Kook,” you were spluttering moments later, peeking through a gap between you digits to grimace, the way your bottom lip trembled betraying your true emotions, “don’t say things like that; I swear, you’ll be the death of me.”

His chuckle in response was the only shade that spread throughout the chilling air, washing across the open space like paint running into the creases of a canvas as the sun’s fading light dripped into the cracking earth to make way for the darkness that embraced the land. As lovely as it was to lie with you in the running golden rays, there was no doubt in Jungkook’s mind that his parents would already be tittering around his absence, measuring the fast fleeing day and fussing over your parents in return. It wasn’t uncommon for this to happen, and he was sure that when he returned there would be little other than a sting on his wrist and a hole glared into the expanse of his back as he slopped to bed, but it was still ingrained in his morals not to worry his parents overly and the skim of discomfort was more than evident in his nerves as he shifted awkwardly in his lounging position. With a drawn out sigh, Jungkook was reluctantly extracting himself from you, pushing away the complaint that snuck over his tongue when you whined at the loss. 

“Come one, it’s getting late,” he began, patting your hands that were flailing above you much how a child begged to be held, a pout jutting at your lips,”If we don’t leave now it’ll be dark by the time we get back.”

With a hesitant huff, you were sliding up into a upward state, back clicking as you arched from side to side to release the tension that was creeping along your joints. Fatigue pulled heavy into your features in the appearance of a loose jaw and eyes that drooped with sleep, but you happily swallowed it whole as you perked next to him to creep away from your serene hide-out. 

Jungkook straightened his posture as he followed the more obscure trail that lay behind masses of saplings and blooming flowers to hoist the bag that had contained the food you had used as energy boosts throughout the upward trudge and the small nature selections that had made their way into your possession and wound along to the earthed track. “Not to mention last time I turned up after dark, father practically had a heart attack from the shock of seeing me out so late.”  

You pattered along behind him, voice following like a shadow as you tripped down through the roots and weaved across the stones that littered the path into the woods like lights guiding the way back home, “That’s it? Last time it was this late my parents lectured me for for half the day about the dangers of parading out with a young man, not that I blame them; you’re a terrible influence on me.”

Snorting, he merely glanced over his shoulder at your stumbling form as you picked your way onto the path, waving off his hand that he stretched out to you as you lifted the expanse of your leg over the bank. Light shifted over your face as you tucked your hair over your ears and met his pace as you began the long trek back to the village. “Well, I don’t know Y/N, don’t you remember that time you made me jump into that lake because it looked ‘dangerous’, I think if anything you’re the bad influence.”

“Shut up, Jeon Jungkook, that was only one time. I’m an angel.”

“Ow, Mama, that hurts!” Jungkook yelped as his mother caught against his ear, pinching the delicate flesh until the shell was flushed and rosy under her fingerprints despite his squirming. He was pretty sure that with all of the abuse his ear had been through in the last twelve hours, ranging from the bouts of words that had been thrown his way and his mother’s light yet frequent punishments, he was sure that he would be all to aware of the ache that trailed heat around his skull by this time tomorrow. 

“Good!” The exclamation fell past his mother’s lips, huffs and pout only emphasising the tugging of his sensitive ears that moved in succession with her every word, “Now you know how the pain of having your son make you wait up until late because he’s away frolicking with his sweetheart!”

A flush crawled over his neck as Jungkook ducked down deeper into his shirt collar and swatted his mother’s prying fingers away, mortified at the phrase that had slipped it’s hands around his chest and was pulling all sorts of reactions from him, “She’s not my sweetheart! Don’t make it awkward, you know we were just in the woods.”

A brief chuckle sounded from the other side of the room, his father padding down the stairs into the kitchen, his tunic lapping off of his shoulders, untied and loose and his shoes unlaced. His hair lay thickly over the slope of his forehead, curling at the ends like unruly waves that were disconcertingly similar to Jungkook’s own mess of locks as heavy circles roamed freely under his soft eyes. His father worked as a carpenter, alongside your father, and it wasn’t unusual to see him drag around the small house wearing little other than a vest and his breeches at an early hour, exhaustion long since robbed him of any coherent thought he could apply to his wardrobe. In fact, at some point, Jungkook had stumbled across him wearing disturbingly less, and had been suitably traumatised by the sight of his father in that state so close to where they ate. But that was a different matter completely. “We know you were just in the woods. It’s not where you are that’s concerning, it’s what you were doing, son.”

Words bubbled up to his throat, and gods knew he wanted to utter them, but the knowing look his father was shooting him caught the syllables like flimsy paper planes and tucked them away into his pocket. It had always been hard to argue with his parents; they shared the uncanny ability with you at being able to read him from little other than a single glance in his direction, so it shouldn’t have been a shock that they were aware of his not so subtle affections for you, and yet here he was gaping and gasping like a fish caught on land. “It’s not…we’re not- she doesn’t even-”

“Ah no, don’t worry son I don’t think you’ve done anything yet, you’re a good kid,” his father’s hand waved about in the air around his head, as if the simple motion would dispel the worries that were clustering in Jungkook’s mind, before continuing with his so-pronounced righteous speech, “Listen, I know this may be hard for you to understand, but I was your age once before, I know what it’s like. And I also know that you like Y/N, and what can happen when two young people who have known each other for a very long time can be like. It wouldn’t be the first time that two youthful lovers are whisked away in their passion for each other, its just do damn easy to mess something up.”

His mother shot a firm glare over to his father as he passed, nudging him with her shoulder as she reached over to press comforting circles into the boy’s fast deflating shoulders, “Forgive your father, he’s practically lost in the morning, what he’s is trying to say is that we approve, Y/N’s practically like family, and I want you to be happy darling. I just want you to be careful, you’re both young, naive, you have so far to go, so don’t rush it okay?”

“But don’t leave it too late, your eighteen for the gods sake, you still want to be kicking when you get married, trust me on that.” Came his father’s response, muffled by the food he was chewing on, eyes deep with faux innocence when Jungkook’s mother reacted just as violently as Jungkook was feeling. 

Kyung,” his mother practically hissed his father’s name and even from his spot at the table he could spot the wide eyes of his father as he scrambled to recollect his composure; his mother may have been arguably the sweetest woman in the village when she wanted to be, but as soon as you crossed her, well let’s just say she’d do a lot more that simply pick at your ear, “I would suggest we don’t share those things with our son.”

“But it’s important for a boy to know what happens in a bedroom, it’s quite simple really, we just-”

The sentence was rudely severed by the repeated urges from both Jungkook and his mother to stop, ‘Kyung!’ and ‘Papa!’ filling the small space in the kitchen until the space felt uncomfortably tight for even at his most composed, which he most definitely was not at that moment. His mother look absolutely horrified, moments away from clasping her palms over Jungkook’s ears to save whatever innocence he had left in him. And it was just as his father was opening his mouth to retort, grumbles leaving him that would no doubt come back to haunt his every moment with a vengeance, he was drawing a line and fumbling with excuses that seemed to large under his tongue. 

“Fire wood,” He stated bluntly, sentence melding together into a tangle of sounds, the legs of his chair crying out alarmingly as he stumbled back away from the table in haste, “We need more fire wood, right? I’ll go get some! I’ll only be an hour or so at the latest.” 

His mother immediately whipped around, brows furrowed and lips drawn into a taut, stern line, “What? Come now Jungkook, you know it’s not safe to go down to the creek on your own. The ground’s too unstable at this time of year. Just leave it, your father will go later after hours.” Cue his father’s emotional protest.

“Ah, no, it’s fine really,” Jungkook edged with his back to the door, feet moving progressively faster as he watched doubt take root in his mother’s time worn eyes, “I’ll take Y/N with me, it’ll be fine, she knows the forest really well. She’ll make sure we don’t go anywhere dangerous, alright?”

For a moment the older woman seemed torn, teeth puling marks into the swell of her lower lip as she watched him with no small amount of caution, “I suppose so, just, please don’t do anything reckless, please.”

Beams fell from his lips as Jungkook raced back to his mother, imprinting the shape of his lips onto the globe of her cheeks and fitting through the hall with his heavier coat in tow. Then he was rushing out of the door’s frame, trying desperately to ignore the cries from his father that bid him to be ‘safe’ and to look after you and the haunting voice of his mother that still fussed with reluctance even as he turned away from their dirt path to hurdle across village to you.

“And then they started talking about their marriage and…other things, and it was so strange. They’re strange. The gods must’ve truly hated me to give me such weird parents.” Jungkook skirted his feet through the masses of leaves with every step, watching as colourful flumes emerged from the ground before settling back with a quiet reverence. The earth below him was mostly loose soil, yielding easily with his every move, the soles of his canvas shoes long since stained and chalked with patterns of dust and blades of grass. It was cooler today, the air sitting comfortably between being too cold to be out in such thin garments and too hot to even function. The sun threw down through the canopy with watery intensity, bathing everything in a dim yellow hue that was easily defeated by the lush greenery that surrounded him. Birds chirped happily, watching as he trudged though the path that led to the lake, a constant reminder of the beauty that surrounded him.

“Don’t be so mean,” You chuckled, fiddling with the loose material of your old dress, hem barely brushing your knees from where you had tied it around your waist. It hadn’t been hard to convince you to come with him; you had been perched outside of your house when he arrived, side of your face cradled by your palm as you lazily surveyed the path. Even if it was only for an hour, you had jumped when he had simply mentioned the forest, bouncing on the balls of your feet and grasping his wrist to pull Jungkook with your whim as your feet thundered the sound of your leaving. He understood the sentiment, the village was too small,  and it swallowed up those who let it, but for those who craved freedom- who looked for more in the great expanse of wilderness merely steps away the close knit community could drive one to frustration with ease.  He had always known that you fit into the latter; your eyes were so wide open, you saw the world and wanted it for everything that it was. And in a way Jungkook understood that he was the same, more so than ever before the cramped walls of his home seemed like they were closing around his lungs. Maybe it was because of your influence, the many nights spent marvelling at the wonders that you both had yet to discover steering him in a similar direction, or maybe it was himself, but he couldn’t deny the small victory he had for being somewhat akin to your radiance “I like your parents, they’re kind, and it’s nice to see you suffer.”

A gentle hand playfully ruffled your hair, eliciting complaints as you struggled away, frowning and making rude gestures with your fingers that made a laugh bubble across Jungkook’s chest, “That’s easy for you to say- they love you so they’re always on their best behaviour around you. You should see them when you aren’t around, it’s like a mad house. By the way, how far away are we? I’m still tired from yesterday.” 

“Firstly, I have seen your parents when they weren’t trying to impress me, don’t you member that time your papa got drunk and begged me to never leave you,” you uttered, weaving around a tree to take a different trail and throwing an amused look over your shoulder when he cringed audibly, “Secondly, we’re pretty close, maybe a couple more minutes- can’t you hear the water?”

True to your words, the roar of the river rang closer with every step he took, the cool water spilling through the air so that that the layer of clammy exertion on Jungkook’s body was lifting away. With a grin, you clasped your fingers around the inside of his arm and skipped forward, ducking under the layers of hanging willow branches to the river’s edge. The trees spread their stiff fingers up towards the sky, sparse leafs quivering with every turn of the breeze- gossiping together in the warm afternoon. Here the wood was brittle, dry and easy to break off to burn, so naturally the village had taken to making the space by the river a makeshift cutting station, logs crowding around an axe that lay embedded in the stump of a long-forgotten tree, blunt and dull with age. 

“Told you I knew the way,” you were twirling with a flourish, smug smile disappearing as you stretched low to your toes with a satisfied groan, “Gods, I forgot how much my legs hate coming here though… hurry up so that we can start heading back; maybe we’ll even have enough time to go raid Mr. Lee’s pantry if we leave before dark.”

Shaking his head Jungkook was padding over to the logs and axe that awaited him, ignoring the way you plopped into the long grass with a happy sigh, “You’re so food obsessed, it’s a wonder you’re not the size of a house by now. How do you even know how to get here anyway?”

Waving him off, you lifted your chin into the crook of your palm to survey him with ease, “I’m a growing girl, I need my food. And Papa used to take me up here all the time, y’know when he had his leg thing? He couldn’t really do much without my help, so I spent a lot of time up here.”

Biting back the mocking comment of ‘growing girl’ Jungkook merely hummed in acknowledgement, keeping his eyes level with the wood as he began to work. It was gruelling work, moving his arm in those circular arcs, and despite his arms that had developed like the rest of his body- a thin layer of strength craved over the limbs, it was only minutes before he was whining and complaining bitterly. 

“Ah, this is so tiring,” Jungkook groaned, hoisting the axe to his side so that he could rub his fingers into the strain of muscles that jumped in his back, working out the knots that were already starting to form, “Give me a hand Y/N? Can you start gathering what I’ve chopped?”

Silence greeted him, the river sounding closer than ever before, the drip of the current over slate thundering in the still air. It was odd, you were usually attentive to whatever he said, always brandishing the edge of a snarky remark or a soft giggle even if what he said was no more than an utter of your name along the wind. So, with a sensible amount of concern, Jungkook was turning around to face you, your name falling from him in a curve of confusion.

You were standing right at the edge of the bank, only one side of your face visible to him from his position, eyes wide and trembling as your lips parted and gaped. Soundless words formed and fell from you, the air from your lungs seemingly stolen as you searched and grasped for words. Somewhere on the opposite side of the river was the pinpoint of your focus, your eyes wavering, expanding and contracting with movement as your legs swayed from the warning of buckling.Then, with an arm that shook from nerves you were raising a digit to wave over in front of you, your lips opening to finally murmurer the words that had been caught in your throat, “I-It’s you?” 

A chill ran over Jungkook at that; the phrase obviously wasn’t meant for him, but the pure awe and reverence that dripped from each syllable was enough to have the axe falling from his grip and his feet slowly moving. You shivered, emotion palpable in your face as you dithered around, hesitance marking into the lines of your features. 

“Y/N,” he started cautiously, still a distance off as you gasped again, your palms covering the surface of your mouth as you watched the point in front of you with a vengeful concentration. Not a single reaction gave away the hint that you could hear him, in fact you seemed to shy further to the river’s lip the closer he came. “No,” you exclaimed suddenly, the breath coming out harsh and desperate, “Please don’t go, please wait- wait!” The line of your words fell forwards, and, seemingly out of instinct, you were lunging forward in an attempt to stop whatever was leaving you. And yet, being so close to the end of land, even that small movement was enough to send you onto your knees and hands, dirt slipping through your fingers ans you toppled over the boundary with a startled cry. 

Your name tore colour across the seam of his lips as he rushed closer to the edge of the river, eyes wide as his nerves sparked with fused ends, watching as you were submerged in the river’s hold. You bobbed around, your face taut with cold and your mouth swallowing great handfuls of air before you were sobbing in pure fear, “Jungkook!”  And for that, he jumped. 

The water hit the plane of his face like a punch, air knocking over his mouth in a shaky gasp that was drowned out by a wave spilling across his lips. Even in the mild weather, the river was absolutely frigid, thoughts flying from Jungkook’s grip as he struggled out of the ball his body was itching to huddle into and bearing his weight up to the surface. He had never been that good at swimming, always falling behind whenever his parents tried to coax him to join them- and in this sort of weather it was all he could manage to keep his face above the edges that lapped against his cheek. Disturbances quivered around him in every direction from the desperate kicking of this arms and legs, the current dragging his prone form away from where he had stood merely minutes ago.

“Y/N!” Jungkook’s voice came out weak and cracking, panic setting deep into him when he was dragged back through the stream, mouth gaping large whenever he could force his face upwards to the sky. He searched for you in a fluster, looking for the patch of hair bobbing in the water of a shock of cold struck skin flailing around-but it was useless; his eyes wouldn’t stay open in the spit of water and any sounds were being drowned out by the roar of liquid around him. Then it happened, louder and more despairingly than he had ever known, he had heard you.

“Jungkook!” Tears welled over the syllables of his name, dripping with a striking terror as your struggle against the current bled into your tone. And there you were, a little way in front of him, face partially from how far you were sinking- hair thrown around you in a mangled halo as you fought to stay adrift. The glazed look in your eyes had faded, replaced by the starkly clear cut of terror that only grew as you struggled. But the thing that hit him the deepest was your eyes, wide and trembling; begging for him to help as you were battered around like a frail doll under the water’s whim. Your mouth parted in feeble cries as you were thrust under the surface once more, only to reemerge, cheeks heaving with tears and eyes squinting furiously as your palms struck the water from the weak motions. You couldn’t swim, the thought came to Jungkook with a sickening twist in his stomach; you couldn’t swim and you were caught in the rapids metres away from where he was. He wouldn’t be able to get to you in time, he couldn’t save you. This was his fault. 

Pushing away the thoughts that screamed misery into his very being, Jungkook was rearing up, using all of his strength in an attempt to reach your crying form. His name was thrown under the film of water as you cried for him still, his arms working as hard as you could to press closer. 

“Y/N, just wait, it’s gonna be okay,” he was panting over the rush of water, watching the way you jolted frantically, “I’m coming to you just wait, please!” With wide eyes, you were reaching for him, you arms stretching out so that your fingers were merely spaces away, lips trembling as you begged for help. With one last utter of his name, you were grasped by the water and directed to one of the rivers side’s with a force to be wary of, your body snapping as you made contact with the dirt wall.  Your head knocked into the river side with a sickening sound, eyes slipping shut immediately as your body crumpled against the plane and was brought along the side of the bank by the current’s wishes, water creeping over your neck that tilted dangerously into the thrashing liquid. He screamed your name as you ducked under, body limp and pliable for the water to do what it pleased, your hair thrown away like silk in the wind. Your hand had caught at the side of the river’s lip, fingers caught by a branch that twined like steel into your palm and you stuck firm to the wall, fear thickening Jungkook’s mind. But you were at a point, somewhere he could get to, and that’s all that mattered. He needed to get to you. So, as the river dragged him closer to a bend, he somehow manged to grasp onto a root that stuck from one side, fingers hanging onto the wood with a muted prayer and hurdled himself with the force of the turn so that he was swept over to your prone figure. 

With a gentle thud, he was colliding with you body, arms scrambling through the onslaught of water to curl around your cold body, your head lolling into the crook of his neck. His fingers moaned in pain as his knuckles standing out a stark white from how hard he gripped the branch on impact, other arm buried adamantly into your waist as the water pushed and pulled the pair of you.

“Y/N,” Jungkook’s voice was shredded, trembling with fear and panic as you simply lay docile in his grip, hair still matted over your face and arms doing nothing to grip him, “Y/N, please, I need you to-” Then he saw it.

As your hair whipped to the nape of your neck with the water, blood trickled into the shades that he loved so much, running a course from a gash on your forehead to the slope of your brow, tricking to the corners pf your wide, blank unseeing eyes. The light that had always been there, always come to meet him, always indulged him in the mysteries you beckoned under the rim of your lashes was gone, replaced by merely a shadow of fear that beaded pity across your frozen face. Jungkook started for a moment or two, his heart clenching as you were tumbled back into his chest, your forehead nestled into him like you had done merely hours ago You were no longer warm, the breaths that had pattered over his side as you chuckled stilling to the cool water that hung around both of you. Then it happened, when he finally breathed, the pain came rushing in. It was like nothing that Jungkook had ever felt, a pain the tore a cry from his throat and agony fought hard into the centre of his chest, curling into the put of his stomach until he felt physically sick. It was as if he was dying, the torment pricking over every inch of his body as sobs of your name broke free. You were dead in his arms, your limp arms holding the feeble broken state of his heart that throbbed closer to it’s end with every beat, there was nothing he could do to save you, and the thought was enough to make him pull you closer a s a hoarse scream echoed into your temple. Tears flooded down the planes of his cheeks, merging with the water that had oh so cruelly taken you from him. It was too much, and in his sorrow, Jungkook was happy to let go of the branch that dug into the tender flesh of his digits. 

 The current was quick to swallow him up again, the adrenaline born energy that had been fighting against his chest dying away as fast as it had come; the thing he had been fighting so hard for was gone and it was all he could do to keep your still body flush against him as your life ran ink through the water- moments dissolving as your soul walked away. His arms pulled around you tighter, whispering words of comfort that fell on deaf ears, apologies that would never be accepted floating around him as the water roared loudly in his ears. 

A sharp turn had him hurdling towards a bank, eyes shut as he sank into the last time he would ever hold you in his embrace, his life fleeing along with your own. And when he was slamming into the face of a rock, head bruising and cracking under the force, he did nothing to protect himself- only holding your more firmly to throw a plea to the gods that would undoubtedly refuse to listen. Please, just let me die with her, Jungkook sank into the water’s side, its fingers making quick work to pull him under the surface. Crimson rose above him like a ribbon, marking the place that you both fell to as the dark crowded from the floor. His breath burst uselessly in his lungs, tendrils of his last gasp escaping his loose hold with ease. And it was when his chest was thundering with a dull ache and his heart was finally easing it’s pain that he heard you, clear and direct from the place you had flow to.

“Please Kookie,” you cried, hands tugging uselessly at the torn material of his tunic, hands smoothing warmth along the expanse of his body from every space your fingertips graced, “please don’t leave me, I don’t want to be alone, please.”

Smoothing his hand over your head, eyes fond at your innocent face that was clear of pain, bright and gorgeous in the dark of the sky Jungkook whispered back to the hummingbird race of your beautiful, beautiful life, “Never.” Then the shadows finally collapsed in on his form, still curled around your own and whispering promises that rose in the summer haze, the last and only sign of two souls whose love was always destined to die. 

anonymous asked:

Why are you just now being called elizajane if you love it so much? Did you come up with it or is it your actual name?

It’s my actual name. 

So what happened is this. My nickname growing up was EJ, because my brother as a toddler couldn’t say my name but he loved me so much that he wanted to, so he came up with that nickname. I loved that nickname. But, as you can see, it is eerily close to other… sexual things.

When I was in high school, I dated a really obnoxious guy, but we broke up because of weird things that happened. He allowed his best friend to began sexually harrassing me, texing me from an unknown number for sex, and calling me “bj” and asking if I’d suck him off. I became afraid of this nickname. 

I asked people to start calling me Elizajane. They refused to do so. They said it was too long. They started calling me Eliza without my permission. I hated it, and fought for them to call me Elizajane. They called me dramatic, and made me out to be a cry baby. I felt so ashamed, I gave up. 

Then, I started getting really deep into fandoms, to the point where I was making friends, not just posting fic. I was afraid to be found writing gay porn on the internet, so I went by “Eliza.” I didn’t like it, but I was scared. 

This continued until now, almost seven years later. 

The reason I decided on revealing my real name, is because most of my family still call me “EJ”, my boyfriend calls me “Puppyjane” or “honey,” and my irl friend mostly calls me “EJ” as well. It was getting to the point where I forgot what my name actually was, and when my friend called me Elizajane, it suddenly hit me just how HAPPY that name made me. 

I didn’t want to be Eliza anymore. I wanted to be Elizajane. I wanted to take back the name that the bullies took from me when I was 14. I wanted to be ME again. 

I refuse to be afraid any more. 

The AU that won't get out of my head

- Keith is getting harassed by a bully in a high school setting
- Keith has a reputation from his last school—garrison high—for being a rebellious kid who got into fights all the time
- Nobody bothers to check and see if those are just rumors or fact except Lance
- Lance has got a chip on his shoulder to fight this Keith cause he’s the best fighter(???) at his school—Voltron high—so he doesn’t want this new kid making him look bad
- He stalks Keith for a lil while lol
- And sees that Keith never starts the fights; people always start shit with him
- He continues to follow Keith around for “scientific reasons”
- Just when he’s about to stop following Keith cause he feels like a judgmental dick
- Keith comes across someone being picked on (Lance is watching from afar)
- Keith goes to defend this person and it’s the only time Lance has seen him start a fight
- Lance knows Keith can hold his own in a fight but there’s a guy coming up behind him with a tire iron while he’s preoccupied with the other guy
- So Lance literally comes flying in and jump kicks this asshole
- They fight together
- Keith, not good at talking, just glares at the person who was being picked on
- They flee
- Lance says something dumb to Keith
- Keith asks Lance why he’s been following him
- Lance is like oh shit he knows wtf I thought I was so Stealthy tm
- Somehow they become friends, mostly due to lance’s insistence and refusal to leave Keith alone
- Keith begrudgingly becomes lance’s friend
- Things happen
- They become best friends
- Big brother shiro telling Keith that what he’s feeling for Lance isn’t friendship lol
- Keith being like oh shit I’ve caught feelings
- Cue Keith avoiding Lance subconsciously and consciously cause he’s allergic to feelings
- Keith figures he’s already got the school staff on edge cause of his reputation so he shouldn’t humor this asshole and “fight” him
- This is happening in the school hallways btw
- A small crowd gathers
- Keith decided he’ll let this guy talk and then once he hits Keith he’ll get expelled and Keith will just have a busted lip
- Basically Keith doesn’t want to cause unnecessary trouble
- When this guy goes to punch him Lance jumps in front of Keith
- Now this guy isn’t small so he’s gonna hit fucking hard
- I’ve decided the bully is Sendak
- So sendak hits Lance square in the side of the face and knocks Lance the fuck out
- Hunk and pidge run over to Lance because holy fuck oh my god Lance isn’t moving
- Keith short circuits
- He stares at Lance while he’s unmoving on the ground
- He’s aware that sendak is still talking but it’s fuzzy
- Then Sendak hits Keith and Keith can hear the next thing this guy says in like 1080 hd
- “Not so tough without your boyfriend to protect you, huh?”
- Keith mcfreaking loses it
- First he does the ear clap thing
- Then he uppercuts this guys gut
- Then he grabs his head and shoves it into his knee cap
- Then he fucking “we gotta break down this door” kicks this guy on his ass
- And starts wailing on him
- He uses his elbows to fucking hit him instead of his fists because elbows are the hardest part of your body and he needs to hurt like Keith is hurting because Lance isn’t moving
- Keith only stops because big bro shiro appears through the crowd and pulls him off Sendak
- “Hey, hey, Keith! it’s me, calm down.”
- Keith is breathing heavy af and his eyes are teary
- “I know you’re fucking pissed, okay, and I am too.
- But, think about why you’re upset and tell me what you should really be doing right now.”
- Keith looks at him confused and shaking with adrenaline
- “Shouldn’t you be making sure Lance is okay?”
- Keith immediately turns to search for Lance
- Hunk is helping Lance sit upright while pidge pinches lance’s nose to stop the bleeding
- Keith slides over to them, tripping over his feet
- And instead of saying all the shit he wants to say like
- Are you okay, why would you do that for me, thanks for taking that hit for me, do you need me to get the nurse, why do you act like I’m something important, you’re important to me, I want to protect you, I’m kind of in love with you
- He says
- “What the fuck were you thinking, you dumbass!”
- Lance responds with a weird sounding laugh as pidge is still pinching his nose
- Hunk says “He was helping you!” Defending Lance
- “By getting himself hurt instead?!” Keith retorts angrily
- Pidge ever the peace talker says
- “Could you two shut the fuck up! Lance needs to see a doctor so stop fighting and help me move him dammit.”
- Big bro shiro then walks over and agrees with pidge
- “Pidge, Keith, you two help Lance to the nurses office so they can see if Lance needs to go to the emergency room.
- Hunk, you help me carry Sendak so we can take him to the ambulance.”
- They take Lance to the nurses office
- The nurse is coran
- Coran loved Lance so he’s like who the fuck hurt my son I’ll kill them
- Pidge then states that Keith already sufficiently kicked the other guys ass
- Coran then looks at Keith who stares at him trying to seem confident
- Coran then looks over Lance
- Lance gets those beautiful nose plugs lol
- Lance holds an ice pack on his face for a lil while after Coran cleans all the blood off of him
- Coran then turns to Keith “your turn skipper”
- Keith is like ???? I’m fine??
- pidge is like dude you have blood all over you too duh
- “Oh yeah”
- Coran cleans up Keith’s split lip and his elbows
- Keith also gets an ice pack for his face cause he has a bruise over the split lip side of his mouth
- The principal walks into the nurses office and is like wtf happened guys
- cause even tho Lance and Keith are good fighters they still make good grades and stay out of trouble
- Pidge explains what happens because Lance’s tongue is swollen cause he bit it when he passed out
- Keith only talks when spoken to directly
- The principal is not biased towards any students so they see the situation for what it is
- “Alright, boys.
- You’ve both obviously been through a lot of stress in the past 20 minutes.
- You can both go home early after Coran releases you to leave.
- Pidge you can stay and help Coran with the boys.
- I have some phone calls to make.”
- We like the principal lol
- They do the clean up routine
- Switch ice pack with hot compress
- Put aloe on bruise and put gauze pad on top of that etc
- So the boys are all bandaged up and released to go home while pidge goes back to class
- The boys go to their lockers together and get all their shit and walk out the front of the school
- Nobody has talked yet
- Keith, like the emotionally constipated asshole he is, is mad at Lance for getting himself hurt for Keith’s sake
- So instead of saying why he’s mad
- He walks ahead of Lance without saying anything
- “H-hey Keith! Wait up!”
- Keith continues to walk briskly
- “Okay, look, I know why you’re mad.”
- Keith snorts angrily
- Lance continues “you’re mad cause I got in the middle of a fight you clearly could’ve won yourself. I know you could’ve beat him by yourself Keith, I mean, hell, you did, but–”
- Keith starts laughing sourly
- Lance stops talking cause he’s confused
- “You think I’m mad because you got into “my” fight?“
- Lance says nothing still confused and a little hurt at Keith’s tone
- Keith walks over to Lance
- "I’m mad because you put yourself in danger for me,
- Keith gets all in lance’s space
- "I’m mad because you’re the only person besides my brother who actually cared to get to know me before jumping to conclusions or believing stupid rumors
- I’m mad because you were hurt and unmoving on the ground and it was all for my sake, like I mean something in the world
- I’m mad because you made me care about you! I’m mad because
- Because
- Keith grabs Lance by his shirt collar and snarls this next part
- "I’m mad because I love you
- I love you and I don’t like you being in pain! Especially if it’s my fault!”
- Keith has tears running down his face now because he’s overwhelmed
- Lance is Shocked tm
- Keith realizes what he said and turns into a tomato
- He runs away
- “Wha-wait a minute, Keith!”
- So the chase begins
- Eventually Lance catches up to Keith and grabs his arm to stop him
- Keith doesn’t resist
- “Keith…”
- Keith hangs his head waiting for rejection
- Lance moves his grip on his arm down to hold Keith’s hand
- Keith looks over his shoulder at Lance confused
- “Did you…
- Lance looks at him all vulnerable and shit
- "Did you mean it?”
- Keith, unable to speak, nods his head
- Lance smiles the dopiest smile
- Keith faces all the way towards Lance still confused and extremely embarrassed and very very overwhelmed
- Lance is looking at their hands smiling lightly swinging them back and forth
- “Uh…lance?”
- Lance then looks up sharply
- “Oh shi–I mean, I love you too, obviously, duh.”
- Keith turns red and pink and
- And
- he feels like he’s dying
- He’s so overwhelmed with feelings and he doesn’t know how to handle it
- So he just starts crying more
- Angry crying
- Like dammit tears stop coming out of my eyes you fuckers crying
- And Lance holds him through it cause he knows kissing would be too much right now
- Hugging Keith is good enough in itself
- Cause they love each other
- Rip me


Here’s my breakdown of what happened at C2E2!

I spent Friday attending professional panels for the comics industry, which probably deserves a post of its own, but I don’t think anyone is interested in me talking shop. But Saturday was devoted to Agents of SHIELD stuff with Iain and Liz. I had an amazing time and so many awesome things happened. Truly it was the best con experience I’ve ever had and, as @bigfunnywords (HEY Tumblr finally let me tag you!) said, I lived my best life. I’ll try to do the tl;dr version but this will probably get long.

Putting the rest behind a cut for your scrolling convenience.

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