Things Drunk People Have Said To Me

Does champagne get you drunk?

Normally more ends up in my bra than in my mouth when I drink!

I woke up with a ladybug on my face

Oh my god I’m so sparkly

I spit my shot out on your carpet (it wasn’t my carpet)

I threw up at FIJI, like everyone saw, it was so awful! (upon investigation, it turns out she wasn’t actually at FIJI and we don’t know where she was)

I’m not drunk, I’ve only had like ten shots

Give me your fridge, it’s my birthday, I WANT IT

First Time With Drunk Friends

Very drunk friend: *points to other friend* That guy’s a chem major and he breathes in fumes all day, so don’t listen to him.

*points to me*

And those two have sex all the time so he breathes in the fumes off his breath so don’t listen to him either!