the signs as Bob Ross things

Aries: “just really make it come alive”

Taurus: tons and tons of mountains. he loved painting those rascals

Gemini: let’s paint this tree a friend. i think everyone should have a friend, they are very important

Cancer: on our canvas, there is no hate or pain. there is only peace and happiness

Leo: perhaps we love painting because we can control the canvas and the world we are creating

Virgo: let it happen! in the time you’ve been sitting around worrying you could’ve finished the whole painting

Libra: “now look at that. in just a matter of a few minutes we have something beautiful”

Scorpio: for every highlight we have to have some shadow, some darkness

Sagittarius: “the Almighty ___”

Capricorn: “oh what the heck. let’s do this.”

Aquarius: trees and leaves and bushes hidin’ in your brush

Pisces: look at all the happy little clouds just playing in the sky

The signs as shit my squad has said in the group chat:

“i support her in her murderous endeavors”
“;/ don’t you tell me how to hoe”
“Call yourself daddy one more time and I will actually leave you”

“My entire life is problematic tbh”  
“I will suck Nintendo’s dick for this”
“lord daddy goes full mast when I’m around ^o^”

“also fuck u for not caring about me tf”
“that’s p mad fuckin gay, son”
“I love you, you piece of shit”

“i found a toonie the other day on the sidewalk and i felt like bill gates”
“my nipples are aggressive; my nipples are like knives”
“sorry i don’t like to complain, but one of your chef’s dicks is in my food”

“sorry I punched your tv”
“Me @ men; I’m going to steal your girlfriend”
“I used to look hella fucking str8”

“Thank god for dads; said no one ever”
“i wanna cum so hard my spirit is ejected instead”
“babe do not call your cooch leonard i will actually cry”

“fuck u i’ll spoil my own damn self i don’t need no splenda daddy”
“if i don’t do a wambo cambo i will punch myself in the dick”
“what age do you learn to eat ass?”

“sonic can fuck off about my sex life”
“it warms the cockles of my heart”
“i divorced a girl over wieners and i would do it again”

“even if i die i will resurrect myself for cummies”
“our first boob touch is a v important part of my life”
“then again ken’s a lesbian with a daddy”

“Thanks whites u saved us; said no one ever”
“I cant believe y’all would kinkshame me like this”
“I gotta get the green to buy my greens ya feel”

“Well fuck me with a steel pole”
“I will quietly read while they get groped by old men and listen to shitty pop music”
(“I was trying to be a good friend.”
Me mouth full of pudding, “I DON’T NEED THAT RIGHT NOW.”)

“those are some janky tiddies”
“I don’t have a problem with Bob Barker, I just think that he’s probably not a human”
“yaaaaas ratboy jesus churn butter in my ass”

the signs + my personal experience
  • aries: honest and upfront people. willing to take a bullet for someone. dedicated and understanding. will go the extra mile without complaint and wants to help as much as they can.
  • taurus: reserved and self-restricting. will only open up to close friends/family and will be a short lived confession of emotions. cry maybe four times a year but secretly have the weight of the world on their shoulders.
  • gemini: won't stop talking until you tell them bluntly. has a charm that cannot be put into words and can make you feel alive. loves to talk shit but means well. needs a filter on their mouths.
  • cancer: the one to bring everyone together and the observer. watches out for those they care for but doesn't ask for it in return. can be the most verbally random and is good at keeping tabs on everyone.
  • leo: loves to laugh and smile more than anyone but can cry and frown in a hot second. have a heart of gold with more love than one can take and often feels like they're walking the road alone. needs a hug.
  • virgo: the most meticulous sign and they know their facts. their argument is an analytical one and though maybe not as frightening, can have one of the most finalizing last words. tend to always be right and like to make sure everything is in order.
  • libra: the fashion/style expert of the zodiac. always have neat things to say and things to for show and tell. worried they aren't giving enough attention or love to those they care for but truly give more than what is expected.
  • scorpio: emotional and sensitive to a fault. can build a wall higher than the sky but can love more than anyone on the planet. the observer, the committed, the grudge-holder, the "kill-in-one-blow" of the group.
  • sagittarius: inspires you to look at the stars and love the life you're given. can make the heaviest of emotions light. they worry too much but never admit it because they're afraid of being a burden to others. smile to hide the fear and/or sadness.
  • capricorn: likes peace and quite as much as company and good times. will finish what they set out to do. can come home with sore bones and tired bodies, complain/whine about it, but still continues to endure it. needs approval for lots of things.
  • aquarius: the smartest of the zodiac but also the most heedless. or so we think. can care more than anyone but choose not to express that. has a hard time spreading love/attention among friends or family, the one to ask questions, hates to be wrong or told they're wrong, and the one to break the fourth wall.
  • pisces: the one to turn a simple dream into a magical world of fantasy. while we may see black and white, they see colors. emotional to a point of no return and can be overwhelming with their romanticism. they have heavy hearts as well as voices and hands meant for music and art.
Things the Signs think about when they can't fall asleep
  • Aries: things that make them stressed
  • Taurus: their OTP
  • Gemini: makes up a random song
  • Cancer: "What's the meaning of life?"
  • Leo: Stupid things they've done in the past
  • Virgo: Ughhhh why can't I sleep
  • Libra: Doesn't think. Watches something or goes on phone.
  • Scorpio: Who even knows?
  • Sagittarius: their crush/partner
  • Capricorn: "I want food."
  • Aquarius: whether aliens are real or not
  • Pisces: smutttt
advice for the signs based on people i know
  • aries: when under heavy fire, deflecting the bullets into allies isn't always the best idea.
  • taurus: not all your problems can be laughed off or bottled up. the smile is bound to crack, and the jar is bound to overflow. why are you so scared to open up?
  • gemini: don't play games with people. stop sending so many hints and start telling people what you really want.
  • cancer: be more daring. stand up for yourself. try new things. don't be afraid to go after what you really want.
  • leo: at times you can just be a porcupine looking for a hug. learn to let people go if they don't have enough padding, and find people who are more suited to the job.
  • virgo: not everything is a puzzle. even if it were, figuring yourself out is a better place to start than everything else.
  • libra: what you're looking for isn't always far away. take a closer look at what's around you and you might be surprised by the chances that are already laying at your feet.
  • scorpio: nothing is permanent. when you're caught in a storm with no turning back, adjust your rain boots, zip up your coat, and just push forward.
  • sagittarius: your problems will not fix themselves. don't complain about how they aren't getting better if you refuse to work on them yourself.
  • capricorn: find the balance. don't throw yourself into only one thing at a time and neglect all the other things around you during it. sometimes you need to take breaks.
  • aquarius: numbness can't kill, but when you can't feel a severed arm, it can be a problem. start thinking about your feelings, and start thinking about the feelings of others around you. keep the good intentions, ditch the blindfold.
  • pisces: coping mechanisms can kill. stop running away from everything that troubles you. being a hypocrite hurts others more than it does yourself. take a deep breath. some things take time.
What people probably thought once while talking to you
  • Aries: Take it down a notch
  • Taurus: Bored shitless
  • Gemini: I'm confused
  • Cancer: Get to the point
  • Leo: Exaggerating much?
  • Virgo: Is that really necessary?
  • Libra: Do you ever stop talking?
  • Scorpio: Bullshit
  • Sagittarius: Cocky much?
  • Capricorn: What the... fuck?
  • Aquarius: I am not high enough for this conversation
  • Pisces: Stop laughing
the signs + goals
  • wants to know: sagittarius, aquarius, capricorn, taurus, scorpio, pisces
  • wants to BE known: leo, aries, libra, cancer, gemini, virgo
How to make the Zodiac Sign’s Day

Make an Aries’s day by: Giving them a compliment.

Make a Taurus’s day by: Offering them a small treat, like a slice of cake, a friendship bracelet, or even just a new pen.

Make a Gemini’s day by: Simply paying attention to them or getting to know them.

Make a Cancer’s day by: Remembering an important date or memory that you two had together.

Make a Leo’s day by: Cheering them on in their endeavors.   

Make a Virgo’s day by: Appreciating them in someway.       

Make a Libra’s day by: Acknowledging something special about them.

Make a Scorpio’s day by: Sparking/reminding them of their passion or showing your passion about something.

Make Sagittarius’s day by: Laughing at their jokes.

Make Capricorn’s day by: Helping them out of a sticky situation or giving them a temporary escape.

Make an Aquarius’s day by: Showing them something new.

Make a Pisces’s day by: Just being there for them.

The First Thing That Comes To Mind When I Think About The Signs

Aries: fire, the color red, and a pissed off manager

Taurus: cute things like baby bunnies and dandelions

Gemini: overdramatic white girl squeals and Starbucks

Cancer: whiney ass boys

Leo: cocky sarcasm

Virgo: mother-knows-best attitude


Libra: my ex best friend ew

Sagittarius: really giddy goofy people who will hop right into your lap even if you’re a complete stranger and constantly yell

Capricorn: charming assholes that smoke cigarettes with a James Dean attitude and a sly smile

Aquarius: different colored crystals? Idk why

Pisces: oh hey that’s me

signs as things my mother has said to/about me
  • Aries: "she's just fat and her face is destroyed"
  • Taurus: "all she does is eat and sleep and go on her computer"
  • Gemini: [to my sister] "she's never going to succeed but you can"
  • Cancer: "don't come crying when you have no money we're not helping you"
  • Leo: "you only failed because you didn't listen to me"
  • Virgo: "no you can't bike home you're too fat and need exercise just walk"
  • Libra: "you'll never get anywhere in life"
  • Scorpio: "i don't even like you"
  • Sagittarius: "at this rate you'll never be good enough"
  • Capricorn: "if you don't want to cut your hair you can just get out of my house"
  • Aquarius: "no wonder you don't have any friends"
  • Pisces: "why are you such a freak"
nice things about the signs (based on people i know)
  • aries: always there when you need a shoulder to cry on
  • taurus: amazing sense of style and will kick butt if necessary
  • gemini: always smiling and making jokes
  • cancer: great sense of humor and a flirt
  • leo: very supportive and appreciates art
  • virgo: always there to fangirl with you and is very understanding
  • libra: knows people better than they know themselves, very organized
  • scorpio: always lends a helping hand and is not afraid to say what's on their mind
  • sagittarius: always tries to include everyone, sees the good in everybody
  • capricorn: also a flirt, very sweet
  • aquarius: best huggers ever, thinks they are ugly but they are actually super handsome/beautiful
  • pisces: witty and always up for a good time with friends
the signs as things my best friend has said
  • Aries: imagine actually living on a planet
  • Taurus: do you like panic! at the disco beacause thats okay
  • Gemini: everytime i see pizza i want pizza
  • Cancer: whats a dingus actually
  • Leo: my jaw locked around his dick
  • Virgo: princess dickhead
  • Libra: no seriously gossip girl is so ungeneric
  • Scorpio: i only recently started watching disneey channel
  • Sagittarius: job centre has no jobs
  • Capricorn: if my bf has kids that arent mine im stealing the first born because his baby brothers are adorable
  • Aquarious: but why not just put the crispy bacon in an oven
  • Pisces: there is nothing more pleasing than kebab pizza
Deep Song Lyrics for the Signs
  • Aries: Here comes the Hotstepper
  • Taurus: [Murderer!]
  • Gemini: I'm the lyrical Gangster
  • Cancer: [Murderer!]
  • Leo: eCUSE me Mr Officer
  • Virgo: [Murderer!]
  • Libra: Still love you like that~
  • Scorpio: [Murderer!]
  • Sagittarius: Naaa, nanana naaa
  • Capricorn: Nananaaaaa
  • Aquarius: N-n-n-aa n-n-naaa
  • Pisces: NANANAAAA!

“How close were you guys? What was her name, again?”

“Rachel.” Aris paused. “We were way more than close. Things happened. We remembered stuff. Made new memories.

The Signs As Christmas Things

Aries: Hot Chocolate.

Taurus: Making Christmas Cookies.

Gemini: Super Sales.

Cancer: Ugly Christmas Sweaters.

Leo: Over-the-top decorations.

Virgo: Giving back.

Libra: Christmas Caroling.

Scorpio: Snowball fights.

Sagittarius: Sledding.

Capricorn: Setting up Christmas Trees.

Aquarius: Falling snow:

Pisces: Watching Christmas Specials.

the signs as little sunagakure things
  • aries: rasa making his whole family and some more people suffer bc he's angry and incompetent and powerless
  • taurus: kankuro deciding to kill two birds with one stone by masking his cheating techniques during an exam with really needing to go to the bathroom
  • gemini: yashamaru going on a suicide mission to freak out a little child with some shitty lie because he just doesn't care anymore
  • cancer: baki being one of the most fashionable grown-ups in the entire series and still ending up so irrelevant that he's never shown again
  • leo: matsuri and yukata literally thirsting after their boss during a fUCKING WAR
  • virgo: temari wielding a hUGE ASS FAN LIKE ITS REALLY FUCKING BIG!!! but still posing like it's nothing and being flawless
  • libra: chiyo trying to cheer up a heartbroken tiny boy by teaching him fun puppet stuff, but she accidentally fucks up. oh, she fucks up good
  • scorpio: sasori living inside a horrendous wooden creature because he's too pretty for the sight of this cruel and unjust world
  • sagittarius: karura caring so much about his baby boy that her ghost fucking materializes itself out of sand to show how much she cares
  • capricorn: gaara speaking as little as possible and tending a cacti garden in those rare times when his arms aren't crossed, but still being the ruler of the world, and our hearts
  • aquarius: the puppet brigade. just like, those people existing. bunch of artsy freak hoes ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ
  • pisces: the honoured siblings fishing. for like, fun. to pass the time. in the middle of the fucking desert.
the signs as embarrassing things you remember in the middle of the night that you did like 5 years ago

As Requested By wherehaveallthecowboysgone

Aries: That time you ate the whole pizza that was bought to feed seven different people and then they kicked you out of the house for a couple hours

Taurus: That time you thought you were straight

Gemini: That time that the person you were dating put their hand near your face and you panicked and bit them really hard

Cancer: That time it took you too long to learn about personal hygiene

Leo: The time you wore that 70s shirt while performing on stage and thought you looked super fly

Virgo: That time you read Twilight

Libra: That time you were born haha why did I do that

Scorpio: Went through an anime phase

Sagittarius: The time you tried to be sassy

Capricorn: The time somebody asked you your zodiac sign and you said candy corn instead of Capricorn

Aquarius: That time you rapped about vegetables

Pisces: That time you accidentally consumed an entire pot brownie your college dorm neighbor gave you without knowing it wasn’t a normal brownie