“El, are you there? El? It’s me. It’s Mike. It’s day 352. 7:40 PM. I’m still here. If you’re out there, say something. Or- or give me a sign, I won’t even, I won’t even say anything. Just, I want to know if you’re okay.”
In spite of everything I love
Harley Quinn but, damn, writers treat her so badly. I swear, the temptation to
make her actually stupid must be terrible because it’s so often implied, or
explicitly stated, that she slept her way through school. First of all, it
does not work like that. Second, she’s
not a therapist or a psychologist, she’s a psychiatrist, she’s a fricking MD
and a damn young one too. Managing pre-med and collegiate gymnastics that she
relied on to keep her scholarship? Harley is fucked up, but she’s not the dumb
blonde she plays. (also stop making her stacked, she’s a gymnast. she is 4’11”
of pure muscle and is not top heavy)
If you want a good Harley
backstory it’s simple. She’s ADHD but medicated and slightly robotic because of
it. I want to take special care not to demonize meds but, rather, people’s
disapproval of neurodivergence and a lack of focus on what is best for a
patient rather than what is most convenient for others. So, maybe, around ten
years old Harley is a hyperactive space cadet who’s brilliant at tests but
sloppy at coursework, who would be a gymnastics prodigy if she could actually
focus on technique and put in practice time instead of fooling around. Then the
meds come and it’s actually really cool because she can do the things she needs
to do instead of just wanting to do them, doing something else entirely, and
getting in trouble. People are proud of her, she’s proud of herself. But now
there are expectations. Family and teachers and coaches overschedule her, find
worth only in her success and don’t care about her mental health at all as long
as she’s performing and castigate her when she does fail. Fuck if you don’t
internalize that. But she doesn’t look unhealthy and she’s doing amazing. She
actually has to choose between the Olympic trials and continuing her grad
studies. She probably has some issues with self-harm but it either doesn’t look
like self-harm or is well covered up.
When Arkham accepts her, fresh
from her residency, it’s not a mistake. The woman is amazing. All they can see
is a mountain of achievements rather than the seething ball of nerves,
self-loathing, and imposter syndrome boiling just under the surface. That’s
when Joker comes in. He’s got the Hannibal Lecter shtick down. Where everyone
else sees an intelligent driven young woman he sees a frightened overwhelmed
girl who is working her hardest to convince the world she’s anyone other than
herself. Sending her into a nervous breakdown would be too easy so he doesn’t even
bother. Instead he’s open with her, almost friendly. The other doctors are
amazed, Harley is amazed, she’s not done anything particularly revolutionary
but, for the first time in forever, it looks like the clown prince of crime is
showing progress. He unravels her and it’s a challenge, she flinches back and
gets very serious when he comes too close to the real Harley under the
professional. Still, soon she’s questioning everything. She doesn’t even really
like her co-workers. She hasn’t had a real friend in years. She’s forgotten how
to have fun. Did she ever want this to be her life or did she just do it for
other people? It starts so slowly that it looks, at first, like she’s getting
better at self-care. Maybe something totally silly one weekend, a trampoline
park where she can enjoy the way her toned body moves without stressing out
over landings, a face painting booth at a street fair, some garishly colored
downright tacky decoration that clashes with her sensible apartment. Suddenly
she realizes how much she hates knowing the difference between cream and ecru.
The beigeness of her life is repulsive. She hates the person she’s pretending
to be even more that she hates herself which is really saying something.
After her weekend of freedom she
would have called in sick if it wasn’t so suddenly important to see him. The
relief she feels at talking to one of Gotham’s most infamous supercriminals is
disturbing but it is relief and she’s been swallowing a slow-motion panic
attack for hours. She admits, though she shouldn’t, that she took his advice
about doing something fun and he teases her, what would straight-laced Doctor
Quinzel do for fun? Did she realphabetize her sock drawer or buy a new
clipboard? It’s not important to impress him, it’s really not. He’s dangerous,
cruel, and he looks so proud when she admits that she bought a lamp shaped like
a lawn flamingo. The only mistake, he says, is that she should have stolen it.
She hopes the wicked thrill it gives her doesn’t show on her face. It does. She
almost even laughs. He likes it when he can make her laugh and she likes it
when he likes things.
It’s wrong and unprofessional,
the relationship she develops, and she knows it but her whole life she’s been
so high strung. Nothing she’s done has been for her, she’s not sure she knows
how to really do selfish things anymore, but he knows the selfish things she
needs to do. It feels good when she follows his advice even when it’s small
things like the rainbow striped socks she wears concealed under her very bland
slacks and sensible shoes. She’s so happy, almost giddy, and he loves her
happiness, he loves her, he loves the real her that she’s had to beat down and
hide for so long, the her that even she isn’t able to love. She is able to love
him, though, and since he loves her she’s able to love herself for him, to
protect and nurture something so important to him.
When the choice comes between
her old self, the tedious endless labor of making the world proud, and Him, the
spectacular man that brought color into her life, it’s not even a question.
She kills Doctor Harleen Quinzel, she throws away the version of her that let
herself burn just for medals and hollow accolades. She embraces Harley Quinn
and it’s so much a part of her nature she can’t even see that she’s still
living her life for someone else’s approval, except this time that person is a murderous
clown. She hasn’t let her hair down, she’s just put it in pigtails instead of a
I learned from a very young age to make people believe about me exactly what I want them to. I learned how to walk, sit, move, and even eat in a way that makes me seem in complete control of myself and my surroundings, even when I’m feeling completely overwhelmed and out of place. I learned to hide my anxieties and insecurities in a way that everyone thought I was always calm and put together. I also learned how to get people to trust me and tell me everything about them by masterfully displaying those very weaknesses. I’ll share some of my tips tonight, these tips might help you seem in complete control, help you get what you want and even who you want ;)
WHEN YOU’RE ALONE AMONGST A LOT OF PEOPLE
- If you’re alone don’t stress about the fact that you are, don’t worry about looking like a loser because you won’t.
> When you’re alone be sure to keep your posture. ALWAYS TAKE NOTE OF YOUR POSTURE. I cannot stress how important your posture is. Look up how to keep a proper posture.
>Snack slowly and take small bites, small and assured sips of your drink. Not too slow, just measure yourself.
> Learn how to strut. When you walk across the room to sit, to snack, or just anywhere, don’t slack on your walking. Chin up, stare straight ahead, perfect posture, and have a very slight smile. The world is your catwalk, and yes people will be paying attention when you least notice it.
WHEN SOMEONE APPROACHES YOU
- If they’re a close friend you don’t have to worry much about how to talk to them because you know them, but your behavior still matter.
> When talking to them make sure you pay close attention to them and what they’re saying. No extreme reactions, unless they truly said something shocking.
> Smile a lot, let others see that you can be approachable. Also, they’re your close friend you should be smiling anyway.
- If they’re someone you barely know then just breathe in, smile, release your breath slowly and greet them politely.
> Ask then questions about their life you have some knowledge about. Ask about their family, pets, children, partners, work/school, make sure they’re the ones speaking more than you are.
- If they’re a stranger wait until they’re immediately in your personal space to acknowledge them, then meet and greet them only after they have directly addressed you. Keep an easy smile on your face, and when meeting them change your smile according to the impression you want to make (dazzling smile to charm, smirk to seduce, smile politely for anyone else).
> For strangers you don’t know anything about them, ask them about things you are at least somewhat curious about. Ask them about their current standing in terms of job and or studies. Ask them about family and hobbies. Anything you would like to know or need to know to get some info on them.
> Make a lot of eye contact, but not too much, but make sure to keep your attention on them. Make them feel that you care about what they’re saying.
WHEN YOU’RE IN A GROUP
Besides all the other things about posture, eye contact and smiling, when you’re in a group this is where the whole “pay them complete attention” does not apply. In a group make sure to pay attention to everyone speaking, let everyone have a turn at your attention. People who were steamrolled out of a conversation you ease them back in either by giving them your attention and let them speak to you directly, or if you’re feeling bold politely call out the person or people who steamrolled over them by calmly stating “I’m sorry to interrupt but [their name] was speaking, I want to know what they were going to say.” Don’t do that if you don’t feel confident, or if you care about possibly offending others, you should still operate within your comfort zone so that you can portray a genuine look of collected confidence.
NOW YOU’RE IN, HOW TO GET THEM TO TRUST YOU
- This is when you can start showing people bits of your true self. You should have real stories and anecdotes ready for when you get the chance to use them.
- Real stories and anecdotes are crucial because believe it or not people are actually adept at intuitively spotting liars. If the stories and anecdotes are real, with genuine feeling attached to them, they can’t spot any lies because they will be the truth.
- Manipulating people is not about lying, it’s about using the truth to your advantage. Avoid lying and avoid exaggerating, so that everything you say and do is genuine.
- The stories and anecdotes you use must have some connection to the context of the conversation or the person you’re with. Don’t bust out a story of a dying pet when the person you’re with never even had a pet. Don’t talk about how you once failed an exam when the conversation was about this concert he went to with his friends last week. Talk about things in context, and if you have no material for a certain context then don’t stress, you don’t need to have something to say for everything. For every time you talk to them only share one personal story, avoid using more because then that shows too much of you.
- You want to show some humanity, but not too much because you want them to still believe that you’re some ethereal and strong entity that could probably crush them if they cross any lines.
To end, I just want to say that with this post I don’t mean to imply that you need to act this way to be desired, to get what you want, or to be considered amazing. This is not the case at all. However, I know for a fact that some of y'all struggle with confidence and that you wish you knew how to display confidence even when you don’t have it. Well this is a way to fake it until you make it. My blog is about loving yourself, but I know how long and tiresome that process can be. This is just a way to put yourself out there. There’s so much info I still didn’t cover because then the post would be even longer, for any more info just ask me! None of y'all should feel that you HAVE to do what this post says to get people to notice you and like you, I don’t want any of you to compromise yourselves for the sake of people that don’t matter. But I know some of you want this, I found myself looking up a lot of this information way back when before Tumblr had this huge and informed community of wonderful people willing to share their knowledge. I love all of you and I hope I’ve helped some of you in any way.