things to bring to a party

You Are Not Alone

Originally posted by tomhiddleston-gifs


GIF NOT MINE

Loki x Reader

Listen to this 

Request: Can I request something where the reader is an avenger and also a vampire? But she’s very depressed. She loves her job but she’s getting lonely seeing everyone else with their significant others and she wants to feel loved. Later on Thor brings Loki along to a stark party and he’s bored and irritable until he sees the reader out on the balcony. They end up hitting it off right away and he helps pull her out of her depression.

—-

Being around for almost 300 years was cool and all, being able to watch the world change around me. Meeting new people, and new lovers. I was use to change. Everything changed around me for years. But one thing I wasn’t use to, was being with a team of people, like the Avengers. When they learned of my kind actually existing, they wanted to see if they could find us, a vampire.

When they mistakenly found me, in the hospital, stealing blood bags. The person who found me was Bruce Banner. He alerted Tony Stark, and Tony followed me and convinced me to join the team. I only said yes, because I wanted to protect the world I’ve come to love. 

“So you drink human blood?” The newest member Sam Wilson questioned

“Sam” Steve snapped at him

“What I’m just confused as to why she drinks human blood and lives here, not trying to be rude” He then apologized.

“No it’s okay” I smiled “You’re just curious, that’s all. You should learn on how to communicate.” I joked. “But yes I drink human blood, but I don’t drink from the neck. I drink blood bags. That way I’m not hurting anyone, and I’ve been on a diet. I mostly drink Animal blood, and once or twice every few weeks I drink human blood to stay strong.” I explained while pouring a bag of donated blood into my to-go water bottle.

There was an awkward moment of silence. Sam nodded understanding what I was saying. “So can you control yourself around fresh blood?” He asked

“Yes” I took a sip from my bottle. the normal thing for a vampire was there veins popping and eyes getting darker when drinking blood. “I built a tolerance over the years.” I was okay with answering the questions, I liked when people wanted to know more, it’s not often I could talk about myself truly.

I had been with the team for a little over 6 months. everyone trusted me and I trusted them. I would use my abilities for something good. I liked being able to do things and not have to do it in secrete. I was free to be me. But there was still one thing that bothered me. Even though I was on a team of “outcasts”, I stood apart from them. They trust me but everyone is still a bit uncomfortable with a vampire. When I was in the room, they were on high alert. Jarvis always made sure everyone new when I was coming. 

I requested to have my room further away from the rest, which I ended up getting the floor they were working on to make more rooms to myself. I liked it that way, but I was always lonely even in a room full of people I was lonely. I was lonely for a long time.

I watched people fall in love, but I’ve never actually been in love. Human lives didn’t last quite as long as a vampires. So watching the team with their lovers broke my heart. I longed to be loved and in love. Natasha and Bruce, Tony and Pepper, Steve and Sharon, Wanda and Vision, etc. I wished to have what they had. 

Later that same day, Thor showed up. He said that upon his arrival he will have brought someone that we will all “love” to have. He shoved a tall man into the room. He was wearing a leather green and black robe, his hair was long and black, his blue eyes scanned the room.

“This is my brother Loki.” Thor announced to the room. This was the famous brother of Thor who tried to rule Earth. Supposedly he wanted to redeem himself and wanted to prove himself worthy to Thor. But one of the main reasons he was here was so Thor could keep a close watch on him. 

“Just stay out of trouble” Tony snapped at Loki. Thor introduced me and Sam to Loki. I stuck my hand out to shake his.

“I’ve heard so much about you and everyone else.” Loki looked me in the eyes “Lady y/n” He took my hand and kissed it. I was use to this kind of behavior from men, especially in England years ago.  I smiled and bowed my head in respect. Which caught him by surprise, and I earned confused looks from the team. 

“Then you must know of my kind, yes?” I questioned

“Indeed” Was all he said, “Where will I be sleeping?” 

“On the roof” Tony snapped again. 

“The same floor as me” I smiled “I’ll show you” 


I went about my business as usual, making my way around the tower, by myself. I would stop to talk to whoever was in the same room, but the conversation quickly died down since I know that they wouldn’t want to talk to me any longer. 

The only thing I wanted was to hold a conversation with someone, but I know how they feel about me, they trust me but they are always watching my move to make sure I don’t turn on them. 

I made my way to the fridge to grab my animal blood bag, then pouring it into a glass. I felt a pair of eyes on me as I did all of this. 

“Can I help you?” I asked. 

“I was just looking for someone to talk to.” Loki spoke softly.

“Well seeing as no one here seems to trust you, or like you, I guess that leaves me to be the last resort?” I gave a soft smile.

“Well, not actually, I wanted to talk to you. I already know they don’t like me” He chuckled. 

“Oh” Was all I could say. He slowly walked into the kitchen, observing the room. He had a disgusted look as he continued to walk around. 

“So what’s your secrete?” He asked stopping so he was now standing next to me. 

“Excuse me?” I turned to look at him

“How do you do it?” He asked “How do you live under the same roof as them when treated like you’re still a monster?” I was not expecting the question from him

“Well I-” I was cut off by Steve walking into the room

“Hey y/n, the mission you were suppose to go on has been changed. Sam and Bucky will be going. We need you to stay back to show Loki the ropes. He seems to like you.” Steve explained

“Okay” I spoke quietly, giving Steve a small nod before quickly leaving the room.

An hour later I could hear Loki making his way to my door. I opened it right before he could knock.

“Oh, where you expecting me?” He smirked looking down at my small figure. 

“No” I answered “I heard you coming” 

He looked confused

“Perks of being a Vampire, I can hear everything around me” this time I smirked at him, I took a step back allowing him to enter my room. 

“Did I upset you earlier?” He asked concern in his voice

“No” I walked back towards my living room area. “I just didn’t want to talk about that with Steve there.”

“So lady y/n, how old are you really?” Loki asked 

“326″ I smiled, being able to just talk was enough for me. 

“So I guess you could say you are immortal?” Loki continued “You could live forever” 

“I guess you could say that.” I made my way to my book shelf. “Do you like books?” 

“Yes, have anything of interest?” 

“Of course I do” I smiled, grabbing a random book “This is Jane Austen, one of my favorites, this book is called Pride and Prejudice.”

“I think we will get a long just fine” He smiled while taking the book out of my hand to look at it. 

Ever since he came into my room, and stole a few books from me, we spent everyday with each other, either reading or talking about our lives and what it was like 300 years ago. We became pretty close. We spent most days in one of our rooms, away from the team unless it was dinner, a meeting, training, a mission, or game/movie night. 

Tonight was movie night and everyone, except Sam Loki, was in the theater, we decided to watch The Notebook, since most of us haven’t seen it. I sat on a two-seater sofa by myself. Tony was with Pepper, Nat and Bruce, Steve and Sharon, Bucky and his random girlfriend, Thor was next to Clint,and Wanda and Vision. I watched the team as I purposely sat away from them. I knew that I made most uncomfortable, but everyone tried to include me into movie and game night.

I watched the movie, wishing I had someone to love me the way the characters loved each other. I watched as the old man told the old women the love story of the two teens who fell in love. I happened to look away from the TV to see all of the coupled paying attention to each other and not the TV, deciding I had enough of this, I made my way out of the room only to be stopped by Tony announcing that I was leaving.

“Y/N why do you gotta go? We not good enough?” He joked

“Just tiered” I said before I walked off. I heard Tony whisper 

“I thought Vampires don’t sleep?” I rolled my eyes and made my way to my room. We do sleep, I just stay up super late. 

Once I made it to my room, I quietly shut my door not wanting Loki to know I was back in my room. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to cry, I hated not having someone to be with, I wanted to know what it was like to be in love and to be loved. I laid down in my bed as tears began to fall. I curled up into a ball on my bed. 

As I continued to quietly cry, I suddenly felt my blanket go over my shoulders. I stiffened at the touch of a hand rubbing my shoulder. 

“It’s me, relax love” I heard Loki speak calmly. “What’s wrong?” 

I wiped the tears away as I sat up and scooted over allowing him to sit down next to me. I told him everything, how I lived 300 years alone, scared to be in love since human lives don’t last as long and a Vampire who doesn’t age, how I’m tiered of being alone and no one understanding me.

“You are not alone. I know exactly what you are going through, I mean I age, but not like a human, But I’m always lonely.” He wrapped an arm around me.

“I just want to be wanted.” I piratically whispered.

“You are” I squeezed me. “I want you” 

“Really?” I gave him a funny look

“Yes” He nodded “On Asgard everyone avoids me, hates me, no one wants to be with me, same this Midgard, then I met this women who treated me as an equal, she dismissed everything I had done and gave me a chance.”

“Maybe because she knows what it’s like to be the monster.” I looked up into his eyes.  He didn’t say anything else. He just looked at me. His eyes flickered to my lips and then back to my eyes. I took the opportunity to move in for a kiss. At first he didn’t react so I started to move back, but his hands were now on the back of my neck as he pulled me into a kiss. 

“We can be monsters together.” He spoke between kisses. 

“Deal” 

iwasapruneratfaverolles  asked:

PLEASE TELL THE CHILDREN THE STORY OF MS. STUBELS

Grace fuck, why would you invoke her name like that???

Okay, fine, gather round children, buckle up because we’re going on a bumpy ride back to everyone’s collective least favorite place: 7th grade.

Some background: I went to a very small Catholic school. One class per grade (we were the largest with 19 kids), everyone knew each other whether they wanted to or not. Despite basically every teacher and faculty members insistence that we were The Best And Most Special Class In The School and that everyone loved having us, the longstanding 7th grade teacher Mrs. O’Hara decided to retire in the summer of 2008, meaning the school had to find us a new teacher for the upcoming year. This would be like, the first new teacher in the school in a while, and as she was getting the ‘best class’, it was viewed as a Big Deal. Somewhere in like July or August we got a letter announcing Mrs. Stubel, and it came with a list of books to pick for the summer reading, and that was basically all the information we had.

So…the first day of class. She seems nice enough. Very…ditsy, I guess? It was very easy for her to get herself off topic while talking. She constantly paced around the room, never staying in one spot for longer than a second, complaining she has restless leg syndrome. Which like, I’m sure she did, but she was in the middle of introducing herself and then went on a 20 minute tangent about restless leg syndrome without anyone prompting her. It was almost like you could see her scattered thoughts flying around her head.

So anyone, she eventually gives somewhat of an introduction- she had only taught in public schools before, and kept worrying she ‘didn’t know’ how to teach in a Catholic school despite the entire class insisting literally nothing was different, you just teach the curriculum, twice a week we have religion class with Sister Mary King, that’s literally it (she still talked over us in worry), she told us about her kids, she told us about her obsession with Emily Dickinson, stuff like that.

And then she hands us this worksheet.

She’s like, “Oh, these are just some basic questions for you to answer! Just so I can get to know you guys better!” like in lieu of an icebreaker game, which is fine, but…the questions. The questions were all “What is your most haunting fear?”, “What is your deepest regret?”, “Have you ever experienced the pain of loss?”, “What was your worst injury?”, “What was your worst nightmare?”, all questions like that, and then on the back she wanted us to draw a gravestone and write out what we wanted our epitaph to be.

We were twelve year olds, mind you.

Oh my God and one girl missed the first day because of her grandmother’s funeral, so when she came the next day and saw what the teacher was insisting she do for homework, she almost had a panic attack? And the lady still made her do it? Literally who wants to think about death anymore at a time like that omfg.

Okay, so then we get to the summer reading book reports, right? Now, she had given a list of maybe, 20 books that you could pick from, read it, and then present an oral report on it. You had to have notecards and you had to be able to answer questions from the class at the end. All in all, I’ve had worse projects.

So, on this list, she apparently put Madeleine L’Engle’s entire book series on the list…only she did not make it known that this was a series and not multiple stand alone books, so when reports started up it caused mass-panic of kids trying to put together plot points and make connections on what the hell they had read.

I was the only kid in the class who had chosen to read “A Wrinkle In Time”, and that has since lead to a series of events that…really actually scares me, I’m still incredibly freaked out, I’m not going to get into it right now because it’ll take away from the current story, but just know that I’m not above wondering if it only happened because I read the book for Stubel.

Anyway, so like, I got through the report okay. The class asking questions about it was fine, but the teacher kept asking questions that didn’t make sense, like, at all. My friend Angie has always had super neat handwriting and Mrs. Stubel got like, obsessed with her notecards and asked if she could borrow them for something. When we got our grades back a few weeks later, Angie had points taken off for not having notecards.

And then her teaching just…didn’t happen. She’d never stay on a topic, she’d always get herself distracted! We were not learning anything. And like, this wasn’t a class of advanced smart kids that loved to learn. By all accounts we should’ve been thrilled. But it got out of hand. It got to points where we had to start teaching lessons to ourselves, asking teacher from other grades for help, always coming home in tears, complaining constantly to our parents and the principal because this woman wasn’t teaching us anything. There were two kids who asked her multiple times for extra help, and she told them each time to ‘talk to me after school’, but then she’d leave immediately after school so they wouldn’t be able to talk to her. They finally brought up the issue in the middle of class and she had a breakdown, yelling about how nobody ever thinks that maybe the teacher has a lot of work to do, and maybe she’s entitled to taking off early, but when we tried to argue she shouldn’t schedule meetings and then break them off in the name of relaxation, she stormed out of the room and tried to get the principal to give us detention. (Which, like, our school didn’t even do, and she was the only one in the wrong during this situation) We are still in September at this point, and already at least ten kids have parents considering transferring them to another school. (And remember, there was only 19 of us, and most of the class had been together since preschool, so that was a big deal).

Then, she starts coming in with all the weird bruises. All the Moms™ immediately started gossiping that her husband had to be beating her, and that’s why she was so screwy in the head. But the way she talked about her husband made it seem like he *might* be dead, and we actually did witness her fall and smack her head into a doorknob once, so no one really knew what to believe. (Also, I’m not trying to imply that abuse would make someone crazy or ‘damaged’ or anything, this is just what was being said. I think they were trying to turn her into a more sympathetic character, because if you feel sorry for her you don’t have to hate her for frustrating your kids so much, and Hate Is A Bad Emotion.)

Also…this woman and Emily Dickinson.

She talked about Emily Dickinson every chance she could get. None of us knew who Emily Dickinson really was before she got there and you could see in her mind it was a capitol offense. She found out the curriculum didn’t have room to cover her (because like, we had a text book), and was way too upset about it. She started reading her poems whenever she found the time (usually somewhere in history class), and always gave us very detailed accounts about her dressing up as Emily and reading her poetry at the library.

Now, two things to note here:

  1. The library did not hire her to do this. She would literally just get in the mood, put on an Emily Dickinson costume that she made by herself, drive to different libraries, and just read poetry out loud to everyone there until someone eventually asked her to leave.
  2. The way she described these events…her tone, the look on her face, her posture…you could just tell that she was getting some sort of sexual gratification out of this? Like dressing up as Emily Dickinson in public and reading her sad poems is really what got this lady’s jollies rocking? Got her all hot and bothered? Which is…a lot, but why would you tell a bunch of seventh graders about it holy shit. What about that sounds like a good idea! What about that turns you back on!

So anyway, we learned a lot about Emily Dickinson against our will.

One of the Davids™ was reading a book for pleasure- which shouldn’t have been a shocker, a lot of kids always had books on them, but Stubel got really interested and asked if she could borrow it from him. He was like ‘sure, after I finish it?’ but she took it that day. He asked her for it back for like five weeks straight.

And…the strudels.

Okay, so the school was trying some dorky thing to promote ~togetherness~ or some virtue or something, I don’t remember the specifics of why, but each class had to make a huge themed poster and hang it on the wall outside the classroom. Which was like, whatever, not the most thrilling project but at least it allowed us to be productive vs just sitting there as the teacher runs about the room rambling about her family vacation from four years ago. Mrs. Stubel decided we needed a quirky nickname and after like three days of deliberation we were christened “Stubel’s Special Strudels”!

(points for alliteration or whatever, but no one actually voted for that and what exactly do strudels have to do with Catholicism? It became a big running joke amongst the kids)

Also, in case you were wondering, she didn’t explain the assignment correctly to us- so every other class had like these beautiful, artistic, well-themed and put together posters, while ours was just…literally a bunch of shit thrown together on paper. Nothing fit with each other, it was literally embarrassing to look at.

But then…she wouldn’t drop the strudel thing. Like she kept bringing it up. She got really into strudels and would just tell us random shit about them. Finally, someone jokes that we should get strudels one day for a party (like instead of a pizza party), and she’s Freaking Out and On Board. She really wants to buy us strudels and have a breakfast party now. She talked about it for like two days straight.

So like… you know in school when you would have a pizza party, usually the teacher would buy it? That’s how they always happened in my experience (not counting the last day of 10th grade when some kid had pizza delivered to the school for lunch but it didn’t get there until math class lol). But especially in grade school? Like if it wasn’t a PTA made party that’s super organized, the school would buy the food, right? Right?

Yeah, so she was like, if this is happening you guys need to give me the money. Just give me the money and then I’ll pick them up on my way to work!! And after some arguing some kids are on board. Strudels should only cost a couple dollars right?

And she’s like, oh no, I’m gonna get them from this high end bakery near my house so it’ll be special, but they’re not cheap and it’ll be a big order! I’m gonna need like fifteen dollars from each of you!

And at this point I’m just like…lady. Come on. 

But she keeps insisting. She’s not gonna go until every student in class pays up.

And I’m like…I’m poor. I don’t even like strudel.  And some of the less-naïve kids are siding with me.

And then she pulls that “you guys are just spoiling all the fun for your classmates” shit, like the naïve kids who already paid up, so it gets to the point where we just gotta cave and give her the money.

(I ended up stealing it out of my Crazy Bitch Aunt’s wallet so it’s whatever, I guess.)

And then of course, shockingly enough, every morning she was met with “where are the strudels?” and every morning she went wide eyed, slapped her forehead and yelled in embarrassed horror “I totally forgot! Tomorrow, guys, I promise!”

Honestly, with how scatterbrained and confused she always was…like to this day I can’t tell you with 100% certainty whether she hustled us or was just actually forgetting about the damn pastries, I choose to lean towards the hustled us side because that’s just the type of people I’m used to, but if I found out it was innocent forgetfulness I wouldn’t exactly be surprised.

She couldn’t handle more than one person talking at a time. Like, we’d have break periods, or group work, or something and all the talking made her go wide-eyed and batty. She’d look overworked and anxious and would be darting around the room trying to do work or something but she couldn’t focus and she’d yell at anyone who tried to talk to her directly. I remember one time she was using this boys desk for something so he asked “where am I supposed to sit?” and she snapped “Sit on the ceiling for all I care!”. And this kid was the Class Clown™ , so he immediately grabbed a chair in one hand and started climbing the bookcase to try and reach the ceiling. She’s standing right next to this and doesn’t even notice. He got all four chair legs planted on the ceiling and was trying to somehow maneuver his way into the chair (I really don’t know what the plan was exactly- he was really tall and it was a small building, so I think he probably had the idea that if he can get his body upside down and in the chair, and stretch out his arms like a hand-stand to hold onto bookcase, he could arguably sit on the ceiling.) but he slipped. Crashed into my desk and the two desks next to me, knocked over the book case, broke the chair in half and hit the desks with enough force to knock them down lower. It was hilarious. Everyone was loosing their shit cracking up (he was fine) and it still took Stubel like five minutes to notice his lying out across the desks right in front of her eyes. She was pissed but how did she miss any of it in the first place? She was barely being helpful in whatever it was she was trying to do.

This was the year the Phillies were going to the World Series, and all the grades were having a Phillies Rally in the cafeteria so a news crew was coming to the school and each class was supposed to come up with fun little cheers for them to broadcast. Multiple cheer ideas were presented to her and she vetoed all of them, someone even suggested just singing the damn eagles theme song with replaced words and calling it a day but she vetoed that too, she was very adamant that she could come up with a cheer all by herself and it’ll be the best one (whoever had the best cheer was winning like an ice cream day or something idk). And then like…literally five minutes before the rally she just hands us signs with the letters and was like ‘we’re just gonna spell out Phillies it will be cute won’t it my strudels???’. We were the weakest class there, predictably. I think we lost to the kindergarteners. There might still be a video online of me yelling “ i “ passionately at the top of my lungs. It was online bc our cheer was so bland the news crew cut it out of the broadcast.

I literally can’t say enough about how she never taught us anything. She’d be going on some tangent about how she doesn’t understand the science behind skiing, and I’d be like “Okay yes but please can you just tell me where Romania is on a map???” And she’d start fights whenever someone actually wanted to learn. It was so easy to get her angry but so hard for her to stay on topic. Kids started teaching the class themselves! Like seriously, she’d be rambling and one of us would just go up to the podium, open the teacher’s guide textbook and just start reading out loud and talking over her. By the time she noticed we’d be halfway through a lesson. And we understood it better than when she tried! You know something’s wrong when pre-teens are more qualified for a job than an adult who supposedly went to school for this.

We were in the church having run-throughs for our upcoming Confirmation and she almost set the church on fire…fifteen different times. In less than half an hour. How hard is it to hold a candle?

Okay, and here’s when stuff starts kicking up. It was October 28th, a Tuesday, and it was our last day of school that week because they were having parent-teacher conferences the rest of the week. So we were just hanging out, watching movies in class and reading (lord knows we weren’t learning), and Stubel calls me over to her desk.

So like, she had given everyone little bags with candy for Halloween, but I get up there and she hands me an extra one. And she’s like “Molly I know your birthday is tomorrow and I bought you a present but I left it on my coffee table this morning by accident! So just have the candy for now!”

And I’m like….”Ma’am I’m like, the sixth birthday this year. You didn’t give anyone else presents?”

And she goes “Oh, I know but this is a special secret surprise. I just know you’re gonna love it! Do you wanna stop by my house later this week to pick it up or should I just give it to you Monday after school?”

And like…In writing this sounds like a non-threatening exchange, and like, it was, but I felt so uncomfortable holy shit. I’m looking over my shoulder and shooting my friends SOS signals. Something about this felt so weird in my gut omfg. I told her thanks and I’d just see her Monday.

So we flash forward to Wednesday- my 13th birthday, the day the Phillies won the world series, and also the day my mother innocently strolled into the school for her meeting only to be met with screaming, the sound of heavy destruction, and the school secretary Mrs. Daily running at her in a panic, waving her arms and yelling “YOUR MEETING IS CANCELLED YOUR MEETING IS CANCELLED GET IN MY OFFICE NOW!”

So my poor mother, who thought she could handle this whole meeting in a few minutes and barely be an hour late for work, is now barricaded in the front office with the school secretary, as the noises from down the hall get louder and louder. The woman explains that they had gotten so many complaints about Mrs. Stubel that this morning, when she got to the school, the principal Sister Patricia called her in and said “Listen, we need you to be professional and still have the parent conferences, but we have to let you go. We just don’t think you fit in well here, and the kids need to come first and feel comfortable in their school.” and like, I’m paraphrasing because I wasn’t there, but we all know she was very polite and professional about it.

Mrs. Stubel, however…was not.

She flipped her chair and stormed out of the office, and locks herself in the seventh grade classroom. She started wrecking the shit out of that place, screaming obscenities and the top of her lungs, they had to call the cops on her! She was locked in there for almost an hour! And let me just give you a nice little list of everything she did in that classroom:

  • Smashed three windows.
  • Threw everything off her desk and carved swear words all over it.
  • Got cleaning fluid that she knew would damage the chalk boards, smeared it all over.
  • Cracked the chalk boards by repeatedly smashing chairs against them.
  • Wrote swear words all over the walls and on desks
  • Went into students desks, ripped up their books.
  • Stole my glasses. (which were in my desk bc I only used them in class at the time)
  • Threw some desks around.
  • Carved swear words into the boards. (there was so much carving I’m assuming she just had a knife on her person, which has to lead to the question, did she have a knife on her while she was in class with us?)
  • Physically ripped the hooks to hang backpacks on out of the wall.
  • Knocked the closet door off it’s hinges.
  • Ripped up all the books in the bookcases and threw their pages all around the room.
  • Wrote lewd phrases inside student’s desks.
  • Broke multiple chairs.
  • Used her podium as a battering ram against the wall that’s in front of where the backpacks go. (the wall won but Damage Was Inflicted)
  • Set a fire in the trash can.
  • When the principal and other teachers started trying to get in, she tossed her rolling chair at the door to scare them off.
  • She was screaming curse words at the top of her lungs the entire time, and cursing the school and the kids and the principal and the church in general, and the school building was small, so all the parents and the smaller children that had to come to the meetings (who were locked in their respective classrooms in fear) heard everything.
  • So much more? But it’s 4:30 in this morning and this list is already long.

So my mom is in the front office and deadass the

entire police force

shows up, running down the hallway to the classroom yelling at her to stop, and it takes a while for them to get her out holy shit. They knocked down the door and she tried to escape out of one of the broken windows! But they got her and dragged her out.

So of course, in such a small school with very involved parents this shit spread like wildfire. The entire town knew within the day. The poor principal called the newly retired old-seventh grade teacher and was like “So we…need some help” and the lady was like “I already heard I’ll be there Monday” omfg. I remember I got a text from one of my classmates saying “if your birthday wish was for us to be set free from the beast I love you” omfg.

So, we eventually go back to school on Monday and everyone’s buzzing. The principal has us go to the cafeteria and she ‘delicately’ explains the situation, and that the old teacher is coming out of retirement for us, the school has a restraining order against Mrs. Stubel now and that she’s sorry we had to deal with this mess. Our classroom had to go under some heavy reconstruction before we could be let back in there, so for like two weeks we alternated between the cafeteria and the preschooler’s classroom, we had no books or anything, just provided loose-leaf paper and pens. It was like, surreal, but everyone was just so happy to be rid of her and to be in the presence of a competent teacher omfg. We eventually were able to get back into our usual classroom.

  1. It took a while for things to go completely back to normal, though. After the big spectacle she made, for weeks after she was fired we were all very scared of the possibility of Mrs. Stubel returning to the school with a gun in hand. It was always a topic we whispered about at lunch with wide eyes and shivers. Like…genuine nightmare scenario.
  2. About two weeks after she was fired, a boy in the back of the classroom gasped loudly during SSR, and when we all looked at him, he whispered in anger “She never gave us our freakin’ strudels!”
  3. About three months after she was fired, we were lined up at the door to go to Library when a few of us looked through the windows and saw something darting through the trees. It was fast and we couldn’t make anything out, so we let it drop. When the class and teacher returned half and hour later, the book she had borrowed months before from one of the boys was sitting on his desk. It was just laying there, the room was silent, nothing had been disturbed…but I have never seen a book look so threatening. People were freaking out. Someone kept insisting that she turned the book into a bomb. No one figure out how she got in the school, and no one could figure out how she got it on the right desk, as we had switched the seating arrangement since she had last been there.  
  4. A full six months after she had left, it was nearing the end of the school year and our class was dicking around during our last computer class. Someone found a website (that we weren’t allowed to be on) that pulls up any police records attached to whoever’s name you enter, so someone decided to search Mrs. Stubel as a joke. We ended up finding out she had like six DUI’s.

Aaaaand that’s the story of the horrendous teacher I had for two months in 7th grade. One of my favorite party stories but tbh she still haunts me™ .

rising signs when drunk
  • Aries: loud af, super fun, changes the music and dances by themselves, sometimes a bit of a dick (in the BEST WAY POSSIBLE), makes everyone dance with them, the one usually to come up with an idea to ride down a hill on some cardboard they found (SO FUN), probs will steal a sign
  • Taurus: probs drunk eating or hanging out in the kitchen, always on the look out for food or a snuggle, really well dressed and presented, super touchy and affectionate (often they're not super affectionate), SUPER giggly lmao, almost a mom-friend but if you're not a CLOSE friend they rly will not give a fuck, will very likely take off their clothes bc they feel so restricted
  • Gemini: giggly as hell, absolute SHIT talker, could probably win a debate with their confidence when drunk, tends to like run away, ditzy and off the planet entirely, somehow manages to talk with everyone at the party, doesn't really remember their names, accidentally flirty but only bc they are on their own level
  • Cancer: Super mom-friend if you're a close pal, will not give a fuck if you're not close, really loves food, tends to be super fun and captivating, really social and flirty, doesn't take it anywhere though so when it gets more than flirty they kinda just... leave that situation, can get offended rly quickly but also as quickly is laughing in the centre of the room
  • Leo: the organiser, lights up the party when they walk in, everyone is playing drinking games around them, always dressed on-POINT, laughs really loud, NEVER empty handed, always chatting to a group of people really animatedly, will find/swap clothes with someone by the end of the night, first one to get everyone to do shots for the night, forward rolls away from a bad convo, life of the party
  • Virgo: tries to look after everyone at first, makes sure they're comfortable, really sweet and caring, then gets absolutely smashed, talks shit and gets super direct, tells people they're wrong and corrects them in a hilarious way, doesn't shut up when they get started, makes sure everyone is super drunk and having fun, will be the one to hold back hair even if they just threw up
  • Libra: will touch EVERYTHING, super flirty and huggy, friends with everyone in a charming way, has control of the music ALWAYS and will complain when it's shit, somehow has everyone's details by the end of the night, HILARIOUS, talks really fast when they get excited, makes people chug their drinks and starts a chant off, usually ends up hooking up with someone at the end of a night
  • Scorpio: magnetic as hell, super dark and sarcastic at the beginning, cynical and observes, then decides who the fun people are at a party and gets LOOSE AS HELL, seductive and a smooth talker, will definitely bring someone home with them, gets someone's number, dances on the tables, sings/raps a song surprisingly perfectly, charming and witty, super funny
  • Sagittarius: omg life of the party with leo rising, does literally their own thing 100% of the time, gets on their own buzz entirely, makes a brand new friend group and runs off with them during the night, might just run off in general, makes a speech early in the night, makes the FUNNIEST jokes, can talk about politics and also absolutely nothing within the same conversation, always with a drink
  • Capricorn: witty and observant at first, then comes out of their shell and a completely different side to them emerges, will leave mid convo if it's boring, is sarcastic and loud, starts running around and somehow gets the energy of 5 billion condensed suns, gets really confident, speaks and laughs loudly
  • Aquarius: SOCIAL AS HELL, big arms and wild movements, always dresses so uniquely and cool, deeply involved in all drinking games, always ends up scoring more alcohol somehow (it's often given to them), takes a heap of selfies but immediately deletes them if they look slightly bad, will not ever stop talking
  • Pisces: absolutely wildly silly, laughing super hard on one side, and then mid-conversation sprints into another bc they like what they're talking about more, sometimes has a break where they suddenly get sad or mad, but then immediately reverts back to their cloud 9 state, gets a shitload of energy, meets everyone in the party and almost immediately forgets their name, always gets super drunk, passes out, wakes up and keeps going
the types as bitches i hate in college and also ive had a lot of wine

ESFJ: that social butterfly bitch that doesn’t understand anything ever without asking twelve clarifying questions before you can explain shit, like i was gonna explain that obvious feature of your new iphone in four seconds chris, how about you chill and stop acting like IM the weird one

ISFJ: that boring nice bitch who has probably never had a unique individual thought in their life. they’re like, solely reactionary beings, the true wobbuffets of real life.

ESFP: that crazy bitch whose super weird but everybody likes because theyre just weird enough to be likable but never hangs out with you consistently because theyre too involved with theatre or ecstasy or some shit idk

ISFP: that sarcastic bitch whose somehow still obsessed with fandoms and superwholock and probably owns a horse back home or something

ENFJ: that starry eyed bitch who loves everybody and wants to save the world or some shit, idk, my eyes glazed over a quarter way through your monologue; besides, it all just pans out to you feeling bad about yourself because you can’t live up to the impossible standards you set for yourself anyways so am i really missing anything???

INFJ: that passive aggressive bitch whos always gotta remind you that they’re the most rare mbti type, and act all ethereal and distant and shit when we all know ur a dime a dozen on a college campus anyways

ENFP: that emotionally dead bitch who convinces everybody that theyre not because theyre so enthusiastic and tells you their whole life story the first time you meet them to cause shock and awe but also to get you lowkey emotionally attached

INFP: that sensitive bitch who wants to be a writer or an artist or something but is too obsessed with memes to get very far 

ESTJ: that polysci bitch who runs for class president when everybody knows damn well you don’t do any real anything on campus and the dean regards you with as much contempt as i do

ISTJ: that awkward bitch who knows they’re not that fun so they try really hard to put themselves out there and just makes it awkward and weird for the whole party

ESTP: that loud bitch who gotta be the center of attention all the time and everybody likes for some reason

ISTP: that angry bitch whose a wannabe sociopath and always telling you how much they hate people and want to murder people for, like, literally no reason like calm down edgelord tom.

ENTJ: that problematic bitch who starts shit right at the end of class because success and proving that they know shit is the only thing that makes them feel anything anymore

INTJ: that condescending sarcastic ass bitch that rolls their eyes whenever somebody raises their hand and is probably one dumb question away from bringing a gun to school

ENTP: that annoying bitch who starts arguments in class with everybody because they think its fun or wanna prove they know useless knowledge or logic or some shit idk stanley and idc just stop arguing with the professor its psych 101 and i want to go home

INTP: that quiet bitch who spends the whole party looking around in the corner and asking their friend if they can leave yet and only talks during class to explain something semi useless and tangental to the topic at hand 

TYPES AS FRIENDS (based on my experience, im INFP)

INFJ
> best friend™
> every infp deserve their own infj
> actually L I S T E N and U N D E R S T A N D
> will also read your shitty stories
> looks like they could kill you but are actually cinnamon rolls
> you never know what are they doing right now, like are they looking over their siblings? are they murdering people? they will never tell you and at this point you are too afraid to ask

INTJ
> bitch face™ but actually pretty sensitive inside
> writer buddy™
> ALSO UNDERSTAND
> kinky as fuck
> hidden nerds and fangirls
> kinda judgmental
> have their life together, or at least REALLY LOOK LIKE THEY DO?
> “so I’ve read this fanfic where.. ”

ISFP
> looks like a cinnamon roll and is a cinnamon roll
> 100% pure innocence
> sensitive as fuck (don’t yell at them)
> hurt inside
> anime nerd
> likes cute things
> graphic designer
> worried about you
> very loyal

ENFP
> necessary human being
> light of my life
> always drunk and kissing guys at parties
> always so full of energy
> ARTIST
> favourtie person
> s m i l e

ENFJ
> mom friend
> worried about you
> will bring you food and notes
> always helps your introverted ass
> very emotionally unstable (at least 5 mood swings per second)
> their feelings controll them so much???
> HAS SO MANY FRIENDS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK
> always says that they will organize everything and end up stressed and overhelmed

ISTP
> sends you memes
> on 9gag 24/7
> actuall cinnamon roll with the face of a serial killer
> you are afraid to hug them but when you do the world is a better place
> owes like 5 pairs of Nike Jordans and treats them like their children
> ACTUALLY DANCES SO FUCKING NICE

ISTJ
> smart and awesome
> kinda sad
> best student
> look at you like they judge you but it’s not true (but maybe they do anyway)
> mature and organized

ESFP
> TYPICAL EXTROVERT AND HUMAN BEING
> that white guy™ style
> like they are so funny and annoying at the same time, so awfully annoying
> doesn’t really get anything i say
> good at sports
> will send you outdated normie memes

INTP
> 0 scial skills
> probably from the different dimension
> what are they doing? what are they thinking? ??
> you show them a game and check on them a week later and they are like 50+ lvls stronger than you
> same goes for tv shows
> pretty innocent
> just allow them to patronize you, or they will get hurt
> either Fashion Icons or completly random clothing, no in-beetween

ESFJ
> cool kid
> not that cool tho, just another copy of the copy
> with the “cool” squad in the middle school
> afraid to be seen as weird
> remember all the embarrassing things you did
> actually pretty funny
> dumb and intelligent at the same time

Don’t take it personally, lol

The Signs as things Tom Holland has done/said
  • Aries: the whole lip sync battle performance, crashes rdj's interview wearing sunglasses
  • Taurus: hates spiders but only the small ones, brings his dog Tessa to random interviews
  • Gemini: "my nickname is Dutch because holland=dutch", literally can't keep his mouth shut and spoils all of Sony/Marvel's secrets
  • Cancer: can sing but is super shy about it, went to a party dressed up as spiderman only it wasn't actually a costume party
  • Leo: "I'm under strict instructions not to swear but I can't help it because I'm British", spends his free time doing flips in his backyard
  • Virgo: has called multiple people "darling" during interviews, can't properly pronounce crossaint
  • Libra: really hates quinoa, made people cry with That Scene under the rubble
  • Scorpio: takes his little brothers to premieres and the gym and is overall a good sibling, can't touch his toes
  • Sagittarius: hair always looks really fucking good no matter what, is creeped out by cats
  • Capricorn: moves into an apartment five minutes away from his family, cut his hand washing dishes
  • Aquarius: brings Harrison everywhere because they are pretty much attached at the hip, "with great power comes great lattes"
  • Pisces: visits kids in hospitals dressed as spiderman and is super nice and sweet to all of them, broke his nose proving he could do a flip in the middle of a jungle

being physically sick when you have mental illness is so odd because i am positive, always, that people will treat me the same way. i assume i’m not bad, because others have been worse, i tell very few people, i apologize for the inconvenience. i say of diagnosed illnesses: i’m faking it. it’s not bad. i don’t want to be annoying.

and it is strange to me. i get tired quickly because my lungs aren’t working - people go out of their way to help me, let me sit down, tell me not to worry. i get tired because my brain isn’t working - people ask why i’m being difficult, why i can’t just drink a coffee. 

i cough and i wheeze and people fawn over me. they offer me cough drops, they pull tissues from sleeves. when i stop eating and showering i’m being selfish, i’m lazy. i apologize for not wanting to go to the party, i’m on antibiotics and can’t drink; i’m told they’ll miss me, i get people staying home with me. i apologize for not wanting to go to the party, i’m spiraling and drinking wouldn’t be good for me; i’m told to relax and stop taking things seriously.

i show up to work wheezing. my lungs sound like a door creaking. i am shooed home, told to take off all the time i need. i never tell my boss i have ocd and am sometimes late for counting. admitting this seems personal, embarrassing. when i am having a bad day, i show up to work and people ask why i’m being so distant. so annoying. they drop their voice when they say depression but bring me green tea to help my breathing.

people ask if i’m feeling better. they fuss over me. they ask if they can bring soup, do anything. 

people ignore it. they ask if i’m over it yet. they tell me it’s a phase, it’s passing. they say they were sad once, it’s not serious, and i should stop making everything about me.

i don’t let people take care of me. i don’t know how. i don’t trust them. in my life, when i am bad, they leave. when my body is failing, i assume the same thing. 

i’m sorry i’m difficult. i just don’t understand people trying.

Papi-Chulo-Bucky Masterlist!

SERIES:

Let’s Pretend (NSFW) - Tony finds a website of two shape shifting mutant pornstars who make their living impersonating the Avengers on their website and decides to show the team. - FINISHED

Delta (NSFW) [A/B/O] Reader is a rare being in the a/b/o cycle and finds herself along side the Avengers. She manages to hide her true nature successfully until she catches the eye of a certain blue eyed super soldier. -FINISHED

Alpha (Delta Sequel) (NSFW) -  After the events of Delta, Reader and Bucky’s comfortable life is put to an halt when an unknown threat comes to New York. (If you haven’t read Delta, please read that first.)

Panic Cord - Reader is a blind person living in New York, when one day she’s saved by a mysterious man with a metal arm who shows her that seeing isn’t always believing.*This story is currently on hiatus until further notice*

All American Asphyxiation (NSFW) - Reader convinces Bucky into a Dom/Sub relationship in order to help each other form stability in their lives. - FINISHED

Haunting Me (NSFW) - Reader is a normal young adult living in New York, but little does she know that she’s a reincarnation of the long lost Bucky Barnes’ fiance from the 1940′s. What happens when she runs into Steve in 2012? Most importantly, what happens when she runs into The Winter Soldier? (Bucky x POC Reader)

Siniy Reader is an Avenger, but unlike them, she’s not a demi god, millionaire, super soldier, or a science experiment. She’s got a whole other dilemma: she’s not of this world. Things happen, and she finds herself on the run with Team Cap in Bucharest, along with catching the eye of Bucky Barnes. *This story is currently on hiatus until further notice*

ONE SHOTS:

Nicknames (NSFW) -  Reader tells the team of her cute little nickname for a certain super soldier.

Demonstrate (NSFW) Part 1|Part 2 -  Reader is a newbie pornstar, about to take on her first gig at Stark Industries. When she learns she’s working with porn legend Bucky Barnes, she’s in for a wild ride.

It’ll Last Longer (NSFW) -  After being gifted a Polaroid camera, Bucky becomes infatuated with taking pictures. Reader finds out that Bucky likes to take pictures of her, leading them to discovering Bucky’s camera kink.

Pursuit of Happiness - After witnessing your boyfriend Bucky’s struggle with anxiety, you take it upon yourself to help him by any means necessary.

Dazed and Confused - Reader suffers a traumatic event that leads to her having insomnia. Tony offers her a certain “herbal solution” which leads to a very unexpected result. 

Reminisce - Bucky and his son reminisce about your relationship, which leads your son to revealing a big secret to his father. 

Bad Things (NSFW) - For her twenty first birthday, Reader’s friends take her to a male strip club in hopes of giving her a good time. When the most famous dancer there, The Winter Soldier offers her a private dance, things get heated.

Daddy’s Girl (NSFW) - Reader brings Bucky back home to her hometown for Christmas to take the next big step in their relationship: meeting your family. After arriving early, you decide to have some fun with your boyfriend. What happens when you guys realize you’re not the only ones home?  

Or Nah (NSFW) Reader and Bucky are doing their routine workout before an extremely important mission, which doesn’t go as planned when Bucky shows her his own little playlist he made.

Crowd Pleaser  - At one of Tony’s fabulous parties, you get drunk as a skunk and decide to twerk on Bucky Barnes after being persuaded by the team.

Promiscuous Boy - Reader and Bucky share a very heated dance after consuming way too many drinks at Tony’s party, which leads to a very surprising ending.

I Miss You  (NSFW) - After weeks of being apart from your boyfriend, Bucky, the distance become a bit too much for you to handle.

Toxic (NSFW) - After growing tied of you an Bucky’s reluctance to ask each other out, Nat takes measures into her own hands. (Reader x Bucky x Natasha)

Shiver (NSFW) - After a mission goes bad, Reader and Bucky are forced to take shelter during a snowy night. What happens when you show symptoms of hypothermia?

REQUESTS:

Beggin’ For Thread (NSFW) - Reader steals some of Bucky’s boxers during laundry day. But when he goes to her for comfort from a thunderstorm, he gets a pleasant surprise.

Beware (NSFW) - Reader is a failed test subject of the Winter Soldier project. After Alexander Pierce orders him to be given to Asset One, Reader is forced to share a cell with the Winter Soldier himself. (Male Reader x Bucky Barnes)

And I Drove You Crazy (NSFW) - Reader’s bike needs to be repaired asap, leading her to come across an insanely gorgeous mechanic whom she may or may not want to bang the second she lays eyes on him.

Sweet Like Candy (NSFW) - After planning an entire day to spend with you (and confess his feelings towards you) Bucky’s plans are disrupted when Sam steals all of his clothes.

Fire (NSFW) - Reader and Bucky Barnes just don't get along at all. She thinks hes too brooding and a total try hard, and he thinks shes a pampered bitch. After one heated fight on the quinjet that ends up going way too far.

Cherry Bomb  (NSFW) - Reader takes Bucky out for milkshakes, which leads to some very naughtiness when she shows him she can tie a cherry stem with her tongue. 

Body Language (NSFW) - Reader and Bucky have been in a relationship for a while, and she’s ready to take the relationship to the next level. But Reader has a small problem: she’s deaf.

SERIES:

Lying Is The Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off (NSFW)- Reader signs up for an online app similar to Omegle, but little does she know that she’s talking to the one and only Sebastian Stan.

REQUESTS:

Double Tap (NSFW) - After a disappointing night out, Sebastian and Reader have some naughty fun with Instagram Live. 

SERIES:

Holy Ghost (NSFW) - Reader is a wallflower working as a waitress in Los Angeles to pay her tuition. One night, after a heavy flirting session, a mysterious man known as Clay Apuzzo, leaves her a gracious tip, along with his phone number and a note offering her to be his sugar baby.

ONE SHOTS:

The Climb Clay finds the hope he desperately needed right before he nearly loses everything he’s ever wanted.


Writing Prompts/Drabbles

How They Fuck

Dating Zach Dempsey would include :

- lots of PDA, everywhere. He’s not ashamed to show everyone that you’re his, not a all. It doesn’t have to be too sexual though, he just likes to hold your hand or having you close to him

- Him always trying to make you smile

- He’s honestly the cutest dork

- Zach had to beat Bryce’s ass more than once because of his inappropriate comments about you

- Him secretly sneaking in your bedroom pretty much every night and leaving early in the morning after cuddles, causing him to be tired during the whole day at school

- He often missed his trainings because of that

- Being the reason why he often ditches his plans with the guys

- You’re the first person that comes to his mind when he needs to talk

- You’re basically the mom of the boys group

- Telling Bryce that he’ll end up in jail because of all the bullshits he does

- Hanging out a lot with Justin after school because he always makes you laugh which makes Zach extremely jealous

- Zach and the guys were watching the both of you laugh

- When you go ask him what’s up he gives you the silent treatment

- He avoids your gaze, only answers with Hmm.

- You eventually get that he’s jealous and hug him by behind as tightly as you can, and he tries to shove you away but you literally turned into a giant koala

- “(Y/N) stop.“  ”I won’t move unless you tell me what’s wrong

- He loudly sighed

- ”You’re always with Justin.“  ”Awh. Is my baby jealous ?you asked playfully as you kissed his neck, making him turn his head to the side.No. And don’t call me that.“  ”What ? Baby ?you mocked him.Stop.he tried to sound like he was mad.Baby, baby. You’re my baby.He sighed again and bit his lip to hide his smile.God you’re annoying.You snuggled your face in his neck and circled it as you left kisses on his skin. Zach, you’re the only one I’m in love with. You and only you. I love you. you said before leaving a kiss on his cheek. He sighed, smiled and finally took one of your hands and brought it to his mouth before leaving a kiss on it.I love you too idiot.

- Let’s say that the guys wouldn’t stop mocking you after that

- Wearing his jersey and attending all his games

- ”WOOO! THAT’S MY BOY, YOU GO BABY

- Catching all the attention on you doesn’t bother you at all, fuck everyone

- Keeping his little sister with him when his parents are out

- Him watching you in awe as you listen to her sister talking about her friends while she tries to braid your hair

- His sister absolutely loves you and always asks Zach about you

- Zach being pretty sure that you’ll end up married in the future

- You always being there for him, even more when he discovers the tapes

- Receiving drunk texts of him when you can’t be at one of Justin’s party

- You calling Alex and asking him to keep an eye on Zach, just in case he does stupid things

- You’re the one who explains to Justin that Jessica won’t take him back and that you completely agree with her, but that you’ll still be there for him, no matter what

- Justin hugging you really tightly after that and of course, Zach saw it.

- But he quickly calmed down when you tell him why you shared a hug

- Having one of his shirt that you always bring with you on holiday so when you sleep you can smell his scent as if he was with you

- Having tons of adorable, funny, cute, awkward and weird selfies of the other in your phones

- Zach pouted when he discovered the awkward selfie of him as your lock screen but he secretly loved it

- You don’t fight often but when you do it’s like a "let’s see who can hurt the other the most” game

- Which results as you both not talking to the other for a day

- Then he sends you a pic of him with a pouting face with and a “don’t you wanna talk to your favorite idiot? :(” text

- “I love you.” *kiss on your lips* “So” *kiss on your nose* “Fucking” *kiss on your cheek* “Much.” *kiss on your forehead*

- Him being a fool for you

- Bear hugs

- Hands holding

- Unexpected gifts from the both of you

- Helping him preparing his biology tests

- You once offered him your pen that just ran out of ink and said “It reminded me of how empty your brain can be sometimes

- Justin died of laughter that day

- He pouted all day

- You’re just the cutest couple of all times

- Everyone ships you

- You’ve been elected the king and queen of the prom

Originally posted by pitterpratter

–> DATING ALEX STANDALL WOULD INCLUDE <–

–> DATING JUSTIN FOLEY WOULD INCLUDE <–

— ask and you shall receive | pt 1 (m)

pairing— jung hoseok x reader, sugar daddy! hoseok
genre/warnings— smut, lots of oral, slow burn, dirty talk, dom! hoseok
words— 13,865

:: summary— your sugar daddy says you don’t have to sleep with him if you don’t want to…trouble is, you do want to. You’re just nervous and a little inexperienced, but he catches on quick and begins to teach you the true pleasures of sex, and boy, are they good…

 » pt 1 :: pt 2 :: pt 3 :: pt 4

Keep reading

episode one :: Yuuri Katsuki is the most beautiful disaster that Victor has ever met in his entire life, and Victor has built his empire on beautiful disasters.



Victor isn’t sure he knows what he’s doing anymore by the time casting rolls around for season 22 of The Bachelor.  Okay, he knows what he’s doing, but it’s all autopilot.  He’s got a dossier of Chip Vanderbones and Tad Hardbeefs to look at, but is almost resigned enough to just give into Lilia and Yakov’s suggestion to cast Georgi Popovich, notorious histrionic Bachelorette season 10 runner-up, as this season’s lead out of sheer notgivingafuckness.  At this point Victor isn’t even sure whether he really wants to be in this game at all anymore, but what the hell else he would do besides sleep for a thousand years if he retired before thirty?  

And then Phichit Chulanont comes into his office to distract him during a conference call with Yakov to tell him a story about his friend who just crashed and burned at the Figure Skating Grand Prix Finals, and everything click click clicks into place: redemption narrative.  Twenty young men are going for the gold, but only one can win the heart of Yuuri Katsuki– he can hear the promos, see the character arcs unfold, and the narratives rush through him like they’ve always lived inside him and it feels–exciting.  

“Phichit,” Victor says suddenly, interrupting Phichit and grabbing him from across his desk.  “We have to get him.  He’s our next bachelor.”

“Oh my God,” Phichit replies, eyes widening, and then again, “Oh my God.

“Do you think you could get him?” Victor asks.  He’s seeing figure skating dates, thematic destination shoots in Chile and Finland and Iceland, “The Bachelor: Love on Ice” title screen flashing over two champagne glasses on the lip of an outdoor hot tub.  

“Do I think I can get him,” Phichit repeats dismissively, looking the closest to offended that Victor has ever seen him.  “What do you think you hired me for, Nikiforov.”

Keep reading

Lup and Barry have definitely gotten married before, at least several times, but that was with old bodies in old dimensions. It doesn’t count, probably legally speaking. And if Abeir-Toril is going to be their last world they’re going to make their marriage here count. They have lots of experience in getting married, they’re practically experts, they can totally throw the best wedding ever. 

They plan for several years, scientifically analyze their past weddings to identify the best parts of each, invite half the continent, make denim themed invitations. They absolutely over-think things and it’s one part extravaganza one part absolute disaster. 

  • Carey and Killian and Hurley and Sloane have been pen pals for a while and are delighted to finally get to see each other at Lup and Barry’s Matrimonial Party Weekend. The only problem is that it’s cherry blossom season and it turns out Carey is horribly allergic. She sneezes fire onto several drapes, and then both couples spend half an hour staring wistfully at each other until Carey’s allergy meds kick in. 
  • Magnus brings all his dogs. Which, to be fair, he got permission to do, but it’s still a lot of dogs. 
  • Angus brings a date and the entire Bureau of Balance spends the whole time trying and failing at being intimidating, except Magnus who tries to convince them to adopt a dog. 
  • Despite being excessively coached beforehand, Merle still slips up and invokes the power of Pan at the beginning of the vows. Lup and Barry have to go sit in a side room until the holy aura wears off. 
  • Lup drops her bouquet in the rush to get away from the religion. Unfortunately she heavily enchanted it so that when she threw it at the end of the party it would go and bat Kravitz around the head until he grabbed it (Taako wasn’t about to propose and they needed a push, plus it seemed like a good drama note to end the reception on.) It interprets being dropped as being thrown. 
  • Their boss comes. Enough said. 
  • Avi builds a high speed catapult for throwing rice and nearly blinds someone with projectile grains. 
  • They’ve incorporated wedding traditions from seventeen of their favorite planes of reality, which is very cool but also means that everyone who wasn’t on the Starblaster has no idea what’s going on most of the time. 
  • Multiple people need healing by the end of it, it’s incredibly gushy and lovey, and finally Lup and Barry decide to abandon their own party on a Phantom Steed and go get a room at a seedy inn. They take the (five tier, highly decorated) cake with them. 
  • The reception still lasts until 6am without them. 
Each house when: it's their last day at Hogwarts
  • Gryffindor: Does That Stupid But Awesome Thing they held back doing for 7 years like trying to ride the Giant Squid (and they succeed)
  • Hufflepuff: Throw the party of the year in the kitchens with all the other Puffs (Sprout even brings some homemade Butterbeer but shh *wink wonk*)
  • Ravenclaw: Brings a bouquet to Mrs Pince with an apology note for all the times they’ve been late to turn a book in. (They probably still have one in their trunk though).
  • Slytherin: Goes say a super awkward but genuinely respectful goodbye at McGonagall that makes her question her dislike for the house (Snape makes sure she remembers in september though)

you want to paint the underside of your coffin with glow in the dark stars so you’ve got something to look at. when you were in mass last sunday god spoke to you directly and asked you to please stop it. you’ve been trying to stop it.

she’s wearing a red dress that hugs her waist so tight that you picture your hands searching for your sanity somewhere in the folds of that body. between thighs like that. is this objectifying her? you worry to yourself, smashing lipstick on.

your head already hurts, and there’s a girl who is puking in the corner. you ask her if she needs anything, and she tells you she likes your dress, and you say thank you do you need water, and she says, it’s okay i’m going to die here, and you say, okay let me bring you water. so you bring her water, even though the other girls look nasty at you when you cut the line. it’s not for me, you try to explain, weakly, over bass that is breaking your eardrums. nobody likes a hero. the girl is surprised you’re back. she spits up daintily, almost neatly, and drinks the water in a single chug. she tells you to go back to partying, so you do, because she tells you to.

where the hell is your friend. it’s not like she promised she’d stay next to you but here you are and here she isn’t, which is either rude for both of you or just the average way of things.

nervous hands bring you back to the bar where at least you can linger and pout and think about god, and his hands, and the sun coming up tomorrow on the bones of your body. where if you keep your eyes down and don’t look up you won’t remember that all places of worship are churches and here you are, nursing a vodka tonic you finished five minutes ago, praying about hell while women cagedance not more than six yards from where you sit.

a man in a suit - an honest-to-god suit - comes up to you. the cloth is powder blue. he asks if you want a drink. you don’t. you say yes because your mother taught you not to turn down free things. he orders you something you don’t like and you lean across the bar and tell the bartender nicely that unless he wants you to die you will be drinking a shot of fireball and nothing else, thank you. the bartender says, i don’t want you to die.

you don’t say, okay, but, what if someone would finally let me die. that’s dark. that’s something you stow for your friend who has a good enough sense of humor.

you smile at the man, take the shot, wave at him, ask him to come dance, melt away into the crowd with that ability you learned somewhere in high school. now you’re alone again and can’t go back to the bar because the man will be looking. you remember you’ve got a phone finally.

you ask your friend where she is. she doesn’t reply coherently, but you like the addition of the cat emoji.

some terrible part of you slips into your skin now, the ache of wanting out. so you go out.

and there’s the girl in the red dress.   

you feel yourself choke like a car engine and it’s gosh dang embarrassing.

she’s laughing, blowing smoke up at the building. a man is standing next to her, but she makes eye contact with you. you ask her if she’s willing to bum you one. you’ve never smoked in your life and you’re terrified of them like guns. she nods and slips you a clover. you don’t let your hands shake in the glow of the lighter, only after, only when she smiles at you and asks you how you’re doing.

how am i doing? i’m very lonely and i think god abandoned me and it feels like a train wreck inside me. i feel myself reversing. my headlights are going out. tomorrow already hurts.

instead you shrug and say something inconsequential. you say, that’s a nice dress. even manage to keep how hard your heart is pounding out of it.

isn’t it? asks the man. you now remember he’s here. you have the urge to smoke suddenly. inhale deeply.

sorry to bother you, you say, just got too loud in there.

she nods, looking at you, mouth in a pretty smile. not bothering, she says, it’s okay. want to go back in with me?

her outstretched hand is soft and cold. you drop the clover. once inside she shouts over the music to you about how men are creeps. her lip touches your ear while she speaks. her hand doesn’t leave yours. she pulls you to the dance floor. your heart feels like a carousel.

she dances. your throat is dry. she takes your other hand and makes you dance with her, a silly little twisting thing. your palms are sweaty and she is laughing. she leans in to speak with you, pressing up against your body. there is lightning shooting out over your skin. she smells like roses. her hair seems soft.

she’s whispering something and for a second, the sound of corroding stops in your brain. like the train finally derailed and now it’s dead and can leave you out of it. like stuff gets quiet even though you’re drunk in public on a friday night.

so this is worship, then, you think.

you say, sorry, and she says ? for what? and you can’t speak.

when she turns around, you leave.

Originally posted by knightlley

turning me on | jeff atkins

anon request: can i request a jeff atkins imagine with #8 and #33? maybe jeff took his girlfriend (reader) to a party with him and you could take it from there. thank you!

8) “you’re turning me on.”

33) “come sit on my lap.”

warnings: fluff, almost smut

a/n: ok but that gif is so hot. FIRST IMAGINE OF MY BBY <3

Keep reading

Why the Signs Are Great

Aries: They’re exciting and funny, and they bring the life to any party. People are always inviting them places because they love their fun energy. 

Taurus: They’re someone that can be depended on. They’re organized and reliable, and for people who feel their lives are just a mess, that’s very comforting. 

Gemini: They will always be real with you. They don’t sugar coat things, and even though that sometimes hurts, not everyone will be that honest. 

Cancer: They’re loyal to their friends, and they really care for them. They truly want their friends to be happy, and they’re always giving advice or a helping hand. 

Leo: Their enthusiasm and big ideas are a beacon of hope for some. They’re strong, magnetic leaders, and people believe good things will come if they follow them.  

Virgo: They’re trustworthy. People know they’ll always be honest, and they find their opinions and their word to be reliable, so they seek them out in times of confusion.

Libra: They’re so understanding. They don’t judge, and they make people feel special, important. They won’t be combative or put them down. 

Scorpio: They’re insightful and intuitive. People always want to know what they’re thinking because they have a unique understanding of human nature and others’ motivations.

Sagittarius: They’re optimistic and always there to help out should something go wrong. They’re honest about the situation, but always know how to put a positive spin on things. 

Capricorn: They’re forceful and decisive. People know that they can be trusted to get the job done, and get it done well. They’re always rational and logical, even when everyone else is freaking out.

Aquarius: They’re eccentric and progressive. They’re always coming up with new ideas, and people love how honest, open, and clever they are.

Pisces: They give people their undivided attention. They’re great listeners, very social, and they always have the right words, as well as a certain kind of intuition. 

JUNE 8TH UK SNAP ELECTION

This is not a drill

The Tories are planning to carry out a snap election to determine leadership for the next four years. It has been almost 40 years since we last had one and they are often called by the ruling party in a time that they believe is best for them in order to galvanize their position in government.

This is based on their own interpretation of public opinions and chances of victory. In other words, they are very confident of 4 more years of Tory oppression.

But we CAN prove them wrong!

Please, make sure to spread the word, make sure people are registered to vote and keep up to date with policies and mandates that will be put forward.
Its only day one and already things are firing up, so lets keep that momentum and bring about some goddamn change for the better here.

Malec Fanfic Rec!

Malec writing goodies from amazing writers.These are some golden works

4 times Alec almost said I love you, and the one time that he actually did by sufferingbisexual

Alec realized he was in love with Magnus. However when will he be able to actually tell him.

Across the Hall by clato27

“'She looks just like your wife,’ Magnus said, offhandedly. His gaze tore back to Alec when he heard the other man choke on the coffee he was drinking. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, are you two not married.’ 'Uh, no,’ Alec said after recovering from his coughing fit. 'Izzy is my sister.'”

Aka, the “I fell in love with the pregnant girl across the hall’s brother” AU.

Addicted To You by @imawriteriwrite

Magnus Bane’s the head of his own company. Alec Lightwood is in his last year of law school. They’ve never met but have one thing in common: neither does relationships. Just one night stands. That is until they find themselves matched on a hookup app and suddenly one night is not enough.

Also known as the one where Magnus and Alec meet and think they can have no strings attached sex and not develop feelings.

Alecs Husband by NotEvenThat

Max misses Alec and finally demands that he go with Alec and his friend.. Even if Mom says no.

Amor Aeternus by @lolguess

In a world where the Clave encourages soulbonding you would think Magnus and Alec have it easy.

And Then I Met You by @everydayfandom

Sometimes someone comes along and throws you of your life path. And sometimes that’s not such a bad thing.

Bibliophile by @dorkberto

Despite what his sister thinks about his non-existent love life, Alec is not in danger of an oncoming descent into recluse crazy cat owner. For one; Church would eat his competitors for Alec’s undivided attention and two; Alec’s a little hung up over Magnus Bane.

Blue storm by @dorkberto

Ragnor was gone.

Ragnor was gone

Bright Lights, Small Town by @lecrit

When Magnus gets to Nashville, Indiana to handle his late mother’s will, he doesn’t expect to be forced to stay there for six months. Six months away from New York and lost in the wildness of the countryside.

It quickly appears that he is going to go through six months of living hell.

The fact that he hates the local veterinarian on sight isn’t helping.

Broken Arrows by @gibberish10

Over his parabatai’s missing, Alec lashes out at everyone, including Magnus Bane, his warlock lover.

Come Undone by @gibberish10

No one has asked him how he felt, but Alec did.

Complete Me by Maleciseverything

“What one loves in childhood stays in the heart forever.” -Mary Jo Putney

Drop It Like It’s Hot by @janoda

Alec tries to deal with people behaving differently since the wedding. He hadn’t counted on Dylan from Accounting.

Fusion by prfctdaze

Magnus gets the surprise of his life when he walks in to Jade Wolf.

Happy Birthday, Beautiful by @themagnusbane

The thing about having lived for centuries is that birthdays are no longer such a big deal. A pity no one told that to Magnus Bane’s party extraordinaire boyfriend: Alec Lightwood.

Hold me tightly by Tchell1

“I thought you had died, Alexander” Magnus finally said as a way of explaining himself “I saw you die”

Hypnotise by highlytrainedfangirl

Alec had a problem. One that was wrapped up in exquisite clothing and dusted in glitter. Alec was quickly realising that being around Magnus was terrible for his composure. Ignoring the fact that he could barely string a sentence together without tripping over his words, he’d discovered a new distraction: magic.

I found God but it wasn’t supposed to be by @intangibel

After closing a particularly spectacular legal case Magnus sends Ragnor a celebratory text only to find himself the victim of autocorrect and having to explain to a very handsome angel (Alec) that he isn’t God, no matter how much he wishes he was right now.

In The Cards by Obssesivecompulsivereadr

Magnus wore cardigans and baggy slacks. He owned two cats, and he lived in a home more suitable for an elderly mundane woman for a reason. He was to remain boring and unsuitable for most associations with people. He did not like attention, no matter how positive it might be. He was to seem eccentric and weird. Living a life focused on magic that was supposed to not exist.

Into You by @darrenchristsupastar

Alec has more layers than we may have previously thought

It’s Time To Lose Your Virginity, Brother Dearest by @themagnusbane

Magnus Bane is a famous stripper, used to pretty boys falling in love with him after one dance. The feeling is hardly ever mutual. But when he meets the freshly turned twenty-one year old Alec lightwood, he can’t take his eyes off him, and they find themselves in love quicker than they expected.

Looking at him by @jainsel-and-the-ships

Alec Lightwood is in love with his best friend and colleague Jace.
Jace is straight and at the moment he’s dating this Clary girl. Alec is certain it won’t last, as all his friend’s previous relationships.
Then there’s Magnus Bane, another co-worker and a man who sure knows how to make Alec feel embarrassed.
Something’s going on between Alec and Magnus.
Something’s going on between Jace and Clary too…

Magic and Rum by NotEvenThat

Shortly after the party, Magnus finds Max in the kitchen.

Make a home out of you by @thealmostrhetoricalquestion

“There is a delicate system in place and you are destroying it, Alexander Lightwood. Unhand my pants.”

“Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear you say. You’re usually encouraging me to put my hands on your pants.”

Morning hair by @lollylokoala

While Magnus was completely aware of the effect Alec had on him, he didn’t know that a tiny little detail in Alec’s morning look could make his heart skipped a beat.

My Heart Smiles by pseudofoucault333 

Magnus is an interior designer who is dreading going to his yearly Christmas party and Alec a waiter who has dealt with more than enough Christmas cheer to last a lifetime. But when the two set eyes on the other across a crowded restaurant are they going to be destined for more when the festive season is over?

My True Love Gave To Me by @imawriteriwrite

Magnus Bane had a plan, a perfect Christmas Eve just like always. Hang out with his friends, bask in the Christmas Spirit. Then everything went wrong.

Now he’s stuck reliving the same day again and again and again. The bright side? Maybe Alec Lightwood isn’t as terrible as Magnus always thought.

Never Stand Between Two Mirrors by @oncethrown

Alec has enough on his plate right now. His parents are furious at him, Magnus Bane is making him feel things he’s trying so hard not to feel, his wedding is coming up, and his world is breaking apart.What he doesn’t need is a fussy mundane version on himself showing up in the Institute basement. What he doesn’t need is Magnus telling him that they’ll just have to wait for Seelie Magic to suck that version of himself back to his own dimension.But since when does Alec get what he needs?

Alternate Dimension Alec gets trapped in the Shadowhunter reality at some point after the “I know you feel what I feel” scene. The gang desperately tries to stop chaos from ensuing. 

Nothing But A Distraction by @actuallyredorchid

Clary doesn’t sneak away when Alec’s on the phone, so Alec accepts Magnus’ invitation to “go out for a drink”.

Off to a bad start by @fangtasticsaphael

“How did you manage to never run into him? He’s always helping with stuff and he’s even been at the institute about three weeks ago to strengthen the wards against further attacks from Valentine,” she replied and looked at her brother incredulously. Alexander scrunched up his nose and shrugged.

“Well, maybe I have better things to do than waiting around to watch some overrated warlock do magic tricks,” he commented a little defensively but it was the truth. He always had something to do and even when they were not out demon hunting, he had either paperwork to do or train.

“Pardon me, but I’m not just some overrated warlock. I’m the High Warlock of Brooklyn and that title is well deserved, if I may say so. And I’m appalled that you refer to my magic as petty tricks. You Nephilim always act to high and mighty, yet you’re constantly in need of some tricks from overrated warlocks to help you out of some unnecessary dilemma,” a foreign voice interjected and Alec whirled around, fingers instinctively curling around his bow to be ready to attack if need be. The owner of the voice was not what Alexander had expected, to be honest.

Oh lover, hold on by @fireblazie

The mask and goggles clatter to the ground. Isabelle makes a choked noise, and Jace whispers, paper-thin, “Alec?”

Magnus stops breathing as Alec’s gaze—cold, dead, and empty—comes to rest impassively on them.

“Who the hell is Alec?”

(Loosely based on Captain America: The Winter Soldier.)

One Show Only by KouriArashi

It’s hard to stay in the closet when the guy you had a one-night stand with two nights ago turns out to be your new partner … but Alec will be damned if he isn’t going to give it a try.

People say crazy things by @ohlafraise

“But what I don’t get is why Magnus cares so much about a random shadowhunter,” Jocelyn said.

Simon winced. “Oh, boy.”

Pick up lines by Gracefanfics

Admittly maybe using pick up lines in the middle of your brother’s rune party was a bad idea.

Or 
A short fic about Alec not having great timing in using pick up lines on Magnus.

Shooting Pool by @malec-is-pretty

Magnus and Alec go on their date and a simple game of pool gets them a little wound up.

Somewhere safe to finally break by onefootintheboilinghotlava

With the war finally over, Magnus had time to be alone and his mind decided to bring up all the things and people he had lost in the war at once. At his own loft, with his two beloved cats sleeping soundly, Magnus broke down……

Tampons and Concealer? By onefootintheboilinghotlava

So Izzy sent Alec to get tampons and concealer…Alec was standing in the drugstore, not even sure where to begin, when a handsome stranger offered to help.

That’s your cue by @theleftboobgrabber

“Keep your hands to yourself,” Alec tells Magnus apropos of nothing.

Magnus frowns. “I’m on the other side of the table!” he protests… not that he wasn’t thinking about some light groping per say, but they’re in public, Alec might not be into it and, while he’s good at concealing it, Magnus does have manners. Sometimes.

My take on Magnus and Alec’s date.

The Choices of the Chosen by KouriArashi

The day after his 21st birthday, Alec is sent to the demonic court as a gladiator, where he makes both friends and enemies … along with meeting Magnus Bane, who doesn’t seem to fit in either category.

The Only Magic I Believe In (Is The Magic I Receive From Loving You) by @delilahbelle

Or, four gifts Alec gives Magnus.

“No one’s ever done anything like that for me before.”

Alec’s face softens. “Well, I’m going to do it for as long as I’m alive. So get used to it.”

The Second Kiss by @simonseroticfriendfiction

“So here we are.” Magnus said, taking a step closer to Alec.

Alec gulped and took a deep breath in through his nose. “Yeah, here we are.” He squeezed his fingers nervously in his fists as he caught Magnus glancing towards his lips. “I-I suppose you want me to kiss you?” He stuttered, voice faltering.

This Christmas (You’re Someone Special) by vulturemonem 

Last Christmas, Magnus Bane had his heart broken.

Again, and again, and again.

And he didn’t think it would be mended anytime soon. He certainly didn’t think he’d be ready to let anybody in. Until a beautiful boy walks into his shop, and steals his breath with shy glances, kind words, and a fantastic coffee machine.

Maybe this Christmas will be better.

Or: In which Camille is awful, Ragnor and Raphael are an old married couple, and Magnus can’t help but be enamoured by Alec Lightwood.

This Night Is Not Forever by @isabellebiwoods

Alec Lightwood is a happily settled down man in a loving, caring relationship. But things weren’t always that way… and once upon a time, Alec used his Valentine’s Day to celebrate the spirit of the night as much as possible.

aka. world inverted legendary lothario alec lightwood

Too Much is Never Enough by Obsessivecompulsivereadr

They are on opposite edges of the same ideal. Alec so young, and Magnus so much older. Alec a blessed acolyte of the Angel, Raziel. Magnus the abandoned son of the Greater Demon, Asmodeus. Magnus with so much more unimportant and irrelevant experience, and Alec with none. They could not be more different if they tried, and yet, they are also the same. A matched set of uncertainty and inability to accept that someone might want them for exactly who they are.

Top Three by @nebulein

So.” Alec flops back onto the bed, sprawled in a lazy heap on his back, sated and boneless. Magnus is already lying on his belly, basking in the afterglow, and he surreptitiously steals closer, burrowing against Alec’s side. “Best sex of my life.”

Magnus hums, resting his head on his arms, revelling in the thrill those words send through him.

“Or, well,” Alec hazardously waves an arm around, “easily in the top three.”

Magnus giggles. He has no idea where that came from. It’s uncharacteristic for him. Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn is usually much too dignified to giggle. But then Alec turns his head and grins at Magnus, lopsided and loopy but brilliant, oh so brilliant, warming Magnus from the inside out and maybe this is exactly the kind of situation which calls for a giggle, so Magnus will allow it. Just this once.

“How about you?”

Twenty-One-Year-Old Alec Lightwood by Obsessivecompulsivereadr

Alec tries not to want Magnus, but it goes about as well as all those other things Alec’s tried not to want throughout the years. Which is… badly

Warm In Your Light by @actuallyredorchid

It’s far too easy, letting himself be swept away.

(S02E07 missing scene)

We must choose to reach out and touch by Ambros

Magnus holds out his hand, a silver chain running around his middle finger and wrist, and Alec doesn’t have the time to process it – to think, doesn’t have the time to realise what’s going to happen because he has to take it and he does, electricity dancing through their fingers and down his back and he tries not to think about it, holds out his own hand for Jace and feels unbalanced; he knows Jace’s touch, remembers it from roughing each other up when they were kids even though he tried to forget it, to turn it into a ghost when he understood, but Magnus’ is new and smooth and unassuming and he feels uncomfortable, doesn’t know what to do with it.

Who Ya Gonna Call? By @menckenschrestomethy

“You have to—“

“Help you?” Magnus filled in dryly.

Or: The Six Times Magnus helped someone, and the one time they try to help him

Will you be my best friend? Will you be my last? by @lightwoodlesbians

or the 'you pretended to be my partner bc my ex wouldn’t stop talking to me’ au

You Are Certainly My Poison of Choice by iktwabrokenbone

So there he was. Midnight, at a party. Preparing himself to do something with a guy. To spend one night getting all of this- this unspeakable desire out of his system. He needed to forget it before he made a mistake and ruined his career, his chances of becoming Head of the New York Institute.
 

(Alec’s panic attacks were getting worse and worse and maybe if he spent one night with a guy he could get it out of his system, and he could forget being gay and loving Jace. But nothing went that smoothly, so of course Alec’s one night stand had to be Magnus Bane, and they had to keep bumping into each other. It wasn’t like Alec wanted to understand his emotions, anyway.)

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