There’s a lot drama here:
Sometimes it was all too much. And this time, you couldn’t handle anymore.
Being Harry’s significant other was never an easy task, but sometimes it was too much. Specially because despite all the hype and all the things that people said about him, at the end of the day he was a real-life human. He had feelings, and sometimes he messed up.
One of the hardest things ever was see other women’s name linked to him in headlines in different sites all over the internet: The cheating rumours, the break up rumours, the “He’s not so interested in her anymore” rumours… it was a huge variety of subjects that people came up with and for you to deal.
What people didn’t know – and you would never tell – is that Harry wasn’t that perfect boyfriend that everyone talks and dreams with. Not because he didn’t want to, of course, but just because he couldn’t. Sometimes he didn’t have time to have a proper meal in the middle of a rush day, running from one place to another, and then to another, flying oceans to be in different places in the space of 10 hours.
Sometimes days went by without you and him talking on the phone or answering each other’s text, and the only way for you to listen to his voice was listening to his songs, or maybe watching the interviews and concert’s videos on twitter timeline.
Sometimes your boyfriend was a completely strange to you.
Sometimes you thought that you couldn’t handle it.
This time you were sure about that.
Your hands were shaking and you weren’t sure about how you would say this to him. Harry came to your home for a night only, since he was flying back on the next morning. You could hear the water run in the bathroom, while he was quietly having a shower.
You rehearsed the words repeatedly, but you couldn’t ever find an easy way do to it. Since the first time you met him, you knew that you couldn’t ever ask him to choose between you and his career – and you never would do that too – and at this point, you were feeling more like a holdback than a supporter that you should be.
He was doing so well, with sold-out tours all around the world, a movie coming out, a new top chart album and all the plans he had for the next years… and it was clear for you that you hadn’t a place in the middle of all this.
You tensed all your body when you heard the bathroom door opening and saw Harry coming to the room, his skin warm and wet from the shower. He was wearing a pink towel around his hips and by the look on his face, he had no intentions of putting a boxer on.
“Hey pet, what’s wrong?” He said frowning at you, climbing in bed behind you and kissing your neck.
“We need to talk,” your voice was almost a whisper, butterflies dead on your stomach, a heavy feeling on your chest. Harry nodded and you turned over to him, watching his tired green eyes looking into yours, patiently. It took a minute or two until you could recollect your feelings and say, “I think we shouldn’t be together anymore.”
“What?” Harry said in a high-pitched voice, confused like you were talking a different language. “What are you talking about, pet?” He said putting his hand in your face, and once again it was all too much.
You got up from the bed and closed your eyes, feeling tears burning your eyes and your throat closing around the next words you had to say. You planned to make this quick, so you wouldn’t have time to regret it or think too much.
“I don’t want to be with you anymore, Harry. We need to break up.” You said again firmly, and Harry was frozen, staring at your eyes as if he could see inside your soul.
And he could.
“Where is this coming from, pet? Is it because of the last headline about Tess? You know I would never che-“
“It’s not because of that, Harry. I know you would never cheat on me. You don’t even have time for that.” You said looking at your bare feet, already regretting it. You should have done this over the phone. You shouldn’t have waited until you had a sad, tired eyes, wet and naked Harry in your bed.
“Then what’s it fo’ pet? I don’t understand…” Harry got up from the bed and stopped in front of you, letting his hands fall to his sides when he tried to reach for you, but you gave a step back. You would burst in flames and tears if he touched you in that moment, but you needed to be firm in your choice.
“Please don’t make this harder,” you whispered to him, avoiding his eyes.
“Tell me the reason,” he said after a minute, sitting again on the edge of the bed. “If you’re going to break up with me this suddenly, you need to have a good reason to do it. And I deserve to know. Tell me and I’ll leave.”
Sometimes it was all too much. Feeling the tears running down your face against your will, you knew that he was right, that this all was very sudden, that you really needed a good reason to do it, and that he deserved to know.
“You’re gonna laugh,” you said with a sad smile, but his eyes kept too serious, too tired.
“It’s not a funny moment actually.” He said and felt your cheeks red with shame for making a joke in a moment like that.
“Okay then…” You whispered and took another deep breath, looking into his eyes, “I feel like I’m a holdback in your life right now and there’s not much you can say that can change this. I just feel like… I don’t see a future. You’re super important and you’re doing equally important things right now and this is awesome, but I don’t see how we can be together in the middle of all this. I love you, please don’t ever think that I don’t. And just because I love you this much I feel like I need to let you go, because you deserve all the things that you have conquered till now with hard work, and I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
You chocked with tears, looking at the floor again, wishing that someone could invent a machine that erase painful memories, so you could delete this moment from your mind forever.
Harry was watching you, measuring every word you said like he was tasting them, feeling how bitter they taste was in your tongue, in the back of your throat.
“Bullshit,” he said after a minute, getting up again, “All you said is bullshit. What the fuck is wrong with you, pet?” And then his eyes were tired and annoyed.
“Well, Harry is the way I feel.” You said defensively, putting your arms around you as if it was cold.
“I understand that, and I know that lately stuff has been especially difficult to you but it’s bullshit when you said that we don’t have a place in the future. You are my future. I know you are too good for me and that I’m not being the best boyfriend that exist on this planet but fuck… I really need you.” Harry ran his fingers through his wet hair, frustrated with all of this. “I don’t know what I can do for you to understand how much I love you but let’s just… try again? It all will be better in a few weeks…”
Harry looked at you, waiting for your answer, and all you could do was breathe quickly, trying to make your heart beat slower so you could come with a rational answer. You loved Harry and all the things he said were true. He would have less promo in the next weeks and then he would have a small tour, where you would be able to see him in many places and dates. Next year would be a mess, but it was too soon to worry about that yet.
“I feel like… I’m so ashamed, Harry. I’m so afraid to be a bad thing in the middle of all the good ones that are happening to you.” You said hiding your face in your hands, feeling Harry’s warm body around you a second later, his lips on your forehead, reassuring your crying.
“I love you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, please keep this in mind, don’t you ever forget about that.” He whispered softly, walking with you in his arms and falling in the bed, turning off the lights so you both could rest.
“You won’t be here tomorrow, and I don’t know how to not feel like this.” You whispered with your face nuzzled on his neck, tears running down your face to his skin. He kissed your forehead again, rubbing his lips on your skin till your tears ceased and you fell asleep, just to wake up in the morning with a headache and an empty space next to you on the bed, to match with the emptiness inside your chest.