things that are bad for my mental health

u think with the amount of job applications i’ve applied for i’d stop being surprised at things but nah im constantly like side-eyeing places because all places want u essentially to sell ur soul to them it’s like work is number one and mental health/family/personal life is always second. like u know theyre looking for ppl who are desperate to be having this job and im just like… i want a job and money but i will do the work that im paid and it’s kinda ridiculous that ppl are expected to go above and beyond without being paid for the work they provide 

anonymous asked:

I was recently going to come out as genderflux to my close friends until one of them made a *really* transphobic comment I didn't think they'd make and now I feel unsafe to talk to anyone. I feel really alone in my struggles, mostly because I'm one of the only people in my family who's out as anything other that heterosexual and I'm just stressed and idk what to do

Well I would talk to your friend about it if it made you uncomfortable. They need to understand not to be an asshole and don’t stress to badly. Don’t over think things it’s only bad for you and your mental health. It’s going to be okay 🌸

"Back in my day we didn't have all these mental issues!"

Well yes you did, Karen. They were called “Problem children” or “retards” or “psychos”. The were thrown in institutions and treated like criminals, or beaten to curb their behavior, or publicly shamed as “dunces”. They lacked adequate healthcare and no one understood what was wrong with them. They wandered the streets while their families either struggled to take care of them or pretended they didn’t exist. I know because I have an aunt who grew up schizophrenic in the 50s. You think anyone really knew how to deal with her when she wandered away from home or said and did bizarre things? And then there was my uncle, likely suffering from PTSD caused by his military service when he threw himself over a waterfall.

The increased ability to identify and diagnose things doesn’t mean these things just started existing. I’m not saying society doesn’t tend to overdiagnose and overmedicate (if you raise your kid with absolutely no boundaries or discipline and they end up a horrible brat, that’s probably not because of some rare mental disorder so much as bad parenting), but stop dismissing every mental health issue as some newfangled millennial nonsense you don’t have to take seriously. And don’t let that mindset stop YOU from getting help if you need it.

I saw a post about the difference between a soft can’t and a hard can’t and thought I’d do some words about the concept (post linked here)

a “soft can’t” is also a “really shouldn’t”.

“I can’t talk to my old abuser” is, for me, a soft can’t. I technically can and I’m often forced to - but doing so is horrible for my mental health and puts me in danger.

a “hard can’t” is what most consider a “true can’t”

“I can’t go 4 days without water” is a hard can’t. If I - or anyone else tried - they’d likely die (I know the ‘rule’ is 3 but it does depend on health, hydration when you start, climate, etc…)

Here’s the thing - people accept a “soft can’t” all the time. 

They can’t own a cat because they’re allergic (they can, but it’s bad for their health).

So why is a “soft can’t” ignored when it comes from a disabled person?

I can’t stop stimming (I can, but it would lead to more meltdowns and impact my mental health)
I can’t stop wearing my bracelets (I can, but they’re comfort items as well as weight + tactile stims so I get incredibly anxious without them)

Even more so - why is a “hard can’t” ignored when it comes from a disabled person?

I can’t stand still for more than a few minutes (I have orthostatic hypotension and standing still for more than a few minutes means I won’t be standing anymore)
I can’t stand in general for more than a few minutes (specifically on a bad day, but see above for reasoning)

Nearly everybody I’ve told this has brushed it off (especially PE teachers - including the one who was there for the incident that got it diagnosed)

(P.S. - we all know why)

what they say: you’re using your mental illness as an excuse 

what they mean: i care more about the thing you couldn’t do than your mental health 

what they say: try yoga/a healthy diet/just being happy/etc. 

what they mean: i dont know what mental illnesses are or how they affect people 

what they say: youre overreacting 

what they mean: my microscopic brain cannot comprehend that people feel, think and act differently, especially when they have mental illnesses making them act/feel/think a certain way 

what they say: you just want attention 

what they mean: i dont understand that humans need attention and affection to survive, that wanting attention is nothing bad, and that just bc i noticed doesnt mean you actually wanted me to notice

Sometimes I go to bed early to avoid being sad for the night, but I always end up waking up feeling empty.

I go to use the bathroom, and as I walk there I’m having a panic attack for no absolute reason. Something is jittering around in my chest. I’m making myself freak out.

Laying back down, I wanna have a mental break down again.

It’s not that anything bad has happened.

But…

I think my body and mind knows that I need the world to stop for a second, for a minute, for an hour, for a couple of days.

I need a break from life.

—  4am // @loveactivist

What I’ve realised during my 23rd year.

  • Deep breaths are healing.
  • Take your time, rushing won’t solve anything.
  • Do what feels good, even if others don’t understand.
  • You deserve good orgasms.
  • There’s nothing wrong with being excited about the little things.
  • Fresh bedding is incredible.
  • Prepare food the night before, you’ll thank yourself.
  • Forgiveness is necessary.
  • Being assertive and putting yourself first isn’t a bad thing.
  • The world isn’t against you.
  • You can survive a lot more than you believed you can.
  • The darkness may keep returning but it will always fade.
  • You’ll be okay.

I once read an article about cancer and chemo. In it, the author advised eating ice cream during chemo, but cautioned that you shouldn’t eat any flavors you actually like very much, because you’ll never be able to eat them again. They will always remind of you of chemo and leave you sick to your stomach. 

I was just thinking about that article because I realized that it’s very similar to one of the weird traumagenic behaviors I have. 

When I’m under a lot of stress and expecting bad news, I absolutely can not do anything that I normally enjoy. I can’t practice any of the “self care” advice that people give out. I can’t listen to music that makes me feel better or eat comfort foods that lift my mood. 

I can’t do any of those things, because I’ve learned that the little things you do during a traumatic event will always remind you of that trauma. That’s why I can’t eat grape jelly, listen to Lady Gaga, or watch Scrubs. 

The things that comforted me during bad times became triggers, and so now I’m afraid to take comfort in anything when times are tough because I don’t want to ruin the things I enjoy. 

Don't go in my room.

So my moms got a deal with me where anytime I clean my room she gives me 25 bucks, redeemable once a week. Problem is I brainbad so much that I haven’t cleaned enough to meet the terms in like, three months. That’s fine. Mom also knows that I have some crippling anxiety, and a massive trigger is people going in my room without my knowledge/permission. Like, fullblown meltdown is usually the result. It’s bad.

Thing is, Dad also knows this. Except Mom would like my room clean, but prefers me not having an anxious meltdown. Dad would like me not having an anxious meltdown, but prefers my room clean. You see the problem here.

Normally this is fine cause Dad’s not bad enough to blatantly go in there while anyone else is home. He knows that the rest of the house gets mad at him for ruining my mental health. For some weird reason. Except around Christmas he lost his job, and considering he’s a crane operator, he’s probably not getting another one until spring. And now I’m back to school from exam break, so there’s hours every day where he’s the only one at home.

So for all five days I’ve been to school this semester, I’ve come home to find my room mysteriously cleaned on some level. Honestly, the fights from it are more trouble than they’re worth most of the time, and he’s never gonna stop, so I decided to let it go. Only time I’ve called him out on it was when I came home to find that the cats had been in my room while he was there, and without him noticing one of them peed on my clothes. Wasn’t thrilled, and he apologised for that one. But there’s been some definite resentment, and it’s been very hard to not have anxiety attacks lately.

Except today I come home to find that he’s finished. Rooms totally clean. Note that this has just been between me and him so far, and Mom would be furious if she knew that he was going in my room. And I get money if I clean my room.

So I just cheerfully informed mom that if she wanted to come and check, I had absolutely cleaned my room, and am willing to accept the 25 dollars now. Right in front of dad. Who could do nothing but watch as I took the credit and money for what he’s been spending a fair amount of his time doing.

Repeat after me: you are not obliged to love your family. You are not.
If they don’t have respect for you, if they make you feel inferior, if they bully you, ignore you, abuse you in any way: you are not a bad person for not loving them, or not wanting to stay around. You dont have to do any of those things. You can go and build a family with the people who truly love you and respect you. Okay?
Stay safe, my darlings.

post it forward week 3

things i wish i knew about mental health:

- it is not my fault
- i am still a person
- it is ok to ask for help
- it gets really bad sometimes but it always get better
- IT IS OK TO ASK FOR HELP
- also don’t be ashamed to ask for help
- value your mental health as much as your physical health

Binding safety things.
  • “I can bind as much as I like, I’m having top surgery soon so that’ll just get rid of any problems it causes-” nope. NOPE NOPE NOPE. Not only does soft tissue damage make surgery both more difficult and risky, binding too much, for too long, over even just a year or two can weaken muscles supporting your ribcage so when you stop binding after surgery, you’re at risk of things like hairline fractures- and worse, up to and including a couple horror stories that include punctured lungs. Do not use “but top surgery!” as an excuse to bind while sleeping, for more than 8-10 hours a day maximum, or 365 days a year without one single break. Not binding sucks- but we all gotta do things that suck for our health sometimes, grit your teeth and do not fuck up your lungs and ribcage.
  • Nonetheless, your risk assessment needs to be different if your timescale is less “five years til top surgery” and more “binding for the rest of my life”. I understand some women bind for reasons of gender presentation and such without plans to get surgey, plus of course there’s some AFAB trans people who either don’t want or can’t get top surgery who plan to bind indefinitely. Understand that this means you need to plan ahead for a lot of possible risks and complications that are less prominent for people using binding as a short-term gap, that the effects of very long-term binding are barely known and potentially severe, and that thirty years on, if you are still doing it, there are going to have been consequences for your body. This is NOT to say, “don’t do it”. Do it with a full, informed, adult understanding of what the risks are or might be, and be prepared to take those on. Keep a sharp eye on your body’s well being. Do it carefully. Be prepared for the risks, because yes, they exist. You can take them, that’s fine, but don’t pretend they aren’t real and serious.
  • Don’t wear a binder that is a size too small because the correctly sized one “shows too much”. Lung capacity is fucking important and you will crack a damn rib one of these days if you’re not careful. Do not overexert yourself in any binder; if it hurts or you feel faint or whatever then STOP, IMMEDIATELY. If you exercise in one, wear one at least a size up and throw baggy shirts on over it. Wear a velcro one if you can for working out so you can undo that shit ASAP if there’s an issue. If you go swimming in a binder, have someone spotting for you, make sure there’s a lifeguard at the pool, etc. You aren’t going to enjoy your wonderful transition very much if you, god forbid, wind up being in a serious accident because you’re suffocating yourself slowly.
  • You can bind safely. That is to say, you can bind while minimizing the risks as much as possible, til you reach a point where it’s reasonable for a well-informed, sensible person to weigh them up and take said risks. You cannot bind 100% consequence free. That’s all.
  • And look, just to get a bit tough-love for a second: “but if I don’t do all those things, my dysphoria is so bad I can’t cope” is something I fully, entirely sympathize with. It also means you gotta start working on management techniques so that ceases to be the case, NOT that you should just accept totally batshit levels of risk for the sake of your mental health. The solution to “my dysphoria is so bad that it destroys my life if I don’t bind in my sleep and wear it two sizes too tight” is not and should never be, “so I do it because it’s all right if I know accept the risk”. That’s not responsible, mature behaviour. It’s fully, entirely understandable. But you need, NEED to instead take the longer, more difficult path to finding healthy management techniques to improve your mental health and wellbeing so this is no longer the case, or else it’s going to bite you in the arse. You want to reach the end of your transition with the body you deserve, so you can finally feel right in it? Then look after it. Transition doesn’t give you a new body, it makes the one you’re in right now fit better, so look after the one you’re in.
Mental health experience

My father has bipolar, depression and mild schizophrenia and the bipolar can potentially be passed down to me. He copes with it well and is on mood stabilisers and has counselling but I’m so proud of how far he has come.

I personally have anxiety and depression which I have been diagnosed with for about a year now. I’m getting better I’m not as bad with it now as what I was.
I wish I knew when I was younger that I always had someone to talk to and things were. Ever as bad as I thought.

Always remember there is someone to talk to 💕

Things that heal me:

Honesty and openness about my mental health, no masks

Surrounding myself with loving people

Pursuing things that make me happy

Sleeping at least 8 hours and getting up as early as possible

Spending time outside every day

Exercising/moving everyday

Balancing productivity and laziness, knowing when I need to unwind and not

Being proud and satisfied with small and big achievements, encouraging myself

Always looking for things to improve my life and myself as a person

Listening and being kind to others

Learning when I need to stay at home and when I need to socialize - balancing those things

Meditation and mindfulness during daily activities

Eating a lot of nutritional foods

Accepting bad feelings, bad memories, bad days - anything bad

Forgiveness and gratefulness

2

Things that help Marras puppies stay healthy, sharp, happy and mentally flexible

I know for a fact that if I don’t follow this advice I get tired, cranky, fuzzy brained, refluxy, paranoid, anxious and isolated and I listen to all the bad advice my brain gives me.

I’m doing myself a favor if I just deal with the easy stuff and won’t let it get to the difficult problems!