things on my desk at work

Wednesday rundown..
  • Hello new followers that are not pornblogs. Maybe you showed up here because I was dragged, so you got curious. Maybe you showed up because my friends (many whom I’ve met in person, stayed in their homes, etc.) had my back. Or maybe you like beer, and cats like I do! Regardless, hello! In addition to cats, and beer, I enjoy 80s new wave/synthpop, Industrial Rock, darkwave, 90s Shoegaze, horror movies, comic books, video games, and many other nerdy things. Yes I am one of those Apple People. I will talk about Apple in bunches, then there will be times when I do not mention Apple at all.
  • I hate it when I tell someone at work that I will have something for them shortly, only for them to come hover around my desk 5 minutes later. Get the fuck out of here, I’ll get it to you when I am ready to give it to you.
  • Due to unforeseen circumstances, I do not believe I will be making the KMFDM show in San Diego. There is still a slim chance, but it is looking unlikely. It still bothers me that they are not doing their own show in lieu of the festival that is happening this weekend here in LA.
  • I received a text from a former co-worker yesterday that has worked at our competitor for the last 10 years or so asking me “What is going on over there?” The reason? Most, if not all of the people that were laid off last week had applied over there. It’s kinda hard to hide the truth when that sort of thing happens.
  • I’ve said this before, I am not a big Dodgers fan (the Angels have always been my SoCal team. *weep*) but it is not looking good for the Cubs. Captain Obvious, right?
  • I sure do enjoy weekends when I don’t do anything, or go anywhere. I also enjoy day drinking at the breweries so.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I guess I’ll get back to it. Bye!

My student submitted the most disturbing “Living History” project I’ve ever seen 

By reddit user gretelcat

One of my least favorite parts about being a middle school history teacher is the bullshit “Living History” assignments we give at the end of every school year. Kids are supposed to sit with their grandparents and video tape, voice record, or transcribe their oldest memories for posterity (and for an easy way to bring up their GPA).

Keep reading

ARMY 4th: BTS ROLLING PAPERS TO EACH OTHER:

Jungkook’s rolling paper by the members: 

Namjoon: You have no mental sharpness but you are good looking. You are like the main character of an anime. you have so much passion. your eyes and body are massive. You really love Muji Tea. Number 1 at making our team’s average age younger. Jeon Jungkook <3 the ‘guk’ (Broth/soup) that I love the most? Bean paste soup ~ <3

Jin: Jungkook turn on your speakers quieter at home. Come with me to the water park again. Let’s not forget (to go)

Yoongi: Jungkook you are trying to write music lately. If you have something you don’t know, use the internet. I am not a professor/genius. To be honest. I am too lazy to help you hahaha. I’m joking. I will help you a lot. So gain strength. Hwaiting!! (a cheering)

Hoseok: Jungkook-ah!!! Turn down the volume of the speakers in our dorm. I can hear it even in my room. -_- You pig!!

Jimin: Just continue growing up like you have until now. Just don’t grow up taller. Just grow up kind.

Taehyung: Jungkook-ah. It’s hyung … really I’m hyung (He is saying that he is older than him) … you became nicer and gentler lately. *acting cute* let’s have fun/play together.

Taehyung’s rolling paper by the members

Namjoon: You are so loud when you play (computer)  games. you bother me but I also snore so I understand you. You are the best looking these days. You are like a farmer. You were born as an idol. You are glued to Gucci. you are so innocent/pure. You have no mental sharpness (not able to catch into things quickly) but you are so cute. So lovable. Kim Taehyung <3 the 'hyung’ that I love the most? a-hyung <3

Jin: When you’re playing games please be a little bit quieter. But you have become brighter these days and that makes me very happy. I hope you make the world brighter with your brightness.

yoongi: It’s right that you do everything to the best of your abilities.try your hardest. It’s right that you play games very passionately. Since you do everything very passionately, let’s passionately enjoy music and games too. Hwaiting.

Hoseok: taehyung-ah hyung always loves you ~~ <3 <3  stop sleeping with the air conditioner on. You will get sick ~ <3 <3 stop playing games so much ~ <3 <3 study with hyung instead <3 <3

Jimin: I don’t know since when but you seem to have become more like an adult, but you are also always like a kid (satori). My friend, stop playing games so much before I go throw your computer away. Wake up when I wake you up my friend. I will shove my hands in your armpits. (drew V as the heart figure he always draws himself as). thank you my friend (In tiny letters).

Jungkook: V hyung! Hyung, stop biting me it hurts so much I am going to die. I always feel this way but you are so good looking.

Jimin’s rolling paper by the members

Namjoon; You are sometimes cunning but also sexy, short, attractive when you dance, you always work so hard, you like billiard, you changed the most, but you aren’t obvious Chimchim <3 THE 'Chim’ (acupuncture) that I like the most? Poison acupuncture. 

Jin: Jimin-ah you are an angel. I will do a three lettered acrostic poem using your name. park: In park’s family something good happened. Ji: You are a very cool friend. Min: Min Yoongi 

Yoongi: Jimin you are always doing things to the best of your abilities and that’s so charismatic. Let’s be together for a very long time. I applaud your hard work. thank you.

Hoseok: Jimin-ah our Jiminie who is the most attractive in the entire world ~~ <3 <3 when you go back to our dorm today, please clean the things on your desk ~~<3 <3 have strength!!

Taehyung: Jimin-ah~ even if you do aegyo (act cute) to my eyes you are not cute at all ~ do it to a certain amount ~ but when I see that cuteness thank you *acting cute* 

Jungkook: jimin hyung! be thankful that you are older than me. I am kidding, hyung you are always shining!!! Rice cake (jimin’s nickname) forever!!!

Namjoon’s rolling paper by the members:

Jin: Mon-ah I pick up a lot of things that you drop on the plane for you. I wonder how you have so many friends that are like moms around you. But you are cool.

Yoongi: Our eternal leader Rap Monster. Even though I don’t say it I respect you a lot. please always gain strength hwaithing. Thank you.

Hoseok: My center!! My supportive friend Rap Mon!! Namjoon~~~should we go for chicken and beer??

Jimin: A person that drops everything x 18. Stop dropping your phone hyung. You look so cool when you do solo stages. You are the number 1 coolest person when you are on stage. When you are off stage you are the number 1 dummy.  

Taehyung: Watching our leader who’s always cool, I learn something every day. Continue teaching me composing and producing and stop dropping things ~!! Kim Namjoon is the awesome and the best looking.

Jungkook: To RM. you are sleeping behind me right now and you look very very handsome. please continue showing us your cool side <3

Hoseok’s rolling paper by the members

Namjoon: You are often like a horse, but you pull us like a horse. You are like an angel 1004-9 (sounds like “you’re like an angel” in Korean). the most professional. When I see you my heart feels at ease. you dress nicely. Your shoulders got bigger. You’re very neat. You work hard to make songs lately. The point of our choreography. Jung Hoseok <3 the 'seok’ that I like the most is? Kim Jiseok hyung <3 (making a joke about liking another actor with 'seok’ in his name)

Jin: Hoba, your existence guides/leads my path. you teach me dancing and if I’m about to go down the wrong path you yell at me. You are scary :( I’m sorry I was wrong :(

Yoongi: Your bright energy always gives us hope. I hope you always stay bright and hopeful.

Jimin: You are a cool hyung whether it’s on stage or off stage. you’re such a perfect roommate that people who use their bedrooms alone don’t make me jealous. Sometimes you’re really like an adult and sometimes you are such a silly hyung. You are a hyung that always goes shopping with me. you are a hyung that’s brighter than anyone but also a hyung that gets tired faster than anyone. you are a hyung that loves seafood that I can’t eat. you are a hyung that’s always always loud. You are a hyung that always makes fun of me but also tells me that I’m cool. let’s not be sick.

Taehyung: Hoseok hyung you are someone that makes me laugh. You are someone that gives me joy. you are a hyung that takes care of me. I’m always thankful and I love you. Our hope.

Jungkook: Hope hyung. You are always a bright energy! Thank you for always making the environment happy. I’m catching up to your producing!

Yoongi’s rolling paper by the members: 

Namjoon: I wish you would gain some strength. when I look at you sometimes, you really are good looking. You are often very attractive lately. Your body is very weak, you are like a grandpa. I don’t know since when but you started wearing only black clothing. You got a bit more tanned so you are like brown sugar now. Your music is cool. MinSuga who is important to BTS <3 The 'ga’ that I like the most is? Shim Chunga (an old Korean folk tale)

Jin: Yoongi-ah you are my roommate, even when we marry let’s live together and be roommates how is that? 

Hoseok: Suga hyung!! I always have a thankful heart towards you ~~ <3 <3 I am also thankful for the gift you gave me recently <3 <3 <3 I anticipate you hyung ~~<3 I will give you a birthday gift this time ~ !! <3

Jimin: It makes me happy seeing you laugh often. Always stay this way. Don’t faint when you get older and do extraneous activities. you are very attractive when you perform these days.

Taehyung: A hyung that is pretty doing many things, and smiling. Don’t be sick, always be healthy, and make only good memories. The best smile angel of the universe Min Yoongi hwaiting (cheering)

Jungkook: suga hyung. let’s go eat lamb skewers one day. let’s lose weight first though!!!

Jin’s rolling paper by the members

Namjoon: Your mental age is like 2.6 years old, but you love eating. When you drive, when you play the guitar, when you are good at things at times, you are the most attractive. Your age worth is -99999999 won. You are often cute. You were a lot more attractive when we debuted, but you are still good looking. Kim Seok-jin <3 the 'jin’ that I love the most is? Crane wing formation (in Korean)

Yoongi: Jin hyung please act your age … I’m joking. It’s fun seeing you so bright lately! Thank you!!

Hoseok: Jin hyung that I love. I’m so glad that you are the oldest hyung in our team ~~~ !! please act your age though!!~<3<3

Jimin: I’m thankful that you are you. You’re the funniest out of all of us. I think this often lately, but you’re really good looking. You’re also like an old man though … also like a child … also like a fool … also like an angel … Thank you hyung.

Taehyung: Jin hyung please come back to the time when you were good looking~!! Now *sigh* .. never mind .. I like you. also, hyung you match short hair a lot. everything Jin does is good. have strength always!

jungkook: Jin hyung … It’s so tiring stooping to your level but when I see you it’s so fun and joyful … please remain that way. Aja! Aja! hwaiting (cheering).

Cr rosoidai 
That took me like forever to write. Hope you enjoy it ^^ @mimibtsghost

procraesthetics  asked:

I wonder what would happen if Dudley grew up in the wizarding world but still as a muggle? like kind of reverse AU where his parents are dead and he has to go to Lily for whatever reason? do you think he would become bitter like Petunia about magic?

Lily remembered her sister, how there had been a time she was curious and delighted about magic, before it slowly sank in that she could look and not touch.

The last thing Petunia had said to Lily before she died was a chilly goodbye, ending a holiday dinner where they’d had a shrieking row in the entryway. Petunia had said freak and Lily had hissed better than this, better than this being my whole fucking world, Tune, do you even see yourself, are you happy–

And now here was Dudley Vernon Dursley fussing himself to sleep as Lily walked the halls of the Godric’s Hollow house. His tiny soft hands with their tiny soft fingernails curled under her chin, the same way Harry always had.

She passed James, who was gently bouncing his way up the hall the opposite way. “I think he’s asleep,” James mouthed over Harry’s tousled head. His hair was the same mess, bent down to peer at his sleeping son.

Lily stopped where she stood, her nephew heavy on her chest, her husband smiling, her sister buried. “James,” she said. “How are we going to do this?”

“Oh,” he said. “Hey. Don’t you cry, you’ll start them off– unless you need to cry, I mean, you go ahead, hey, sweetheart, hey, it’s alright, you just let it out.” He stepped forward, shifting Harry gently to his other shoulder, and pressed his forehead to hers. “We tuck them in, okay, that’s what we do next. Then we go to our own bed, okay, and go to sleep, and when we wake up it’ll be a new day.”

“A new day,” she said. “Another day– James, that’s the– I’m so tired.”

“So let’s sleep. It’ll look better in the morning,” he said. “And if it doesn’t look better this morning, it’ll look better in the next one.”

“You promise?”

“Better than that. I’ll show you. Every day,” he said and kissed her cold forehead.

Dudley had not shown up on the Potters’ doorstep with the milk bottles. Lily had gotten a phone call from the landline she still had installed in Godric’s Hollow, about an accident, and she had gone down to the Muggle police station to identify the bodies.

The cupboard under the stairs was filled with spiders, broomsticks, and the sewing machine Lily’s mother had given her when she married James– that’s all. Dudley slept downstairs. Uncle Remus taught Dudley and Harry to knock out coded messages through the wall their rooms shared.

In the backyard, beside a rickety porch and an ambitious hedge, James taught them to fly– first on little tot brooms where their toes brushed the grass the whole time, then out of the barrels of practice brooms James used for lessons and coaching Little League Quidditch.

When the boys turned ten, five weeks apart, they both got shiny new Nimbuses on Dudley’s birthday (which came first), and a set of enchanted Quidditch balls on Harry’s, to share. The Bludgers were enchanted to be very kind but Dudley spent long afternoons whacking them far afield while Harry chased the Snitch at his back.

Harry had a scar on his forehead, like a jagged bit of lightning. Dudley had no scars– the car crash that had killed his parents hadn’t touched him where he sat strapped into a car seat in the back, chewing on a stuffed dinosaur toy.

Lily did not believe in lying to the children. She was bare years off being a child herself, and spare moments on the far side of a war. When Dudley asked about his parents, she told him there had been an accident. She pulled pictures off the shelf and wrote Petunia’s old university friends for more.

Photographs came by mailman, the images still and unnatural to Dudley’s eye. Every day he’d gone out to play, for years, he’d been waving at the picture near the back door of his aunt and uncle on their wedding day, and they waved back every time.

“She was very clever,” Lily said. “Your mom liked to know everything.”

“And my dad?”

“Vernon liked… cars?” James offered. “That’s the word, right, Lily?”

“I didn’t know him very well,” Lily said. “He liked drills, I think; he worked for a firm that made them, and he talked about that a lot.”

Dudley brushed his thumbs over the dull edges of the photos. When Lily went off to Auror headquarters the next morning for work, James bundled the boys up and took them on an impromptu invisible tour of Grunnings Drill Manufacturing Inc.

They tiptoed down halls and past water coolers and ringing fellytones. They held hands under the Cloak as they dodged around the machines on the manufacturing floor, thumping and pounding and whirring away loudly enough that Harry and Dudley could whisper to each other under the noise. An elevator took them all the way up to the top floor. Harry whistled cheerily and eerily along with the elevator music while the Muggles slowly edged toward the doors and pressed floor buttons lower than they’d originally wanted.

There were boxes and cabinets and folders and desks and staticky monitor screens full of numbers strewn in endless grids. “Merlin’s knuckles,” said Harry, who was seven and a half and rather proud of this expletive. “People can look at this all day, their whole lives, and not die?”

“Work is hard work,” said James.

“At least mum gets to curse things.”

“But my dad liked it?” Dudley said, peering at a white board that was bleeding enthusiastic marker. “There’s a lot of things, here. Maybe he liked knowing things, too.”

When the boys asked about the scar on Harry’s forehead, Lily and James looked at each other. “You know how sometimes we sit with Uncle Remus and talk about a war?” James said. “Or with Ms. Amelia or Mr. Mundungus.”

“Mr. Mundungus is kinda smelly,” Harry said helpfully.

“It’s not nice to say so though,” said James, and Lily made a face.

“Are we raising them to be nice?” Lily said.

“I’m trying,” said James.

“You talk about a war,” said Harry and shrugged. Dudley nodded.

“There was a very bad man, in those days,” said James.

“Voldemort,” said Lily, and James made a face.

“He was so scary a lot of people don’t like to say his name, even now,” said James. “And he was coming after us because we had been fighting against him, in the war. He came to the house and he tried to hurt you, Harry. But it didn’t work. It hurt him instead, and gave you that scar.”

“Is he going to come back?” said Dudley, who was paler than his normal pink.

“No one’s heard of him since then,” said Lily.

“Where were you?” said Harry, because all his life they had been right there.

“Oh,” said Lily, but her throat closed up.

“We were at Dudley’s mum and dad’s funeral,” said James. “Our friend– our friend Sirius was watching you two. The bad man, he came to the house. He. Well. I.”

“Sirius died,” said Lily, one hand squeezing James’s knee and the other reaching down to brush hair off Dudley’s forehead. “You lived, Harry, and Voldemort vanished. And that’s why sometimes people stare in the streets, baby.” James tweaked Harry’s collar absently.

Two days after they had buried Lily’s sister, the Potters had stood together in the first chills of November and buried James’s brother.

Sirius had been burned off the Black family tree years before. Lily and James had talked to his cousin Andromeda, to Remus, and then they had laid him to rest in the Potter family plot. At the wake, they’d told old jokes about squirrel breath, shedding, and man’s best friend. Remus had fallen asleep on their couch and stayed for a month.

It took a two hour row with HR for Lily to get two passes to the Ministry’s Bring Your Kid To Work Day.

“He’s a Muggle.”

“He’s not,” Lily snapped. “He’s family.”

She had to get permission, sign a million forms, and she also had to take the boys in early so that Dudley could get smothered in the spells that would keep the Anti-Muggle wards around the Ministry from activating on him. “If a Muggle stumbles in somehow, they just see a funny-smelling supply cabinet and turn back around,” Lily told Dudley. He nodded and dragged Harry off by the wrist to go look at the fountain.

The windows were pouring sunlight into the underground room– the maintenance workers had just gotten a win on their contract negotiations and had banished the grimy rain-spattered windows of the previous weeks. The light hit the falling water, the golden statues, and the small excitable crowd of Ministry dependents who were gathering in the atrium. Dudley was fishing about in the fountain for Knuts to toss back out again, elbow-deep, and Harry was laughing and coming up with weird wishes to make on them.

Lily hadn’t said son. She’d said family, and that was true enough, wasn’t it? She didn’t say son– she had a son, and she had a nephew, a ward, another child who came to her after nightmares and scraped knees. It was not less, it was just words.

Lily worried about stealing more things from Petunia. Tuney had shrieked at her, in ladies’ restrooms and suburban foyers, had hissed at her in grocery store aisles and family dinners, because Lily got everything. And now Lily had her son.

Lily could just imagine it– could just see Petunia’s face twisting and chin stabbing at the air. You could have anything, and you took my son– my son!

“You left him to me,” Lily whispered, but that wasn’t quite right. “You left,” she whispered, and that wasn’t quite right either, so she strode off toward the fountain to ask the boys if they wanted to go see the Auror spellwork ranges. Dudley’s sodden shirt sleeves dripped all over the Ministry floors. Harry’s hair fell down into his eyes and they both grinned bright enough to rival the spelled sunlight.

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So on twitter the creators said that Damien was trans.

So at some point in his life, this motherfucker walked into a government office, filled out paperwork, sat them on a desk, and some bureaucrat looked up at him and was like, “So you’re changing your name to…”

“Damien Bloodmarch.”

“…really?”

“Bitch, it worked on my myspace page and it’ll work here.”

shitty advice of a college student.

OR: some (actually helpful) stuff my first semester of college has taught me.

disclaimer: this is from the point of view of a community college student. my experiences may be different from other students, but overall I think this list could be very helpful to anyone going to a college, university, high school, or for any students just hoping to kick procrastination in the ass. I’ll probably be uploading updated versions/parts of this in the future, but here’s some stuff based on my experience so far.

  • do. work. every. day. even if it’s just a little bit of work. don’t procrastinate.
  •  college isn’t like high school; oftentimes, professors won’t expect homework from you every single day of class. usually, you’ll have due dates of when large sections of assignments or papers are due. make the most of your time. do not wait until the night before to get 6 sections of homework done by 11:59.
  • in reality, you should be doing homework and studying for every single class. but remember that you need to put more time into the classes that are toughest for you. For example, math is my weakest subject so I usually put more homework time into doing my Stats homework.
  • if you don’t want to do it, or have been procrastinating on doing it, it should be the thing you’re getting done first!!
  • books are hella expensive everywhere. if you can’t find any free versions of your textbooks online, try to buy your textbooks used. I buy all of my textbooks used, with the exception of one book which I’ve rented. Personally, I recommend buying your books bc it’s a great study strategy to actually own the books for your classes and be able to write and highlight inside of them… but this is a personal preference.
  • doing homework on your bed makes you lazy. work at a desk, library, coffee shop, outside; anywhere that will make you sit down and focus.
  • let your phone run out of battery and leave. it. alone.
  • if u don’t have a planner/agenda/calendar already then there is nothing more I can help u with pal ur on ur own
  • make a study playlist bc you’ll need it at some point. find music that helps you study the best! for example, I strictly can only study to soft music or just instrumentals, but I know some people who study really well to rap and hip-hop. find what works for you! remember this should relax you, not distract you.
  • hydrate. I keep a water bottle right on my desk when I study so when I look up I’m reminded to take a sip. being hydrated is important!!! not only will this make your body and skin happy but it’ll also make your brain work a little harder and focus more!
  • I know things can get tough and busy but pls pls eat and sleep well I’m begging u
  • follow-up to the last point: let yourself go pee as many times as you need to. it’s ok. it doesn’t count as your break. you’re not wasting time from doing work. do us all a favor and go to the bathroom already.
  • follow-follow-up: know the difference between taking a break and giving up.
  • learn how to say no to temptations like hanging out with your friends or distracting yourself in the depths of Youtube and Netflix. you have work to do and you know it!!! don’t make yourself feel bad by suffering. if you want good grades, your education (next to your mental/physical health) should be your first priority.
  • reward yourself for working hard. this could be a night out with friends, a candy bar, boba, whatever floats your boat.
  • I know it’s a drug but I don’t care what anyone says: if I need to drink coffee then I’m drinking that damn cup of coffee.
  • priority-wise, your education should always top your studyblr. every. single. time.
how to study with depression

i’m gonna be honest here. i don’t get the psychological support i need right now and studying is getting harder and harder, as much as any other activity is. so whenever i can, i do whatever it takes to become motivated to do some work, and here is what helps me:

1. environment visuals - this is a very important aspect for me, i’m mostly a visual learner and i need to have everything matching, neat and compatible with my aesthetics. so if you feel demotivated, start with cleaning up, maybe do a little makeover to your study space or even room, as i did not so long ago. this can give you a vibe of a ‘fresh start’, some sort of break from past problems.

2. environment noise - my parents absolutely hate silence. as long as they’re awake, there is always TV going on, any source of noise and images, they find it helpful when in stress, but i don’t. i want to have either perfect silence, which i can find in library and, thank god, sometimes at school when teachers leave as alone with problems/exercises to do, or i want to have some music blasting in my headphones, blocking noises from my parents. if you’re having difficulty focusing on work, you have to get rid of the distractors - turn off your computer, if you have a laptop - take it away from your desk. close your door or ask people at home to keep it quiet - they’re most likely to take it seriously because they most likely want you to have good grades too.

3. mental distractions - whether it is something like stressing about other test than you’re studying for, being focused on other plans you have for the day/week or minor things like wanting to play video games - it is very distracting and we fall into the loop hole of doing the third thing while stressing even more about every other. you want to have a clear vision of what happens when. as a visual thinker i like it when i can easily recall an image in my mind. so do your to-do list, organize every event happening this day, this week or even this month, and if you’re like me, make it clear, colorful, easy to remember. that way if you have organized your study time for a certain subject, even if you think about any other, you will find yourself knowing when is time for that. and knowing that you DO have time for that.


of course there are other things you already know like drinking water, sleeping well, all that kind of stuff. keep in mind that while you can do what you’re comfortable with, you should also set some challenges for yourself. recovery doesn’t happen when you’re doing nothing. on days when you feel better, think about spending your time differently, slowly doing more and more. you’re gonna thank yourself for the results and, perhaps, this shall motivate you further. best of luck, students!

11:57 PM - Peter Parker

request - alright i fuckin love tom holland so please like a smut where you catch peter sneaking in after dark and he tells you about his whole spider thing while you take care of wounds and such, and he’s like super scared your gonna leave him and so you reassure him and take care of him in another way if you catch my drift, this was real long but yeah thank you 

a/n - yes finally i post a smut fic on this blog and tbh it was kind of fun and interesting to write so i hope it isn’t a flop like me but don’t forget to request a peter parker/spider-man fic if you want and follow!

10:46 PM. Nearly 4 hours ever since Peter left me alone in his room. We were doing our Calculus homework with one another until he claimed he got an emergency phone call and ran out the door before I could say anything, taking his backpack with him.

The only thing that kept me company was my textbook and the sound of the falling rain from the outside. May was fast asleep in her room while I was far from that, my heart becoming a mix between anger and fear. I bounced my pencil against the pages of the math book, staring at my calculator as time went by.

I checked my phone again, 10:50 PM. Still no texts, no calls, nothing. I stared at my lockscreen for a few seconds before shutting off my phone and pushing it to the side, growing more frustrated by the minute.

“Dammit Peter.” I muttered, throwing my head back in a fit. I listened to the sound of the raindrops to try to calm me down, but nothing was working at this point.

I huffed and got up from the desk, beginning to pack my things up and call it a night, being more than prepared to give Peter the silent treatment for the next week. Just as I was about to zip my bag up, I heard the locks on the window become undone.

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NHL Bitty Part XIV - BEYONCÉ

Post-Wedding: Eric’s a little famous, but he’s not used to taking advantage of that status. Good thing he’s surrounded himself with people who don’t have the same hang-ups.


Beyoncé’s new tour dates are announced and not only is she playing Starbucks Arena, she’s playing in Seattle during a lull between a stretch of home games. 

“I didn’t realize you were so into Beyoncé, Bittle. Isn’t that a little bit stereotypical?”

Eric doesn’t have time for Boomer’s casual homophobia, pre-sale tickets go on sale in three minutes and for once this miserable season, he’d like to get something he actually wants.

“I don’t know if anyone has told you, Booms, but I’m pretty fucking gay. And you know what else is a stereotype: sucking big, thick, hard –”

Boomer raises his hands and backs away from Eric’s table. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”

Eric waves the d-man off while Carter slides out the chair beside Eric and drops his take-out box on the table, careful not to jostle the laptop.

“He’s getting better.”

“He’s getting his stall plastered with hardcore vintage porn is what he’s getting,” Eric mutters. “Swear to the Lord, you’d think I was a walking identity crisis –” 

Two minutes. His card info is pre-loaded. Carter is chomping away on something that smells like curry. Eric’s blood is vibrating under his skin like he’s in overtime. He’s ready. 

“Wait, why are you buying them yourself? I’m sure JoAnn can get some from the front office for us.”

Eric stares at the screen. 1:27. He doesn’t want to bother the team’s publicist over something like this. He’s an adult. He needed help with Hamilton tickets, he doesn’t need help for Beyoncé. He knows Beyoncé. 

Maybe not literally, but still. 

“Dude, let me call her. Just in case.”

“Leave her alone. She’s done enough for us this season.”

0:18

“Maybe we should –”

“Shhhhhhhh!” 

The waiting room clicks over and he’s in. Easy as pie. He selects his seats, nabs the VIP package, gets to the checkout screen, and…

And…

“What the hell…?”

 An error message pops up.

“No, no, no, no,” Eric clicks the screen, and when the page refreshes there’s nothing there. No seats. No VIP meet and greet. Nothing. A happy little banner pops up that reads ‘Thank you for participating in Citi Bank’s Presale –’

Eric’s stomach drops. “Are you kidding me!? It’s been thirty seconds!”

“It’s bots, man,” Bay shouts from across the room. “Those ticket resellers program these computers to –”

“I don’t give a good god damn if it’s a robot! I was right there! They were mine!” He drops his head to the table and whines. “I can afford them on the secondary market, it’s just the principle of the matter.”

“I’m so sorry, man,” Carter runs a sympathetic hand over his back. “Can I call JoAnn now?”

Eric shakes his head, content to wallow in his own sadness. “Everything I touch turns to death,” he moans.

“That sounds like a yes.”

Eric’s phone starts vibrating beside his head – the tap-tap-tap pulse he’s set for Jack – but before he can answer Carter’s tapped the call button for him.

“Hey, Zimmermann. You’re on speaker phone, your husband’s in a state.”

“Carter, um, thanks? Bits, you okay? Did you get your tickets?”

“…no,” Eric sighs, lifting his head to stare blearily at his phone. “The bots ruined me, Jack. I’m dead.”

“Your man is too proud to use his contacts, Zimms,” Carter snickers and elbows Eric in the side. 

“That’s unfortunate,” Jack consoles, but Eric can hear something else in his voice. Something distinctly amused.

“Jack, I swear to god if you make me wait any longer –”

“I have two VIP passes sitting on my desk at home right now. I talked to my agent about it weeks ago. I wanted it to be a surprise.”   

Eric’s mouth goes dry and Carter shakes his shoulders roughly in excitement. He can’t make his voice work. 

Carter leans in close, whispering, “Bittle, you crying?”

“Bits? Bud? You there?”

“No,” Eric breathes, composing himself, “I’m just, really happy I married my husband, and I get to meet Beyoncé.”

There’s silence across the line, then, “Bits, I know those things aren’t in order, and that’s okay. I love you, too.”

Little tips for the college witch!

I know personally how hard it can be to maintain doing the witchy things you love when you’re at college. Here are some things you can do that don’t take long while you’re at college!


1.) Do a one card tarot reading for yourself! My favorite is just asking: “What should I work on today?” This prevents any worrying cards from popping up and discouraging you in your academic endeavors.

2.) Sigils sigils sigils! Write them in your notebooks, on your art supplies, whatever! Scroll through this tag and check out what they have!

3.) Use your desk as a mini sacred space! You almost always have a desk at college, so if you do, fill a space with your little witchy things. One shelf of my desk holds crystals, a salt lamp, my tarot cards, and essential oils and herbs!

4.) Cleansing: My favorite method of cleansing is by using sage, but we aren’t allowed to have smoke in the dorms. Instead, I place my crystals near a salt lamp! The light from the lamp with cleanse the objects placed near it. You can just leave your lamp on while you’re in the room, and it’ll do the cleansing for you! (Please note that not all crystals should touch salt! Some can be highly toxic, so please do your research.) 

5.) Spell jars! You might not even be allowed to have candles in your room, or you might need to be a little more low-key with roommates. Spell jars are a great low-key way to do spells. Here is a great masterpost 

6.) Crystals! Throw a crystal in your bag with you when headed off to class. Citrine is an easy and affordable crystal that is great for confidence!

7.) Don’t be discouraged. A witch that only practices once a month is still a witch. If you can’t do any of these other tips, just practice the more internal practices of your own craft. This can include being mindful, having a vegetarian/vegan meal, and even meditating for a quick second while in the bathroom stall! Your craft is your own. (These are just some examples. Follow your own craft and beliefs when doing this.)

I hope some of these tips helped you! Feel free to add some more. 

Office-mate who loves CNN but doesn't understand how televisions work is destroyed by that which she loves most.

I work in a small office with only 6 people. The way the office is broken up I share my office with another person, so we’re essentially facing each other. It’s away from the other offices, so we’re kind of left to our own devices. I’ve been working here for about three years now, and have always gotten along with my office-mate. My old office-mate left to start a family, so I’ve been alone for a bit before they hired Marge.

Marge is what you’d find if you googled “worst office-mate.” She brings in smelly food she eats at her desk, she plays loud music in our shared space (even after being asked not to), she fights with the boss on every little thing, she’s nosy (always asking me where I’ve been when I walk back into the office, and I’ve literally caught her listening in at the bosses door). She asks me invasive questions, and when I finally snapped at her to mind her own business she acted like I’d personally assaulted her.

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Penelope & Derek’s Matchmaking Service

Originally posted by theonewiththevows

Prompt: The reader and Reid both have a crush on the other person but are too scared of ruining their friendship to tell the other person. Penelope decided to give them a little push and drags Derek into her mischevious scheme.

A/N: This was an idea that popped into my head because I could definitely see Morgan and Garcia meddling in their coworkers love lives. I’m not opposed to making a part two of this, so let me know if that’s something that you would want. Also, anyone who can catch the subtle F.R.I.E.N.D.S. reference that is in here somewhere is my favorite person ever. Enjoy :)

Note: (Y/F/C) = your favorite candy

Warning: nothing

Word Count: 3k

Rating: PG


Penelope sighed in frustration as she watched you and Spencer alternate staring at each other. It was almost painful the way that neither of you actually caught the other doing so. It was like some form of fate caused you to look away a second before Spencer decided to look up. Derek noticed her standing in the doorway. “Hey Baby Girl,” he called and walked over to her. She muttered a “hello” before huffing and crossing her arms. “Whoa whoa whoa, what’s the matter gorgeous? Those processing systems in that big brain of yours hung up on something?”

“How does it not drive you crazy?” she mumbled and Morgan raised an eyebrow at her. 

“How does what not drive me crazy?”

“The two of them!” she whisper-shouted and spun around walking off toward her lair. Derek rolled his eyes, but obediently followed her down the hall. 

“Gonna need a little more information sweetness,” he told her, leaning against the doorframe. 

“Oh c’mon, do I need to spell it out for you? (Y/N) and Spencer. The way those two are pining after each other it’s both sickening and sweet at the same time. I’m not even a profiler and I can tell that they are head over heels. I mean I know (Y/N) is because she told me one night when I got her super drunk with the intent of forcing the information out of her, but that is beside the point,” Penelope explained as she pulled up the bullpen’s security video feed and maneuvered the cameras so they were facing you and Spencer’s desks. 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m people watching.”

“Do you do this all the time?” Morgan asked standing behind her chair.

“Only when we don’t have a case or anything else to do,” Penelope defended, “You would not believe how boring it gets in here and you people never come visit me!” 

“But why- you know what nevermind. Just please tell me that you don’t mess with the cameras in my office.”

“My vision, you are the object of my affection but for the most part my attentions have been focussed on my current OTP as you never do anything interesting in your office.”

“Forgive me for actually doing work instead of making googly eyes at my coworkers.”

“So you have noticed!”

“Of course I’ve noticed. The whole team has noticed. The only ones in the dark about it are the two of them,” Derek chuckled. Penelope smiled as she watched the two of you. You had gone over to ask Spencer something, but he had been so focused on his work you’d startled him and he’d almost spilled his coffee all over himself. 

“They are so cute,” she sighed, “Derek I want my OTP to be together!”

“Somehow I don’t think we get a vote or have the power to make that happen,” he replied, kissing the top of her head. Penelope suddenly perked up. 

“But what if we did?”

“What are you talking about?” he asked as she spun her chair around. 

“What if there was a way that we could force Reid’s hand and make him admit something or ask her out?”

“Baby Girl, Reid has specifically told me that he doesn’t want me messing with this. You think I haven’t tried to get him to make a move?”

“He told you that, but he never told me,” she chirped, turning back toward her computer and started typing away. She pulled up a website for custom floral arrangements and started clicking on various options. 

“What are you doing?”

“Creating something that all of you men hate. Competition,” she replied, patting the side of his face. A few more minutes of meddling the order had been placed, ready to be delivered tomorrow morning. 

“Why do I get the feeling I’m going to be the one he blames for this?” Derek sighed shaking his head. 

“Ha, do not worry my vision. If all goes bad, we pretend like it never happened,” Penelope told him.


You walked into the bullpen the next morning smiling happily as you carried two cups of coffee. You glanced around looking for Spencer, before nonchalantly setting one of the cups down on his desk and arranged the mountain of sugar packets you’d also brought into an orderly pile. You quickly scurried back to your desk and sat down, trying to look casual as you waited for Spencer to arrive. “No coffee for the rest of us, I’m genuinely hurt,” Derek teased, as he sat down on your desk.

“Hey, the only order I remember is Spence’s because it’s the easiest thing ever: a large black coffee and then just bring the whole container of sugar to him,” you replied trying to casually look around him. 

“Uh huh,” Morgan muttered, clearly unconvinced. 

“Good morning,” Reid said as he walked over to his desk past the two of you. 

“Hi, Spencer,” you chirped, “I stopped for coffee this morning and brought you some.”

“Thank you so much, you would not believe the morning I’ve had. How much do I owe you?”

“Don’t worry about it,” you replied tucking your hair behind your ear. 

“Well, thank you. Did you know that coffee was banned three times in three different cultures: once in Mecca in the 16th century, once when Charles II in Europe banned the drink in an attempt to quiet an ongoing revolution, and once when Frederick the Great banned coffee in Germany in 1677 because he was concerned people were spending too much money on the drink,” he rambled. You smiled and shoved Morgan off of your desk, so you could actually see Spencer. 

“Well, I didn’t know that, but I do know that banning coffee should be a crime,” you giggled. Reid smiled back at you and opened his mouth to say something but suddenly went pale. “What’s-”

“I have a delivery for a Miss (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” a man said cutting you off. 

“That would be me,” you replied, turning around. “What can..I..do..” you stuttered as you came face to face with a huge vase of lilies and red roses. 

“Sign here please,” the delivery man said, handing you a clipboard and setting the vase down on your desk. You scribbled your signature down on the form and handed it back to the man. “Have a nice day,” he said walking away. 

“Yeah, you too,” you muttered still too focussed on your flowers. 

“Oh my god, those are gorgeous,” JJ mentioned as she walked over to your desk. 

“Who are they from?” Emily asked, joining the two of you.

“I have no idea,” you replied, pulling the card off the side of the vase. 

“Read it,” JJ urged leaning in closer. None of you noticed that Spencer had unconsciously leaned closer to the group as well trying to listen. 

“Nothing can ever compare to your beauty, but these flowers are certainly a nice way to compliment it. I hope these make that lovely smile of yours appear on your face, signed your secret admirer,” you read out loud and closed the card. 

“Oooh, this is interesting,” Emily said nudging your shoulder. 

“Any idea who it could be?” JJ asked. 

“Not a clue,” you replied, sitting back down in your chair, “I’m not seeing anyone and no one has asked me out recently.”

“Anyone who you hope it is?” 

“Yeah, but considering he hasn’t shown the slightest sign of interest I’m pretty sure it isn’t him,” you mumbled. Unbeknownst to you, Spencer had wandered away into the break room fuming. This happened every time he’d finally work up the courage to ask you out on a date or flirt with you at all something would happen. Morgan would come interrupt,  Hotch would suddenly announce that you had a case, or in this case, some jerk would write you poetry and send you flowers. He downed the rest of the coffee that you had bought him and started making another cup. 

“You ok, Pretty Boy?” Derek asked watching Spencer stir the coffee quite angrily. 

“Just peachy,” Spencer growled. 

“Ya know, you could just ask her out. (Y/N) has no idea who sent her those flowers,” Derek casually mentioned. 

“Ha yeah right, I’m reasonably certain she’d rather have fancy flower man whoever he is,” he grumbled. 

“Fancy flower man? Really Reid, that’s the best you can come up with?” Derek asked trying not to laugh. 

“I have plenty of other vulgar things I could call him so don’t push it.”

“Hey, I’m not the one encroaching on your girl, but I would recommend you do something about it before you loose her to fancy flower man.”

“You think I should what?”

“Well, you’re her friend. I’m pretty sure you can find a way to top the giant array of flowers that he sent her.”

“I definitely could,” Spencer muttered, deep in thought, “I need to get to work but first I’m going to get Garcia to figure out who sent those to her.”

“Uh,” Derek stuttered, trying to come up with a way to divert him, “Why does it matter who it is? You should be more concerned with your plan to woo her, you can worry about who it was later.”

“You’re right. I’m going to take my lunch early. I need to go get a few things,” Spencer said and quickly rushed back to his desk to grab his wallet. Derek sighed in relief, happy that he’d managed to redirect Reid’s thought process, and made himself a cup of coffee. Your sudden presence in the break room caught his attention. “And where are you going lady of the hour?” he asked sipping his coffee.

“I’m grabbing another sugar for my coffee and then I’m going to get Garcia to find out who this admirer person is.” Derek did a spit take and started coughing. “Whoa, you ok?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. But maybe you should just let this play out? See if he reveals himself to you?”

“Derek, I just want to know who it is so I can tell him I’m not interested. There’s only one guy who’s attention I want and he seems to not really care.”

“Sweetness, Reid is a great guy just a little awkward and shy when it comes to ladies, you might try being a bit more obvious about it,” he teased. You furrowed your brow and slowly turned your head toward him. 

“How did you know I have a crush on Spencer?”

“I’m a profiler and I’m really good at my job.” Derek replied.

“Yeah sometimes I forget what we do for a living.”

“And the fact that Penelope can’t keep her mouth shut,” he muttered quietly to himself. Just not quiet enough.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing!”

“I’m going to kill her!” you growled and stormed off toward Penelope’s office. 

“No no no, wait!” Derek shouted as he chased after you. You tore the door open and walked in. 

“Hello my lovely, what can I do for you today?” Penelope chirped. You narrowed your eyes at her before flicking her on the side of the head. 

“OW!” she shrieked. “What was that for?” 

“I cannot believe you told Derek that I like Spencer. I told you that in confidence and you swore you wouldn’t tell another soul,” you fumed.

“Technically you told me that while you were drunk.”

“Same thing!”

“But you know I tell my chocolate thunder everything, so you should’ve expected this.”

“Ugh, my life is over,” you whined. “Spencer is still acting weird and now some stranger has sent me flowers. Can you make yourself useful and tell me who sent those at least?”

“I take offense to that comment!”

“Who told shared a secret that she swore she would take to the grave?”

“Fine,” she muttered, “but I already know who sent them. I looked it up earlier.”

“Then who is it?”

“It’s uh, Brian in payroll,” 

“Brian in payroll?”

“Mhm,” she mumbled, twisting a piece of hair around her finger.

“Uh huh, does Brian in payroll have a last name?” you asked crossing your arms.

“Yes, yes he definitely does.”

“Yeah? What it is then?”

“Well, I can tell you that it is most certainly not Morgan or Garcia.”

“Penelope,” you groaned. “Why would you do that?”

“I’m just trying to spice it up, you know force our dearest doctor’s hand.”

“Yes and in doing that you’ve managed to scare him. He took off fifteen minutes ago,” you grumbled flopping down in the chair beside her. 

“Aw, sweets it’s gonna be ok.”

“My life is over.”

“Hey look on the bright side, at least you got some bitchin flowers,” she said trying to lighten the mood. You lifted your head and glared at her.

“Not funny.” 

“(Y/N), you need to get back to your desk and take a look at this,” Derek said as he walked into Penelope’s office.

“And you! You knew she was going to do this and you didn’t stop her,” you growled and stalked over to him, poking his chest. 

“As upset as you are right now, I really think you should just go back to your desk. You might like what you find,” Derek replied pushing your hand away. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“If this is another part of this BS plan you two have going on, I’m going to kill you both,” you grumbled, stalking down the hallway. 

“What are you doing?” Penelope whispered at Derek, as they followed you. 

“Just watch,” he replied with a smug look on his face. You were expecting to see yet another bouquet of flowers that the two of them had sent to you, but you certainly weren’t expecting this. Your desk was scattered with various pieces of paper and rose petals. A large white teddy bear was sitting in your chair with a bouquet of gardenias nestled in its arms and a bag of (Y/F/C) tucked in beside it. You stood rooted in place out of surprise until Derek gave you a slight nudge. You walked forward and picked up one of the pieces of paper. You smiled as you recognized Spencer’s handwriting and started reading. It was a poem by Christina Rossetti, one of your favorites actually “I loved you first”. You had talked about this with Spencer months ago, when you both discovered your shared love of poetry. From the looks of it, he had managed to write down all of your favorite poems on these little notes (probably including a few of his own favorites) and put them all over your desk. You plucked the bouquet of gardenias out of the bear’s arms and smelled them. 

“Red roses traditionally symbolize love and passion while gardenias’ symbolize pure, secret love which more accurately displays how I feel about you,” Spencer mumbled from behind you. You immediately spun around and dropped the bouquet back in your chair, before throwing your arms around his neck and crashing your lips into his. He seemed to be stunned for a few seconds, before kissing you back and wrapping his arms around your waist. Hoots and hollers came from all around the office, mainly from Penelope and Emily. You separated a little breathlessly and rested your forehead against his. The pair of you were smiling from ear to ear. “Please tell me this isn’t a dream,” he muttered closing his eyes. 

“Nope,” you replied popping the “p”, “I’m real.”

“So I take it you like me too or else I think you’ve been sending some very mixed signals.” You chuckled and kissed him again. 

“Does that answer your question?” you asked, after you’d pulled back. 

“I think it does, and to think I had a whole speech planned out to make you at least go on one date with me,” he replied scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. You just shook your head and smiled at him.

“That’s so sweet, but how on earth did you have time to set this up? I couldn’t have been gone more than fifteen minutes,” you said, turning slightly to look at your desk,

“14 minutes and 23 seconds actually, but I’ve had the notes sitting in my bag for about a week now,” he told you. 

“Ok, that’s enough, back to work all of you,” Hotch said, commotion having finally drawn him out of his office. There was a collective “sorry” muttered from around the office, before Hotch turned his attention to the two of you. “Do we need to have a conversation or can I trust that this isn’t going to affect work?”

“I think we’re good,” you answered. 

“Good, now I need to call Dave and inform him that he owes me twenty bucks as do the two of you,” Hotch chuckled motioning JJ and Emily. The two women groaned slightly before reaching for their purses. 

“Wait, what?” Spencer asked raising an eyebrow, keeping his arms wrapped around your waist. 

“To make a long story short, we started a pool going for how long it would take the two of you to get together after three months of watching the two of you flirt. I had yesterday, Hotch had today, Rossi had tomorrow, and JJ had next Monday,” Emily explained as she walked up the stairs and handed the money to Hotch, who gladly pocketed it and went back in his office to presumably call Rossi who was off on vacation time. 

“I cannot believe this! How many people in this office are invloved in our love lives?” you cried in frustration, even though you were smiling. 

“Wait, who else is involved in our love life?” Spencer asked, looking down at you confused. 

“And that’s our cue to run chocolate thunder,” Penelope muttered, as she took off running dragging Derek along behind her. You shook your head and laughed, all irritation suddenly vanishing. 

“Wonder what that was about,” Reid thought out loud, as you unwound from his arms and moved all his gifts out of your chair. 

“Don’t worry about it, just remind me to tell Brian from payroll to send her some flowers,” you told him. He looked very confused but just shrugged and kissed your forehead. You grinned up at him, knowing that this was the start of one of the best times in your life. 

Nursey is so wrapped up in saying goodbye to the graduating seniors that he doesn’t notice Dex and Bitty disappear until Chowder pokes him in his ribs with a grin. “You’re gonna pretend to be surprised, right?”

Nursey is already surprised, and confused, but doesn’t say so.

When they get back to the Haus half an hour later, taking the long route at Chowder’s insistence, everything looks the same as it always does. That is until Nursey makes his way up to Lardo’s old room, determined to figure out what he’s apparently supposed to already suspect.

“Shit,” Dex curses when he spots him. “Uh, hey? Fuck. I mean. What’s up, Nurse?”

Nursey blinks several times in quick succession, but the image of Dex in the middle of hanging custom bookshelves on the back wall of their soon-to-be-shared-bedroom while surrounded by at least five of Nursey’s favorite baked goods doesn’t go away. “…I literally don’t even know where to start, bro.”

Dex’s head drops down with a beleaguered groan. There’s a number two pencil stuck behind one ear and a hammer hanging from one of his belt loops. It’s a good look on him.

“Not that I’m complaining,” Nursey adds.

“You weren’t supposed to know I installed this,” Dex mutters, eyes trained on the floor.

“And the pies?”

“That was mostly Bitty. I only made one of them.“ Dex shrugs a shoulder stiffly. "Well. One and a half.”

“And did you make me shelves too?”

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anonymous asked:

Good thing you didn't actually take up a job at a hotel. My friend used to work at the front desk of a hotel. According to him, eveytthing happens there: divorce, marriage, porn, suicide, all the good stuff. He hated the job, but damn. He's got lots of stories to tell from working there.

Dude, hotels are where shit goes DOWN! You will also get blamed for everyone’s problems if you work at the front desk

firsts ✰ peter parker

summary : a collection of firsts between you and your beloved boyfriend, peter benjamin parker. 

author’s note : y’all okay this is so long my apologies i just??? went so overboard??? because i loved this so much?? also i could probably do more of these because it’s so cute and there are more things that could be added this was just already so long

  • the first time you meet peter, you’re pretty sure, at least just for a second, that you’ve officially met the human form of sunshine
  • seriously he’s always so happy??? and smiling??? and it’s honestly makes him so attractive to you in the first place
  • other than the exceptionally cute face that keeps angling itself toward you ever so slightly in ap chem class that thursday morning 
  • you’re both in lab and he’s sitting at his shared table with ned and he’s supposed to be making the mixture for his webs but oh well he’d rather stare at you like he does in every class you have together
  • (it’s three, three classes and two free periods and lunch and your locker is four down from his, not that he’s paying much attention to that sort of thing)
  • finally ned encourages him to walk up to you in class and ask for an extra beaker one day
    • “do you want my hat for some confidence boosts”
    • “no ned you’re the only one who can wear that hat properly”
    • “you’re not wrong”
  • so peter casually strolls up to your table where you’re sitting alone because your partner is absent and he bumps into the front of the desk 
  • you glance up from your work to see him holding his ribcage and mumbling under his breath
    • “oh, hi peter!” you say cheerfully
    • “wait you know my name?” ohmygodohmygod she knows who i am what the hell oh my god
    • “well duh, we have three classes together of course i do”
  • the best way to describe him in that moment is having lit up from within
  • he instantaneously smiles so wide and so excitedly as he realizes that you’ve noticed him too and maybe not in the same way he’s been noticing you but it doesn’t matter because it’s something 
  • he can work with something
  • and he definitely does
  • from the moment he slid into the empty seat next to you, turning around to give ned a completely obvious thumbs up with another wide grin, you knew you were goner
  • the first time you hold hands with peter you’re on the train with him going to meet may for the first time
  • you’re sort of together but not really but at the same time everyone knows that you and peter are pretty much dating
  • anyways peter really wants you to meet his aunt because she’s his favorite person ever but you’re slowly becoming a contender for that title
  • also may has been relentlessly asking to meet you for the past month and a half of you and peter developing strong feelings for each other so he figures now is as good a time as any
  • especially since he’s planning on asking you to be his girlfriend in the very very near future
  • so you’re taking the train back to his apartment and there’s barely any room for the both of you to sit unless he goes across the cart and the last thing this cutie wants to do is leave you 
  • he’s chilling and holding onto the pole thing by your seat and his other hand is dangling at his side kind of close to yours and he really wants to grab your hand so his fingers are kind of like twitching awkwardly ‘cause he’s not sure whether or not he should just lean down and go for it
  • you’re the one that goes for it in the end, shifting your bag on your lap before you reach out to hold his hand kind of loosely in case he doesn’t really want to
  • but he really wants to
  • and the blood rushes to his face so quickly when he glances down to see you shyly smiling up at him with your hand in his not quite firmly enough 
  • he laces his fingers through yours and makes sure you know he wants to do this more than anything else 
  • peter kind of adores hand holding
  • it makes him super happy and he feels safe and loved and cared for when you hold his hand for that first time 
  • he swings your hands back and forth between you as you trek to his apartment and he does it an exaggerated fashion that makes you laugh
  • he’s happy, so happy
  • the first time he kisses you is that same day, and it’s also the day he officially becomes your boyfriend
  • basically it’s a day neither you nor him would ever or could ever forget
  • you had just arrived at his building and you were both just standing there staring at each other with your hands still clasped together 
  • he had a dopey little happy adorable grin on his face as he bounced on his heels slightly and that made you smile so hard as well 
  • he looked like the most excited little boy ever 
  • which he was, if you really think about it
  • anyway he kind of just moves his hands up to your face for like a second and he hesitates but you nod and tell him that it’s okay so he presses them against your cheeks
    • “i- i wanna… can i… i’m gonna kiss you is that okay maybe”
    • “yeah pete, that’d be okay with me” you smile really softly at him and he nods again and he’s so nervous
  • he leans in and you lean in and you’re so close that you can practically feel his eyelashes delicately fluttering against your cheeks 
  • and then he closes his eyes and he kisses you and it’s only for like four seconds but it’s okay because you’re sure that it’s the best kiss you’ve ever experienced in your life
  • when he pulls back he’s so blushy and cute and shy with his head ducked slightly so you can’t look at him when he asks the next question
    • “so- um, maybe when i- i introduce you to may, i could possibly call you my… girlfriend? maybe? if you’d like to be…”
    • “PETERYESI’VEBEENWAITINGIWOULDLOVETOBE”
    • “OHOKAYIMSORRYTOKEEPYOUWAITING”
    • “IT’SFINEIREALLYLIKEYOU”
    • “ILIKEYOUMORE OKAY COOL LET’S GO MEET MAY”
  • the cutest babes ever :’))
  • the first time he calls you babe is maybe a week or two later
  • he doesn’t really mean to but it slips out and he can’t take it back
  • after seeing your reaction to it he doesn’t want to it back anyhow but before he notices how bright you beam at him he definitely slaps a hand over his face in embarrassment 
    • because like,,, is that even allowed am i supposed to say things like that what are relationship rules is that okay ohmygod
  • so you’re sitting at his desk and you’re going over calc homework with him and you’ve got a pen cap stuck between your lips as you concentrate and he is on his bed with one hand on his cheek and an elbow propping him so he can gaze at you the way an art connoisseur would admire a painting in the MET and he can’t help it
  • it just slips out like
    • “i got really lucky when i met you babe”
    • but he doesn’T MEAN TO SAY BABE AND HIS HEART KIND OF GOES !!!!!!!! but in a bad way
    • he’s like ah fuck i ruined it
    • but you spin around in his little spinny chair that you love and you grin at him and then he relaxes a bit and thinks hey ok good job peter so suave and charming nice one man and pats himself on the back a bit
    • “babe huh”
    • he tries to play it cool but he squeaks out “ummm yeah well like if you’re cool with it ya know haha” 
  • spoiler alert ! you’re v cool with it
  • the first time he says i love you isn’t during some big grandiose argument about him being spider-man
  • in fact it’s probably the lamest fucking thing ever and he kind of regrets not making it a bigger deal to tell you that he loves you but like whatever
  • it makes for a funny story
  • he’s been up with you the past two weeks studying for a history final that has you stressed out you haven’t kissed him hello in like… two days
  • you get out of your final and you’re like sweating from the stress of it and from holding your breath while answering questions because half of the shit you studied for isn’t on the test??? and like??? american education system whatever bye
  • he doesn’t even have a test that day but he waits outside the room for the hour and a half anyway
    • “you probably aced it babe you’re so smart i bet you did wonderfully i’m so sure of it”
    • “when i go to summer school you’re gonna wanna take those words back peter benjamin parker”
      “shut up let me supportive gosh y/n… anyways wanna go get celebratory donuts, my treat obviously”
    • “yes let’s go right now”
  • so another few days pass and you’re getting the tests back and peter skips the last ten minutes of his advanced english class to linger outside your door so he can be the first to greet you when you leave
  • the bell rings and you’re the last one out 
  • (this is mostly to tease peter because you know he’s outside the door he’s not good at being inconspicuous even if he’s spider-man)
  • you finally come out and he bounds over to you with wide eyes and places his hands on your shoulders 
    • *drmatically* “tell me the news”
    • *sadly* “well i…” *dramatic pause* “acED IT WITH FLYING COLORS PETER I PASSED !!!!!”
    • he practically squeals with happiness and he hugs you so tightly you’re lifted off your feet as he babbles on “oh my gosh i knew you could do it i’m so proud i love you so much you’re so smart i can’t believe i’m with a genius wow”
  • you step back with your mouth sort of agape in shock and peter tilts his head at you in confusion because he didn’t know that he said it just came out like words tend to do with him
    • “peter”
    • “what?????”
    • “you just you loved me”
    • “wait i did” he takes a moment to remember what he said and then he does and he just goes “aw damn it that’s not how i wanted to say it now it’s ruined god damn it”
    • and you’re just like the epitome of the heart eyes emoji because he looks so distraught that he ruined the moment 
    • “peter shut up for a second you dummy i love you so much too”
    • “oH REALLY WOW THAT’S AWESOME
  • he’s a huge dork
  • but you wouldn’t have it any other way because this is the nerd that you love and would love for as long as possible

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hey Emma, could you give me some productivity tips?

Hello! Here are a few:

  • clear desk, clear mind - I like to organise things before I start working. If things are messy, I get a little preoccupied and procrastinate even more. My suggestion is clear your desk, sort everything you’ll need to study and get on!
  • the two-minute rule - if a task that needs to be done takes less than two minutes, just do it. My dad has often suggested that this is a great way to sort out your priorities and so far it has worked for me. Things like checking my emails, cross off events from my planner, file something away don’t take long but get you in the mood for productivity. As they say “object in motion, stay in motion”.
  • break your time up - schedule your study time and any breaks you need to take. This helps structure your day and acts as a motivation to get things done. Especially if you can reward yourself at the end! Check out my printables for organising your time!
  • leave your phone alone - Like most people, I use my phone constantly but when I’m trying to work, it is best to leave it alone. Out of sight, out of mind. Try leaving it on silent and behind you so you aren’t tempted to pick it up after every beep. Use your break times to check it.
  • find your top three to five priorities - seeing a long list of things to do is usually, for some people, kind of counterproductive. Figure out the main things that need to be done and work on those. If you’re able to complete those main things, you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished the day’s necessities and may even want to complete some more.
  • try using a mindmap instead of a to-do list - apparently using a mindmap layout instead of a traditional list can help boost productivity. It is a little more funky way to see all your outstanding tasks and might not look as overwhelming as a super long list.
  • wear headphones - you don’t have to always listen to things but it can help block out any noise that can distract you. If you’re someone that likes some music, try songs with little or no words. This is a great playlist by Spotify.
  • don’t multitask - as much as you think you can do it, trying to multitask usually ends up in a confused mess and takes twice the time. Stick to one task at a time. If you think of something you need to do, write it down and do it later.
  • change things up - doing the same things in the same place can get boring. Make the effort every now and then to change where you’re studying or how you’re studying. This can include moving your studying from the desk to the kitchen table for a change of scenery or making flash cards instead of annotating your notes. Studying with a family member or friends is a fun way to get some work done!
  • be positive - most people have times when they just don’t want to study or anything, it is natural. However, it is not worth sitting staring at your books in an unmotivated mood just waiting to feel inspired. If you’re not feeling it, do something else for a while. Come back to it a bit later and have another go. Usually walking away and coming back is all you need to feel more productive.
  • focus on 20-30 minute periods - generally, we lose focus after a while so taking regular breaks can help give you chance to relax and refocus. Apps like Forest allow you to set a timer and will give you off your phone at the same time. Obviously, if you’re being productive, don’t suddenly cut that off because it is “time for a break”.
  • divide and conquer - figure out what is the overall task that you need to do and split it into manageable parts. For instance, with an essay the aim is to write it! Divide it into planning out what you want to write, any references you need, summarising a final draft and then writing each paragraph. By dividing bigger tasks into actionable parts you can reduce the obstacles and get through each part in a more timely manner.
  • make the effort to refocus - if you’re finding something boring and you’re unfocused, walk away for 5 minutes, get a drink and come back. If you’re really struggling, change topics for a while. Find a point where you can finish and start doing something else that is productive. 

Hope that helps :-)

The Thirst Order’s Greatest Hits Collection!

@fuckingkyloren

Lo is known, I think, primarily for her Kylux/Reader work, so I’ve included one of those, here—but she has great work outside of that, too. Her work gets straight to the fucking (hohoho) point and is just excellent smutty fun.

Whenever I Want: This is a Kylo Ren/Hux/Reader threesome—and it’s one of those that, despite me not being into Hux, like, at all, I find myself still thinking about.  I think that alone is a testament to its hotness—but it also has some good, nasty shit like cum-sharing and snowballing.

Kylo Gets Off: The title is self-explanatory. We all love Kylo Ren jerking off. But getting nearly 1000 words of it is such a blessing. He jerks off to the thought of fucking Hux and Reader at the same time. Usually I don’t like sharing someone’s fantasy spotlight, but I love this.

Punishment: I’ve recc’d this before on, like, two other lists, but I won’t stop reccing it, because I love it so much. This was, I think, one of the first sub!Kylo fics I read and loved. I still think about the line, “It’s so good,” he answered. “So warm and fucking wet…” Like, kill me please.

@kylophiliac

If you’re looking for weird stuff, sad stuff, or bloody stuff, Jinx is your girl. Not only does she have unique takes on certain AUs—her writing is fantastic. Her descriptive language is dark and poetic and beautiful.

A Full Confession: Okay, this seems self-aggrandizing, but hear me out. Almost all of the ideas in this fic, and a ton of the gorgeous/tongue-in-cheek imagery come from her. It’s easily some of her best writing, and you’d be doing yourself a disservice not to check it out for that reason.

Exposed: I really love vampires. I really love Kylo Ren. So why not both? This is the answer to that question. Good imagery, hot sex. Is there any more we can ask for from a Vampire!Kylo fic?

The Angst Files, Chapter 3: All of the chapters in this collection are great, but this one is a favorite. Not only for the idea of Kylo Ren getting hard from his own tears, but the sex is visceral, too. A Sad Boy Sex Hall of Famer, for sure.

@bestwithalisp 

Maybe even more than she loves writing Kylo Ren, Beth loves writing Ben Solo. Her Ben Solo work is fantastic, and I’ve included one of my faves. Her smut is raunchy and her dirty talk is nasty as fuck. She pulls no punches.

Frozen NSFW: Beth will probably kill me for putting this here, but oh well, I’ll face death bravely. Frozen NSFW is a fantastic collection of dubcon/noncon scenes as Reader navigates her life as Kylo Ren’s new sex slave. And Kylo is just… an asshole. A hot, sexy, asshole.

Solidarity: I’ve recc’d this before, too, but, look. I said this was the greatest hits, goddammit. The sequel to another piece she so thoughtfully wrote for me, you’ll find doggy-style dubcon inside. I frequently think about the line, “Fuck this is the perfect little cunt. I think I need this to greet me at the end of every day.” Christ.

A Hasty Landing: Just one of many great Ben Solo pieces, this is one of my faves because of the intimacy and heat captured. I love the way Ben is written—snarky and naughty and fun.

@faestae

It was hard narrowing down the list of Fae’s fantastic works to just three. There’s so much by her that I truly love. She’s incredible at laying down themes in even the shortest one-shots, her characterization is always engaging, and her imagery is unique and evocative.

On the Desk: I’ll be honest. I’ve probably gotten off to this thing like five or six times. Professor AUs are hot, but this is just beyond everything I could want from one. Professor Ren is dirty as hell.

Okay, Fine: No smut in this—but it’s one of my favorites. A twist on the sweetness of a Coffee Shop AU, this fic instead features  an antagonistic relationship between Kylo (in his triplet form) and Reader. Enemies to Lovers, perhaps? Great dialogue, great characterization, great narrative. It’s good-feelsiest fic around.

Don’t Tell Kylo: In this fic, you’re double-teamed by Organa Solo triplets Ben and Matt. This fic is a perfect hallmark of Fae’s style—it’s hot with a consistent thematic foundation and strong emotions.

@satans-codpiece

Because Kat is known most widely for Love is a Four Letter Word, I wanted to take this time to point out a few of their other excellent works. Kat’s narrative style is so immediate and engaging, and their language has the ability to drag tears of out of me, which is, like, unheard of.

All Tied Up: This work is heavy noncon. Reader is kidnapped by the twisted triplets and horrible things happen. You should absolutely not read this if it isn’t your thing, but I could not fail to recommend it because if it is your thing, it’s fucking hot as hell, and you’ll love it.

On Display: Reader is fucked against a window by Kylo Ren, an officer gets off to the show. Exhibitionism/voyeurism are one of my big kinks, and this piece just… hits all the right spots. One of my faves.

Infraction:  In relative terms of the Kylo Ren fandom, this piece is older. But it’s still one of the hottest in my memory. It has one of my favorite lines in fanfiction ever: “Yes, you would. You’d never leave, the only thing you’d ever have to do is get fucked.”  *SWEATS*

@tonictransistor

I’m going to imagine Tora will be shocked I even included her, but she hardly gives herself enough credit. She’s been the only person who’s managed to get me to enjoy Hux outside of a Kylo/Hux/Reader context. Her sense of humor and sass come through brilliantly in her writing.

Valentine’s Day: I have to be honest. I really enjoy these Hux drabbles. As mentioned, Hux isn’t my guy. But the banter and snark here makes me think maybe he could be my guy.

Untitled: Another Hux/Reader drabble, which I won’t title as “this is dumb” because it isn’t. There’s great sexual tension captured between Reader and Hux, and the unexpected cigarette burn is so salacious.

De-Stressing: This piece is Kylo/Reader—and there’s daddy kink. Look, y’all know I don’t typically go for daddy kink, but this one is enjoyable. If it’s your thing, this is right up your alley.