things june says

top 5 worst things my daddy says

(June edition)
5. No, you may not have that. You may have raisins.
4. It’s not a nap; it’s just a little lie down.
3. Because I said so.
2. I don’t like repeating myself when I know I’ve been understood.
1. We’ll see.

I still find comfort in all the things you say | June 3, Annabeth

And so, Percy is a girl.

Which both is and isn’t as simple as it sounds. Percy and her mom hangout once a week, painting nails and “spending mother-daughter time together” (the phrase makes Percy’s stomach flip, and not just out of sheepish embarrassment at having structured bonding time with her mother at nineteen). They watch movies or tv and talk - not just about gender, though her mom tries her best to check in. Percy obliges her, because it’s her mom and because after three, long months of inward-facing, circular conversations it’s a genuine revelation.

Percy tells Paul, with the help of her mom, about a month later. Two weeks later, when she’s looking for the mail key, she finds a brochure for a parents-of-transgender-children group and she stares at it for a long time with shaking hands.

Mostly, everything is normal - Percy still spends most of her time at Camp, watching over the year-rounders and teaching sword fighting. She still spends her free time skateboarding in the city or with Annabeth. Though, there are other things, too.

Percy stops cutting her hair. It’s a slow growing process even with the minty shampoo her mom bought. (It’s because of the hormones, according to the internet. Testosterone keeps her hair thinner and slow to grow. If - when - Percy starts hormone replacement, her hair will come in long and fast.) And she starts shaving, everywhere.

It results in a vaguely hilarious in retrospect conversation with her mom about female body hair, but doesn’t leave Percy feeling all that better.

That’s the hardest thing to keep Annabeth from asking about.

Luckily it’s still cool enough that even in the end of May it’s not that out of place for Percy to be in jeans. And that they mostly have sex in the dark. And if Percy goes down on her first, she doesn’t notice if Percy hasn’t taken off her jeans until Percy is pressing inside her.

Percy still goes for swims, every morning to check on Hudson and East if she’s in the city. If she’s at camp, it’s mostly a habit and pleasure. She stays in gym shorts and a t-shirt for those swims, because she can.

But yeah, it’s getting time for Percy to figure out how to tell Annabeth. The topic has dominated the last few nights with her mom, the anxiety building as Annabeth goes away for a week to visit her dad in San Francisco before the summer heat draws monsters on every Half-Blood’s tail.

Her palms are sweating when she’s at the Amtrak station, waiting for Annabeth to get off her train, rolling her skateboard under her feet while she sits and waits.

My favourite hobby: sending horrendously long emails to scientific collaborators at ungodly hours.

I hope the drawings that you leave in fingerprints on other girls skin lights a fire in them like they did for me.

I hope that soon a girl arrives who you allow a better attempt at loving you than I did; I hope you love her back completely.

Lastly, I hope you know that no matter what happened in our chapter, I will always pray for your safety & happiness because although you broke my heart, I still believe you deserve the world.

—  03.06.2014