things i should probably delete

some people make me feel so worthless, it hurts sometimes, I just wish to sleep for over a week without dealing with anything.

I’m sitting in the student union building, and I am really probably not in any condition to write a coherent thought at the moment for many, many reasons but I just want to say - I have to? need to? I don’t know, but I want to –

I have been consumed with thoughts of Baccano! and the Naritaverse at large over the last few days. I say consumed. I likely mean it, too – I write this post for I have been consumed with thoughts of Baccano!, of its world, its characters, its concepts, everything. 

I write this because I have never, ever, been so invested in a fictional series before as I am now. As I have been for the last several years. It has been years since I first was introduced to Baccano! (via the anime, of course, as so many of us were), and I am still here. 

I am still here.

Over the past several days, I have been consumed with thoughts of Ryohgo Narita’s world - love for his world, warm and vague and diffusant. Well, I am always generally filled with love for his stories, but these last few days I’ve been drifting, scattered, buzzing on the edge of conscious sobriety - scattered thoughts of Baccano! and Vamp! and Etsusa Bridge, and so on, so forth, etcetera, to be continued. 

I did say I am probably not in any condition to form a coherent, sharply conscious thought at the beginning. Do keep that in mind. 

I say this: I have never been so invested in a fictional work as I have with Narita’s works.  

Most of us started with the anime. I did, too. It was one of my first anime, in all likelihood. Perhaps in my first ten - certainly in my first twenty. 

And so, I watched the anime, young, teenaged, drawn in by its premise which seeme right up my alley. 

I watched it, and I wanted more.

So - so, I ventured forth, sought out the light novels - the fan translations, of course, for this was long before Yen Press even hinted at a license - and I read them. I read them, and I wanted more

I reread them. I visited the wiki. I visited fanfiction.net, then AO3 - I know I did, I must have done. I rewatched the anime. Later, I’d rewatch it again. And again. Subs, this time, or some time, at least. 

I wanted more.

I joined tumblr - joined it as a language/linguistic blog, one that I have neglected for months but still exists - and while I was reblogging posts on language learning, on Greek, on French, my eye was on the the fandom side of tumblr. 

Of the Baccano! fandom. 

And eventually, I created this blog, agallimaufryofoddments. 

I can’t tell you how much it meant to me - realizing that there was a tiny but vibrant and active community of Baccano! fans on tumblr - that there was a community at all. 

There were people posting fanart, fanfiction, analyses posts, aesthetic posts - there were people who loved this series and invested their time into it - that was astonishing to me. 

And over the last few days, I have been scattered, drifting. Vaguely overwhelmed with how much I care.

Once upon a time, I watched the 2007 anime adaptation.

Everything began from there. 

I read the light novels, read fanfiction, visited TV Tropes. Rewatched the anime. Eventually I’d join Tumblr, and realize that a fandom existed at all.

Eventually I’d become an administrator of the wiki.  Eventually I’d start to write fanfiction of my own. Analyses and speculation of my own. Eventually I’d start to transcribe the audio commentary. Eventually I not only emotionally invested, I monetarily invested. 

And God, what a wonderful lot the community is.  How diverse it is, for a fandom so small. How wonderfully diverse. 

I have never come across a fandom so small, and so, so, talented. The range of interests and specialities across such a small fandom is breathtaking.

There are those like @toushindai, devotees to the 1700s, to Huey, to Monica. To Elmer. To Rosetta, and Jacques-Rosé, to Majeedah. 

Those like @houjicha and @grandpanacea, who champion Firo Prochainezo, he who is “main character-ish.”

What about @lua-russo, celebrator of Lua Klein and Ladd Russo, Goose Perkins and Spike. Or of @birdschach, who celebrates not only them but NIck, lovable and underappreciated?

@vilatile is the one to turn to for Christopher, for Rail, and the Lamia.  Looking for an Ennis fan? @eyes-like-a-gentle-knight has got you covered. @sarcasticdebate too, though don’t forget - she equally promotes Rachel above others. Meanwhile, @thegoldenhigh is forever a spokesperson for Maiza, and @insertimaginativenamehere for Elmer. 

@maitressepatria - Luchino, Niki, Fermet feature the most in her fics and thoughts, and aren’t we lucky.  @pippenpaddlopsicopolisthethird for Jacuzzi, I should think. 

What about Felix Walken/Claire Stanfield? You’ve got @chancellorxofxtrash and @memethighs for major Felix advocates, among other favorites of theres (and among other Felix proponents, I’m sure)

And of course, who else could one associate with Dallas Genoard but @the-youngest-gandor-brother, who is certainly the most vocal supporter of Dallas that I know of. The Gandors, too, are his bailiwick. And if we are to speak of Dallas and the Gandors, we must of course think of @avvos as well. 

Even the Runoratas have a representative - in the form of @hrh-gwen - lover of Sham and the Runoratas, fond of Renee and more besides. 

@lizalaforet - take a guess.  Innit great, though? 

Isn’t it brilliant? 

There are more I haven’t mentioned above - more members of the active fandom, I know, but rest assured, I’ve been planning a relevant post to that for at least two months now, so - so, if you don’t see your url above, rest assured - I am thinking of you, and you will be mentioned in said future post. 

I just had to share my thoughts and feelings now, before I burst. I had to. I had to.  I adore how diverse the active Baccano! fandom is in terms of their interests, adore how the fan content produced as of late - fanfiction, fanart, aesthetic posts, analyses posts, speculation posts, etc-motherfucking-cetera is so varied in content, reflective of the diversity in fans’ specialities. 

I have no idea if anything I’ve written up till now is remotely coherent. It’s likely all rambling, as I tend to do. Babbling is probably the more apt term.  I said at the beginning that I’m likely not in any condition to write anything coherent, and I’ll stand by it. My heart has been racing all day, and I’ve been present but not present, and I have been a functional and emotional mess for the past several weeks, but I really, really, really had so many recent strong feelings towards Baccano! and the time I’ve put into it and the time the fandom has put into it and the diversity of fandom interests and the pot has bubbled over at last.

I’ll likely regret writing this post in the morning for its incoherency and overlong rambling, and in all truthfulness I have not been in the best of headspaces over the last several weeks, motivationally speaking, emotionally speaking, functionally speaking. But I say this: 

I am still here.

And I’ve meant every word of what I’ve said thus far. I have never invested as much into a series as I have Baccano! and the Naritaverse, and I certainly have never seen a small fandom as diverse and drenched in talent as I have with the fan community here. 

Perhaps I’ll grow out of Baccano! someday. (If I live that long for a someday). But for now - at this very moment, it seems impossible. At this very moment, at least, I must acknowledge the impact it’s had on my life. That it’s had an impact on it at all.  That you’ve all had an impact on it. Because you have, all you wonderful people with wonderful ideas and creativity flowing out of you in spades.

You have. 

Thank you.

#men

I just spoke with my father and he: 

  • scornfully mentioned “The Liberals” 
  • mansplained abortion 
  • “It’s great that people are allowed to have abortions but we shouldn’t be handing them out free at street corners.”
  • referred to supporting Planned Parenthood as displaying “extreme” views and warned about the dangers of publicly expressing such extremity
  • asked if I’d finish my PhD in a year “or will it take two?” 
  • laughed when I said I was taking a “feminist critical approach” to my thesis
  • laughed when I reminded him my thesis was connected to ~ witchcraft ~ and made a joke about how he doesn’t have good personal experience with witches (because like obvs every woman who’s ever dumped or opposed him is a ~ witch ~)*
  • stopped referring to my boyfriend by his name and adopted “~He~” instead

* though to be fair, his second ex wife did attempt to voodoo him to death

youtube

something important JP said here that I think went by the wayside (Perry screams loudly at the beginning and then JP’s voice is kind of soft in the background)

Someone in the spuffy tags is using Spike’s behavior in AtS S5 to demean his and Buffy’s credibility as soulmates.

Joke’s on you, we already know the ship is a hot mess. Soulmates? HA HA HA! WHAT IS THAT. We’re just here to enjoy it until it crashes and burns.

3

All I really want you to know is that you are changing the world. I’m not changing the world, you’re changing the world and that’s amazing. Please, please just be kind to each other and love and inspire people because – let’s do it, let’s do it – let’s change the game. Let’s change the game. The most important thing is that we learn and we continue to learn from each other. Please stay true to yourself. Please just remain who you are. And know that we have each others back. All of us have each others back.

i’m feeling kind of down today, which is pretty rare for me I’m not gonna lie.

My illness is getting to me.Three doctors so far have told me I may just have to live with it. My tutor at university has suggested I take a year out. I had to leave my friends birthday party last night because I was in too much pain.

I’ve been emotional for days since that third doctor told me I might just have to live with it.

live with it. Those are fucking terrifying words when this pain is worse than any pain I’ve ever known, has put me in hospital, has ruined so many days and nights, worries my friends and family sick.

How could anyone live with that? How can I live with knowing I put people I love through so much worry?

I’m not looking for sympathy, I just… I don’t know, I have nowhere else to say these things and yeah. I just needed to rant and I’m sorry if you think I’m attention seeking.

Yeah.