things i judge myself for making

anonymous asked:

im so tired of being single, i rly want a boyfrind but im also scared that he will cheat and use me and make me look like an idiot.. i think of myself as a rly good judge of character but men can be so fake idk what should i do.. and plus my anxiety kicks in when im talking to someone and idk what to talk about so im scared that theyll think im dumb ughhhhh

All your fears and valid and normal! I was single for 20 years before my first partner and I think we just build up fears in our head with all that free time. There’s always a chance of things not working out. There will never be a risk free situation when it comes to dating! You just have to accept it as an intimidating process

I want a relationship with someone who always wants to talk to me, no matter the time. I want a relationship with someone who I can have a genuine conversation with. I want a relationship with someone who I can trust and doesn’t make me question whether or not they want to be with me. I want a relationship with someone who cares about how my day was and how my dad is. I want a relationship with someone who isn’t always happy and positive. You can be upset and crying, I promise to comfort you and help the best I can. I will always be by your side. I just hope you do the same for me. I want a relationship with someone who I can have fun with and joke around with. Who doesn’t take everything so seriously and can laugh at themselves. I want a relationship with someone who is confident. Go ahead, be cocky and proud of yourself. Confidence is cute. I want a relationship with someone who I can be myself with and not have to worry about impressing you or being judged. I want a relationship with someone who I can take everywhere and show them off to the world because I’m proud to be with you. I want a relationship with someone who will put the effort in and try to make things last. I want a relationship with someone who I can love. Who I can treat like a queen. I just want a relationship with someone that means something.

I never understood the “Don’t judge a book by its cover” sentiment.  As a kid, I remember thinking to myself, I thought that’s what book covers were for? They’re the first thing potential readers see when they’re browsing and they’re the subject of many an *intellectual* Instagram shot. But most importantly, artists work hard to make sure book covers reflect  what’s inside of them.

As the NPR Books intern, my hands end up on a lot of brand new titles, which also have brand new covers. So this summer, I’m going to be tumbling about book cover art and artists in a series I’m calling #bookcovercrush.

First up: Luiza Sauma’s Flesh and Bone and Water, which was designed by cover artist Lauren Peters-Collaer. The novel follows a wealthy Brazilian teenager who finds himself drawn to the family maid’s beautiful daughter after travelling to the mouth of the Amazon.

Peters-Collaer says, “First, I explored mixing painted patterns with natural elements of the Brazilian landscape to convey the tropical setting and lush, layered feeling of the narrative.”

“At the same time, I was interested in incorporating an obscured female visual to reference the woman who is a catalyst for the story, and who is increasingly illuminated throughout the course of the text.”

“These two ideas came together in the final cover”:

Be sure to watch out for next installment of #bookcovercrush!

-Intern Sydnee

Images courtesy of  Lauren Peters-Collaer and Scribner

Hello! I didn’t actually expect that many people to request this and I was going to make this anyways soooo… Let’s get to it!

 Before we get started to actually making the spread, you first need to answer the following:

  • Do I want to follow a theme?
  • If so, what theme do I want? 
  • What are the things that motivate me?
  • Are there certain people that motivate me?
  • Do I want to plan my weekends? 

 My weekly spread isn’t the same every week and I change some things very often because I feel like it’s necessary to do so but I’m not one to change my over all color scheme very often although there are some studygrams who change theirs every week. It’s hard to keep on changing your theme if you are a studyblr so I suggest to stick to one for a long time. It’s not necessary to have one but it makes it more neat and pleasing in the eyes and makes it look more organized. I don’t know what they’re originally called, but I call them ‘space-fillers’ mainly because they fill up space (duh). To sum it up, these are basically little things you can add to your bujo to make it more handy and useful. (* - my favorites) Some examples are: 

  • Weekly Playlist*
  • Sleep Tracker
  • Water Count
  • Thought of The Day (TOTD)*
  • Quote of The Day (QOTD)
  • Daily Mood
  • Weekly Expenses 
  • What I Eat in a Day* 

 I want to make this clear, because I live in the Philippines, I don’t really have access to expensive stationeries that you could always see on tumblr and instagram such as Tombows, Muji pens, Artline Stix, and Mildliners. I know that there are some MUJI branches in Manila but it would mean climbing Mt. Everest, crossing the Han River, and spending your life savings. Not worth it (in my opinion because I’m like 14 who basically depends on her parents). So, learn to use what you have and supplies are just supplies. Expensive stationery don’t equal to immediately having beautiful lettering. I just use the Faber Castel ones but depending on where you live, these might not be available for you. I use it because it’s cheaper and does the job. Although the tips do fray overtime, you’re still getting more than what you paid for. So definitely a must-try.

 Before we start. Checklist (* - optional) 

  • Bujo
  • Markers 
  • Glue 
  • Ballpen 
  • Ruler 
  • Highlighter* 
  • Washi Tape*
  • Colored Paper*
  • Photos* 
  • Music 

(I didn’t list any specific brands because you can always substitute supplies)

 Okay and now we can finally start! 

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4

often times, i hear the words “oppression” and “liberation” be thrown at me. you are oppressed because you are not liberated enough in what you wear. you are not liberated because you are oppressed in what you wear. so what’s liberation? is it me standing on a beach in western clothes with the skin on my arms showing, basking in the sun? is that what being liberated means? or is that me showing too much skin for a muslim girl? is liberation me wearing a tight fitted flowery maxi dress? or is that a little too tight?

and am i oppressed by covering myself entirely with my abayah, with no skin showing? but wait, i’m wearing a face full of makeup, though? is that too much? or wait, is me wearing a bright pink colour on top of my abayah too “out there”? is that me being a bit too loud and calling attention? 

and then i wonder … how can i be oppressed if i can wear all these things, make all these choices in how i want to dress myself, and be happy and myself in all these things? wearing a full face of make up, wearing bright colours, wearing western clothes, and showing my skin a little bit, whether that be at home or on the beach, or covering myself entirely in my abayah with nothing on show. how am i oppressed when i, a happy muslim girl, can make all these choices in what i want to wear, in what i decide to wear, and noone can tell me, or has the right to tell me, if what i am wearing is “oppressing” or “liberating” enough. 

since when did judging my level of freedom and happiness come from how you perceive it, and that too, in what clothes i am wearing? but wait, if i do this, then i’m being too much, and if i do that, i’m doing too less. 

how about this: we simply let people, be.

RIP To My Youth pt. 3

*To be read in Britney’s voice* It’s been awhile… I know I shouldn’t have kept you waiting… but I’m here now.

Previous chapters: Part 1, Part 2

Description: Saturday has finally arrived, which for Y/N means only one thing… Cheryl Blossom’s highly anticipated party. And what’s Blossom party without drama? A little game of truth or dare never hurt anyone, right?

Pairing: Jughead x Reader

Word Count: 4170

Warnings: A swear or two



I woke up to the blaring noise of my phone’s ringtone. No please no, just five more minutes. Who the hell could be calling me this early on a Saturday?

I reluctantly rolled over to check my phone’s caller ID to see who decided to bother me at 8 am. ‘Veronica Lodge’ it read. Groaning, I held the phone up to my ear and answered.

“Hello?” I said in a groggy morning voice.

“Good morning my little protégée, the shops open at 9 and we’re going to need to make a head start on things if we’re going to Cheryl’s party tonight as well” Veronica chirped. Judging by the chipper tone of her voice she had been up and ready for awhile now.

“Oh god I almost forgot about the shopping trip today, do we really need to go so early?” I yawned, sitting up in bed in an attempt to wake myself up more.

“Yes Y/N, I have the day planned out. Me, you and Kevin are going to shop not only for your new wardrobe but also for killer outfits for the three of us tonight. Then we’re meeting Archie at Pop’s a little later on, and then you’re coming to my house to get ready for the party. And then-”

“And then we go to the party okay, I got it, I got it” I cut in.

“Perfect, Kevin and I will be at you house in about an hour! Chow” she finished as she swiftly hung up the phone.

I tossed my phone on my nightstand and got out of bed in pursuit of the shower, which I knew would help give me the strength to get through this day.

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I'm Intersex & bi

… and starting to be proud. 

*deep breath* I’m quite nervous about this, but here it goes.

I decided to officially come out as two things that I’ve actually been ashamed of for the longest of time. I’m doing this because I’m finally getting to that point where I can’t just cope with it or accept it, but I’m actually starting to take pride in being who I am (let’s hope it stays that way!). I also hope that this might reach and maybe in a small way help someone like me who isn’t quite there yet.

First of all: I’m intersex. Intersex is a broad term that implies a person is born physically diverting from the gender binary (it is often confused with transgender, since both often struggle with gender-identity). I’m also however, cisgender. Which -yes-, is possible. I’ve always identified as female and was identified as such at birth. My chromosomes however are XY… I’ll try to explain:

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Fanfic Writer

Request: Hey, can you write a peter x reader where the reader is best friends with peter and has a crush on him. Then peter finds out that she is a fanfic writer that writes about spiderman?(the reader doesn’t know that peter is spiderman). Love your writings by the way!! thankss 

Warnings: None.

A/N: i actually managed to make this one 1000 words. And honestly I’m exhausted after writing this xD. Also this one is the reader’s POV, And I don’t usually do that, so I was just letting you know.

One day I’ll become known for using unrelated gifs.

Masterlist

Originally posted by mostlycap

‘I smiled as Spider-man loosened his grip on my waist, setting me down on the grass.

“How was that?” He asked me, putting his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.

“Fantastic,” I replied, “It was fantastic,”

Spider-man had asked me if I wanted to go for a swing with him, he was trying out new settings and things for his web shooters.’

“Y/N! It’s time for dinner!” My mom called for me from the kitchen.

“One sec!” I called back to her, as I saved a draft for my new fanfic. How was it possible I had gained almost four thousand new followers in the past week!? I cleared my throat as I rushed into the kitchen.

“What have you been up to?” My mother asked curiously, handing me a dinner plate.

“Probably more of her writing.” My brother interrupted.

“So?” I asked him, shoving a piece of salad into my mouth. He stuck his tongue out and I rolled my eyes. “So, I like to write, it’s not hurting anyone.” I shrugged.

“Yeah, but it’s allllllllll You do!”

“Alright you two.” My mom sat down at the table. “Y/N? You don’t have any plans for tomorrow do you?” She changed the subject.

“Well, I have a big project tomorrow. I was thinking about going over to Peter’s.”

“Oh! Well, why don’t you invite him here?” She asked excitedly. “I have some friends coming over that I want you to meet. If you could invite Peter over here, I could introduce you, then you could go work on your project. He’s always welcome.” She added.

“Yeah, Cause He’s Y/N’s boyfriend.” My brother teased.

“Is not!” I defended myself, trying to cover up the blush that had spread across my cheeks. “I’m sure that’s fine mom. I’ll text him after dinner.”

She gave me a nod.

I pointed a finger at my brother “And he is not my boyfriend.” I said. Even though that’s exactly what I wanted him to be.

But that didn’t matter, ‘because he doesn’t like me anyway’ I told myself as I tapped my fingers against the table.

“I’m uh, actually not very hungry right now.. Do you mind?” I asked anxiously, nodding my head toward my room.

“Go ahead.” My mom shrugged.

The thought of Peter never liking my had really dulled my appetite.

*Hey, my mom wants you to come here for some reason. Is that cool?*

I texted Peter once I had made it to my room.

*Yeah, That’s fine!* He responded within two seconds.

I smiled to myself and brought out my laptop.

'he was trying out new settings and things for his web shooters.’

I read through the most recent line of my fanfic before realizing I had barely even started, and had promised it would be out by the next morning.
'This is going to be a long night,’ I thought to myself.
.
Other than my family, nobody else knew about my fanfic writing. I was just afraid people would judge me for it, and think that I was weird. So i kept it to myself. But I made one mistake; Leaving my laptop open.

The day had been relatively normal, it wasn’t until I was about to go home when things got weird. Somehow, I got caught up with a group of trouble making kids, who thought it was a good idea to sneak out during lunch.
I was still at school, in the middle of a long lecture from my principle when Peter arrived at my house.

“Peter!” My mother greeted him with a hug. “Y/N’s not home yet, but I suppose she’ll be here any moment. Why don’t you go upstairs.” She ushered Peter away, and into my room.

Peter hadn’t planned on snooping, but I guess when he saw my opened laptop he just couldn’t help himself.
I couldn’t blame him, I’d be curious too.

“-'Suddenly he took me by the hand and kissed me’?” Peter read aloud. He squinted his eyes and leaned forward, examining the article closely.

He soon realized what my paper was; But he thought it was cool.

He had read through the whole thing by the time I got home.

“Y/N! Peter’s in your room, I just sent him up there a few minutes ago.”

My eyes widened. In my room!? Why couldn’t I have just remembered to turn off my computer?

I was walking briskly toward my room. 'Almost there’ I thought. But suddenly, before I could reach my doorknob, someone grabbed my arm.

“Y/N!”

“Hi!” I greeted. What I wanted to say was 'Who the heck are you?’ But I kept that to myself.

“I haven’t seen you since you were just a toddler!”

Oh.

“Well, I’d love to talk, but I don’t exactly have time right now.”

“Oh, it will only be a moment. I just wanted to introduce you to someone else.”

I rolled my eyes as I was dragged back down the way I came.

I scratched my neck as a group of my mom’s friends began to gush over how 'grown up’ and 'pretty’ I was now,

I was never good with compliments.

“I actually have a guest waiting for me upstairs.” I shuffled on my feet.

“Her boyfriend,” My brother exaggerated.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I huffed one last time before running back up the stairs.

I entered my room and slammed the door shut behind myself.\

“Great.” I muttered when I saw Peter leaning over my desk. “You probably think I’m some weirdo that’s obsessed with Spider-man now.”

“Actually, that was really good.” He said with his eyebrows raised.

“Really?” I blushed.

“Y-yeah. It was.” He scratched the back of his neck.

“Th-thanks.” I smiled shyly.

“Spider-man’s really cool.” Peter said. He couldn’t help but congratulate himself.

“Yeah, he his.” I agreed, sitting on my bed. “Hey, uh, do you want to get out of here before a bunch more of my mom’s friends come in and start bombarding us with questions?” I asked him.

“Sure,” He smiled sweetly. He walked over to my bedroom window and push it open.

“I don’t think that’s gonna work.” I laughed nervously.

“Oh, trust me.” He winked.


June/21/2017


Tags,

@ 8181pjh, @wannabe-weasley,  @flowerprincessofcryptids

UGLY

Anon prompt: Wondering If you could write a Jughead x Reader fic where the reader is super self-conscious about her body and Jug notices and helps.

Word Count: 1.5k

Tags: body image, self-confidence issues, self-harm, angst

A/N: This is another song fic, based around the song Ugly by Nicole Dollanganger.

-

The alarm rings for the third time this morning and I hit snooze once again, looking back to myself in the mirror.
I’m standing in my bra and underwear, eyes moving over the parts of my body I don’t particularly like.
My shoulders are too broad, my hips jut out in a strange way, my legs are too long and my calves are thick. I look at my face, my nose is too big, lips too thin and my eyes are small and hooded. Thick, pale scars line my thigs and hips, I run my fingertips over the small bumps they create.

The picture of Betty, Veronica, and myself at Sweetwater River catches my attention. I wish I was as gorgeous as Ronnie and Betty, they’re so beautiful, perfect in every way; and I’m just plain and ugly.

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K-Drama Starters:
  • “You’re so cute that I want to beat you up.”
  • “You’re not okay. Why do you act like you’re okay when you’re not?”
  • “I’m not acting cool. I am cool.”
  • “I bet she’d slap the person next to her for farting when she’s the one who farted.”
  • “I am so busy that I didn’t even remember that you didn’t call me for three days and thirteen hours.”
  • “I thought you were dumb, but I guess you’re not.”
  • “Yes, I don’t like you.”
  • “I can’t believe how much food she sent you. It’s not like a war’s breaking out.”
  • “So shut up and just live breathing through your silicone nose.”
  • “I know I shouldn’t be saying this to myself but I was really cool today.”
  • “Geez, you’re like the CSI. You’re sounding really smart.”
  • “You have no need to be sorry. You just need to shut your mouth.”
  • “Your existence is like a bomb.”
  • “Shut up, smart-ass.”
  • “Can I take a selfie right next to it?”
  • “What wrong have I ever done to you to make you pick on me like this?”
  • “If you like her so much, don’t just drool here. Go over there and drool on her too!”
  • “Can we pretend I beat you up?”
  • “I can’t bother you anymore so I’m going to bother everyone else.”
  • “How can you not like me? Are you on drugs?”
  • “Are you at a morgue? Do you need me to get you flowers?”
  • “Even though you have small eyes, you can see everything.”
  • “What if my chocolate abs melt?”
  • “Your shirt is see-through.”
  • “Would you like some chocolate milk?”
  • “Hey can you drive home like that?”
  • “Don’t threaten her to eat black bean noodles with you.”
  • “Why do you like horror movies so much?”
  • “Why am I your friend?”
  • “I always have plans, I just don’t have the courage.”
  • “If I don’t trip you, then I can’t hold your hand to prevent your fall.”
  • “Leave my underwear here.”
  • “I don’t like seeing people eat food that looks better than mine.”
  • “Put your phone away and put your eyebrows down.”
  • “It was good to see you in my dream.”
  • “I hope you’re not having a hard time because of me.”
  • “Do you perhaps have another secret? Like you’re actually a girl?”
  • “You can get hurt more from people you’re closer with.”
  • “I have to look good when I go to the hospital.”
  • “You’re perfect the way you are to me.”
  • “You looked sexy eating ramen.”
  • “Everyone has their own fetish. I don’t judge.”
  • “If I had that, I wouldn’t have anything else to wish for.”
  • “There’s only one person who shares the same heartbeat as you. It’s your soulmate.”
  • “Should we listen to our heartbeats to see if we’re soulmates?”
  • “You’re such an asshole.”
  • “I don’t know why you make me feel this way.”
  • “Usually dating is when things that I can do by myself are done with another person.”
  • “Don’t treat us like idiots just because we’re stupid!”
  • “You should only touch me if it’s absolutely necessary.”
  • “What good is it to make a girl laugh 100 times if she always goes to the one who makes her cry?”
  • “They’re making fun of me because I don’t have a mom.”
  • “Your face requires revenge.”
  • “At first I just seem shabby like scrap paper, but after digging in deeper, I’m pretty awesome.”
The Kids - Part 2

Originally posted by bonniebird

can you do a part two for the kids, if that’s okay? i really enjoyed it

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four


I somehow end up at Polly’s. She’s not over the moon to see me at just gone four in the morning, but she lets me in anyway.

I’ve been crying the whole way here and I know I must look a state, but Polly ushers me in and points to the kitchen table.

“Sit. Kids doing your head in?” she asks, putting the kettle on the stove.

I know she’s judging me and I know she’s preparing her “I basically raised those boys myself and ran a business when they went to war” speech that I’ve heard every time I’ve so much as hinted that the kids can be hard work.

I shake my head.

“Kids are fine,” I mumble.

“Then what is it?”

The tears I’d managed to control start up again and I explain things to Polly as best I can through heavy sobs.

She cuddles me, a gesture I never thought I’d get from her, and makes me up a bed.

“I’ll let work know you won’t be in. Just take a day in bed, get yourself sorted and then you can tackle this with a clear head,” she says, drawing the curtains. “And I won’t tell John you’re here.”

I nod my thanks to her, my eyes already closing and I’m practically asleep before she even closes the door.

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Goldilocks || 05

SURPRISE, SURPRISE TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY,
HAPPY 600~

Rated T (language and suggestive themes)

Summary: After getting evicted, your two best friends Jimin and Taehyung offer you a place to stay until you get back on your feet. Needless to say, with a part time job and a mountain of student debt, that’s not happening any time soon. Eventually, they DO become really fond of having you around, helping with chores and even splitting rent. So when you come home one day to find someone has been sleeping in your couch-bed, well… it’s something you won’t take lightly.

Word Count: 3.4k

Out of context Goldilocks quote:
“What the hell do you want now? Need me to wash your underwear for you too?”

Links to: Goldilocks Masterlist || Previous || Next Part

not my gif, credit to owner

✩✩✩♔✩✩✩

With your manager giving you hardly any hours at work, it was no mystery why you were eventually evicted from your old apartment. How could you keep up with the ridiculous rent prices? It was a question your landlord apparently had the answer to while you… didn’t.

Still, even if you were chronically late you always paid. That was one of the few things you could take pride in. Because of this, even after she kicked you out four months ago, you were determined to not owe that nasty lady anything.

You stare at the envelope in your hand, stained slightly at the corner with what’s hopefully coffee. This is it, the last one. You’d gotten paid earlier in the morning via a direct deposit and as soon as you stick this in the mailbox, you won’t have any more ghosts from your old life chasing you. At least, that’s what you hope.

Shoving the envelope in the slot, you step away quickly and don’t look back.

Now all you have to do is worry about your student debt… yeah, okay, that specter will hang around for a while, but not in the same way the old apartment would.

You hop back into the car and buckle your seatbelt with a long exhale.

“How do you feel?” Jimin asks from the driver’s side, giving you an encouraging smile.

“Great,” you admit, letting out a laugh to relieve the last of the tension that had been slowly settling in your bones for the past few months, but had mostly evaporated instantaneously when the payment left your hand. “Thanks for driving.”

“No problem, ____,” Jimin gives your thigh a pat before pulling back into traffic. “But I did it for kind of… selfish reasons. I’m taking you to get smoothies.”

“Man, if smoothies are selfish I can’t wait to find out what ‘generous’ means to you.”

His smile falters for only a second, “Yeah…”

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8

top 10 peyton relationships (as voted by our followers)
#9. Peyton Sawyer and Larry Sawyer 
I guess Oscar Wilde was right about our parents, you know. We love them, we judge them and hopefully, we forgive them. I find myself doing all of those things or all three of them and if I’m lucky, maybe they’ll do the same for me.

*clears throat*

Ok so I’m pretty nervous to post about this because I don’t want to get into any controversy, but there are a few things ive seen in reference to discussion on the stim toy “fad” that i feel i want to address bc they are things that are really important for disabled & mentally ill people & i want to make sure they’re not forgotten. so here goes

  • you can’t tell what someone’s mental state is by looking, and even if they say something like “oh it’s just for fun” they still may be neurodivergent and either not realize it themselves or not feel comfortable sharing
  • between learning disabilities, mental illness, autism, sensory processing disorders, and other forms of neurodivergence, there are a LOT of people who may fall into a category that would really benefit from stimming. Probably a lot more people than you realize, even if you are in this category yourself. I’ve seen figures around 20-30% or higher for all these things combined so … yeah, even if it were just these people it would seem like a TON bc we aren’t used to these groups being super open about it
  • many people who really could benefit from stimming may have only just found out about toys designed for it during this fad, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t legitimately benefitting from it & its good that there is more access & awareness
  • in my experience, lots of people who are mentally ill especially are VERY self doubting about it and their mental illness tells them they aren’t really sick, their problems aren’t really that bad, etc. so we need to be careful not to amplify the doubts people might be feeling about themselves already
  • Most importantly, there is already SO much cultural baggage around gatekeeping what disabled and mentally ill people can do. weird standards about how ill you need to be to deserve accommodations or mobility devices or treatment or even just being able to talk about it. Like it is legit constant and the dumbest thing is that most people seem to think that they can determine these things from incomplete info even if they aren’t in a position to be able to do this?? And they act like they have a right to information so they can judge whether we really deserve stuff instead of just accepting we can figure it out on our own 
  • so it makes me very worried to see some people in the community suggesting rules or standards for who should and shouldn’t be allowed to do certain things, just bc this mentality is already so prevalent and ultimately ends up harming disabled people even if its meant to protect them. in my experience the best judge of what a disabled (or any?) person needs is *them* and i think its true for stimming as well

tl;dr: Are there people saying shitty things or acting badly during all this? Of course, and it’s important to discuss this and to correct misconceptions and shitty behavior. But I think these things are important to remember while we’re doing this, bc i know that none of us like having our health/disability judged from the outside, having people demand proof of us being really disabled, or having other people assume they can tell if we are making the right decisions about what is best for us. 

He Goes by the Name H. One [part 3]

Author: b0blegum

Pairing: DJ!Chae Hyungwon x Reader

Rating: 19+ (Kinda. Read at your own risk)(rape trigger)

Genre: Romance

Status: FINISHED

Part: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - end


Hyungwon’s POV

The DJ was playing ‘Matches’ and remixed it into his own liking. Making people dancing to the beat. The room was crowded, people had to shout a bit when they were talking or flirting or even just to say a simple hi.

I Was standing here. Leaning on the bar counter with one hand rested on it while the other holding up my glass of Whiskey. Ice cubes clinking onto the side as i swirled up the glass.

And she was there. Sitting on the couch, feeling uncomfortable judging by how her eyes wandered around the room. I kept watching her through the sidelines of people who were busily dancing, before i decided to came over to her.

“You’re alone?” I asked her as i sat next to her. She looked really pretty upclose and she’s really my type of girl…

…to fuck with.

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Okay so I’ve been reading the comments lately on my Instagram and Twitter.. A lot of you are fighting about the whole mom/queen thing. So I should probably explain how I feel about it. I do not want to be looked at as your queen. I do not want to be put on a pedestal. I am not your mother. BUT I am here to be your friend. I write music to express myself because otherwise I would go crazy. I’m not a perfect human being, and we are never going to agree on every little thing. But I want to be able to open up to you guys without feeling like I’ll be judged/bullied. When I was honest and told you guys I smoke weed some of you wrote things like “I wish I knew that before I bought her album” it blew my mind because it should just be about the music. It shouldn’t be about me being the perfect little role model for you guys because I have never once ever pretended to be that. And I won’t ever try to be. It’s impossible. I’m just figuring things out myself, I’m gonna make so many mistakes but I’ll learn from them and grow as a person just like anyone else. I won’t judge you if you open up to me, so don’t judge me.

Friends?

That’s one for Dazatsu!

I just saw someone make a bungou stray dogs personality type match. I’m a big fan of personality types, a proud infp myself. Dazai turns out to be an intj(no real surprise) and Atsushi is an infp(yay!)

For those who aren’t really aware of personality types let me give you a quick breakdown before I start ranting (if you do know this stuff you can skip).

Dazai is an INTJ which is Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging. The first thing that can be used to describe an INTJ is “It’s lonely at the top, and being one of the rarest and most strategically capable personality types” (talk about taking Oda’s words right out of his mouth). Seriously though like INTJ’s are like wicked smart and are one of the rarest personality types out there. They radiate self-confidence and an aura of mystery, and their insightful observations, original ideas and formidable logic enable them to push change through with sheer willpower and force of personality. They can be arrogant (Chuuya: Arrogant doesn’t even begin to describe it!), loathe places with many rules and regulations (reason why he didn’t want to work with the government) and let’s just say that they aren’t too big with emotions. Not that they don’t have them, they define themselves with logic so feeling is kind of their downfall.

Atsushi now, my sweet cinnamon roll is an INFP, Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceptive. INFPs are known as the true idealist and will try to find the tiniest hint of good in even the worst of people. “INFPs are led by the purity of their intent, not rewards and punishments. People who share the INFP personality type are proud of this quality, and rightly so, but not everyone understands the drive behind these feelings”  They are open-minded and do not like being constricted by rules, very passionate (but their shyness tends to keep them from speaking up too often), hardworking and likes to give the benefit of the doubt. Although they can be too idealistic, take things personally and too Altruistic as they try to push themselves to commit to a chosen cause or person, forgetting to take care of the needs of others in their lives, and especially themselves. 

Whew now that I’m done explaining that, what does all this have to with DazAtsu. FuFuFu. It has everything to do with it. The INFP and INTJ don’t seem that compatible seeing that one replies more on thinking and one on feeling but in real life it’s a really popular pair and not just romantically but platonically. INFPs and INTJs are naturally drawn to each other and form some of the greatest friendships and marriages. “INTJ-INFP relationships are common because these types complement each other so well. Both INTJs and INFPs enjoy abstract discussions, including potential ways of improving the world. INFPs are great listeners and enjoy taking in new ideas and information.”  It’s like this just verify everything we said from the beginning Dazai and Atsushi complete each other. Atsushi really listens to Dazai not because he has to but because he wants to and is really curious about what Dazai has to say. Dazai also has a lot of faith in Atsushi and is also interested in Atsushi in his own way. 

Like look at this scene it always gets me because of Dazai’s straight face but the way he pets Atsushi its like his emotions are  seeping through and then that tiny smile from the weretiger. Watching these two interact is like the highlight of my day sometimes. They just seem so perfect for each other sometimes and knowing that they are actually people like them in real life that live a happy life together just makes my go ahhhhh! They were made for each other.


PS. If you don’t know your personality type I recommend you take the test on 16personalities. It’s really fun!

“Apparently, the deceased had liked candles. And long baths. I’m not judging. There’s a possibility I might enjoy a long bath myself occasionally. When Sherlock was alive I did a lot of running and fighting and sometimes I needed to relax and recuperate. And a bath is good for that. That’s a medical fact. So it makes sense. And essential oils and candles help with the whole relaxing thing. People might laugh. People did laugh when Sherlock told them I enjoyed having baths but I was fine with it. I’m still fine with it. Baths are good.”

Safety Plan

It’s important to make a safety plan to recognize triggers, plan for distressing events, and plan how to cope ahead.  Below, I’ve posted an outline of a safety plan with examples.  I encourage you to come up with your own ideas and make your own safety plan!

Triggers (when these things happen I am more likely to feel unsafe or upset): examples include meals, holidays, work stress, loud noise

Thoughts/Inside Warning Signs (these are things I may notice just before I feel unsafe or upset): examples include hopeless, worthless, loss of interest, thinking about death, feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated

Other Warning Signs (things other people may notice just before I feel unsafe or upset): examples include isolating myself, less talkative, irritable, increased anxiety

Things that help me stay better now (this that help me calm down or stay safe): examples include crafts, talking to friends, grounding, reading, music, writing lists, playing with pets

Things that help me stay well (things I do consistently that help me stay safe): examples include taking my medication, therapy, seeing a psychiatrist, staying in a routine

Changes in my environtment for me/others to make: examples include getting rid of sharps, monitoring medications, stay away from alcohol and drugs, creating a safe space, keeping my environment clean

Things that make me feel worse (things that do not help me calm down or stay safe): examples include alcohol, weighing myself, restricting, bingeing, purging, self-injury, being invalidated, poor sleep, being overwhelmed

When I notice triggers/warning signs, I will take action by (what I can do to prevent things from getting worse) - doing the following things: examples include using coping skills, reaching out, therapy - calling the following people: friends, family

When others notice that I am getting upset, I would like them to (what others can do to prevent things from getting worse): examples include listening to me, don’t judge me, don’t invalidate me

If I am experiencing a crisis, I would like the following people to be contacted: example includes your parents, parent, friend, therapist, psychiatrist

Finally, make a list of support hotlines, crisis text numbers, and mental health resources in your community so it is all in one place for easy access.