things i do instead of schoolwork

Stress Cleaning (ALiL Deleted Scene)

Summary: (College!AU) In which you’re too stressed to get any schoolwork done so Bucky offers an alternative plan.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,370

A/N: An anon requested The reader is really stressed and Bucky helps her calm down. It’d be cool to see them clean the kitchen together and joke around. This occurs between “The Little Things (Part One)” and “The Little Things (Part Two)” I should be doing work and preparing for finals, but I was too stressed so I wrote this instead

“A Lesson in Love” Masterlist + Soundtrack

Originally posted by calif0rnia-lovers

You stare at your textbook, willing the words on the page to somehow become more interesting. When they don’t, you move the book from the table onto your lap in the hopes that this new angle will help you absorb what you’re reading. After you catch yourself skimming over the same paragraph for what is now the third time in a row, you slam the textbook closed in frustration.

Midterms are upon you and what you should be doing is studying for the exams you have this week. Unfortunately for you, your brain is not in compliance with this plan. It wants nothing to do with the study guides, outlines, and index cards you’ve created. You had hoped that switching gears and reading straight from your textbook might work, but that attempt failed just as badly as the rest.

You lean forward and rest your forehead on the edge of the cool, wooden table as hopelessness and frustration overwhelm your senses. The last thing you should be doing right now is nothing, and yet, nothing is all you can bring yourself to do.

“Hard at work I see.”

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Even If It’s Just Pretend

A new chapter! Also, this is for Snowbaz Feda Day 3 (@snowbaz-feda ).

Description: Simon is broke, his foster father is an asshole, and he knows he has nowhere to go when summer break comes around. So when he sees an ad for a paid psychology experiment involving romantic couples, he’s quick to pretend he’s in a relationship…with his nemesis/roommate Baz.
AKA the faking dating trope that we know we all love.

Chapter 1/Chapter 2/Chapter 3

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5 Things I Like About Myself (& My ADHD)

Tagged by @joltstimming to say five things I like about myself. I’m gonna throw in what I like about my ADHD, instead!

1) I love stimming. It’s one of my favourite parts of being neurodivergent. It’s fun, it feels nice, and there are so many ways to do it!

2) So long as I don’t have schoolwork, hyperfocusing is cool! It’s fun to be so into a project or a show that time slips away.

3) Being all over the place can be frustrating, but I’ve found so many shows and YouTubers that I love from being bored and hopping between activities every 2-3 minutes.

4) My impulse makes me funny. People think I’m quick on my feet and hilarious - having no impulse control can be beneficial in that regard.

5) I love my community. You guys are fantastic, and I couldn’t be happier to be where I’m at. If I didn’t have ADHD, I wouldn’t have you guys.

I’m supposed to tag 10 others, but that’s a lot of people to think of. @candidlyautistic, @ayyydhd, @sockopath, and uhh hhhh. Everyone else! Tag me in your posts so I can see what you love about yourself, or your ADHD! 💖

anonymous asked:

do you have any advice on ways to invest in urself/practice self care while balancing a busy schedule? like i'm about to go back to school and i'm not sure how to keep up on both

my therapist stressed to me to make sure i made a schedule/routine that i followed. i feel like that can be something that’s very important. if you need a nap when you go home, take a nap, as long as you need. mine are usually two-three hours (i need lots of sleep or else i’m irritable, due to depression) so that’s what i make sure i get. afterwards, if i have any fatigue i make sure i take a shower or wash my face. little things like that, you know? always fit those things into your schedule… no matter how small they may seem. need to be reminded to have a snack? jot it down. need a break every 30, 15 minutes? do it. what do you need in that amount of time? someone to talk to, affection, to lay down? don’t overlook those things please!

while taking naps are good, make sure you set an alarm because, at least for me personally, my naps can get wild and turn into full blown 5 hour naps… then i wake up, i’m fatigued, then get even more depressed and i don’t do my work. that sleep is really good for you in moderation b/c too much will take away ur sleep for the night and make you wanna dream away instead of do schoolwork!

so, please make a routine/schedule! like:

when you come home from school; (just an example)

2:30-5:30
take a nap, rest, lay down (fill with whatever self-care activity)

5:30-7:20
shower, (fill in the blank with whatever!)

7:20-9:30
study, go over notes, etc.

every 15/30 minutes take a break, rest your eyes, stretch! watch a funny or cute video! take deep breaths, use those 5 minute meditations from apps/youtube! (god those help a lot.)

of course that’s just an example. whatever you feel like you need (it would help to brainstorm on a piece of paper, and fit it into your schedule or write it in your planner) and following it would be so good. it’s ok if it gets confusing or hard to follow the first few days, that may mean there’s something that needs changing or you just need time to adapt- and that’s okay! but self-care and rest are so important. they will only improve your days and make it easier to survive, i promise you.

there are other posts on here too that i’ve seen that i will link when i get the chance sunshine!

anonymous asked:

do u have tips for like. not feeling like a total failure at shitty grades or getting shit wrong in class. crippling perfectionism is fun and also i cant stop thinking of how many great writers/accomplished ppl there were at my age while im barely holding my head above water.

the biggest thing is to remember is that there’s always going to be a workaround to bad grades. you can literally flunk out of college and still figure out a way to do what you want to do. i flunked out of college for a year (well, i got banned from college for a year) and was on academic probation for pretty much my entire undergrad career and i literally taught in some of the same rooms i failed courses in. 

“accomplishment” is a matter of luck, finances (and MAN don’t forget the role of finances in “success”), and perspective, and “accomplishment” doesn’t do a lot of good as an end goal because that end goal is going to keep sliding. someone who has straight As, is doing well financially, and is publishing is still going to feel like there’s more to do and that there’s tons of people out there doing better. 

some strategies that worked for me:

  • only be in competition with yourself. that “There’s always someone better” adage is true and the first step to getting on is to let go. you don’t have to write the next great novel in a year or graduate with a 4.0– instead, just try to outdo what you did yesterday.  after i hit my bottom, i kept an informal journal and sometimes what i outdid was really basic things like “take a shower” 

  • find something you like to do that’s not schoolwork (and maybe not even on a screen) and do it for 30mins - 1hr a day. paint, write for fun, exercise, whatever. it’s important to remember that there’s a lot to love outside of coursework

  • figure out what motivates you. it doesn’t have to be deep. spite research is literally what is getting me through the next two years and 9000 projects

  • talk to people. professors, fellow classmates, people in the job you want to go into, etc. you’re going to find that most, if not all, have had some kind of struggle with coursework or school and that it’s totally normal to be feeling that anxiety or overwhelmed

  • “swiss cheese” approaches. poke holes in projects over time, rather than trying to get a lot done in single sittings. i like to break down papers into tiny parts, and then i just focus on getting that one part done in a day. sometimes it’s just a title. sometimes it’s just opening up the word doc (trust me, that’s an accomplishment!)

  • have fruitful procrastination. if you’re going to procrastinate, make it complete procrastination and walk away from the computer/disengage with the work that needs to be done. don’t waffle between procrastinating and working on something. let it fully go, and come back to it later. distance from work is important and ultimately (imo) helpful

  • don’t beat yourself up. college grades are not (and are not meant to be) reflections of your ability, intelligence, or value. 

don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart

All the War Left Behind

“I’m so bored,” Bilbo grumbled one afternoon as he sat up, making room for Thorin to sit crossed-legged on the bed.

“And yet,” Thorin drawled. “You never complete any homework while I’m at school all day.”

Swollen, purple-red bruises had faded to brownish-yellow, no longer limiting Bilbo’s wide variety of (mostly irate) facial expressions. Now, he glared bitterly at Thorin. “The only thing worse than sitting here all day doing nothing is doing schoolwork,” he informed Thorin tersely.

Thorin hummed noncommittally, tugging off his black-framed peepers to clean the lenses. “If you finished everything while I’m at school, we could spend this time doing something else,” he offered.

Thorin’s cheeks heated, expecting Bilbo to skew his words inappropriately. Instead, the senior’s nose twitched anxiously. “You’d… still come see me?” he asked hesitantly.

“Of course,” Thorin replied automatically. “We’re friends, aren’t we? I mean, you’d still want me to come over?”

“Yeah, you goof,” Bilbo replied softly, shooting Thorin a pleased smile.

Chapter Fourteen of All the War Left Behind is here on AO3 :)

Or start this greaser!Bilbo, dorky!Thorin 1950s AU from the start!

anonymous asked:

I'd love to read some kind of Jily soulmate AU where maybe instead of your soulmate's name/first words/last words your soulmate's patronus is tattooed on your wrist? It can change just like the patronus. Jilys reaction when they find out about it, your decision how it goes.

I just really want you to know I love this prompt. A lot. Thanks for sending it!

               They had known there was something different about Lily Evans from the day she was born. It wasn’t because of her red hair or green eyes, though they were unforgettable. It was the odd birthmark she had on her wrist: the perfect outline of a kangaroo, a glowing sort of white, and a bit of warmth to the touch.

               Her sister Petunia had started referring to the mark as a “tramp stamp” the day she had learned how to fling an insult. But Lily liked the portrait of the kangaroo. She felt like it was protecting her from anything that might sneak up behind her. She liked how the joey depicted in its pouch looked safe and sheltered. She swore that sometimes if she looked at it for long enough, it would move.

               The summer Lily Evans turned 11, she learned that she was a witch. She thought that this surely would explain the mark on her wrist, but the Professor who came to tell her about Hogwarts was wearing robes with long sleeves, and Lily didn’t know how to work the mark into the conversation.

               When she arrived at school, she noted that a flurry of her fellow students had marks on their own wrists. It took a week for rumor to circulate to the muggleborn Gryffindor first years that their marks were miniature versions of the Patronuses they would hopefully one day be able to cast. Not everyone had one, but for those who did they carried heavy connotations. It was said that a matching or complimentary Patronus meant one thing: soulmates.

               When Lily finally learned what the Patronus represented, she spent weeks studying the wrists of her fellow students. It took her two weeks to memorize each of her classmates’ marks. Boys and girls alike. She perhaps knew who was fated to be together before they knew it themselves.

               Most of the time, Lily was blissfully unaware of the Patronus tattoos. She managed to ignore them for eight months of the school year.

              The only time she made sure to pay attention to the wrists of those around her was at the start of each new academic year, when she eagerly made sure no one’s Patronus complimented her own. She wasn’t interested in finding a perfect match.

              In between this preoccupation, exams occurred. Years passed. Friendships formed. Sometimes they fell apart. In the case of certain individuals, they fell apart and back together every other week. A war was fought. Students chose sides. They found comfort in their classmates.

              On the days when they were getting along, Lily in particular found comfort in the friendship of one James Potter.

              James was a dark haired, brown-eyed boy with a Patronus tattoo of his own. It was a stag, and because Lily had dedicated the last six years to studying people’s wrists, she knew it was unique to him and him alone.

              At least, it had been.

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tw i guess…

finally left the house. can’t get anything right. ordered a drink i didn’t really want because i thought it’d be less calories instead of what i wanted. grappling with schoolwork and i have so so much to do like…today. my heart is pounding and i really feel unable to cope with even the smallest things. not that it matters. i honestly think i could OD or slit my wrists or something and nobody would notice for like a week. then they’d be like “oh that weird annoying chick is gone, sweet!”…. anyways. i feel like i want and need to disappear. everything is too much and too big and loud and its drowning me. and i cant breathe. i don’t know if i should reach out or not. does anyone even want me to talk? to be alive?i dont even know anymore. i can’t tell, i can’t see anything the way it is, i don’t know if what i see is truth or a lie my mind is telling me or what

ultimate guide to achieve academic goals

since studyblr community helped me a lot to get my highest GPA ever last term (3.5), I want to pay back  and give some little but effective tips to get those straight A-s to you guys.

1) Go to every single lecture.

This is the first and also the most important step. I can’t stress this enough. I know, there are some classes you ultimately fall asleep from boredom, you just simply dislike or you cannot understand. Personally, I hate accounting and don’t understand my natural sciences class. (Signing peace with the required courses is a great way to deal with them. Since you will have to pass them eventually, sooner you accept them, better grades you will have. I did this mistake in my freshman year. Instead of studying for the course, I just thought ‘Where the f-ck I’m going to use this? This has nothing do with my major.’ I wasted my time and I failed the course twice as a result. So, I’m telling you, don’t do this mistake. Instead, seek for additional help when you have time.)

Now, I try to go every single lecture. Because not going, only will make it worse.Brain is an amazing organ, with so little effort you can achieve and do great things. So please push yourself to your limits. You may not get an A on that course but always remember : a C or even a D is always better than a F. Also, you may actually enjoy the class if you give it a chance.

Plus, put yourself in your prof.’s position. You stand there maybe for hours and have a sore throat at the end of the day. You want to educate people and you’re passionate about what you do. Due to that, you will want to test them with what you say during the lecture to see if they have the respect for your effort and come to the class. So, just simply scanning the slides your prof. puts on the internet or reading the textbook will never be enough. She/He will want to see the key points that has been emphasized during the lecture in your answer. In that sense, being an active listener is very important. I will explain it at second step in more depth.

2) Be there with not just physically but also mentally.

Being distracted during the lecture is so normal, we are only human beings and sometimes thinking about ‘what we are going to have next meal’ is so much better and easier than trying to understand thermodynamics or WW1.However, time is the most valuable asset in this world and it’s non-renewable. So, whatever you do, make sure you give your whole attention to the lecture during the class.

Personally, I prefer to take notes to prevent distraction. It makes me listen carefully and focus on only the instructor. As well as keeping me focused, it saves my ass when it’s exam time.

  • Take Notes
  • Think about what the instructor tells (having your own opinion is always good when it comes to memorizing the information.)
  • Participate. (talking about something is also a useful tool to memorize stuff. plus, you will learn about the wrong intuition you may have about the subject and provides you a better perspective.)

Final words on this step ; remember guys. you may not have the chance to listen/communicate with precious, well-educated and humble people like your professors in your whole life. Bussiness world is so wild. So, think it as a 40 minute education porn. Enjoy every second of it.

3) Take well quality notes.

I know, this one seems so obvious. But after days of experimenting, I come to the conclusion that keeping notes that will kick ass in exams isn’t that easy so I want to analyze this step in more depth.

  1. Start taking notes, before the class. (Most of the instructors put lecture slides before the class. Or you have textbooks as a reference. So look up to the syllabus for next topic instructor will cover and be prepared. At least jot down main,key points and have an overall opinion about them. This will bury the info to your mind more easily and in a more powerful way.)
  2. Take notes, during the class. (Don’t be so obsessive about your hand writing or the organisation of your notes please. Since, I’m a aesthetics obsessed freak, I spent a lot of time to perfect my notes, I lost a lot of time and couldn’t catch all the information instructor was giving. If you don’t want to ruin your beautiful notebook with your awful speedy handwriting, take notes on a piece of paper and then rewrite them after class. This way, you will be studied and revised all of the information.Also, you can type your notes if you want to gain momentum. You can use ‘ONENOTE’ app of Microsoft if you want an organised and more notebook alike environment on computer. For android users, I strongly recommend the app called ‘LectureNotes’. You can do any and everything with it. You can use s-pen and take really good notes with a huge variety of options from blank paper to lined and grid paper. With lots of different colored pens.Also, you can cut from your pdfs or textbooks and paste them directly to your notebook. Annotate pdfs, insert photos to your notebooks and bunch of other great useful stuff.
  3. Edit your notes, after the class. (This one is quite useful if you do it long before the exams because you won’t have to spend time on editing your notes while you’re studying for the exam. You can combine your lecture notes with the information in your textbook or the ones you find from the internet. I strongly advice ‘Google Scholar’ for this issue. And of course universities’ own sites. Please, gather your information from only the reliable sources so you won’t learn something wrong.Internet is a mixed soup with both useful and trash information. Filter before learning.
  4. Record during the lecture. (This little trick can save your life. You may not like the class, you may not understand the things your instructor tells because of his accent, you may get easily distracted or you just can’t take notes and miss some points while you are writing. This is your ultimate solution. You will have the chance to fill the gaps in your lecture notes, you will be able to give answers with instructor’s own words in exams -trust me, they like it-, you won’t miss any information. Also, if you are auditory learner, this one is like a treasure for you. You don’t need to have any notebooks,textbooks to study. Just put your headphones and listen before bed or while you’re running!  I strongly advice ‘LectureRecordings’ app for Android users since it is an organized way to do it but any audio recording app/stuff is OK.
  5. Find your own technique. (There are many types of note-taking systems. You just gotta find what works for you the most. The most common techniques are ‘Outline Method’ and ‘Cornell Method’. I’m not going to get into details with these two. You can google them if you don’t already know how they work. All I can say is, both have big advantages of their own and you should definitely try them out or maybe combine them.

4)  Start preparing early. Earlier, the better.

Preparation length of time for the exam varies among courses. For me, analytical courses require a min. 1 week revision and social studies/art related subjects take approximately 2 days. This depends on your capacity, knowledge and talent you have on the subject. But the one thing that should stay constant is starting as early as it’s possible. Because, your brain need time to examine, analyse and organise the information you put in it. Plus, if you start studying early you will have the chance to ask your instructor/TA/friend about sth you didn’t understand.

Also, if you don’t start early, you won’t have chance to practice or solve all the problems that has been assigned and the type of question you didn’t have time to solve may come up as question in your exam. So for analytical subjects, it is even more important to have more time in your pocket.

5) Be organized. Have an agenda/planner.

One of the most important things college taught me is to actually own and use an agenda/a planner. I carry it with me everywhere I go and write everything on my mind to it. Due dates, deadlines, assignments, mails I gotta send, project details, vitamins I have to take etc. Your mind is already exhausted with all the schoolwork you do. So why should you waste your memory space with the things you should remember instead of writing them down? You even try to extend your computer’s memory all the time.

When I finish off with the task I cross out the task and it gives me a positive feeling about the things I accomplished for the day and motivates me to do more. (There are many ways to do it such as bullet journaling. Find out what works for you the best.)

Even tough I’m such an oldschool lady, I also use apps like Google Calendarand Sunrise Calendar (they are actually automatically synced) because you can set an alarm for the event before the event (15 min.,1 day,1 week etc.) and you can have them in your all devices in sync.

Planning is the key point in here. Even in games, without a plan you can’t survive. So please, wisely schedule your time and your workload.

PS : If you don’t want to spend money on agenda/calendar but still wanna write on paper, there are lots of free printable planners on Tumblr just type ‘printable planner’ or stuff like that in the search box and print!

6) Do whatever it takes to earn points!

Just like in games, earning extra points is important in academic life. A syllabus is like holy bible of the course. Read it,highlight it and know it like a boss.Because for most of the classes, it’s not all about exams. It is also about attendance, participation,assignments,presentations etc. They may have a little percentage in your overall grade but have a big effect at the end of the semester. They can raise or lower your grade up to a 1 or 2 letter grade. They may have a vital role for passing the course. So, provide all the requirements of the course with your maximum effort!

So.. if you read this far, thank you so much for your attention and I really hope these tips help you to achieve your goals. If you want me to do a vol. 2 or if you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

Finally always remember that,success is beautiful.

anonymous asked:

Honestly don't these kids have schoolwork to do? Or a social life with friends who are probably not into fandoms like they are they can immerse themselves in? I feel like time would be better used for things one likes instead of spending time shitting on people's shipping preference. Same goes for the adult ant1s. And any of these ant1s saying they unwind from a day at school/work this way is so concerning, by the way.

Right?! School started back up this week, in my state at least. Even if people choose to spend their free time online (because I obviously do, I don’t really have any other hobbies lmao) at least be… idk? Positive? Instead these ant1s just spend their time online hating on other people’s ships and hc’s… that doesn’t sound fun at all. 

Things you Miraculers whom don’t want to be spoiled by the Korean airing of the origin episodes can do to avoid spoilers
  • Get Tumblr Savior and/or Washboard and download it. 
  • Go on the blacklist and cram in all of those tags relating to the origin episode spoilers for good measure. (ex #ml origins, #mlorigins, #originepisode, #ml origin spoilers, etc.) You can never have too many blacklist items.
  • Hope that the people you follow that are going to watch the episodes remember to properly spoil tag and put them under read mores. (For those of you watching the episodes, please do this for the sake of the people whom want to wait to watch the episodes, ty)
  • Avoid mobile Tumblr anyway just in case.

Disclaimer: And even then, you’ll still be at risk of spoilers on Tumblr and onsocial media in general. Do as you will, but you if you want to for sure not be spoiled, avoid most sites concerning the fandom for at least a couple days following the airing (I recommend at least three days, but at least five might be safer) . And keep the blacklist tags until mid-March (when I think the French dub of the episodes are supposed to air). 

And don’t make death threats please. That’s rude and you can’t control what people reblog which isn’t to your liking.

On the bright side, if you choose to stay away from Tumblr for a few days, you can spend more time doing other things in life you’ve been slacking off on instead of crying over the infamous love square. 

  • Homework/schoolwork/studying (I should be doing this right now)
  • Write a story
  • Hang out with your friends
  • Tell your parents you love them
  • Allow FE:F to overtake your life instead (….what’s really happening to me right now)
  • Actually sleep at a decent hour
  • Try a new hobby
  • Make some DIY projects
  • And much more

qrred  asked:

Hey, i just want to ask for advice. You are one of my favorite others out here and we are graduating the same years too (different school, massart student here) and one of my downside in producing art is that i only draw for my classes but when i don't need to i don't draw. I just want to ask, how do i made myself draw more that it become a instinct instead of logging in on tumblr more so than to draw. You are someone who draw everyday and i want to do that bc i don't want to have art blocks thk

aw thanks! the most helpful thing is to remove the separation between schoolwork and personal work; all art should be personal, and you should be enjoying yourself – which i know can be difficult in some classes/settings. but art that clearly shows passion/enjoyment is, to me, the most important thing. when i made that realization, i started to love what i did a lot more and be less stressed in general.

it helps to remember what you enjoy about making art - for example, storytelling, character creation, building worlds, sending messages. or even just remembering what got you into art in the first place - for me it was watching animated movies and reading fairytales as a kid. take that inspiration & try to run with it as much as you can. because what keeps us going isn’t just skill but sustained passion

Aqours Q&A (Kurosawa Ruby)

Please tell me about the fun and difficult parts of making costumes!
Asked by あがりえさん

Every part is a fun part!!! After all, if I think about cute idol costumes, I can’t help but always get really absorbed into it happily♡ The troubling part is that there’s never enough money and— probably me making the teacher mad by spacing out in class? But they don’t really care that much so it’s fine♪

Is there anything you’ve received from your sister Dia-chan that you’ve treasured up to this day?
Asked by ともちさん

Big Sis always absolutely never shares her snacks with me, nor helps me with homework, but— When I once lost my wallet in school, she searched high and low for it together with me all the way into the night— The pink bear mascot she attached to my wallet that time is one of Ruby’s treasures♡

Are you the type who finishes their summer vacation homework at the start, or leaves it until the end?
Asked by ゆっぺさん

Ah—. …. I wish I hadn’t gotten that question— Ah, ahahahahaha♡ Ah, uhm, though Big Sis would definitely be the kind to have it completed a long time ago— but I, wou- wouldn’t have done so… Ah, but Maru-chan would invite me to complete it together on the very last day! That’s why it’s fine! It’s definitely, definitely fine… right?

Normally, what kind of things do you talk about with your best friend Maru-chan?
Asked by 松海鳳さん

With Maru-chan huh— Things like schoolwork, what we saw on television the day before, sweets we’ve been interested in lately, fashion— Stuff like those, I guess? Ah, and also the stray cat which has been coming to the bus-stop’s embankment every day lately♡ I like gazing at the sky together on the embankment♪

Did you ever wish you were the elder sister instead? If so, when were those times?
Asked by 大トロさん

That’s something I thought many, many times when I was a child~! Whether it was studies, sports or extra lessons— it was always Big Sis who could perform well, while I had nothing but failures. It’s unfair! When we got new clothes of different colors, the good colors would always go to Big Sis. If I were the elder sister, I would definitely have grown taller too♡

After becoming a high school student, do you want to proactively attend school idol concerts?
Asked by 野菜さん

I want to go I want to go I want to goooo!! ♡ I have always, always been aspiring towards Tokyo— I’m sure if if I saw a real school idol concert, I would end up crying♡ At that time I would definitely hold Maru-chan’s hand tightly so we don’t end up getting lost or kidnapped!!

Source: Dengeki G’s Magazine October 2016 issue

Super Long Text Post About Taylor

DISCLAIMER: I’m not trying to bring the people who got packages or went to the secret sessions down in any way, shape, or form. I’m so happy for them. They are all very deserving people. I’m jealous as hell of course (I’m able to admit that) but I wouldn’t wish I had received a gift or an invite instead of any single one of them. I think Swifties need to stick together. And it is something that sets Taylor’s fans apart from others. We are a family. A massive family. We obviously all value similar things in life. So I don’t want to be “bitter,” instead I want to talk about my point of view.

I am 19 years old. And I have had about 6 tumblr accounts throughout my life, none of which stuck. Don’t ask me why. If I had to guess, good honest schoolwork had something to do with it. I recently got a Twitter. I signed up for Instagram last spring. Social media has always made me nervous. I’m still a child of the good ole Facebook generation. And sometimes I feel like I’m being punished for it.

I didn’t find out about the secret sessions until they had already happened. I remember sitting, stunned, staring at my computer screen as my heart broke a little bit. Why wasn’t I there? Was I not a big enough fan? But I remind myself everyday that, no, that is not the case. I just have never possessed the platforms to reach out to Taylor. So I’m doing it now. It’s taken me three months to learn the ins and outs of Tumblr. And now I want to make my stamp. A month ago was the first time I tagged Taylor in an Instagram pic, of course I had trouble sleeping, nervously awaiting the morning when I would see the update that taylorswift had liked my photo (or rather, video). But no, she hadn’t. So I started to reach out more, wade into the pool a little bit deeper. I started replying to her tweets. But obviously Tumblr is becoming the best way to connect with her. I can say, “Look TayTay, I’ve never been to a meet and greet, I’ve only been to one of your concerts. But I’m a fan. A substantial one. And one who it would mean the world to to be noticed by you.”

But every day I get on Tumblr and feel inadequate, or inferior to the girls and boys, women and men, who receive gifts or who have their personal Polaroid with her as their avatar. I’m just a different kind of fan. I’m no better or worse. We’re all equals here, whether we’ve been to every single concert 5 separate times, or have never seen her live at all. And I’m sure there are many others out there like me. 
I’m not incredibly poor. I’m lucky enough to go to college (on substantial financial aid) but it could be so much worse. I never went to an arena concert because my family couldn’t afford it. I had to hear friends talks about how much fun the Speak Now show was, or how during the Fearless tour one of them touched her hand. But i was a freshman in college when the RED tour hit and I couldn’t sit on the sidelines anymore. I think that was also when I realized how much taylorswift meant to me. When her shadow rose up behind the big curtain before “State of Grace,” I started crying uncontrollably, like a visceral reaction before my brain even had time to process.

100% of Taylor’s fanbase is not on Tumblr. If I had to ballpark it I would say 70% ish, though I believe that estimate is on the generous side. So being told I’m a “new” fan because I’m simply new to tumblr is neither true nor fair. I would like to know how many other boys and girls are out there like me. Those who are die-hard Swifties but still feel insufficient or like a newbie because they are not as Tumblr conscious as the rest of the Taylorsphere. And there’s someone else who we forget is new to Tumblr - the grand high badass herself. Some of us have followed you here, Taylor. And we love you just as much as those who have been blogging lyrics and gifs for the past few years. And one last point. I love you to death but my youth minister follows me on Instagram, I’m Facebook friends with professors, and some of my Twitter followers include friends’ parents and current employers. As much as I’d love to go totally nuts (in a good way) and geek out over my idolization of TSwizz, it’s just not, dare I say it, “appropriate.” And I KNOW there are some people sitting at their computer feeling my pain over this last point. But that’s how people were chosen for the secret sessions. And I don’t disagree with that strategy.

I just want to tell you taylorswift that I love you, I want to meet you. I want to speak to you. I want to pet your cat and pick your brain on songwriting and tell you why I think Dear John is the masterpiece of the century. I want to tell you in person that I’m a brunette with a fluctuating waistline who has genius Ph.D  parents and took French in high school but wishes she took Spanish. I want you to know that I can’t play Candy Crush but Bakery Story has been on my iPhone since senior year of high school. In freshman year, I broke my leg in tumbling class and was put in a full leg cast. A month later I got braces and a week after I got glasses. I saw Once on Broadway last year and cried like a baby. I rode an elephant at the circus when I was five and dyed the tips of my hair purple in 6th grade. I read Fifty Shades of Grey a year and a half ago but gave up 100 pages in because there was hardly any plot line outside of the sex scenes. But that’s alright because I’ve also read everything Agatha Christie has ever written and I got a 5 on my Lit AP. I don’t wear makeup daily but I’m meticulous about my eyebrows and skincare. I was diagnosed with a panic disorder after my first semester at college and my dad has been fighting cancer since 2006. 

But most of all I want to say that you being open about being a homebody and not “staying out too late” helped me admit to my friends that I just could no longer drag them home every weekend after nights spent sitting on couches drinking because I’m sorry I’m just not “cool” enough to call that fun. But I’m also a very reserved person and I don’t stand out in crowds. I don’t win competitions. I’ve never gotten the guy. I’ve always been the cool female friend who cleans up my male friends’ vomit and pulls a dollar out of her wallet if they come up short at the ticket booth.
And you’ve helped me accept that I’m okay like that. In fact, I like this about myself.
And I’m going to reblog this and tag you until you see it because I don’t want to sink into the crowd on tumblr. I want to stand out. And sometimes you have to be a bit ballsy (and vaguely annoying) to do that.
By the way: this whole thing was a journal entry before I finally sucked it up and decided to post. 

Love,

L

cecilydarcy  asked:

Hi, there! First of all, your blog is absolutely gorgeous. The photography you reblog is inspiring and makes me want to run outside and take pictures until my fingers go numb from the cold! Second, I noticed that you vlog! So do I! I don’t film quite as often as you do because I’m still rather attached to my written diary. Do you keep a diary? If so, how do you drag yourself away to talk about things instead of writing it all down? ~ Your friend, Cecily Cardew (P.S. Your vlog is captivating.)

Hi Cecily!

I’m so excited to hear from another vlogger!! Where can I find your videos?

I know the struggle of trying to split time between writing and film- I’ve been told I talk way too much, so my vlog is a good channel for ranting to the Internet about poetry and schoolwork and snowflakes. Mostly I use my vlog for talking to the world about what’s happening in my life- the little day-to-day, mundane details, and of course some of the exciting adventures. And then my diary holds only the deepest secrets of my heart.

I simply adore nature and the outdoors- which is why I reblog so many pictures of flowers, haha. I looked at your blog and I saw you liked flowers, too! And sunsets! And the woods in the twilight. I’m a huge fan.

Love,

Anne with an E.