i’ve been collecting funny/cute texts & texts from texts from last night for about 2 years. they’ve been sitting in a word document for a long time so with all the text memes i’ve been seeing around, i decided to take all the texts i’ve saved and make a meme with them bc why not. there’s a bit of everything bellow: fluff, silliness, nsfw, angst, etc etc
[text] Thanks for the pic It’s going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I’m in a meeting with your father.
[text] I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I’m glowing in the dark, there’s fog everywhere, and now I’m wearing a sombrero because apparently it’s silly hat night. I never want to leave.
[text] She had a group on her phone called “great fucks”. I was in it. It’s almost like making the forbes list
[text] should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
[text] You look good in that new shirt.
[text] I’ve been thinking about you all day.
[text] You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to “Transform already!!!!”.. yeah, I’d say you were pretty wasted.
[text] I just got this text “hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused.”
[text] You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for “eating Henry”
[text] [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
[text] I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
[text] He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
[text] You’re the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I’m ok.
[text] College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
[text] Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
[text] You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
[text] In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she’s going…
[text] I’m bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
[text] You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people’s legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
[text] You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, “did it open?”
[text] Geez don’t go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
[text] I was wondering why the cops were making such a big deal then I realized I was naked
[text] The stripper told you to sort your life out
[text] Everyone was so shocked to hear that she was a virgin they were speechless. I said I could cure that problem for her and we hooked up. It was that simple.
[text] she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as “bathroom blowjob”
[text] Be still, my beating vagina.
[text] I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
[text] The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It’s a nice shirt.
[text] I just walked thrugh the woods having a conversation with every spider I saw in it’s web. They all have English accents. I’m drunk and this weed is incredible!
[text] I’m not sure who’s apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal…
[text] I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said “pretend i’m your pet dinosaur” so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
[text] omg bring my wallet when you come get me tonight. i’m buying a fucking giraffe.
[text] Is it a good thing or a bad thing when you wake up naked with two naked guys in your bed, while holding glow-in-the-dark toy dinosaurs in your hands, and listening to the lion king soundtrack?
[text] She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
[text] A little alcohol is good for the soul! Fuck Chicken soup, I’m going to write a book called “hard liquor for the soul” It’s going to be a best seller.
[text] This is NO TIME for pants!
[text] Why did you just messaged me and saying you’re praying for me…
[text] you’re the one who came to me for relationship advice !
[text] I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
[text] Are cops allowed to hit on you if they’re in uniform?! Serious question.
[text] I hope you get stoned and think that you’re a seal in shark infested waters
[text] I can’t believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
[text] My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
[text] Just walked by a girl saying to her friend “honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him”
[text] Well if you don’t want to be kicked out before last call don’t I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don’t call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo “princess”
[text] Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid… Figured you would approve
[text] I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn’t drink tequila.
[text] I’m gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
[text] I think “we’ve never met sober” is a great relationship to have with someone
[text] Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we’re pretty tight.
[text] An d I’d rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
[text] I want my tombstone to read “making poor life decisions since 1993”
[text] SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
[text] He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
[text] OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
[text] I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
[text] You introduced yourself and she said “wow that’s a long name” and you went “yeah well you should see my dick.”
[text] He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
[text] Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
[text] Summers almost over and we haven’t golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let’s do all three in one day, no particular order.
[text] Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I’m sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
[text] Don’t do this to me right now.
[text] The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
[text] I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate’s horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
[text] I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
[text] ugh I gave you morning sex and you don’t even text me back for my bagel order
[text] Don’t have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
[text] You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
[text] There’s going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
[text] Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I’m glad there’s someone out there that’s just as fat at heart as we are.
[text] You broke into someone’s house and stole a pan of lasagna.
[text] So two questions…why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
[text] I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is “i’m tequila”
[text] Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog…
[text] you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up…you’re an amazing drunk
[text] You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
[text] Is it bad that we’re talking like nothing happened?
[text] I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
[text] You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
[text] i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
[text] I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
[text] I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
[text] I was so fucking worried.
[text] my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
[text] Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn’t cooperate. Nearly died.
[text] I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
[text] let’s just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
[text] I’m 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
(So I made one of these things! Feel free to send me a couple of numbers or reblog this for your followers to get to know some random cute stuff about your tc! 💕)
1) Do they have any nervous habits?
2) Do they have any habits they do out of boredom?
3) Do they have any habits they do when they’re thinking?
4) Are they fidgety?
5) What are some of their favorite phrases they use a lot?
6) What eye shape do they have?
7) Do they always have their hair done nicely or do they just brush it in the morning and hope for the best?
8) Do they have a specific style? If so, what outfit of theirs would you pick to describe it to someone?
9) Do they wear a watch? Which wrist is it on?
10) Do they look like any famous celebrities?
11) What body type do they have?
12) Have you ever seen them with bags under their eyes or do they always look well rested?
13) Is their voice higher pitched or deep?
14) Can they do funny voices/ impressions?
15) Have you ever heard them laugh really really hard? What was it like?
16) What’s their normal laugh like?
17) How often does their voice crack?
18) Have you ever heard them sing?
19) Do you know if they play any instruments?
20) What kind of music do you think they like?
21) Do they ever tap their feet or a pen to a beat?
22) Do they ever make a little noise at the end of a big yawn?
23) What subject do they teach?
24) Are they a college professor or high school teacher?
25) Do they use their hands a lot when they teach?
26) Do they draw pictures on the board?
27) Do they use a PowerPoint or write things out?
28) Do they often give homework?
29) Do they often give quizzes?
30) Do they put trick questions on their tests?
31) What do you think they’re favorite subject was when they were in school?
32) Do they rush through material? Do they go too slow?
33) Do you think they have a very specific routine they need to stick to or else they’ll feel weird about it for the rest of the day? Or do they just go with the flow?
34) Do you think they rinse their toothbrush before or after putting toothpaste on?
35) How do you think they take their coffee?
36) Do you think they plan out their outfits the night before or just pick something in the morning?
37) Do you think they make breakfast or grab something to eat on the way?
38) Are they colorblind?
39) What do you think their favorite and least favorite colors are?
40) What color/ color combination do they look best in?
41) What color/ color combination do they look worst in?
42) If they use a whiteboard in class, what color marker do they use most?
43) Do they wear shoes with white laces or black laces?
44) Do they have any shoes that have weird colored laces?
45) Do you think they wear plain white/ black underwear?
46) What color socks do they wear?
47) Do you think they like white chocolate?
48) What’s their walk like?
49) How fast or slow do they walk?
50) Do they tap their foot all the time when they sit?
51) Do they run their fingers through their hair a lot?
52) Have you ever seen them run?
53) Do you think they toss and turn when they sleep?
54) What are their hands like?
55) Is their handwriting neat or sloppy?
56) Do they ever write comments on your work? If so, what’s the cutest/funniest thing they’ve written?
57) If they were an author, do you think they would write fiction or non-fiction?
58) Are they easy to read? Or do you have trouble telling what they’re feeling?
59) Are they friendly or did you hate them at first?
60) Do they smile a lot?
61) Are they someone you could see yourself hanging out with if they weren’t your teacher?
62) Do other students think they’re cool or funny?
63) What do you think they’re like around kids? Are they nervous with them or are they naturally good with them?
64) Have you ever seen them angry?
65) Are they warm and approachable or cold and detached most of the time?
66) Do you think they like marshmallows?
67) Do you think they play video games every once in awhile or whenever they have a few spare minutes?
68) Have you ever gotten mad at them for something they said during class or a grade they gave you?
69) Do they watch sports?
70) Are there any other subjects you could see them teaching? Why do you think they could teach those subjects?
71) What do you think their secret guilty pleasures are?
72) Do you think they would adopt a young puppy/kitten or an older dog/cat?
73) Have they ever complimented you? Was it related to academics or was it personal?
74) Could you see them writing a play/ movie? What would it be about?
75) How old do you think they were when they finally accepted Santa wasn’t real?
(This was submitted to sexayladiessexualfrustrations!)
Pairing: Lauren Cohan + Y/N
Summary: Y/N is waiting for her girlfriend, Lauren, in her trailer. She is quite bored while waiting, so she decides to have some fun with herself, but Lauren comes back from shooting a scene for The Walking Dead, and things get sexy in the trailer.
Notes: Uhm, I love TWD and Lauren is awesome. And plus I saw the request on a lesbian smut blog and I had to write it.
My girlfriend, Lauren, was on set shooting another scene for the famous show The Walking Dead. The show was absolutely fantastic, and I couldn’t be happier that my girlfriend was a character. She was due to be done shooting in about ten minutes, but I was really bored all by myself. I didn’t like watching Lauren shoot scenes because I didn’t want it to spoil it for me. So, on the days I came to set with her, I would stay in her trailer until she was done for the day. I laid on the small couch in Lauren’s trailer, being bored as usual when I waited for her. I smirked to myself because today, I brought some fun things with me to cure my boredom.
I reached down to the floor, grabbing my purse and opening it. I pulled out my vibrator and pushed my purse away from the couch, already sliding down my shorts and panties. I turned on the vibrator while slowly rubbing on my clit. Lauren had to be a tease and get my all horny this morning before we left our apartment, so this was much needed right now. After rubbing my clit a few more seconds, I set the vibrator onto it, letting it do all the work. I let out a soft moan and closed my eyes. The vibration felt so good.
“Mmm.” I hummed to myself as I tried to lift my shirt and push aside my bra. “Fuck.” I moaned.
A minute later I heard the door open, but I didn’t bother to sit up.
“Hey, babe, I–” Lauren paused once she saw me. “Well, fuck.” She bit down on her lip, walking over to me. “Can I help or is this a one-person party?”
“Lauren, please.” I begged, moving the vibrator from my clit.
She quickly grabbed the vibrator and placed it on my clit again, making me moan her name loudly. “Please, what?” Lauren smirked, putting more pressure on my clit with vibrator.
“Please, fuck me!” I whined, bucking my hips to cause more friction with the vibrator.
She held my hips down, smirking heavily while leaning down to run her tongue along the skin on my stomach. “Let make take care of you, babe. Just lay back…” She smirked, her lips travelling further down my torso. “And relax.”
I didn’t argue, but rested back on my elbows and watched as she removed the vibrator from my clit and placed it beside her on the couch, replacing it with her mouth. Her tongue circled slowly around my clit, the feeling causing me to moan louder than intended.
“Feel good, baby?” Lauren whispered, blowing hot air on my clit, her lips teasing around my entrance.
“Yes– shit!” I yelled, gripping her hair tightly. “Fuck me, please. Fuck me hard. Fuck me any way you’d like. Just stop teasing me.”
She obliged, pushing two fingers in my pussy. “You like that?” She smirked, not giving me any time to adjust before she started to pump them in and out of me.
I moaned again, her lips wrapping around my clit as she sucked harshly. “Fuck. Faster.”
She smirked softly against my pussy, her tongue exploring all of my wet folds, spreading my juices everywhere. My core throbbed as I came close to my orgasm, my moans becoming more frequent.
“Shit, baby. Are you gonna cum? Are you gonna come hard for me like the slut you are?” Lauren encouraged. “You just couldn’t wait for me to get back, huh, slut? You had to fuck yourself with a vibrator.” She hissed against my skin before flicking her tongue quickly against my clit.
I moaned. “I’m such a slut for you, baby.” I groaned softly, feeling how close I as to my climax.
“Are you gonna cum for me?” Lauren asked once again, smirking up at me as she added a third finger, curving them upwards to hit my g-spot every time she would thrust her fingers into me.
“I’m gonna cu-” Before I could finish my sentence, I came hard, moaning her name and a full sentence of profanities along with it. Her tongue aided in riding out my orgasm, soft moans falling from my mouth as she teasingly cleaned me up.
“Mmm, baby, you taste so good.” Lauren smirked one last times, licking up the last of my cum before kissing up my body. “What do you say we get home and have round two?” She grinned, pressing her lips to mine gently.
ten doesn’t actually know why it’s three in the morning and the only thing he’s doing is perching on the chair whilst squinting at eunae’s phone in her hand. they’re still in the convenience store and the most noticeable thing perhaps, is that they’re playing temple run (two) and swapping phones when the other dies. boredom, he notices, does a lot of things to a young fae and an even younger witch. though the boredom is beaten out by fear—the true winner of it all is competitiveness.
he might actually fight the nineteen year old.
“but you can’t pause every time you feel like you’re going to die. that’s cheating. i’ll kick you out the store.”
You post a lot of reminders to eat, but very few about restraint. I understand eating is important, but lack of eating is not the problem for most people. There are only ~300 deaths from anorexia per year in the US, while obesity related conditions are the biggest killers. Over-eating and dirty eating kills.
I understand your concern. There are a couple of reasons why sometimes it might seem like I really, really, focus on the importance of eating.
And two. It is impossible to please everyone. I’ve got people complaining that I post too much food, not enough exercises, too many cats. Too many salads, no enough bodies…. and sometimes I feel like people forget that this is also MY personal blog. I’m allowed to post what I want, I can't possibly cater to every single one of my followers out there. But be assured that it has never been my intention to purposely offend someone who might be in recovery, or dealing with bed or something similar, and who probably was looking for an answer or a post different than what I replied or posted.
I’m sorry that you feel that way, but I urge you to look through the above tag. I also have a mental tag that I’ve found to be super useful.. I hope this answers your question, and I hope this doesn’t earn me an unfollow, but if it does, I totally understand. Your mental health should be above every thing.
“While most people are out getting lit i’m stuck in my room writing a fucking paper because giving homework on a Friday and making it due Saturday morning is a humane thing my professor is deciding to start now. Imma need you to do this for me or give me some sort of entertainment so i can get through this shit without dying of boredom.”