things i do in my lunchbreak

"Ma'am, let me insert the cheese code"

Buckle the HECK down, because my time in Tescos is one hell of an experience. I’m one of those people who stand by the little cheap 10p bags in the self-service aisle and have the fancy little headset and coat. I was never told of the horrors with the CHEESE BARCODE NOT SCANNING.

When this happened, I think it was my first three months working there, so I barely had any of the ‘non-scanning’ items memorized. I had not been prepared for THE CHEESE NOT SCANNING. I also remember the incident of the day so well. The lunch break I spent asking all the cashiers, “what’s the cheese code??”

Imagine it, 8AM. The schools haven’t started, so all kids are getting stuff for their lunch. Kitkats, cola, the odd cake for the odd birthday, socks.. But three kids in the space of half an hour were getting cheese. Not grated cheese in a bag and some bread, no. A block of cheese. The cheese in the broken cooler that we had to move twenty minutes earlier, so the bottom of it (where the barcode was), had been soaked, and stuck together slightly. So, I was very unaware of this. Why would I ever care about the cheese that never sells until 10AM? It had to be dry by then. Anyways, this kid comes in, cheese in hand, tomato in the other. The poor boy was probably cooking in school. Scans his tomatoes easily. Tries to scan the cheese. Cheese doesn’t scan. Alright yeah, whoops, scan it proper kid. Tries to scan the cheese again. Cheese doesn’t scan. And again. And again. I eventually see the kid looking at me with hope, so I go in and enter the cheese code from the bottom of the pack. I give the kid his cheese, and he’s on his way. No more than five minutes later, the odd Harry comes up with a pizza base and cheese, not to mention squeezy tomato. He scans his base and squeezy tomato easily, but not the cheese, oh no. That doesn’t scan. I just think they got one of the few ones we moved last, so they were messed about a bit. I enter the kids code, he’s on his way. Same with the other kid that came in. I just thought it was unlucky.

But no, Lord behold, the ‘let me speak to the manager cut’ woman comes in with a BASKET. Love, why must you do this. It’s 10AM, just order online. I had already entered 10 cheese codes that day, and I’m thinking maybe the cheese has to refrost or whatever; I don’t work in stocking. So, I put myself on standby for this woman, watch her scan the little milk cartons (semi-skimmed, good choice) and the rest of her good eating looking basket. Then the cheese comes up. Oh god. I walk over to her, say the cheese won’t scan for the others, so it’s easier for me to put in the code. But no, no, she can make it scan. “My boy works in retail you see, one of those fancy shops in the big places? Yeah, those. Real good, told me how to scan.” OK love, whatever you say. I go back to my corner and mess around with the bags. Two minutes later, the lady still can’t get her cheese to scan. I go back over to help, but no, no. She has this. I tactically retreat to my bag corner. Another two minutes, and I put away the 'something in the bagging area’ thing for her. I watch her good, healthy veg as she goes to get two different blocks of cheese. She comes back. Her cheese is not scanning, so I offer yet again to code her cheese.

“Ma'am, let me put in the code. It’ll count as being scanned then.” No. She will not yield to my cheese scanning. I ask her once more. She will regret not accepting my offer. I tell her OK, I retreat to my corner. I begin talking to the cashier. His name was Matt, got sacked for being a twit of a driver. Nice guy, bought me stickers once. No more than five minutes later, the woman’s red light on the scanner goes off. She had tried to enter the cheese code and failed. She had entered the tomato code. Feel my wrath, Helen. I go over, and I enter the cheese code. I am free from her, she has left. But, she had brought MORE cheese buyers. Five more people fell to my idiotic cheese entering, I did not know the cheese code. I entered what I had. My lunchbreak had finally come up, and the first thing I said when leaving was good luck to the security man. If an item doesn’t scan, it’s usually taken out and people claim that “It’s free.”

The cheese saga ends here, but to this day, I continue to watch people fail at scanning the legendary cheese. I am the cheese slayer, I get people their dairy goodness. I do not like any of it, but I enjoy watching kids do my job for me.

I am the Tesco cheese slayer. I know non of the cheese codes, but I will slay them anyways.


Last week I had to finish up this little skybison baby in a rush, as the friend of mine who requested this had a birthday party on Saturday. I’ve been sort of putting this up but the birthday was such a good opportunity to give it to her that I decided to hurry it along. I’m glad I did, she was really happy, as handing in the commission was totally on a whim for her and she kind of forgot about it, so it was even more of a surprise than I anticipated :)

I actually spent a lot of time hunting for the perfect fabric for this project and hence have a kinda big stack of it lying about now. It had to be a really fluffy one and I wanted to have it a really soft off-white that had to go with the brown I wanted to go with so I was kind off limited in my options which didn’t work very well with the very limited colour range off plush where I live :P Luckily I could use up some of my fabrics from my stash for the belly and the face, as I had a really nice soft nicky from my totoro sweater, a metallic jersey from an old platypus project and random alcantara which I’ve used for the first jacket I’ve sewn (wonder if that still fits me…)

The pattern I basically eyeballed. I knew I wanted to be really close to the reference, but it varied a lot depending on the picture you looked at, so I took a few artistic liberties, especially concerning the amounts of stripes on his back. I’ve learned the hard way that it’s better for me to work off a good pattern I’ve really thought through all the way then improvise it on the go. I have a pretty good feelings for geometry and patterns, but when it comes to the executing projects, I usually power through a lot so I have to have a solid base to work from and have to have a plan, otherwise I tend to make rush decisions that don’t work out as well as I’d like to. It worked out fairly well for this one except for the muzzle, which did turn out slightly more ruffled than I intended, and the eyes which aren’t perfectly symmetrical because I sewed them on in the subway to the party :P. I first sketched out the pattern, which actually was done month ago and then I tranferred it onto paper in the right measurements (again eyeballing them in about the size I needed) carefully labelling every part with which part it was and how often I needed it in each fabric.

Then came the cutting. And admittedly, it was tedious to pay attention to the direction of the hair in every single piece I cut, cutting it out in a way that I wouldn’t cut away any of the hair I might possibly need  later on and then lie it out on my kitchen table so I wouldn’t confuse any of the pieces. This I think really saved a lot of time and frustration for me (and made for really nice pictures too :))

When I had everything cut up and ready, it came to deciding the order of sewing. Luckily I had thought this out before too, so it was just a matter of pinning it together (again paying attention to tucking in all the fur) and then hand sewing it all together. There were so many individual little pieces that I figured hand-sewing would actually be faster and tidier than doing it on the sewing machine. The only exception to this were the panels on the belly, which were made from alcantara and hand-stitching them would not have looked as tidy as I’d have liked it to (my machine didn’t like the fabric though and decided to skip stitches ever so often so I had to redo parts of it by hand anyways).

Making the arrow on the back was definitely the most rewarding part of the sewing process. I’ve never made anything like it and was so happy how it turned out! And I was really really hesitant to move on to the face as I feared it would mess everything up (Which ALWAYS happens, when I haven’t prepared everything beforehand…). At that point I hadn’t fully decided how to approach it and it was a bit tricky as there were different fabrics which all had a different stretch so in the end I opted for keeping the eye part and sewing the rest of the face in fake fur as the shape would be much more consistent and puffing the muzzled up would actually be easier when I would just sew it on top. So then I had a solid base to work from. At Friday way past midnight. And Saturday was a working day.

On the morning in the subway I decided to take things easy; there were only the (already premade) feet to be sewn on, the muzzle, the nose and the (already premade) eyes. So I spent my lunchbreak doing that. But I only managed the feet and the upper lip and as I really wanted the pieces to sit exactly where I wanted to, I opted to stay in a bit after work and finish up as much as I could there. So I sat there with all the colleagues who were already in weekend mode, sitting around with their beer stitching away in a frantic hurry, because I was already late for the party XD and turns out the colleague of mine who set next to me was a massive avatar fan XD He kept stealing glances at the little skybison and when someone asked what i was actually making, he chimed in “it’s appa!” almost in awe! XD And when I was leaving I gave the toy to him to hold for a bit and he was very happy about that too :)

So when I left, I had the nose and the eyes left to sew on. Good amount of sewing for a subway trip. XD The elderly man who sat across from me was a bit buffled I attempted it though tbh. Maybe also due to the military pocket knife I used to do the cutting XD Due to my stress the eyes, as I’ve already mentioned came out a bit wonky, but I think it’s not too noticeable and he still looks really adorable! I had opted to paint the eyes too and had also brought the colours with me but unfortunately I completely ran out of time for that too XD

All in all I’m absolutely happy with how this one turned out! And my friend is absolutely over the moon about it too, which is the most important thing!

Sunday Rumor Mill - OP-Sumos Leak

Hello, all fans. I’m aware that some false “leaks” have been making their rounds across the Web, with one notable one being legitimate, and I just wanted to reveal some things. I’ve recently retired after coming into a fair amount of money, so I have no risk of losing anything by doing this (or so I hope!) and just wished to give you Super Smash fans some inside scoops. Sadly, I worked in the sound department, so I’m not entirely sure about everything, and was unable to get pictures. All information I give here was what was given to me on lunchbreaks from my colleagues. With that out of the way, let’s get onto the show! That being said, I made a new account as to not be able to be traced back. Hope this isn’t an issue.

- Since I worked in the sound department, I can confirm that everyone will NOT have their own victory theme, at least at the time of writing. Somewhere down the road, perhaps, if time allows, but the first job dealing with victory themes just told us to create one for each series, like before. Meta Knight’s variant was kept at the start, though.

- Because of this, I can confirm that the veterans who are the sole character in their series are coming back. These ones in particular: Yoshi, Wario, Ice Climber, Mr. Game and Watch, Robot, Captain Falcon and Solid Snake. Yes, Snake is returning. I know some fans were worried about him, but fear not!

- In addition, our job description entailed having a victory theme prepared for Punch-Out!!, Nazo no Murasame Jo and Chibi-Robo. I think we can assume that a character is getting in from these games. These are the only other new series that we needed to compose for that haven’t been revealed yet.

- As a fan of Fire Emblem, a friend of mine has informed me that in addition to Marth coming back, Ike will return and Chrom will be added. The current plan is to have Ike become an unlockable, due to him being less in the public eye. He shall either be revealed to coincide with Shin Megami Tensei X Fire Emblem, or held off until the game’s release (whichever comes first…even Sakurai’s not sure when SMTxFE is being released). Chrom is unique from the two, and will be revealed mid-April, to coincide with Fire Emblem’s anniversary. He utilizes both a sword and spear, making him a tactical character. There are currently no plans for Roy.
- At one point, I helped record a sound effect for an above-screen KO for Ridley. I believe this confirms that he’s a playable character. 

- The Palutena leak from a while back is correct, as I helped record her lines. Some of the development team was notably upset that it happened, but the situation with that leaker has been taken care of, to my knowledge.

- One of my friends that works in PR informed me that King K. Rool is planned to be released at E3 2014, fighting Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong on the Gangplank Galleon. He is the heaviest character.

- Falco and Wolf are both returning, and Falco is getting a rework, if the new sound effects we recorded are anything to go by. They seem to imply and Arwing Final Smash, as well as a hawk-like screech. Not sure what that screech is used for, though.

- When recording the lines for the announcer, I can confirm that Home-Run Contest, Break the Targets and Board the Platforms will be making a comeback. The announcer is the same for both versions. 

- At the time, no cuts are planned, but if deadlines aren’t met, Lucas is the first to go, according to Sakurai’s priority list. That being said, if Lucas is revealed, a no-cut scenario is rather likely.

- Some of the staff were joking around and saying that Mewtwo should be revealed, since his birthday is on 6 February 2014. This sort of implies he’ll be making it back, though I wouldn’t bank on that particular date

- Waluigi returns as an Assist Trophy, as we needed to convert his sound pack. Andross does as well. That sound effect is rather hard to miss.

- Diddy is the next reveal, though many have guessed that. 

- We recorded a few lines for Lucina. Whether she is an Assist Trophy or part of Chrom’s Final Smash is unknown.

- We actually brought in my neighbor’s dog to record the sound effect for the Nintendog.

- Drake Redcrest’s theme, Champion Battle (XY), and Bumpy March were the last songs I helped work on.

- Shulk is an Assist Trophy, to my disappointment. I asked a friend of mine (the same one who gave me the Fire Emblem information). However, there is a good amount of Xenoblade songs, as well as a stage on the Wii U. 

That’s all I have. I’m sure you’re questioning this thing’s validity, but let me assure you. After Diddy Kong, Mr. Game and Watch will be the next veteran revealed. As well, we will get a newcomer toward the end of February. More than likely, it will be Palutena, in order to quiet the leak a bit more.