things fall into place eventually

The Affair - Chapter 3

Summary: The reader spends some extra time with Negan and things start falling into place…

Characters: Negan, Reader (OC)

Rating: Mature, for eventual smut.

Warnings: Swearing

Notes: Slow burning still, but things are starting to warm up a little bit.

AO3 Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10224827/chapters/22926501

Tags: @jasoncrouse @ronweaselz @hiddlesdowneyjr @ali-pennell @melodicdolls @namelesslosers @deepsouth @shanaatjelove11 @warriorqueen1991 @caitydestroys @acklesdowneyandhiddles-ohmy @jaylaelizabethw @prettyepiic @negans-dirty-girl @mamaredd123 @jdmsgal @alyisdead @memphisgirl1977​ *As always, please let me know if you want to be added to the tags or if you wanted to be taken off!*  

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it’s completely okay if you don’t have everything figured out right now - you’re still young and you have an entire lifetime ahead of you; please try your best not to be too hard on yourself. take a deep breath. you’ll figure it out eventually. things will fall into place and start to make sense.
—  positive reminder of the week #5
Eventually all things fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moments, and know everything happens for a reason.
Sagittarius (sun)

Sagittarius - when you think about this elusive group of people, you think of someone quite masculine. They’re represented by centaurs shooting arrows for Christ’s sake - there’s nothing more masculine than that. Personally, I’ve always had a certain amiability with Sagittarius’ but never been close to them, which is something I imagine a lot of people can say. These are people who have a wide range of friends from all walks of life.

They’ll probably have their “best” friends, but they also have a large group of people in their lives and the thing with people born under this sign is that they don’t categorize their friends so strictly, like most of us tend to do. The people they are close to fluctuate and change depending on what phase in life they are going through. Even though they hold onto a few special people, these are the kind of people that make many special friends throughout a lifetime.  

Their attitude tends to be so laid back and friendly, they make you feel good because they notice you and don’t treat you much differently than anybody else. They have big hearts and lofty ideals; reality may not always be in touch with these people, but they have enough spirit and inspiration that they somehow manage to get through life unscathed. Sagittarius’ are intellects at heart; although they are fire signs, they are the least personal of fire signs and with Jupiter ruling over them, they have more intellectual pursuits than an Aries or Leo might.

It’s said all the time in astrology that these people are interested in subjects such as politics and philosophy, and this may be true. But I think that most of the time, Sagittarius’ don’t think about these topics so much as they just experience them. They tend to be more concerned with interpersonal relationships and artistic pursuits, but there are also Sagittarius’ who are all about the sciences and math - their interests vary a lot, which is probably a reflection of their mutable nature.

I know that Geminis are known for being the “twins”, but people fail to notice that their opposite sign is just the same, except Sagittarius’ channel it in a different way. They are more emotional and spirited and their dual personality is less likely to be noticed. Although they’re friendly and sociable, they have the capacity to be extremely cold and bitter because a lack of emotional development growing up. This isn’t to say that they’re unemotional; growing up in a father-dominated atmosphere, they were given all these ideas and were provided for in all these different, mostly educational ways, but as a kid Sagittarius probably never felt that emotional nurturing all children need.

Sagittarius’ are emotional and passionate, but because they parents didn’t focus on that so much as they grew up they can react to conflict in an insensitive and cold way. But like I said, this is their duality taking effect; there is still that warmth, that fire in their personality, which everybody loves, but also that darker side that not many people get to see. Either way, Sagittarius’ have this certain charm about them - since they were kids, they’ve had this lovable nature and it’s no wonder these are the kind of people who have a lot of friends.

They can be flaky and unreliable, but if you hold a special place in their heart they will always come back to you, no matter how far they may drift. Sagittarius’ aren’t the kind built for domestic lives- they’re free spirits and they need that space to roam the world and collect stories and philosophies. There is something so attractive about how unattainable these people may seem, but you can never contain them for they won’t emit their special light unless they are free. Sagittarius’ will do anything for the people they love and sometimes that may mean containing their boundless nature. “If you love someone, set them free” comes to mind.

People born under this sign - or even have a strong Jupiter effect in their natal chart - have this “luck” that means no matter how badly they fuck up, things eventually fall into place for them. There is so much going for these people and the only true obstacle they face is not recognizing and appreciating their own potential. 

Follow for more personal, in-depth interpretations of the zodiac.

After a Loss, Heart will Learn to Love Again.

“I closed myself off to love, I took the best parts of me and locked them away. Guard up my heart,  I buried myself to lots of things, I became naive that everyone can hurt me, so before they bid their hello, I started to walk away. It’s easy for me to do that– than to feel those butterflies in my stomach and kill them after, I’m freaking afraid to feel that again. I did everything not to feel that kind of excruciating pain once more. Years passed, the shimmers in my eyes became dim, I can’t barely remember when was the last time I laugh– I feel alone. But even how much I avoid, not to fall in love again, Love haunt me. He saw me at my worst, in my darkest time–at times I don’t know how to trust others–even myself.  I never saw cupid around, but he strikes my heart, and even I deny it, its beating once again. The euphoric feeling of being in love taught me to fly while I’m falling to someone, I can’t help it , I can’t avoid it. Now I opened my heart to someone. Taking risk–that new found love won’t hurt me. That he will fill the gap, healed my wounds and will love me beyond  my imperfection. Cause, letting him into  my life is also my way of giving myself to him, despite of all the cautions and fear. He gave me strength to believed in Love once more, he taught me of… “ Heart will never stop to love, it will rest for awhile and eventually will love again”.”

“I’ve been in relationships that gave me goosebumps, chills, pain, indescribable and fluttery feelings and sleepless nights. Most of them, rejuvenated my soul. And I’m thankful for it because they fed my soul with affection and care that boosted my morale and made me better as a person. But some, gave butterflies in my stomach and then, they leave without incomprehensible explanation. It’s normal to feel and get hurt because it’s part of the package deal of love and growing up. Love is a double-edged sword; it can bring you happiness and also, pain. Without pain, you can’t realize and learn things in life because you’re in a shroud of illusion and became blinded by the side of love. But despite of all things, I’m not afraid to love again, even though I experienced bad relationships that dragged me down to my worst form. It doesn’t mean that my previous relationship didn’t work out, it never will. I’m not afraid of getting hurt and open up my heart once more. I’m excited with the idea of falling in love again because love gives us an opportunity to grow, learn, love and be loved. It gives us the room to discover ourselves, explore the world and reach our dreams with someone. I stay positive. I always have this feeling that every time someone leaves me, there’s a better one coming. And it’s true, we just need to wait and eventually, things will fall perfectly in places. I must say, I’m ready to fall in love.”

“For the first time in my life, I feel butterflies in my stomach. This is not those butterflies that plays inside of me every time I’m nervous. These are the ones that gives me the greatest feeling ever. From then on, I didn’t want them to die. I didn’t want to lose the feeling that makes my heart cries a single name. I want it to lasts like one of those I’ve seen in fairy tales. I didn’t want to occupy my mind with bitter things, because that time I only think of sweet kisses and warm embraces. It is just his simple smile that made me feel fine. I love mornings, the smell of his perfume in the air that we’re both breathing. I love midnights, the sound of his voice seems like music to my ears. I loved him and the way he is. I didn’t want to lose a bit of him, yet little by little, he started to slip away from me. The butterflies died, and there’s a strong pinch in my heart that makes my eyes cry. It was the worst thing ever. My shattered pieces scattered among the bleeding floor. And all I could think is life ends there. Nothing can make me feel better anymore. But every second I have felt miserable, there are still things and people that made me realized, what my mind and my heart agreed about, that not all broken were unfixable. Someday my heart will be renew, but not the same as I have it the first time. Hearts do heal, but the scar remains. And that will be the one of the biggest lessons I will always carry in my life. I will love again, and I know that it is way greater than I did before.”

— you’ll never know what love is If you never experienced being broken.
a collaboration by @sophistikated-blogger, @baekebyan and @vomitingwords

Giving Chances (1/2)

This is my phanfic for the phandom big bang!

Summary: Phil Lester has always been an only child his whole life, he never had any siblings. But he liked it like that. It wasn’t until his parents dropped a bomb on him that they had adopted a little scared, shy 15 year old boy named Daniel Howell. Phil is not happy about this at all. After a few weeks, he finally gets to know Dan and they form a friendship that blossoms into something more. They have to figure out how to be in a relationship, knowing that their parents would never accept them being together.
Word Count: 8,588
Total Word Count: 16,624
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff
Warnings: A lot of swearing

A/N: I just wanted to say a big thank you to the wonderful marielou-for-you who beta’d this fic and made it look 10x nicer than it did before! Also, another big thank you to moreorlester who made the incredibly amazing art work for this fic. I mean, how cute does it look?! :) A lot of work went into this fic and I’m just really happy with how it turned out <3

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okay so this is my Michaela and Connor living together headcanon list because these two are amazing together and @valeriianz suggested I make a hc post of all the ideas for these two that I was sending her. 

  • Okay so after Michaela kicks Asher out and Connor explains everything that happened between him and Oliver, Michaela comforts him. 
  • Telling him that Oliver needs time but not to give up hope because they both still love each other so maybe if they get some much needed space then things will eventually fall back into place. 
  • Connor silently clutches a pillow to his chest because he knows, or more so hopes that she is right. 
  • When Connor is feeling a little better he’ll ask Michaela about Asher, he’ll just kinda say ‘so…Asher?’ but not in a mocking way, just sort of in a dull, dead tone and that’s why Michaela doesn’t even try and defend herself, she just shrugs and continues to make him her very special hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.
  • The next day Michaela insists on ice cream and binge watching netflix because even though Connor protests to it, Michaela insists that this is the only sure way to heal after a break up, and seeing as Connor likes the ice cream Michaela buys, he agrees just once they don’t watch any law shows, it doesn’t feel right watching them without Oliver here to poke him and loudly whisper-ask what was accurate in the show and what wasn’t. 
  • As the days and weeks pass, the bickering begins. Connor uses up all the shampoo and conditioner all the goddamn time.
  • Michaela gets into the habit of using Connor’s razor to shave because 
  • ‘it’s much better than mine and it’s not like you need it anyway seeing as you’re so intent on pulling off this new hobo look of yours’ 
  • Michaela is also relentless about waking up early and her alarm shrills at like 6 every morning but soon enough Connor gets used to it and actually goes out running again which makes him feel a lot better than he thought it would. 
  • Them working on cases together and the gang coming over to study with them. pointedly NOT talking about oliver at these timesglaring at asher when he forgets about that ^^ rule
  • Just them being friends and bickering all the time but still caring for one another. Oh and of course Michaela threatening to cut Connor’s balls off if he tells a living soul about her and Asher but that’s kind of a give in. 

anonymous asked:

Lately I just feel so not confident in my gender or my sexuality really and it's just very exhausting and I'm not sure who I am anymore. Sorry, just wanted to like..tell someone.

its ok bud! you don’t have to figure it out and things will eventually fall into place no need to rush :) take care of urself!

anonymous asked:

Have you ever fallen deeply in love with someone, but realize it's best just to let go? If so, could you please explain? (I'm kinda going through a hard time rn :/)

oh yes :( since last year I was very deeply in love with my ex, we broke up a few months ago but we were still in love with each other. I wish I would’ve cut it off right when we broke up. I still see him and it’s still messy and destructive at times. He broke my heart, but I’m okay now. It feels like you can never get over it at first, but somehow, you recover. Loving someone is so difficult but if it gets in the way of your happiness, sometimes it is best to let go. It’s not an easy decision. Surround yourself with things that you like, reconnect with old friends, do things for yourself. Things will fall into place eventually. x

My Mother’s Jewelry

Characters: You x Kyungsoo
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Slice of Life, Family, Romance, Drabble/Word Vomit

Trigger Warning: This story contains mentioning of psychological disorders and other trigger themes such as suicide and abuse so if you are uncomfortable, please skip this story.  It’s really raw and deep.  

My mother wears her jewelry like chains and shackles binding her to Earth’s core.  Ever since my father left, she’s been different; highly perturbed and easily baffled and irritated.  One minute she’s all smiles, the next, she’s cursing and throwing vases and cold porcelain.  My father’s cherished set of Chinas discard into grain and dust, drifting in air to nothingness.

She says she regrets.  That she has tried her best for us to keep down the Demon from within her.  But in those moments, I wouldn’t, couldn’t believe her.  You wouldn’t either if you witnessed those blazing eyes of red, as she picks up the baseball bat and swung it against my skull – once, twice, three times until my blood seeps into the crevices of the tiled floors.

I wanted to die.

But I couldn’t leave her, not because of filial piety but the fear of being left and lonely.  Everyone leaves me so I understood the cruelty of being abandoned, of being dismissed and ignored.  And deep down, I guess I feared being alone once I forsake her too.

I spent days staring out into the window, like Lady Shalott or Rapunzel, imprisoned in this place supposedly called my home.

Crash Crash goes another one of my father’s prized possessions.  All I can do is turn my back to the tyranny of my own mother’s soul.  By being physically there, but not mentally, I had surrendered her to the Demon’s grasp.

No one believed me.


On an overcast day, crows chirp and frolic as if haunting people’s sleep was something to be acclaimed for.  The windows squeak painfully shut.  Rolling along my stomach, I count, “One…Two…Three…”  At twenty-five, the familiar clicks and clacks resonate through the inch-wide walls dividing my little sanctuary from Hell.  I curl deeper into my comforters…hoping to find some type of comfort but even such non-defensive strides of fabric had been long tossed and torn under my mother’s ruthless nails.  The lonesome breath rides along my stomach, threatening to take what little of food I had devoured the night before.  Another twenty-five seconds and she’s out the door, throwing out profanities to no one in particular and forcefully alarming people for condolences and compliments with her constant rendition of her pity story.

“I married a dirt-poor old, crippled man!!  Raised two stupid worthless b!tches.  One ran away, the other is a piece of trash.  Woe, who is as pitiful as I?!” she lifts her arms up into the air and screams to the limitless sky.

When only the judgmental shakes of the landlord’s head and the endless bickering between two seagulls respond, she could only reenact the third part to her performance.  The building shakes in fiery, phyllosilicate mineral dust storms down onto the newly washed roads due to God’s own tears at His child’s madness.

Thump!  Thump!  Thump!

She slams her own forehead against the brick walls while wailing in hopelessness.  I cave deeper and deeper into my covers, craving holes and ridding my blankets of pigmentations, willing for the Earth to open up so I could take shelter just for five minutes.  Just for five.  Just until this is over and I can have my mommy back.  But instead, liquid seeps through the detachments between my nails and fingers, dyeing the hand washed blankets back to a new shade of maroon.

Thump!  Thump!  Thump!

I shoved my head so roughly under my pillows I thought my neck had snapped.  And maybe…just maybe…that’s not that bad either.  Maybe…just…

DO NOT CRY.  DON’T YOU FU*KIN’ DARE CRY.  BLEED BUT DON’T CRY…DON—

Tears soak up my mattress.

You useless piece of trash.

Thump!  Thump!  Thump!

It’s okay, just two more minutes.  Just…two more.

But in that moment, I selfishly wished it would last a bit longer.  That maybe…maybe this would be the last time.  That maybe…it’s better if she left.  That maybe just maybe…I didn’t leave simply because of my own pride, fear of regretting and proving to others that yeah, I am that unfilial fat b!tch my mother always described me as.

Thump!  Thump!  Thump!

“Daddy…” I quietly sob as I smuggle my own face until I cut off my last source of oxygen.

“Aiyah, don’t do that to yourself!  Oh gosh!  It’s not worth it!”  FINALLY.   FINALLY, the neighbors had had enough and stepped in to feign their acts of empathy.  But it was enough because all my mother ever wanted was to be heard…and yet my voluntary ear had never been enough for her.  Because in her eyes, I was never enough.

So be it.

Like déjà vu, soft footsteps enter the house again, accompanied by quiet whimpers, and my mother’s retelling of her wretched story of how everyone around her had mistreated her.  About how she never got to drink the Bird’s Nest or Shark Fin Soup after giving birth or how her mother-in-law had forced her to wash the dishes while others sat tottering their feet lazily watching television.

I sigh and rock myself back to sleep but sleep had long ran a marathon lane, far, far away from my reach.  So I think to myself.  I’ve had enough.  Let me go then.  Let.  Me.  Go.  I’ll be the worthless unfilial b!tch.  Okay?!  YOU FU*KIN’ WIN.  YOU WIN.

So be it.

Never in my life had my tiny feet rush out of the house, so, so damn fast.  I ignored the neighbors’ judgmental stares and my mother’s countless accusations.  You all will never ever listen to my side of the story anyway.

So be it.

So be it.

I give up.

I am a failure in disguise.

Okay?

Are you happy?  ARE YOU?!

Run.  RUN.  RUN.  JUST RUN.  Doesn’t matter where.  Just run.  Anywhere but here.  Anywhere.  Bare feet soaks in my own blood, tears dampen my dull face but it is nothing compared to the internal torment and battle of my own heart.  The defenseless organ trembles as it flushes itself of itself.

My feet sunk as tiny sea glasses engraved into my skin.  But instead, it felt safe.  So safe…as if Mother Earth had finally given in and decided today, she’ll embrace her child for her child had bent and broken at last.  Wiping my wet lashes, I peer down at my toes to witness grains of sand, swallowing my pool of crimson.  Each gap, each wrinkle hugged.  I step closer and closer to the nature’s calming lullaby.  Closer and Closer.

No one believed me anyway.  I’d rather leave as an unfilial daughter, than stay as a helpless one.

Closer and closer.

If You will embrace me, then I will surrender every thing to go back into Your arms.

The ocean washes away the last of the matted dried blood.  Tides engulf my legs and drench my torso.

So be it.  I close my eyes.

Are you happy now?  Are you?

I swallow a big gulp of seawater and let the poison trickle down my veins.  My arms spread out as wings, ready to become the entity much more beautiful than my human self.  Thrash thrash thrash.  My brain fumbles to concentrate on the noise.  Don’t paddle.  Just…let it be.  Thrash thrash thrash.  Don’t paddle!  Didn’t I tell you not to paddle?

But I’m not…paddling.

A set of arms travel around and clamp tightly against my waist as its owner desperately drags my lifeless body back to shore.  For real?  Somehow, in life, I had concluded that things never ended the way I wanted.  It was only when I chose to let go and accept the truth: that hearts are meant to be broken, and promises astray, do things eventually fall back into place.  But that’s the funny thing, when you think that way, you still end up hoping for that light at the end of the tunnel.

“Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Come on now!” a smooth voice calls out.  From his medium built arms, I initially wasn’t sure if my savior had been a female or male, but now I know.  “Okay, it’s okay.  Shhh…it’s okay.  Every thing will be fine,” he soothes as he brings my shaking body against his chest.  “Okay.  Okay…shh…sh…” he continues, as he taps at my forearm in gentle successions.  “What is your name?” he brushes my dripping hair aside to get a better view of my face.

My name?  Why would anyone want to know my name?

But I give it to him.

“What a beautiful name,” he compliments as his lips form a heart-shaped smile, “My name is Do Kyungsoo.  Nice to meet you.”

I cringe and try to wiggle myself from his caress.  This again.  This feigning of interest and sympathy to get the opposite party to surrender.  Immediately, I dash toward the sea again.

“Hey!  Hey!!” the young man runs after me and grabs my arm to stop my attempts toward freedom.  I punch him hard in the chest with a move I had practiced for five months, as a last resort in case my mother’s abuse had really threatened my life.  The knuckles on my small hands tinge in purples and blues.  Instantly, Do Kyungsoo’s thick brows waver inward as his body falls limp against the flaming beach sand.  For a brief moment, the compassionate part of me willed my body to drop down to his side and apologize.  But my heart told me to run, so I do.  Toes combine with sand, creating small holes along its surface.  A peep of coldness drifts against my nail.

“Fine!  Jump then!” the man’s voice grows husky and daring, “Jump!  Be a coward and jump.  Run from your problems!”

My hands tighten into fists as crescent moons etch into my palms.

“Jump!  Why aren’t you jumping?!” he taunts with his hand still pressing against his sore chest.  “I’m telling you to jump.  Are you so much of a coward that you’re even afraid to jump!?!”    

I bite my lower lip and whip my head back to curse and scream and cry.  But the split second hesitation had gifted the kind-hearted man another chance to envelop me back within his arms.  I squirm and kick and punch but he holds on.

“It’s okay.  It’s okay.  Shh…” he repeats over and over again.  His warm breath brushes against the cartilage of my ear.  “Shh…”

“What the hell does ‘it’s okay’ even mean?!!? It’s okay means nothing to me,” I thrash around in his hold,  “It tells me that ‘it’s okay, you’re not dead’ but I fu*kin’ rather be dead.”

“Okay.  Fine,” he pauses his stroking of my back, “Then jump.  I’ll just have to come get you again.  And then if the water hasn’t cooled the pain, then jump again.  I’ll still come get you.”

..

Do not cry.  Do not fall.  Just…

I sob loudly, stuffing myself into his chest as I did in my pillow each day.  Only instead of ice, I feel fire.

Kyungsoo sighs in relief as he bundles my bruises and scars and stitches.

“… ‘It’s okay’ doesn’t mean ‘it’s okay, you’re not dead’…” he breaks the momentary silence to explain.  Though, I stubbornly refused to surrender my pride, my wails subconsciously softens in degree.  “ ‘It’s okay’ means ‘It’s okay, that’s love’.”

My sobs completely stop as my glossy orbs gaze up at him quizzically.

“It’s okay, that’s love,” he repeats, “Love makes all of us feel pain and agony.  Whether it’s love for a boyfriend, a friend, a coworker, a pet, or family.  When we open ourselves to love and care for someone, we are opening ourselves to vulnerability.”

Unknowingly, all of my protest to his saving vanished away with the summer breeze.

“And yet, love is what makes us human.  Love is what makes us happy and inspired,” he smiles into the sentence, “So it’s okay, that’s love.  We hurt sometimes, we laugh sometimes.  You win some, you lose some.  But never lose yourself.”

“I…” I stutter as my eyes linger admirably at the halo formed by the sun’s ray hitting directly on top of his head.

“It’s okay, that’s love,” Kyungsoo repeated.

It’s okay…


That’s…


…Love?

His conscious taps against the small of my waist continues for another thirty minutes.  With the addition of the ocean waves’ solace, I almost drift off to slumber.  Instead, I coercively jolt myself awake due to two times shyness and eight times fear.

“It’s okay…” he whispers, “You can take a nap.”

Don’t…

But my lashes seal together.

When I reawakened, my heart tumbled and my shoulders shook.  His glowing grin and melodious voice hums symphonies to subdue my anxiety.  Pale blue had morphed into black.

“Oh!  So-sorry!” I habitually apologize.

“It’s okay,” he assures.

“So-sorry!” I apologize again, “Fo-for…causing you trouble and for crying all over your expensive shirt!”

“No,” he chuckles and then explains, “Crying is actually a biochemical reaction to release stress hormones and toxins from the body.”

I blink.

Kyungsoo laughs to himself and scratches his head, “Sorry, ahh workaholic.  I am a psychological therapist,” he explains.

Still, I blink.

“Here, let me give you my business card, you are welcomed to come to my office any time you need.  I’ll be there to listen,” the psychologist promises as he digs into his shirt for his wallet.  My heart skips a beat but I patiently wait.  “Uh oh…” he scratches his head again.  In his hand sits a drenched card; ink bleed through, creating watercolor blotches.  I fail to muffle my giggle at his distress.

It’s okay,” I shyly inform.

That’s…Love…

A prideful smile stretches across his handsome face.  I turn away out of bashfulness, but Kyungsoo takes my arm, clicks his pen, and scribbles his info along my skin.  I shiver but force myself to remain calm, especially under the scrutiny of a professional mind reader.

“Come in tomorrow morning, okay?  I’ll listen,” he promises again.  Hiding my blush, I nod.

—            

“Bipolar Disorder,” he observes as soon as I poured my heart and described my mother’s condition.

My eyes flash open in earnest disbelief but the handsome, visually perfect professor pushes me back against my seat.

“So…she’s not possessed by Satan?” I ask dumbfounded.

Professor Do chuckles and shakes his head.  Even his laughter harmonized so beautifully, like ocean waves brushing swiftly against sand.  The sand soaked in liquid, forfeiting parts of itself to a greater substance.  I swallow my own saliva.

“People joke that I’m possessed by the Satan,” he laughs, “but no, your mother is fine.  She just needs some treatment.  Bring her in the next time we meet, okay?”

I capture his white-riched, big round eyes with my inferior ones.

You mean to tell me all these years…it wasn’t my fault?!?!  That theses bruises and scars and stitches melted into indentations and crescent holes that tapered with my trypophobia was simply an undiagnosed disorder?!?!

Why did it hurt so much?!?

Tears spills down my doll-like skin as I enfold myself back into a fetal position, exactly as I once did in my mother’s womb.  And for the first time in two decades, I felt…truly felt her presence again.  A scintilla of sympathy rose torturously in the depths of my heart.

A light pat soothe my aching back.

It’s okay. We will fix her.  We will fix you,” the therapist promises.

I look up to see pure white, like a sunshine casting directly from where he squarely sat opposite of me.  And for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t alone or lonely.  His smile mended broken pieces of my heart I never knew existed.

Seven months passed since the appearance of Do Kyungsoo in my life.

“Mommy, time for medicine,” I call as I shake the bottle.  She obediently takes the glass of water and swallows down her medication.  With a content sigh, I spread her blankets and flatten out the wrinkles to cover her body.  Wordlessly, I pick up the tray and lumber back into the kitchen.

But her soft tone calls me back, “For my daughter.”

In the center of her palms sits her favorite set of jade necklace and bracelet.

With the shake of my head, I push it back to her, “No, Mommy, they mean so much to you.  You said it was Daddy’s first gift to you, right?”

A crystalline pearl drops onto the heart shaped pendant.

“Wear them to your date tonight,” my mother notes and decisively places them into my palms.

“Date?!  What date?” I attempt to deny as my heart flip flops like a caught prey.

“Your date with Professor Do,” the older woman yawns and curls back into her covers, “Silly girl, think you can hide secrets from your Ma.  You move your tail and I can calculate your next five moves before you blink!”

My cheeks paint in rosy pink.

“And wear the blue dress.  The other one is so old already,” her voice fades as she drifts off to sleep.

With tears brimming at the corners of my eyes, I nod, lean in, and place a gentle kiss along her temples.  “Sweet Dreams, Mommy.”

a/n: (੭ˊ͈ ꒵ˋ͈)੭̸*✧⁺˚ welcome Kyungsoo to Panda Island!!!  Yay!  I apologize for the super angst story, it was just something that literally came to be when I woke up to go potty in the middle of the night.  Haha, I had to run, get my phone, and type it up then and there.

Still, hope you guys enjoyed it!  May is Mental Health Awareness Month so I guess this story is my tribute to it.  Know that you are not your disorder.  We all get sick one way or another during our lifetime.

Anyway, hopefully I can get a chapter of Paradoxical Harmony up for tonight!  Love you guys!!

Comment, Like, Follow, Spam my inbox!  Love youuu >3<

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You’re my best girl.

Author’s note: Okay, I had to be a little shit and twist stuff to get it to a good length… But it’s all cute and fluffy and zero angst and suffering. PROMISE! So here it is. Part 8, keep your eyes peeled later for a post as it may or may not be the end for Bucky and the Reader. It all depends entirely on you when I tell you what I’ve done. But alas! Part 8. Enjoy!

Missed out on some fluff? It’s here, ready and waitin’

‘Can I kiss you?’

You blushed.
Bucky inched closer to your face, you shut your eyes, expecting the pressure to hit your lips. Instead you felt it on your forehead. You opened your eyes and tried to conceal your disappointment.

‘I guess you should have these back’ Bucky said, holding out his tags
‘I did miss them whilst I was gone’ You admitted, sheepishly.

Bucky placed the tags around your neck, they were finally back with their rightful owner.

-Months later-
Whilst it was obvious to the naked eye, you and Bucky were close, seemingly like a couple.
You still weren’t.
You were Ying, he was Yang. Fire and Ice. Lily to his Marshall. Morticia to his Gomez.
Bucky’s rehabilitation to transition back into reality after countless months stuck in a make-shift hospital in the compound had knocked him back, especially with his confidence – meaning he was also very timid around you once more.

You sat on the sofa in the communal area, fiddling with the dog tags, reminiscing about memories you had with Bucky.
When he stole your grapes and you had pummelled Tony with a newspaper because you had thought it was him. You chuckled to yourself.
Or teaching him and Steve ‘Jinx’ which inevitably turned out to be the worst decision in the world.
Your arguments, oh so many arguments – like when he’d stolen your motorcycle and crashed it or when you’d got trapped in the elevator with each other after that awkward moment.
You loved making him breakfast in the mornings and having him as late-night company.

You smiled at the memories.
‘Whatcha smiling at Doll?’ A voice interrupted your train of thought.
Speak of the Devil You thought.
‘Just thinking about stuff’ You replied, still fiddling with the dog tags. His eyes drifted to your hands, his heart beating out of sync. He loved the fact you wore them without fail every day, apart from parties. You’d explained to him one evening, that you couldn’t bear the idea of losing them in a drunk stupor.

‘What kind of stuff?’ Bucky asked, placing two cups of coffee down on the table.
Your cheeks tinged with red
‘Just memories of me and you’ You voice barely audible.

Bucky looked at you and your faintly blushed cheeks. How he adored you. He never told you outright that he was in love with you.
Sure, you got on his nerves sometimes, but that didn’t stop him being there for you. He remembered how your hair curled after your showers together, how you smelt of raspberries , how whenever you caught his eye, you’d smile – apart from when you were pissed. Instead he’d comfort you, even when he was told to leave; or you’d tear him to shreds.

He’d hoped things would fall into place eventually after the whole Valentine’s ordeal - but it never did. He got scared he’d mess you up or you’d leave again. So, Bucky and you were just an unlabeled couple.

He placed his hand on yours, rubbing it with his thumb gently.
‘You’re my best girl’ He grinned, goofily.
‘I’m your only girl’ You laughed.
‘That’s because I want you to be my only girl’ He said, then it hit him what had just come out of his mouth, he glanced at you, your mouth slightly agape.
‘Doll?’
‘Say it again Bucky’ You whispered.

‘I-I want you to be my only girl’ He repeated.
You moved over closer to him, you looked down at the dog tags, fiddling with them nervously.
‘I love you Bucky’ You said, looking up from beneath your eyelashes.
God, he could just ravish you right there.
His lips clashed with yours. A soft moan escaped your lips into his mouth.
He pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against yours.
‘I love you too sweetheart’

‘Bucky?’ You said, eyes shut, still resting your forehead against his.
‘Yes doll?’
‘Don’t ever make me wait that long for a kiss again’

He laughed.

It finally happened.

You were his.

Tags: @too-coolio-for-youlio1 @ff-exotic12 @imgettingmarriedtobuckybarnes @caffeinatedlyyours @fxckmebuck @azaleawardrobeo @shamvictoria11 @acourtofbooksandmusic

Whenever you worry about the future, try to look at things from a logical aspect, don’t think too much with emotions, when you start to look at it from a logical aspect, you start to realize things will eventually fall into place, just because you aren’t able to do something when you want to does not mean you won’t be ever able to do it, keep positive and work towards it!!

I’ve been in relationships that gave me goosebumps, chills, pain, indescribable and fluttery feelings and sleepless nights. Most of them, rejuvenated my soul. And I’m thankful for it because they fed my soul with affection and care that boosted my morale and made me better as a person. But some, gave butterflies in my stomach and then, they leave without incomprehensible explanation. It’s normal to feel and get hurt because it’s part of love and growing up. Love is a double-edged sword; it can bring you happiness and also, pain. Without pain, you can’t realize and learn things in life because you’re in a shroud of illusion and became blinded by the side of love. But despite of all things, I’m not afraid to love again, even though I experienced bad relationships that dragged me down to my worst form. It doesn’t mean that my previous relationship didn’t work out, it never will. I’m not afraid of getting hurt and open up my heart once more. I’m excited with the idea of falling in love again because love gives us an opportunity to grow, learn, love and be loved. It gives us the room to discover ourselves, explore the world and reach our dreams with someone. I stay positive. I always have this feeling that every time someone leaves me, there’s a better one coming. And it’s true, we just need to wait and eventually, things will fall perfectly in places. I must say, I’m ready to fall in love.

‘Tell me. Does it ever really get better?’

‘Honestly? It doesn’t. Yes, you learn to move on with life and eventually things do fall into place. However, the ache never entirely goes away. If you were to sit down and think about the things that got bad once more, you would fall into the same vicious cycle once again because pain is like a trigger. The more you think about it, the uglier it becomes.