My favorite thing about Thomas the Tank Engine is that it canonically takes place in a train post-apocalypse where the Island of Sodor is the only safe zone in a totalitarian dystopia in which steam trains are routinely killed and their body parts are sold or cannibalized for repair
If you think I’m kidding you need to read the original books
Guys, it’s about time I make a confession to you all… I… I have been in denial with this for so long, trying my hardest to prove I wasn’t what I am, pushing an nonexistent hate towards it in a vain, painfully obvious attempt at maintaining the farce, but I just can’t keep this up, I just can’t deny what I am, that for the longest time many of you suspected, considering how paper-tin my actions were…
Yes, for you see, and many of you have already guessed what I’m going at at this point… I, Enrique Manzano, which for so long have shat on it, actually am…
A tiny sentient Tiger I tank, and my real name is actually Heinrich Apfelbaum, the latino I claim is me being some random dude I pay 5 euros a day to help me move around.
So… for some reason, I ended up with a rich person’s Christmas catalog in my mailbox. I’m kinda staring at some of this stuff in horror, like who the hell would want a 6′ tall cat clock??
Anyone want to buy a 23 acre Wild West Town Amusement Park for $7,000,000? Why is this in a Christmas catalog??
A $400 razor?? With $150 replacement blades??? (O_O) That’s more than my food budget for the month!
This is just lazy. Why would any self respecting person pay $35 for something that makes and launches snowballs?
A $40 shaving gel warmer. Why. Just put the can in warm water or something.
I honestly thought this was a thing of jokes, not real. And not $15 each… I actually don’t know how to feel about this.
$2500 Ferrari scooter.
If you couldn’t tell this was a catalog for people with money
I hate that my first thought when I saw this was, “Look, Martha! The kids can pretend to be Mexicans!”
This is a $70 piece of absolute blasphemy.
But, look! The catalog does have redeeming quality! TANKS!
If I were rich, I’d probably by my husband the Abrams. He wants a real one, but we can’t have one, so this is the next best thing.
I’d also be tempted to get this Nightmare Before Christmas clock, except it’s battery operated. They could have at least done gears for that price.
And look, a cute little $160 tabletop fire. Fire for the desk.
I can imagine some big cat CEO sitting in his leather chair, staring at some n00b sweating in the chair across from him, and the CEO taking the resume and letting the fire take it. Then of course he’d have to press the button that sends the hopeful to the bottomless pit below.