[Our bard had rolled extremely high to seduce an NPC nobleman and the conversation consisted entirely of thinly veiled sexual innuendo about swords. After the NPC said he preferred to fight with longswords…]
Bard: I find it’s not the size of the sword, but the motions of the swordsman that really matters.
DM: This is the worst thing I’ve ever role played and I was in an original character Sonic The Hedgehog RPG when I was thirteen.
You know what I don’t understand? Girls who think they are too big to sit in your lap.
Look, I know I’m short. I know that for all your experience with cis dudes, I seem kinda small I get that. But like…have you ever had a girl sit in your lap? Because it’s the best thing in the world. and it doesn’t matter how much shorter or smaller than her you are. it’s ALWAYS good.
@ all girls of all sizes: you are NOT going to crush me. I am not going to be uncomfortable. Please, by all means, sit in my lap.
Context: the five party members shadows have all turned into giant black demons
DM: what do you guys do?
Rouge: I’m gonna seduce it
DM: …okay, roll with disadvantage
Rogue: *rolls a 19*
DM: … Okay… so the creature might be pitch black, but you swear you can see it blush.
Me: I’m going to cast sparkles on his face to make him more attractive
DM:*with face firmly planted in his hands* you cast it and sparkles drift down complimenting his face…
“She does a killer red lip. I’ll give that girl credit. She can whip a red lip on like nobody else, and it’s amazing. Even if we’re working out, she’ll have on this gorgeous red lip. She’s not human! You know, I think I would end up having red lip from ear to ear. I’m not as graceful with a red lip as she is.” —Karlie Kloss on Taylor Swift’s 💋