When You are Loved
What does it look like when an INTP is loved and knows it?
I’ve been thinking about this lately. I’m not really talking about the romantic love, but just a family or friend relationship that is pretty deep and lasting. How does an INTP respond to knowing that someone else genuinely cares for him?
First of all, not too many INTPs give an outward response to feelings. We are uncomfortable expressing them most of the time, and often we are even uncomfortable admitting that we have feelings when we are by ourselves. There are many times when I am completely alone and I still have this automatic thing going on in my brain that sort of shuts down my emotions. I feel personally embarrassed and silly if I let my emotions go even in private.
So, other people might have a hard time picking up on the fact that we understand that they care for us.
I know that my parents love me for instance. I am perfectly aware of this fact, and I know that they love me from the things they do for me and the way they treat me. I do not need constant confirmation of this fact, nor do I need constant gifts or anything like that. The INTP love language is definitely action-based, and probably the amount of time we spend with someone will also play into our love language.
Despite the fact that I know my parents love me and I love them back, I am extremely uncomfortable with any verbal or physical expressions of these emotions. I don’t like having to hug my parents. My father is a hugger, so I often sense a sort of restraint between us because our love languages differ in this way. It’s not that he thinks I don’t love him, it’s just that he does not understand this part of my personality and it plays into our relationship. That’s not always a bad thing, though.
We INTPs are probably going to be hyper-sensitive to these relationship restraints, though. Although we don’t always realize we might have offended someone, I believe it does bother us if we find out we hurt someone. At least, it bothers me. I want to make people comfortable, but I have a very difficult time crossing that line and doing anything to make them comfortable. I know that my father loves me, but I can’t bring myself to just hug him. It’s difficult to explain this restraint, but if you experience it, I think you’ll know what I’m talking about.
On a lighter note, we’ll often tease the people for whom we have a mutual affection. Sarcasm, dry joking, and such humour is a staple for the typical INTP, and I think we use this humour as a defense for those awkward sentimental possibilities that might occur in a strong relationship. We know the depth exists, but we don’t want to have to address it, so we keep our deepest relationships looking light on the surface.
At any rate, this is how it seems to me. Does it make any sense to you?