they're just pretending

There is only one GF/ASOUE crossover where Stan is put in Count Olaf’s role that I can accept as in character.

Dipper and Mabel lose their parents and inherit an immense fortune, to be delivered when the twins come of age.

Stan hears about this and engineers a scheme to adopt these kids he’s never met and somehow get his hands on their inheritance. He doesn’t abuse them or make them do ridiculous chores, but he does make them work in the Mystery Shack and is gruff and grumpy to them just as in canon, so he generally makes a bad first impression.

However, during the first week or so that the twins are there, Stan realizes there’s no way in hell he’s ever going to be able to double-cross them. Even if he won’t admit it out loud, his gooey marshmallow of a heart has been completely won over by these poor precious children and he would do anything to protect them. (He’d actually been won over since day one, it just took him a week to admit it to himself.)

This might be the end of the story, and the Pines family might be able to live a happy life together from this point out, were it not for the fact that unlike Olaf’s henchpeople, Stan’s associates are not a collection of goofy characters blindly loyal to him. On the contrary, the hardened criminals that Stan had originally intended to help him steal the twin’s fortune would think nothing of rubbing him out and kidnapping the twins themselves if they had any inkling he’d gone soft.

So for the twins’ own safety, Stan has to arrange for them to be sent to another relative. He tells himself this is all for the best, he didn’t know the first thing about raising kids anyway and he’s not crying you’re crying.

A few days later one of Stan’s associates contacts him, saying he’s found those rich kids that narrowly escaped their grasp and wants to know what the new plan is. To protect the kids (not to mention save his own neck,) Stan has to pretend he’s still in on the plan to rob them of their fortune. He follows his associates to the home of the twins’ new caretaker under the pretense of leading them in some new scheme, all the while quietly sabotaging things to make sure they fail.

So Stan ends up going everywhere the kids go, protecting them from his associates while trying desperately to keep those same associates from figuring out he’s actually helping the twins. Between Dipper and Mabel’s resourcefulness and Stan’s careful sabotage, they escape the villains again and again.

One of two things happens from there: Either the kids realize he’s protecting them from the start and eventually have a Not What He Seems moment where they find out he originally wanted to steal their money, or they think he’s working with the criminals from the start and there’s a sort of reverse-Not What He Seems moment where they realize he’s been helping them. 

(Where is Ford in all this? Ford is Lemony Snicket. That’s why he’s writing about everything in the past tense, from the perspective of someone who learned about everything after the fact, unable to intervene until he’s brought back from the portal. He is initially angry at Stan and resentful of him, and his narration paints Stan as a selfish jerk and a villain in the beginning. But over time, the more he learns about both Stan and his niblings, the more affection and love trickles into his storytelling.)

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That feel tho when the antis call the relationship between your and your new friend disgusting just because he’s 18 years and 2 months old and you’re 15 years and 9 months old and you met him 5 years ago when he was 12 and you were 10 and you think he’s REALLY cool and chill and nice and you’re so happy that he asked you to be friends with him because he’s seriously such a nice guy and you think that it’s awesome that you finally have someone close to your age to connect with and be friends with and you may or may not think your new friend is really good looking and you may or may not begin to feel the stirrings of a crush later on in the future after getting to know him more because he’s just so freaking AWESOME and you may or may not hope he thinks you’re as awesome as you think he is (he does) and you feel really angry and confused that all these people are carelessly throwing around words like the p word that they clearly don’t understand and sexualizing and shaming your very healthy and caring relationship with your new friend but they’re honestly not even worth fighting so you’re kinda just like BYEEEEEEEEEEE

(I just needed to get this off my chest. This is the FIRST and LAST post I will make about this topic… I’m so done with all this toxic discourse. I’m just going to keep drawing and reblogging Otayuri and ignore the haters bc they clearly don’t know what they’re talking about lmao. I totally don’t mind if you dislike Otayuri or even hate it for whatever reason, that’s totally your right; just keep a lid on your hate and stay the fuck out of the tag PLEASE AND THANK)

I can’t help but cringe when people say Brandon and Callie are “like brother and sister” during certain scenes. Like they’ve had sex and sexual and romantic feelings for each other, so it’s just kind of weird to me when people try to make it out like they’re the same as Brandon and Mariana or Jesus and Mariana. And these are usually the same people who say brallie shippers are the ones who promote incest so it’s also really ironic to me.

okay but blue calls ronan as many nicknames as she possibly can and it just. drives him nuts hahah

“heya roaney baloney”

“don’t be rude roro”

“what’s up ro-ro-ro your boat”

“see ya later roanster”

Stargazing

Ezio Auditore x Reader

On the second day of Edmas, Captain Kenway gave to me…


A warm hand on the small of your back was guiding you through the darkness, your vision blocked by a red sash.

“Just a bit further, amore mio.” His smooth voice spoke from behind you, the sound as beautiful as the gentlest of music.

“It would be easier if you took the blindfold off.” You laughed, blindly following Ezio’s guiding hand.

“Perhaps, but not as fun.” Ezio teased, his hot breath ghosting along the back of your neck.

You shivered, a combination of his closeness and the cold, winter air. Lights were dancing beneath your eyelids, the soft tune of a sweet song echoing into the night air. You could practically feel Ezio’s smile behind you, his pace quickening as you drew closer to whatever surprise he had in store.

“Okay, caro,” he breathed, wrapping his arms around your waist and leaning in close. His chest was pressed tight to your back, his soft hair tickling your shoulder. “You can take it off.”

You smiled at the enthusiasm in his voice, your fingertips gliding along the silky texture of the sash. You peeled it away slowly, your eyelashes fluttering open. A light misting of rain drops ran down on the two of you, Ezio’s heat keeping you warm. Dozens of flickering lights met your gaze, the darkness of night lost in the beauty of the atmosphere. The candles formed a path, red petals littering the ground between each radiant light.

“Ezio,” you murmured, grinning like an idiot. He mirrored your expression, the curve of his lips pressed against your neck.

“Keep walking.” He insisted, disentangling his arms from around you. A shiver ran through your body at the loss of his warmth, his fingers interlacing with your own instead. A new wave of heat spread through you, his contact alone warming your heart.

“Are you bringing me out here to murder me?” You joked lightly, bringing his arm around your shoulders and nuzzling against him.

“You better watch out, dolce cuore,” he warned jokingly, a laugh on the tip of his tongue. The candles, still shining bright, were beginning to burn out, light puffs of smoke breezing through the air. The forest surrounding the both of you was eery, strange noises and rustling branches following the two of you like a creature hunting prey. Ezio’s brown gaze watched you from above, his soft, pink lips curved up in a smile.

“Here,” he signalled, stopping you in the middle of a clearing. The moon shone down upon the both of you, the lights of stars twinkling up above. The gentle bite of wind and light showers no longer bothered you, your eyes focused on the sky.

“It’s beautiful.” You breathed, the stars reflecting in your eyes. So many hopes and so many dreams could be seen in their soft twinkle, the sky like a sea of aspiration. A thousand untold stories were hidden in their sweet sparkle, your hand unconsciously reaching out to trace some of the more visible constellations.

“Yes, you are.” Ezio whispered, his lips against your ear. A delightful shiver ran down your spine, a tingle left where Ezio’s lips had been against your bare skin.

“Ezio.” You groaned playfully, faintly shoving his shoulder. He chuckled, a smooth and soft baritone to your ears.

“I speak only the truth, mia bella.” Your heart warmed at his rich tone, your body automatically seeking out more contact with him. He happily obliged, his head resting atop yours and his hands rubbing patterns up and down your back.

“I hate you.” You muttered, smiling despite yourself. A twitch of his lips brought on his own smile, his palms temporarily pushing you closer into him. He smelled of the fresh rain and roses with a deep undertone of lemony thyme. Your hands tightened around his neck at the familiar scent, your eyes falling shut at the intimacy.

“You wound me.” His voice was barely audible above the pounding of his heart by your ear, his steady breathing bringing it back to normal.

Your lips, pressed tightly against his chest, curved up in a smile when he cuddled closer, seeming to be almost feeding off your contact. He was like this often, reveling in every minute that he got to spend in your arms. Which, sadly, wasn’t nearly enough for you. He’d brought you out here as an apology, of sorts, for not being able to devote every minute with you. Of course, you understood why, but he seemed adamant about making it up to you.

A short burst of wind rustled your clothing, a large exhale passing through his lungs.

“It’s getting colder.” Ezio noted, his tone wistful. “Perhaps we should journey back.”

The thought of having to endure the strange and wild roads for another few days had you gripping onto his back tightly, your body practically being held up by his arms.

“A few minutes longer?” You pleaded, opening your eyes and batting your eyelashes a few times for good measure. At his look of protest, you stuck your bottom lip out, giving him your best impersonation of a needy dog. He broke almost immediately, nodding and pulling you back into an embrace.

“Only a few minutes.” He mumbled, running a hand through your (Y/H/C) locks.

The tug of his skillful fingers had you cuddling even closer to him, your head wedged in between his head and shoulder. You breathed him in, your own fingers dancing along the curve of his spine. Muscles flexed and relaxed beneath your touch, his entire demeanour shifting to something more comfortable and familiar at the feel of your hand on his body.

“Io ti amo.” He said, the ghost of a smile on his lips. There was no desperation or anger or sadness in his tone, just a sweet, honest declaration of love. You smiled, your cheeks almost aching at how wide you’d spread them.

“I love you too.” You replied, the cloth of his robes soft beneath your fingertips.

Something decidedly colder landed on the crown of your head, your body tensing beneath it. Ezio breathed out a laugh, his fingers swiping the offending item from your head. He presented it to you with childish glee, a sole, white snowflake melting on his fingertip.

“It’s snowing.” You giggled, watching the flakes with awe.

They were beautiful, each unique in their own way. You were so lost in your observation of the snowflakes, you failed to see the way Ezio’s eyes lit up with your smile, or the way he fell even more in love with each sweet word that slipped through your lips. He could tell you how he felt over and over again, he could even show you how he felt, but for the moment, he’d rather just watch and fall even further in love with your smile, with your laugh, with you.

imagine the post-trk gangsey chilling together and the topic of first kisses comes up

  • ronan says 100% proudly that his was with adam and they high-five without even having to look at each other
  • adam’s was with some girl he “dated” in middle school and it was the Worst Ever and they both ended up hurting their lips in the process
  • everyone assumes blue’s was the deadly one with gansey and she’s like “uhhh no??” and they all look at her STUNNED and she’s like “i made out with noah didn’t we tell you that??” and ronan thinks this is the best thing he’s ever heard and henry’s kind of confused because he’s heard about noah from them but how can you make out with a ghost and adam and gansey are both like “when did this even happen??” and she’s says it was when they were in dc last summer and adam’s like “…..we were dating then” but he and blue both agree that because their relationship was never really serious/exclusive and kinda sucked by that point anyways it doesn’t count as cheating
  • henry’s was with some future environmental activist who made the news recently for chaining himself to a tree. in that moment, blue legitimately loves him more than gansey.
  • gansey’s was when he was like 9, and was with the child of some politician who’s now fairly famous, which would be impressive except their parent is famous for being super far-right and bigoted, so instead everyone’s like “gansey you have to go stand in the corner for 10 minutes you can’t sit with us”
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meditation

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Literally no excuse.

*emerges from the depths of overwatch hell at 4am* I heard it’s courferre week y’all