they'll leave you in the dust

anonymous asked:

dear yayaha, i have a... weird fetish... I want to tell my partner about it but... I'm worried they'll want to leave because of it. Do you have any experience with telling a partner your kink? - a foot fetishist

[[The following letter is notably not written with typical Lalafellin dexterity, but rather, looks akin to what would happen if a rhinoceros managed to grip a pen.]]

Dear A Foot Fetishist!

It is I, Yayaha’s retainer, Hard Rock! I have noticed this letter of yours gathering dust on her desk for far too many nights! As such, I have taken it upon myself to give this question the attention it deserves; the delicate touch of a man!

But before we address the hulking meat of the topic, let it be known that there is nothing wrong or weird about your fetish! What are feet, if not bigger, longer hands? What happens if you do a handstand? Do your hands not become the feet? Does that not mean your feet become hands? It makes you think, does it not…?

In any case, one should look at fetishes as akin to spices or condiments on a meal, with sex being the meal in this metaphor! Not everyone enjoys the same things on their food, and that’s okay! So long as you aren’t forcibly squirting your condiments all over their, err, I mean, acting on said fetishes without consulting your partner first, then there is nothing wrong with liking what you like!

So, assuming your partner is mature enough to understand that everyone has their preferences, simply broaching the topic of what one another enjoys in the bedroom should be enough! Perhaps there are some kinks they’re hiding from you as well, fearing the very same thing that you fear! Perhaps they enjoy their meals with no spices or condiments of any kind! Some may call that boring or bland, but it is just as valid and delicious! You are partners, yes? One would hope that your connection can survive the revelation what appendages you enjoy rubbing on your genitals! Just be sure to respect whether or not they’re willing to indulge your tastes! Likewise, you must treat them with the same respect if they divulge their own favorite toppings to you!

But, should the worst come to pass, just remember to remain the adult! Always take the high road, friend, and hold that chin high! Let no one judge you for what you enjoy, even if it’s pineapple on pizza! With luck, you’ll find that you and your partner are both very much into rubbing your feet all over one another. And if not…well…there’s plenty of fish in the sea! Fish with feet…I think…that’s a thing, right?

ALWAYS ROOTING FOR YOU,

HARD ROCK