they still want to speak

okay the thing i want to know is this: what does Anti want? i know Darkiplier wants to manipulate people, to have them under his control. knowing what a character wants is the foundation of it all. so what does Anti want? does he want to kill people? does he want attention? does he want to kill Jack? WHAT DOES HE WANT??? 

#BendyHTtakeover Recap

((so I’m gonna compile all the Good Shit from the #BendyHTtakeover event into one post okay here we goooo))

  • Sammy has been writing music for most of his life, “from a young age […] tunes would pop into my head, [writing music] was the only logical step. ;)”
  • Willow Weep For Me” is Sammy’s favorite song, he apparently considers it modern. what time period does this game take place in jfc
  • Sammy made a handful of puns during the event. Puns are great.
  • Apparently he liked Bacon Soup at one time, but “it kind of lost its luster after a bit.. But you’d have to be crazy to not love chocolate cake!”
  • Putting on pants is apparently a struggle for him.
  • Someone asked if Norman was behind the organ from chapter 2. He responded with “The organ… I don’t know what you mean. Although Norman, our projectionist, he was always very bright..” which might be a hint to something, a compliment, or another pun - who knows.
  • An ad for a Little Mermaid bedspread got posted in the middle of the event, probably on accident. Someone joked “Sammy’s favorite Disney Princess is Ariel, confirmed.” All he had to say was something was amiss with the post, and the bed looked comfortable.
  • Sammy still writes and sings music when he’s not praising Bendy, and has written “so many dozens of songs! So many! When you’ve been in this business as long as I have… you’re quite busy.” He also said “Perhaps you shall hear them someday.” pls
  • His clearest memory of the studio besides the ink pump is “a whistling sound, a vague melody.. with a sinister purpose.”
  • When asked for advice on composing music, he responded “Music is all about layers. Rich and lush. Practice, my friend. That’s what it’s all about!”
  • Wally’s catchphrase is apparently contagious. Someone asked “Sammy, what would happen if Wally lost his keys again?” To which he responded, “That Wally! That man can’t ever keep his things in order! If I didn’t know better I’d say his mind was wayyyyy out of here!”
  • Headcanon confirmed, “Sheep Songs” is Sammy’s favorite song he wrote for the Bendy cartoons.
  • He wears the mask to “resemble the most perfect form I know!”.
  • He might not be able to see without the mask as well, someone later asked “how do you see with that mask?” and he replied “how do you see without yours?”. Might have just been a joke, or confirming the “ink monsters can see through Bendy’s eyes in cutouts and posters” theory.
  • Sammy thinks Susie is “A charming woman.. quite… charming.. I recall only her face… that.. smile.”
  • He took some selfies for us.
  • Someone asked how he felt after what happened to him at the end of chapter 2. “I can’t recall any injustice on the part of the Ink Demon. He is.. most fair.” Apparently he’s fine with being pancake’d.
  • “Who’s better? Bendy, Alice, or Boris?” “There is only our lord Bendy.”
  • What makes Bendy so worshipable is that “[He] knows all and sees all. He is the hope we’ve been waiting for!”
  • “The last I can recall… I had a flowing cascade of brown hair.. I miss it so… or was it blonde? No matter.. it was splendid.”
  • He regrets never going to Coney Island.
  • Someone asked what he thinks of Alice “Ohhh such a voice! So.. heavenly! So beautiful!” Tied with his earlier comment about Susie, this makes Samsie shippers such as myself rejoice.
  • He is honored that people write songs about him, and Bendy.
  • He doesn’t only make puns, he memes. According to him, “if you have the proper training, mayonnaise IS an instrument.”
  • His favorite instrument is the banjo, he was always fond of it and it “plucks the right chord with me”
  • He thinks bacon soup can be good, “it’s best when aged for a while I hear.”
  • He’s happy Joey let him name the song “Sammy Jam” after himself.
  • Someone asked if he had a special someone before becoming an ink monster. His answer was a flustered “Someone.. special? … I.. well.. there was.. this one. I almost remember.”
  • He doesn’t quite know where Joey is, but he thinks he’s off raising his salary somewhere.
  • He doodles Bendy sometimes.

I’m angry. I have been, for weeks now.

I didn’t want to make a post or say anything because I don’t think enough people will notice or care. But fuck that, because I’ve got something to say.

I’m a fanfic writer for Haikyuu, I’ve been one for over a year; going on two. I’ve written 50 fics for this fandom, and I’ve been posting one fic or chapter update every week since the beginning of this year.

I write because I love writing, because I have a lot of ideas, and because I love the characters. I post my work because I think other people might enjoy my work, too.

But I’m also sick of it.

I’m sick of spending all my free time on writing only to get ten notes max on my fics on tumblr. Which, you know - it might just be that people don’t like my work. But it’s not just me.
I’ve participated in events, and if you look at the pages for any fandom-related project that includes artists and writers, I can assure you that you’ll always find the same thing: art with over a thousand notes per pic, and fics with less than twenty.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the art that people are creating in the fandom, just as much as the next person. I buy every zine I can get my hands on. I commission artists when I can.

Recently, I commissioned a writer. I didn’t even know that was a thing until a couple months ago, and even then, I’ve seen writers offer 1k words or more for as little as 3$. Are you fucking kidding me. I paid 25$ for 4k and I wish I could have tipped more.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m done with this.

I’ve been thinking every single day for the last three weeks that I want to just say I’m not going to be writing anymore. Because I’ve got no more energy for this. I’ve got enough other shit going on, and constantly being angry about how writers are treated is not helping, and it’s not something I can turn off. Every day I’ve been thinking “you should just go. For your sake. Stop this shit.”

I can’t do that. When I finally reached that point, and made the decision today that I’d stop, I’m done, I’m out - I immediately felt AWFUL. I love writing, and I love the friends I’ve made through it. I get really sweet and supportive comments sometimes. I feel like my work has maybe impacted a handful of people.

But I hate this. I hate the way the fandom treats us. I hate getting 1k hits and 2 comments. I hate getting 20 notes, only one of which is a reblog. Who’s going to see my work? No one. I hate it, and I don’t know what to do about it.

I guess that’s all. Expect a new fic from me next week, as always. Because as much as I hate it, I can’t leave. But I’m done pretending I’m not angry. Because I am.

Emotional abuse works like this: You are screamed at, and then, not knowing any better, you stand up for yourself. You think this is a way of being strong. You think this is a defense tactic.But this only provokes more screaming. Going silent provokes more screaming too, but usually it keeps the threats to the minimum. It keeps it just at screaming and not: a shove down the stairs, or order to pack your stuff and get out.

So you learn how to go silent. How to play dead. How to cry without making a noise. How to swallow noise. How to wipe your cheeks, get out of the car, and go about your day.

You learn.

And when the screaming has stopped, when the two of you are in the car or out to dinner and they’re all smiles, all asking for favors, all questions, you are still hurt and annoyed and want to ask them, how? How can you speak to me like that? How can you pretend you did not say those things? How can you have forgotten?

But you’ve learned. So you listen to, “Can I borrow your key”s and “how was your day”s and you play dead. You swallow the noise. And sometimes it doesn’t matter who is speaking to you, it doesn’t matter if they’re a friend, it doesn’t matter if their criticism is constructive, it doesn’t matter. You’ve learned. Any sort of speaking, any raising of the voice, any insult and you play dead.

—  Good Girl, Lora Mathis
10

(✿ ♥‿♥) Santa Beard Appreciation 

Learning ASL, and Gaster’s helping. He’s still a bit too fast and delicately signed for me to keep up though, hehe

Signing a simple ‘Hello, my name is Gaster.’ 

Or at least I hope so ahahaha 

*WIP*

I don’t want homophobes to tell me that they still love me and expect me to be grateful for not murdering me.

I want homophobes to apologize for hurting me and recognize that their bigotry has consequences.

I don’t homophobes reassuring me that me coming out to them doesn’t change our relationship.

I want homophobes to recognize that they’ve hurt me and my community, and I want them to apologize and ask what they can do to earn my trust back.

I’m tired of coming out and having people who have hurt me tell me that it doesn’t matter. It does matter. Not because I made it matter, but because they did. I want them to recognize what they did and be held accountable for the damage they’ve done.

3

Found these at the Dollar Tree and thought I’d just leave it here.

((Still can’t believe it’s actually Saeran who cutely announces “CHERIT-CHU!” when you open the MM app instead of Seven))

  • me, 50% of the time: i should really focus on my german
  • me, the other 50% of the time: i want to learn all the languages!!!1!1!1
Genocide of Tutsi in Rwanda (1994)

I haven’t seen a post that really depicts the history of Rwanda yet. So here’s my little contribution. By the way, thanks for the posts you reblogged.

Before the colonization, Rwanda was made of three social classes : Tutsi (10-15%), Hutu (over 80%) and Twa (less than 1%). Tutsi (upper social class) were cattle breeders, Hutu were farmers and Twa (lower social class) were hunters. One could become Tutsi or Hutu by marriage for example. They all had the same language, same religion and same culture.

German settlers arrived in Rwanda in the end of 19th century. They thought that Tutsi were more intelligent and more beautiful (according to European beauty standards of course : tall, skinny, light-skinned, thin nose, thin lips etc.). They thought that Hutu were boor, stupid and ugly (again, according to European beauty standards : shorter, huge lips, large nose etc). Twa were very short and seen as a species between humans and monkeys. 
After losing WWI, Germany gave Rwanda (and Burundi, which is like the twin of Rwanda with same language, same social classes etc) to Belgium. Belgians thought the same as Germans and started to gather all Rwandans and measure their height, their nose, etc to see if they were from the superior race (aka Tutsi) or inferior race (aka Hutu (or Twa but Twa were a very small minority)). Because of that, some Hutu became Tutsi just because they “looked” Tutsi and vice versa. Belgians privileged Tutsi over Hutu. They said only Tutsi could rule the country because they were the only intelligent ones. Tutsi were privileged in administration, education etc. Eventually in the 50s, Tutsi Rwandans asked for independence and Belgians didn’t want to lose their colony so they started to talk to Hutu who’d been discriminated against for a few decades. They said : “Look how Tutsi despise you! They think only they can rule the country but this country is yours! They don’t even come from here, they stole your land (there’s a myth saying that Twa were the first inhabitants in Rwanda, Hutu came from West Africa and Tutsi were the last ones to arrive in Rwanda and forced Hutu to subject to them). You have to rebel against Tutsi supremacy!” So that’s what Hutu did in 1959. The Tutsi King fled. Hutu killed thousands of Tutsi with the support of Belgian settlers and Catholic church, and hundreds thousands of Tutsi had to flee to Uganda and Tanzania. Rwanda became a Republic in 1961 and Rwandans elected a Hutu president named Kayibanda. Finally Rwanda became independent in 1962.

The president Kayibanda was an extremist and under his leadership, thousands of Tutsi were killed in 1963 and in 1972, just for being Tutsi. Their homes were burnt, they were stolen and beaten up. They were fired from their jobs, fired from schools. And hundreds thousands of them fled outside the country. In 1973, a Hutu man staged a coup d'état and became president. His name’s Habyiarimana He seemed a little bit more accepting of Tutsi but he still didn’t want the Tutsi exiles to come back. Because of that, the Tutsi exiles with the help of Hutu political opponents who had also fled created an army called PRF (Patriotic Rwandan Front) to come back to Rwanda by force, in 1987. The PRF declared war against the Rwandan government in 1990 and the war went on until 1994. During those 4 years, innocent Tutsi were killed or imprisonned by the government every time PRF tried to attack the government army. There was a huge propaganda against Tutsi (through the Radio for example) and that propaganda made Hutu think that Tutsi wanted to take back the power like under the Belgian colonization. Therefore, every Tutsi was an enemy.

On April 6, 1994, the president’s plane was shot down. Hutu extremists might be responisble for that. The day after, moderate Hutu were killed by extremist Hutu and the genocide of Tutsi started, which made about 1 million victims in 3 months. Rwanda’s population was about 7 millions at that time. The genocide was planned and organised by the Hutu extremist government (as I said, the moderate members were killed) and executed by militia who recruited Hutu civilians and gave them machetes, grenades, and guns.

France had been an ally of Rwanda since its independence. France helped Rwanda fight back against the PRF during the war until end of 1993. France also trained Rwandan soliders (the army was made of 5,000 men in 1990 and 35,000 men in 1994 because of France). France gave arms and ammunition to Rwanda even after the genocide started. France never asked President Habyirimana to stop discrimination and killings of Tutsi. Actually the French President and Habyirimana were good friends. In June 1994, France decided to take action in Rwanda, officially to save Tutsi but its intention is very contested today and we think their main goal was to not let the PRF win the war, because if they did, Rwanda would become English-speaking (PRF was made of people who grew up in Uganda and Tanzania so they spoke English) instead of French-speaking and France still wanted Rwanda to be French-speaking so that they could have an influence on it. The thing is the PRF was actually liberating Tutsi by chasing the Hutu extremist killers so fighting against them meant letting more Tutsi being killed. France or French politicians have never been sentenced for that.

Belgium also was an ally of Rwanda until 1991 when they stopped supporting Rwanda because of the murders of Tutsi.

While the genocide was happening, even though everyone knew it was a genocide, the UN didn’t want to admit it was, because otherwise they would have had to take action and almost no country wanted to send their soldiers to Rwanda.

I really, really, wanted to emphasize some things:
1. Colonization played a big role in Rwanda self-destruction
2. Tutsi were discriminated against and killed for years before the genocide of 1994 happened
3. The genocide didn’t happen because the president’s plane was shot down. Extermination plans were already known by France and UN for months/years. It is important to remember that, because in the West, people like to think that Hutu turned crazy just because their president was killed and it doesn’t really surprise anyone because “Africans are savage and violent and uncivilised anyways”. 
4. The genocide could have been avoided or at least there could have been way less victims if the UN and the rest of the world had cared about the 1 million innocent people who were being slaughtered (mostly Tutsi but also Hutu who tried to protect Tutsi)

If anyone wants to ask questions I’ll be glad to answer.

Btw, I am Belgian and Rwandan.

Wouldn’t it be great to see Keith and Lance grow to love each other and make it official towards the beginning of a season that isn’t the last season or the last episode of the entire series?

We could have reunions after battle, in battle, cuddling in the background, training together, teasing each other, encouraging each other, cheek kisses, forehead kisses, nuzzles, and then when the show concludes they’re just a relationship that’s been there for a while. They seem happy and natural.

2

OKAY BUT THE FACT THAT WHEN HE SAYS “I LOVE YOU” HE LOOKS AWAY AND HE’S ALMOST SMILING.
LIKE HE KNOWS WHO HE’S SPEAKING TO IN PARTICULAR BUT STILL DOESN’T WANT TO SAY IT DIRECTLY.
AND THEN HE LOOKS UP AND HE ADDS “ALL OF YOU” WHICH IS THE TRUTH, BUT IT’S ALSO NOT WHAT HE REALLY MEANT.

I’m going to stab myself and it will be less painful.

lol oh no is this a double date