they stab my mouth

The Signs as Things that have come out of either my/my friends mouth
  • Aries: Well stab me in the face and call me Narancia because I don't know math
  • Taurus: Maximum nut
  • Gemini: Leggyton
  • Cancer: Doppio did nothing wrong
  • Leo: Miguel's bustin out of his clothes like the incredible thot
  • Virgo: Norman Reedus and his funky fetus
  • Libra: "everyone in Drama come out" "I'M GAY"
  • Scorpio: *reaches hand in bag* hey I got something to show you! *Pulls out middle finger*
  • Sagittarius: my arms may be noodles but they can still knock you the fuck out
  • Capricorn: *with one foot in trash can* I'm going home!... Guys I'm stuck
  • Aquarius: I didn't know the goblin king was an edge lord too
  • Pieces: Maybe the cookies were the enemy stand
My Carapace

#9th

I always mess up, make mistakes.

I have a sack of flaws.

But I still will stumble every word anyone throws at me.

I never thought I’m worth their hate.

I never thought entertaining everyone

Makes me a punching bag.

You,

Yes, you.

You never mind my flaws

But, thinks how you can be my armor;

Thinks how you can shut their mouths from stabbing me.

You love me even at my worst

And you deserve to be loved at my best.


@benxalves @julieannesanjoseofficial

2

the first picture is 13-year-old me, circa 2009, on a trip to cape cod. it was almost certainly taken without my knowledge, because whenever possible i avoided visual proof of my own existence.

my hair is tangled and greasy because i had no idea how to take care of it, my mouth is full of braces that stabbed the hell out of my cheeks and gums, my clothes are baggy and shabby because i thought that was how fat people deserved to dress, and although i don’t know if anyone else can spot it in my face, i’m miserable after having spent that whole trip excluded and insulted by  the group of other girls who were there. i’m miserable also in a general sense for a whole host of things that as a child i have no control over or objective understanding of, from my broken family to my brain chemistry to emotional abuse to my excruciating self-hatred, aided and abetted by the world around me that totally rejects girls who are too fat, too loud, and not groomed for male consumption.

the second picture is me a few weeks ago, age 20. while i’m taking it, i’m thinking that i look incredibly beautiful. i’m thinking that i look like an adult woman, and about how powerful that makes me feel. i’m still fat, still loud, still taking up too much space, still often excluded and rejected. i’ve got short turquoise hair like an ocean wave and CVS lipstick and my very own thick-framed geeky glasses. i’m into animation, into sociology and quantum physics, into women, and i am ready to explain to you in great and eager detail exactly exactly why i am into those things whenever you’d like. i’m employed at a hard, rewarding job and at the same time interning for an organization that aims to save the world, and i’m preparing go back to school next fall. i’m finally starting to create art again. i am kind, and deeply generous.

right now, this moment, i am posting a long, reflective, personal piece that i know may be read as pompous, self-centered, self-important, oversharing. i don’t care, because in moments like these, i want my existence to be seen and known by as many human beings as i can possibly reach.

i’m a kickass, brilliant, and capable human being, but what i mean to say by all this, both to myself and to you, is how impossibly far off the person you so want to be can seem, even if you are destined to become them. 

I Hate Cheesy Love Poems

When I stabbed my
tongue into her mouth, it
came out covered in
cobwebs and
dead flies. She
tried to apologize but
all that crawled from her
lips was a tiny
drop of
pure moonshine. Defeated,
she tied boulders around
her eyes and
tossed them into the
lake near her
broken home
and sank to the
bottom where
she shall finally sleep
among the bodies
of anyone
blessed enough
to kiss her.

I am not very confident when it comes to my skin. I understand that I am flawed, I mean I know we all are regardless of how much other people see us perfectly, and I acknowledge that fact but I am really not just confident when it comes to showing it off to people. I have been hiding the parts that I disgusts for so long now. They do not deserve attention, not even a single glance. They are disgusting. They are very upsetting even just in describing them. How I wish I could get rid of them but they seems to be permanent. I accept them but I am still insecure. How I wish I am not, baby. How I wish I could stop.“ The words that came out from my mouth were like knives stabbing my own heart. He cupped my face and gave me those eyes conquering the innermost parts of my soul. “My love, listen to me,” he started to say. “Every mark on you is attractive to me. Every lines that your body has, every weird spots, every parts that you find disgusting, it is not disgusting to me, baby okay they are beautiful. Don’t worry baby because I love them. I love every part of you. Please never get upset with anything on your body. It is not disgusting and even if it is so gross to you, to me it will be fine baby, no matter what I will love it, no matter how gross you think it is I don’t care at all about it, I will still love it. I promise you that there is nothing that could make me not want to kiss every inch of you. It is a body, I don’t care about it. It is you that I love and your body is just a way to make love to you. I love you and nothing can ever change that.