they should put you on american horror story

James March: Godawful Opinions

Today in the Blue Parrot lounge it was pretty dead. You and your lovely boyfriend, James were having a drink together, sitting at a table near the bar that is overlooking the lobby. 

Liz was tending the these two girls, a brunette and a blonde, at the bar. They looked like they were in their mid 20’s or so. You noticed that every few minutes they would glance at you and James, but you didn’t think anything of it.

After finishing the last of your drink, you decided it was your time to head back to the room the two of you share to start getting ready for dinner later. “I’ll see you soon for dinner, love.” You stood up and gave James a kiss on the cheek, then picked up your empty glass to hand to Liz, but James stopped you by lightly grabbing onto your wrist. “Not to worry, darling. I’ll have Liz tend to this.” James smirked at you.

You smiled with nod, then went on your merry way.

James signaled for Liz to take your empty glass, which she did willingly, then she made her way to any tables that needed a wipe down.

The two ladies at the bar weren’t being discreet whatsoever because they glanced at James with a smile which he obviously noticed. They were now brought to his attention as he’s smoking a cigarette. Being silent about the words they exchanged to each other was their downfall because James can hear everything they’re saying perfectly clear. He was also smart enough to know those were about you.

“He is way out of her league. Ew.” Said the blonde to the brunette friend.

“Yeah like what does he see in her? I bet you I could take him from her if I tried.”

Liz couldn’t help but overhear as well, so she looked over at James and notices that the grip on his glass of bourbon is getting tighter while his eyes are facing the lobby, trying to tune them out. If he was to put anymore force, the glass itself would shatter.

“I’ll be right back. Going to use the bathroom.” The blonde said to her brunette friend, then left to the restroom.

“Liz Taylor.” James called in his naturally loud voice, making Liz flinch from surprise.

Liz walked towards James with her nose in the air. Typical Liz Taylor attitude. “What can I do for you, Mr. March?”

“Would you be a darling and handle that vile creature for me?” James said in a low tone while scowling at the remaining girl at the bar. “Oh and please hurry.” He signaled with his head in the direction that the girl’s friend left to the restroom.

“Oooo I’d be happy to.” Liz gave an evil grin, then went behind the bar to grab a cloth and soak it in chloroform. Thankfully, the girl didn’t notice because she was too busy scrolling through her phone.

Successfully, Liz knocked the brunette out cold and left to take her to one of the vacant rooms on Floor 7, tying her up once she got there.

When the blonde came back from the bathroom, she looked puzzled as to where her friend went and called her cell phone. The cell phone rang in James’s pocket, which caused the girl to question his motives. “Um, w-why do you have my friend’s phone?” She stuttered from fear because at this point, she answered her own question in her head.

Her first instinct was to run, but James quickly stopped her and picked her up over his shoulder. “Help me! Somebody help me! He’s going to kill me!” She kicked and screamed, but the only people that could hear is Iris, standing behind the reception desk. Iris ignored the girl because it was obviously normal to her.

James, too, brought the blonde to the same room on Floor 7 that her brunette friend is held in.

Entering the room, Liz was there awaiting on James, with the brunette laying on the bed, her face red and forehead sweating from fear. Her wrists and ankles were also successfully tied together by Liz.

“Put the tramp over there, would you please?” James said to Liz, throwing the blonde to her, then pointed to a gap in the wall. The blonde knew exactly what James was planning because she saw the pile of bricks laying on the floor. He was planning on letting her rot inside of the walls, similar to how did with his ex wife’s lover, Valentino.

“No no no! Please don’t!” She cried, but James and Liz ignored. Liz brought her over to the gap in the wall, placing her hands over her to rest on the ceiling. “I’ll do anything! Please don’t do this!” She continued.

James took off his jacket, hanging it on the coat rack, then put on his apron and gloves that were hanging on the coat rack. Of course, James didn’t want to dirty his expensive clothes. What else is new. 

James started humming to his favorite tune from being so content with everything happening right now. Liz ignored the girl’s cries, then left the room to go back and tend to her lovely bar.

The brunette’s mouth was already filled with a hand towel from Liz being annoyed from her cries. James took out a gun from his pocket and shot her in the head without hesitation.

He exhaled from the euphoric feeling. The blonde friend, still stuck in the gap in the wall, gasped seeing her friend get shot. “Oh my god! No no no no no!” She uncontrollably shook her head in disbelief.

James grabbed a brick, then started on building the wall himself. This calmed him and he felt a relief from finally getting his murder fix.

The girl continued to cry for a good 30 minutes and felt deep regrets for what her and her friend had said. She didn’t even know that James had heard either. “Wh-why are you doing this to us?”

“I suggest you and your dead friend should have kept your god awful opinions about my queen to yourselves.” James clenched his jaw, then let out a sigh to calm himself, which he succeeded in.

“I-I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry. We didn’t mean it, please. We were just stupid and drunk.” She hoped a miracle would happen and he would free her by apologizing, but never in a million years would it cross James’s mind to do so.

“I assure you it is too late for your false apologizes.” James said.

She realized that there’s nothing she could do to get out of this terrible mess, so she was hoping James would at least quickly her out of her misery. “Can you just kill me now. Shoot me. Please please, I don’t want to die like this.”

“To your misfortune, I would be denying your request. Now-”

She cut him off by screaming and crying even louder than before. “No! No! No!”

James was getting annoyed, so he walked over and stole the towel from the blonde’s dead friend’s mouth and put it in hers to shut her up. It’s amazing how James would go through such great lengths for you. Now he’s thinking if he should tell you or just spare you the trouble by not telling you?

James

 Notes~ You decided to go shopping instead of attending Devil’s Night with him. When you both are home, James instantly wants to get sexual with him. You both end up having a talk about something that has been bothering you for a while. 

Warnings~ Somewhat sexual,short mentions of alcohol, drugs, beatings, and rape.

Words- 1,098


Originally posted by tates-tortilla

Devil’s Night was almost over at the Cortez by the time you arrived back to your room. Instead of taking part in the event you went shopping with Liz. James insisted that if you must miss his party that you at least have someone else with you at all times. You knew what your husband’s favorite hobby was and it really didn’t bother you. It kept him happy and from getting angry at you, which is all you wanted. You walked to your bed to drop the arm full of bags you had with Liz behind you ready to do the same thing. You started opening your bags and sorting out the articles of clothing and shoes to take them to their proper place. Liz pulled out a pack of cigarettes and took one out before offering you one. “No thank you. I don’t smoke,” you answered.

“You might as well, everyone else in this damned place does.”

“I thought you would have much rather spent the night out with Tristan than with me.”

“Honey,” Liz started,”Tristan and I don’t have to go out to have a good time and I don’t mean just sex.”

“It seems like all James has wanted lately is sex,” you sighed as the last word left your lips. You walked over to your closet hanging up things and placing shoes on the bottom. “That’s just how the man is. He finds someone he likes and gives them gifts and riches to make up for the lack of emotion.” Liz took a long drag on her cigarette and got up when she heard a knock on the door. It was Tristan. Sometimes when James would “work” the you would go down to the bar and chat with Liz and Tristan for hours. Tristan wrapped his arm around Liz and kissed her before they sat down in a chair with Liz on Tristan’s lap. “Hey Tristan,” you said putting the last of your new things and grabbing a bottle of wine. You sat in the chair across from Liz and Tristan. You didn’t even bother getting a glass for the wine and just drank it out of the bottle. “It looks like you’re taking up drinking instead of smoking,” Liz said raising her eyebrow at you.

“You could always do drugs instead,” Tristan said,” if you do the right kind it’s the best mix of smoking and drinking.”

“You know I hate it when you talk about that stuff,” Liz pouted.  You looked at the time and it was a minute to midnight. James would be back instantly after that. “You guys may want to leave,” you suggested to your friends.

“March is such a grump,” Liz said.

“My husband is just particular, but I would rather you guys leave now so we don’t have to find out what he’ll do to keep you out.” With that, the pair got up and excited the room. You took the bottle of wine and put it back into its place. You’ve lived in the Cortez for while, yet it’s never truly felt like home. You loved your husband very much and wouldn’t do anything to bother him. That included trying to redecorate or modernize anything. You knew if he asked he’d probably say yes and use it as a way to make sure you never left him. You heard the door open and made your way to it. “Dearest, how was your day,” James said before you wrapping you up in his arms. His cane feel to the ground next to him.

“It was alright,” you sighed,” I bought a lot of new clothing I think you’ll like.”

“I bet they’re lovely.” James leaned down to press his mouth hard against yours. You gasped as you felt his tongue push its way into your mouth.  You wrapped your arms around his neck and grabbed for his hair. His hands moved down your body taking in its shape before they grabbed your ass. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he lifted you up to carry you to the bed. He laid you down and quickly touch off his shirt. He moved to be on top of you. Your hands pressed against his chest as he kissed down your neck to your collarbone. Then you thought of something. “James, I can’t.” James pushed himself up and looked into your eyes, “ What can’t you do, darling?”

“ I can’t just have sex with you like this James. Lately, you’ve just been acting like that’s all I am for you.” James looked like he was thinking deeply about what he was getting ready to say next. You honestly expected him to already be trying to kill you over it or force himself upon you. “ I can assure you that you are not used for only that purpose.”

“Than what purpose do I have for you,” you pleadingly looked into James eyes. He moved to the edge of the bed to sit with his legs hanging over the side. He reached his hand up to grab a handful of his already ruffled hair as he thought. You just sat there looking at him not knowing what to say. You never have seen him like this before.

“Dearest, you’re here because I love you. You aren’t here just because I want something that selfish from you. If I did I would just use any woman who walked into this place like I used to.”

You crawled to sit by his side and he pulled you into his lap. He was still looking off into the distance. “At most times,” you continued, “ I feel like I’m here just to be your arm candy and that’s why you offer me everything I want.”

“I offer you all of those things because I wish for you to be happy and as much as I wish I could I know that I could never make you truly happy.”

“James, is that what you really think?” He nodded his head without looking at you.

“You make me happy, you do I promise,” you reassured,” you just haven’t been acting like yourself. We haven’t even eaten a meal together in over a month.”

“I’m sorry, my love.”

“Instead of working so much next week, you should just spend time with me so we can actually talk about all of these things and get back to normal.”  

James looked into your eyes for a few seconds before speaking up,” I promise you that I will dearest and that my main focus will be put back on you.”


Thank you so much for reading. Please like/reblog. Requests, ships, preferences, and anything else are always welcome. ❤

2

“Miss (Y/L/N)? Dandy Mott is here.” Roberta, your housemaid, says and you snort annoyed.
Since you moved in the house next to the Mott’s he visits you daily and everytime he has a present for you.
Like today.
A bunch of red roses is laying on his arms together with a box of chocolates.
“Hello (Y/N).” Dandy says with a bright smile. “Beautiful roses for the beautiful lady.”
“Thank you.” You take them from his arms and you can’t deny it that they smell wonderful.
On the one side you feel flattered. Dandy is good looking and he seems to care about you. But on the other side he is just another boring rich guy.
“The new cinema opens today and I bought two tickets for us.” Excited he shows you the tickets and you sigh quietly.
“Sounds great.” You respond with a half smile.
You take your handbag and tell Roberta that the roses in your room needs water before you follow Dandy to his car.
Fortunately the trip takes only 10 minutes.
The whole time you say nothing, you just listen to Dandy’s stories about the movie you’ll witch.

You feel slightly uncomfortable with Dandy’s arm around your shoulders and he laughs about the men and women who came alone.
Together you share popcorn and a lemonade and slowly you start to relax as the movie begins.
In the end you had really fun.
On the way back Dandy told many silly jokes about the actors and he didn’t pressed you for a kiss. Not a kiss on the mouth, he just kissed your hand.

The next day you decided to bake for Dandy as a little thank you.
Two hours later you go to his house with an apple pie, waiting for him to open the door.
“Dandy?” You knock on the door, wonder where he or his mother is.
Undecided you stand there before you go into the house.
“Dandy? It’s me.”
Suddenly you hear a gunshot and instead of running away you let the pie drop and run upstairs.
With shaking hands you open the door and your eyes widen surprised as you see Dandy with a gun and Mrs. Mott with a headshot on the floor.
Quickly Dandy comes to you and put his hand on your eyes.
“What are you doing?” You ask in panic.
“Your beautiful eyes shouldn’t see that.” Dandy whispers in your ear, the gun still in his hand.
“Will you kill me?”
“Of course not.” He seems shocked about your question. “You need to see something.”
“Then you should take your hand from my eyes.”
Even when you can’t see them, but you feel how your hands are shaking as you take his hand away.
“As you wish.” Dandy smiles. “But then you should see everything of me.”
Your gaze follows him as he puts a part of a mask over his mouth.
“It wasn’t your first kill, right?”
Slowly you go to him, stroking over the mask. Your heart beats fast in your chest and all your instincts tell you to run away.
But you don’t want to.
“No.”
Softly you kiss the mask and even you when you don’t see his mouth you know that he smiles again.

Masks: Mr. March, 35

You forced open the door to your husband’s office. “James Patrick March!”
“Whatever could you need, my love?” questioned your husband over the sobs of the struggling woman.
“Take your mask off.” You crossed your arms.
James sighed. “(Y/N), I’m working.”
You tapped your foot, ignoring the woman’s cries of help. “You heard me. Take. It. Off.
He removed the mask, beating the woman to death with it. “At your service,” he told you, mockingly.
“You forgot our anniversary,” you said. Miss Evers entered soon after. “A man should never forget a marriage anniversary should he?”
Miss Evers shook her head. “No, ma'am.”
James raised an eyebrow and Miss Evers quickly added, “But Mr. March has had a busy week.”
You scoffed and stormed out of the office.
“Darling!” James called after you and you put your hand up to silence him.

// @eversrnty @hello-drama-llamas and anon //

It is 3am. All you felt waking up is cold. Cold and thirsty with no memory of what happened and how you got here. You wake up on the bed with your lover, Donovan beside you. “Donovan? What…What happened?”

Donovan looks at you with questionable eyes, scooting closer to you. “You don’t remember? I found you in front of the hotel with a stab wound left for dead. Luckily I found you just in time.”

“Oh now I remember. I was going out for a walk. I just needed some fresh air. Some guy was trying to steal my purse, so I fought back. And then he pulled out his pocket knife, stabbed me, took my purse and ran. I tried getting inside the hotel as best I could, but before I knew it, everything went black.” You were looking around and touching your stomach, only to find no wound.

Donovan sits up and says angrily, “you shouldn’t even be going out for a walk this late at night. Let alone by yourself! What on earth-”

You cut Donovan off as you got off of the bed, trying to feel around your body for a wound. “Wait, where’s my wound? What happened to it? How is it gone?”

Donovan gets off the bed to face you and cups your cheek with his hand, looking directly into your eyes. “That’s because I turned you, baby.”

Your eyes grew wide and you slowly started to panic. “You did what?!”

Donovan, takes his other hand and cups your other cheek with it, cupping both cheeks. He starts quickly looking back and forth on each eye trying to get his point across to you. “I couldn’t live without you, Y/N. I just couldn’t. I had to do it!”

You put your hands on top of your head and start pacing. “Oh my god, Donovan. Now I have to eat people?!” You didn’t know if you should feel thankful that Donovan saved you by turning you or if you’d rather just be dead because you knew that the only way you can really live is if you kill. 

Donovan puts his hands on your shoulders to stop your pacing and lowers his head to your level. “It’s going to be okay, babe. It’s not as bad as it seems. I’ll help you. I’ll teach you.” He closes his eyes while he sets a gentle kiss on your forehead.

3

requested by lukeybabe26


You sit in your mother’s bedoom, reading some new book which Liz gave you. It seems like you’re kinda bored. You lie on the couch with bored face and you still yawn. Maybe you are just tired, maybe you are bored. Mother’s bedroom is such a quiet place! You listen to the silence which reigns in the bedroom. 

Suddenly, someone almost breaks the door. You freak out and sit, looking at the person who came to the bedroom. And you can see there the fallen angel. His blue eyes looks at you. And there is something in his eyes. Something he probably wants to say. 

“Donovan? What’s wrong? You freaked me out so bad!” You say, putting the book on the couch next to you.
“I’m sorry, (Y/N),” Donovan apologizes. “I didn’t want to freak you out.” 
“So, what’s wrong?”
You look at him, curious what happened.
“Just… I wanted to talk with your mother, (Y/N).” 
“What? Why?”
The fear empowers your body.
“About you.”
“About… Me?” You point with your finger on yourself.
“Yes, about you, (Y/N). I just wanted to say her I love you. She should be prepared for this. Because I want you to go with me to a date, beautiful.”

Don't Fear the Reaper - Joshifer Halloween One Shot

AN: For joshmopolitan who told me to write a Joshifer Halloween story a month ago and I finally got off my tush and did it.  Kind of went in a totally different direction than I intended….ah well I’m out of practice.

- Don’t Fear the Reaper –

Josh pulled the forest green beanie over his messy brown locks and grabbed his jean jacket off the back of the couch as his heavy footfalls echoed down the hall through the bedroom to the doorway of the master bath, “Babe?” His knuckles rapped against the mahogany door.

“Hold on – I just,” she grunted followed by a small crash reverberated against the door.

“Honey, what are you doing in there?” He sighed as he looked at his watch, they needed to leave soon if they were going to get to his Halloween surprise.

“Just getting ready,” she growled, “Almost done.”

Keep reading

Pumpkins,

Okay so I kinda sorta totally have been mulling over the idea of starting a fall/halloween/autumn Youtube Channel. I’m not sure  of exactly everything but I thought about doing challenges, diys, food recipes, look books ( like characters from movies, or american horror story, even easy halloween costumes) favorites & must haves, questions, movie reviews, even stuff you guys would want to see i’d put in video form, etc idk just a whole lot of fall stuff that we all love! But i need opinions? Who would watch? Like/Reblog this if you think I should or leave a message saying what you think I should do! 

xoxo, M

ew.com
Chris Colfer on 'The Land of Stories' and wishing his characters could meet Harry Potter
Golden Globe winner and best-selling author Chris Colfer kicks off his latest book tour on Tuesday to celebrate the release of The Land of Stories: An Author’s Odyssey, the penultimate installment in his fairy tale series. The tour is set to include brand new activities for readers, including costume and trivia contests, making its first stop in New York City.

July 12, 2016

By: Adam Lujan

Before setting out on his author’s odyssey, Colfer chatted with EW about all things Land of Stories – from his dream Harry Potter crossover to the inclusion of LGBT fairy tale characters to the upcoming sixth and final book. He also touched on his post-Glee acting projects, including an update on the Noel Coward biopic, his upcoming role in Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie, and if he’d ever reunite with former Glee boss Ryan Murphy on Scream Queens or American Horror Story.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Congratulations on the new book and the tour. Is there a memorable moment you had during the last tour?
It’s hard to pick just one because everything can be really memorable. But there’s nothing like having a 10-year-old come up to you and talk to you about your characters as if they’re real people. I get really giddy whenever a little kid tells me, “Please tell this character I said hello,” or, “Tell this character I think they’re a bad person.” It’s really wonderful to see that excitement in their eyes.

So what can readers expect from the new book, An Author’s Odyssey?
This story is about a writer who gets to meet his own characters and see the environment come to life that had only existed in his imagination prior. It’s kind of based on my experience as a screenwriter. When you write something on the page, the next thing you know, it’s living and breathing in front of you. I thought that would be a fun element to bring to the series.

If you could enter your own Land of Stories, what would you say to your main characters, Alex and Conner?
Oh, gosh, I would just apologize to them for making their lives so complicated.

You’ve delved into so many different fairy tale lands – Oz, Wonderland, Neverland. Say you had the rights to any fantasy world, are there any you’d have your characters visit?
I would love for Alex and Conner to meet Harry Potter, but I’m sure I would get sued from here to Timbuktu, so I won’t even attempt to do that. But it’s nice because those classic stories like The Wizard of Ozand Alice in Wonderland really, unfortunately, aren’t quite as known with this new generation of kids. With more recent adaptations, the morals and the traditional stories have kind of gotten lost. It’s really wonderful as an author to introduce a new generation to those stories.

So after An Author’s Odyssey, you have a sixth Land of Storiesbook coming next year. Is there an end in sight, an endgame you’re headed towards?
Yes, number six will be the final one in the series. But I still have a lot of spin-offs of the series coming out. This October, The Land of Stories: Treasury of Classic Fairy Tales and Rhymes comes out. I have another picture book called Trollbella Throws a Party coming out, and then I’ll have a graphic novel based on the character of Goldilocks coming out.

Any news on The Land of Stories being adapted into a film?
Yeah, I’ve really changed my mind over the years. When I published the first book, that was the most asked question: would you ever see this as a film? And I would say, “No, I really want this to be a book.” But when 6-year-olds come up to you with these huge, teary eyes, and they beg you to do a movie, who am I to deny them of that? [Laughs] So I’ve been taking a lot of meetings and I was hoping to have a little more of an announcement to make with this book, but I’m definitely not going to rush things. But it’s closer now than it has ever been.

Would you be in it?
[Laughs] I think that would be very vain of me, to write a book seriesand be in the film. That’s not something I necessarily want, but the fans have made it known that they really want me to play the character Froggy. So we’ll see – that might be a fight I lose.

One of your companion books, The Mother Goose Diaries, touched on LGBT rights, with the character marching for marriage equality. How important do you think it is to incorporate LGBT themes into children’s literature?
In that book in particular, I just really wanted to show her fighting for women’s rights and suffrage, walking with Martin Luther King Jr., and standing with LGBT people fighting for marriage equality. It was important for me to show these different battles in history and to show how much progress we’ve made as a country, but how there’s still so much progress to go. We’re getting into an election season and people are being overly political everywhere. And I have to say, I don’t think you change the world by persuading an older generation, you change the world by educating the new generation.

Will we see LGBT characters in The Land of Stories?
There already are LGBT characters in The Land of Stories. I guess I just haven’t made their orientation a part of the plot yet.

Acting wise, what’s going on with the Noel Coward biopic [directed by Joe Stephenson]? Is that still happening?
Yes. Unfortunately, we were so, so close for it to happen – I was planning on shooting it by the end of the year, but Brexit kind of complicated things with financing. It’ll probably be a little bit longer before it gets made, but I really, really hope it gets made. It’s very rare that a role like that comes to a young actor, especially to a young, gay actor. I’m really hopeful that the stars align and it happens.

Can you tell me about your role in the upcoming Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie (out July 22)? How did that come about?
I play Jennifer Saunders’s character’s hairdresser/social media consultant. It could’ve been my Make-a-Wish, it really could’ve. I love the show so much and was so touched that Jennifer wrote me a part and included me in it. I think the movie is fantastic, I think people are going to love it. If they’re fans of the show, they’re gonna freak out over it – just like I did – because it’s so damn funny.

You worked with Ryan Murphy on Glee, so will we ever see you on American Horror Story or Scream Queens?
I’m not sure. I don’t really like the sight of blood, so probably not. [Laughs] I’m kind of a wimp when it comes to that.

Lastly, but most important, how are your cat and dog getting along?
[Laughs] They’re good. They both had to be put on diets, so the house has been a little tense. Brian [his cat] is down a couple ounces, and Cooper [his dog] is down a couple pounds. They’re much healthier. People always tell me I should do Instagram [accounts] for my cat and my dog, but then I’m like, “What would IInstagram?”

[Read the full EW article]

Back Home||Jack Johnson

Hi, can you please write a cute Jack Johnson imagine where he comes back from tour and you guys just spend time together being cute and cuddly. I love your writing and don’t listen to anons who are being rude. It takes time for writing stuff as good as yours. Love youuu 💕
____________________________

I wrapped my arm around Jack tightly, trying to somehow get back all the lost hugs we had while he was away on tour. 

“I missed you so much.” The words fell from his lips, not my own.

_

Jack had severe jet lag so he was too tired to go anywhere so I decided that we should just stay in. I decided that we should binge watch American Horror story and I ordered some pizza and wings, just a chill night just like we used to do in highschool. 

Jack was already laid out on the couch his arms crossed across his chest his eyes closed.

I sat down beside him and put his head in my lap. I started to play with his hair my fingers gently grazing his scalp I started to twist up his hair watching it unravel when I lifted my fingers. 

Jack groaned and rubbed his eyes “Why do you always play with my hair?” He asked groggily “Because your hair is softer than mine and im jealous.” I lied. 

A loud knock at the front door broke Jack and I’s moment apart. 

“Thats the pizza and wings I ordered! Jack go get it while I put on AMHS.” 

After stuffing our faces Jack and I sat back and just watched tv. I was cuddled into his chest, his arms wrapped around me encasing me in his warmth. 

I heard Jacks soft snores, boy couldnt even make it through one episode. I felt my eyelids slowly starting to drop down and I let sleep take over me. 

i was bagging this lady’s groceries at work and she mentioned the walking dead so i was like you should definitely try american horror story and the bitch looks at me like I’m the fuckin antichrist and says “oh god no i already watched an episode that show is just sick!!!” and i put her bread underneath a gallon of milk