they roll

Our rogue was looking for a new, enchanted weapon.

DM: After a moment of looking around you spot a weaponsmith and head into his workshop.

Rogue: Good afternoon sir, I was looking for a new weapon.

DM as Smith: What kind d'ya want?

Rogue: (lays his old rapier on the counter) Something like this?

DM as Smith: I gotta couple o’ those. Check round there. (points to some weapon racks)

DM: There are ordinary rapiers and other kinds of weapons, nothing different from your old.

Rogue: (returns to the smith) I was thinking of something more… Special.

DM as Smith: Special?

Rogue: Yes.

DM as Smith: (moment of silent, squinted stare) My wife ain’t that kinda woman.

Rogue: Oh no, I was thinking of something special in… another way.

Fighter (ooc, imitating the smith): My daughter ain’t for sale either!

Everyone laughs

DM (pointing at fighter): She said it, not me!

Me (ooc, imitating the smith): My son, however…

Everyone laughs more

DM: I hate you all.

  • Jughead Jones: looks like they could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll
  • Betty Cooper: looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you
  • Veronica Lodge: looks like they could kill you and could actually kill you
  • Josie McCoy: looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll
  • Archie Andrews: Sinnamon roll
  • Cheryl Blossom: "Jason used to like cinnamon rolls!11!!!1!1!"
4

“We’re a band that operates as underdogs; that’s really how we’ve always seen it and maintained and tried to create new art. It was always built around being like an outsider.”

On raising a goblin...

My party’s Elven Gunslinger decided to pretty much adopt a goblin they took out of a cell (put there for cheating on card games by his fellow goblins) and now the party has taken him to the city and are trying to raise him in their culture. The goblin speaks broken Common and no one in the party speaks Goblin, so explanations can be a bit difficult at times.

1. (The party Human Cleric was talking about visiting his girlfriend.)

Goblin: Girlfriend? What that?

Party: *exchanges looks*

Cleric: Well, you deal with this one, I’m going to see Lacey (his girlfriend).

Cleric: *leaves*

Gunslinger: It’s when some people like each other very much and want to spend time together… They love each other. First they date and maybe they get married.

Goblin: Uh… What?

The Gunslinger tries to explain in various ways, but only succeeds in making the goblin more and more confused and giving the others a good laugh.

Half-Elven Ranger, trying a different approach: It’ll end up in them having babies.

Goblin: Oh! Baby! Man, woman, baby!

Dwarven Paladin: Of course, that is what he understands…

2. (The next day, the party goes to visit the Cleric’s girlfriend in the Temple of Pelor.)

Goblin: You… *points between Cleric and his girlfriend*

Cleric: Yes, this is Lacey.

Goblin: *pulls out one of the ancient Pelor pins he found a few days before and hands one to Lacey*

Lacey: Oh, thank you.

Party: *exchanging proud looks at his good behavior*

Goblin (pretty loud, in the middle of the temple): So… You and you (pointing at the lovebirds) make baby?

Cleric: *panics*

Party: *explodes into laughter*

3

being around newt would include being scared to death when a big undetermined form starts moving under his pullover -alien style- but really it’s just the niffler

Edit : Added my new fav AU Punk!Newt and sparkly shiny niffler who likes mummy’s new style aha (what do u mean i don’t give a fuck about time periods)

Seventeen + Cinnamon Roll

Looks like a cinnamon roll, could actually kill you: Woozi, Dino, The8

Looks like a cinnamon roll, is actually a cinnamon roll: Jeonghan, Seungkwan, Joshua, Vernon, Hoshi, S.Coups

Looks like he could kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll: Mingyu, Wonwoo, DK

Looks like he could kill you, could actually kill you: Jun