they roared

I hate it when the debate starts up in my head.

“Hey, this is very much Not A Normal Way Of Thinking. Why am I doing this to myself? Is it the PTSD?”

“No, it can’t be that. You don’t have That Kind of PTSD.”

“But studies show that a traumatized brain is inherently different from a non-traumatized one.”

“But Your Kind Of PTSD is only supposed to make you afraid of driving. This can’t possibly be related.”

“I mean, you’re right, but also, feeling like I’m a drag on the department and no one cares about me and no one will miss me if and when I get a job elsewhere is also just plain Not A Normal Way Of Thinking.”

“But you are kind of annoying.”

“I am, but I’m also good at what I do.”

“No, you suck at it. The people who started last month are better at this job than you.”

“I work hard.”

“Yeah, but you’ve missed like three shifts. Everyone thinks you’re lazy and unreliable and you should just quit. Just quit and save them the hassle of having to fire you. No one actually likes you anyway.”

“Okay, so that’s definitely the depression talking.”

“No. Just the truth. You’re useless and unloved here because you annoy everyone and suck at your job.”

I had a thought about Bubbles earlier, and decided to do some divination on my lunch break. Normally, I intuit things very well, but I wanted to hear it from someone else.

So I say down and introduced Bubbles to Alethia, my Lenormand deck. I explained to Alethia that I wanted Bubbles to choose three cards that represented what our friendship was going to be like and place them after the Dog (a card representing friends and friendships). Could she please take a moment to explain the meanings of her cards to Bubbles, so that they knew which ones to choose? She agreed; this deck has such a wonderful spirit.

They took a moment to confer, and then I shuffled accordingly and sifted through the deck until I found the Dog.

It was the fourth card from the bottom. The three cards that followed it are shown in the picture.

Suffice to say, this is exactly the answer I suspected I would get. And it’s one I’m pleased to have.