they probably smell

All of the battles in Lord of the Rings are so funny. Everyone looks gross and oily. Visibly covered in dirt. Probably could be tested for new strands of bacteria. Then there’s Legolas. Hair perfect and silky. Clothes impeccable. He probably smells like flowers or honey. What an inspiration.

i was gonna make a joke about how the massachusetts candle probably smells like a drug deal in the dunkin donuts parking lot but then i checked and it legitimately smells like dunkin coffee i’m done 

An Escort’s Favorite Products and Their Hoe Uses

For those that have asked about my self-care regimen, here are my favorite products and their uses! I’ll definitely update this as I get more escorting experience and my product selection grows. 

Body

I have sensitive, weird skin. I’m allergic to almost all BBW products. Here are the things I love! 

  • Aloe Vera Baby Oil - Shaving the cooch
  • Tend Skin - Prevents razor burn after shaving the cooch
  • Neutrogena Body Clear Scrub - Exfoliates and gets rid of random bumps
  • Aveeno Therapeutic Shave Gel - For a soft, super close shave on your legs
  • Lollia Perfumed Shower Gel - All of their scents smell amazing and they leave behind a muted scent. Plus, it’s very thick so a little bit goes a long way. Seriously, a quarter sized dollop is enough to get foamy suds over your entire body!
  • Lollia Hand Creme - Will give you the smoothest, softest hands ever. Especially important for touching wieners. 
  • Intimore Intimate Wash - My favorite wash for cleaning the vag. ALL of their varieties are safe for sensitive skin and they have great uses. The Therapeutic wash is great if you’ve been fucked raw. Very soothing!
  • Lush Sugar Scrub - Great for exfoliating, it leaves your skin very bright and radiant and it is supposed to reduce the appearance of cellulite!
  • Nip + Fab Glycolic Fix Extreme Pads - I use these to get rid of weird bumps or razor burn on my legs after shaving. Will literally clear up those weird clear bumps that aren’t quite whiteheads or pimples. 
  • Kiehl’s Soy Milk & Honey Whipped Body Butter - Will leave your entire body smoother than a baby’s butt and the scent is very light. Super hydrating. I use this every night after a hot bath. I also use this to moisturize my cooch. YES, YOU CAN AND SHOULD MOISTURIZE YOUR COOCH. It’s okay! Try it!
  • Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs - It’s like foundation for your legs! It comes in either a squeeze bottle or mist. I use the squeeze bottle more because the mist WILL STAIN your bathroom tile or toilet, if you prop your leg on it to spray. 
  • St. Tropez Express Bronzing Mousse with Mitt - I used this for the first time last night because my spray tan was wearing off. It gives a really natural tan and you only have to leave it on 1-3 hours, depending on how dark you want to go, before rinsing! I left mine on for a little less than two hours and I have a nice, NATURAL looking tan glow! 

Hair

I’m a light ashy blonde with frizzy, unmanageable hair. Here are my top picks for products. 

  • Batiste Dry Shampoo - Absolute BEST dry shampoo and it’s super affordable. Very fine powder. It comes in a bunch of varities, I like the sleek and shine the most. 
  • AG Hair Cosmetics Sterling Silver Shampoo - Great purple shampoo for blondes. 
  • Davines Alchemic Conditioner - They have different formulas for different hair colors. I use the purple conditioner for blondes and it’s a great purple mask that tones and deep conditions. 
  • Kerastase Shampoo & Conditioner - Comes in a ton of varities. I use the ones for damaged hair and frizzy hair. BEST shampoo and conditioners I have ever used. It doesn’t take much product and every product does what it says it will. 
  • Kerastase Fluidissime Blow Dry Spray - For frizzy or curly hair. It gives heat protection, shine and smoothness. I use this when I want my hair to be super straight or I want to style it after blow drying. 
  • Kerastase L’ncroyable Blow Dry - Most amazing blow dry lotion ever. Seriously. Now my most used product. 
  • Kerastase Ciment Thermique - Protecting blow dry lotion for damaged/colored hair. 
  • Davines Melu Serum - For disguising split ends. Also adds shine. 
  • Davines Minu Mask - Illuminating hair mask used to add back shine and dimension
  • Carol’s Daughter Monoi Mask - Great for softness and hydration. Smells amazing. Probably my favorite mask. 
  • Kerastase Masqueintense - Second favorite hair mask. It’s ultra smoothing and revitalizes your hair. 
  • Kerastase Elixir Ultime - Great hair oil! Lighter than Morrocanoil with the same benefits, though the smell isn’t as nice. 
  • Shu Uemura Straight Forward - Great blowdry spray oil. It really does cut down the amount of time it takes to blow out your hair. I use this with the Kerastase Incredible Blowdy. 

Skin Care

I have sensitive, combination skin. I used to get random hormonal acne. 

  • Glamglow ThirstyMud - Great for hydration and smells amazing. You can use it as rinse off or a sleeping mask.
  • Glamglow Flashmud - Brightening, revitalizing mask. I use this on my butt to help get rid of a few blemish scars. No, I am not joking. Yes, it is actually working. 
  • Glamglow Thirstycleanse - Amazing mud cleanser for whenever my skin is feeling a little dry or needs some nourishment. 
  • Glamglow Supercleanse - My favorite cleanser ever. It’s a mud-oil dual pump and it takes off every BIT of make up and keeps your skin super clear! Plus, it’s not drying!
  • Peter Thomas Roth BHA 2% Acne Wash - For if I feel a breakout coming on. One bottle will likely last you over a year. 
  • Peter Thomas Roth Blemish Buffing Beads - Great for body acne.
  • Glamglow Fizzy Lip - Great exfoliating lip scrub, plus you get twice as much product as most other lip scrubs. 
  • Glamglow Wet Lip - Intense softening lip treatment. You should definitely be using both of these to get seductive, soft, kissable lips! 
  • Sunday Riley Luna Sleeping Oil - I use this at night before bed. It’s anti-aging, moisturizing, clarifying, fights wrinkles and reduces pore size. 
  • Sunday Riley Good Genes Serum - I use this in the morning and it makes my skin look superb. Best skin product I’ve ever had. It brightens, exfoliates, gives radiance and evens out hyperpigmentation. 
  • Clarins HydraQuench Intensive Serum Bi-Phase - I use this serum as my moisturizer and it keeps my skin super nourished! It doesn’t clog up your pores and hydrates your dry areas. Definitely the best moisturizer I’ve ever used.
The Signs and Their Style

**Refers to sun sign and your 5th house**

ARIES: bold, lots of edgy attire, but they do keep it casual. Hobbies include sports, drama, and music. Most likely hair slicked back or in a bun. always doing shit.

TAURUS: comfy and laid-back but still likes to keep it classy, decorative items in the house, probably always in their pajamas or big sweaters / shirts. candles, clean house, probably got their house smelling like a bakery, their rooms tend to be either clean as hell or dirty. no in between.

GEMINI: ALWAYS changing their house theme / aesthetic, as well as their own style’s aesthetic. Usually trendy with boho vibes. Lots of flowers and plants in the home, color schemes brown, green, mustard yellow, and navy blue.  Somehow makes all their unique items look stylish and put together in their home. 

CANCER: major mom vibes. probably owns an suv / mom af car. home is clean and cozy, smells like flowers or fruit. usually up to trend with the area (like in Louisiana, it’s all about flour de li, LSU, brown / black / white color scheme) also has a comfy style at home but dresses like a queen out in public. Definitely owns a collection of movies.

LEO: bright sunny style, lots of reds, yellows, and oranges. Usually smells fruity or musky. Styled hair, style that gets you noticed. Home is elegant and pops, modern style is likely. 

VIRGO: SUPER fucking clean, obviously. Probably has a different scheme for every different room in their home. Colors of green, brown, blue. Usually very minimal and practical with their style, but perfection is key. Expect them dressing a bit professionally, classy and hipster styles are common.

LIBRA: hues of red, pink, purple, blue. all about looking stylish and attractive. decorative pillows and curtains, antiques, vintage items, food they prepare has to look aesthetically pleasing as well. lit candles, probably a few statues, decorative picture frames, etc. 

SCORPIO: darker hues of every color, but mostly grey, black, red, and blue. Dim lighting, lots of posters, paintings, song lyrics on their walls. Edgy, alternative style. silk sheets, lingerie, home décor probably includes vines, patterns, or flowers. Can have a vintage style like that of Libra.

SAGITTARIUS: Home is typically a fucking mess. Style is minimal but eccentric. Lots of different schemes, definitely not pertaining to one. Lots of books, journal, movies, magazines, etc. Clothes laying around everywhere. Colors include pastels and lighter shades. Clothing style is the same.

CAPRICORN: nice furniture, sectionals and huge leather rocking chairs. Throw blankets. Down to earth clothing attire. Classy paintings, perfectly decorated scheme of photos. 

AQUARIUS: Modern, hippie, or eccentric style. Probably has a salt lamp from a hippie shop. Colors include shades of dark blues and purples, home smells like fruit or candy. Vintage clothing style, prefers dressy shoes over sneakers and flip flops. 

PISCES: the biggest hippie, boho sign of them all. probably has clothes laying all over the floor, home is inviting and smells like freshly baked pie or cookies with a lingering scent on incense. their own artistic expression is very visible in their style. always has lots of snacks and comfort food in their home. shades of blue, purple, and pink.

*I specialize in Tarot & Astrology readings, prices ranging from $1-$15. Message me if you’re interested in receiving a list of all the readings I do! PayPal payments only.*

Hot Off The Press

Another AU where Jacky-Boy is a hockey player and Bitty has a job that involves hockey bc that’s my aesthetic. Anyway, I really know nothing about how the world of sports journalism works so there is probably some inaccuracies in here, but it’s an AU so who cares. Artistic license and all that. Very slightly NSFW (i just wanted to get all the warnings out there). 

***

“Are you into men?”

Jack has been asked this question before, but in such a subtle way (and typically involving Parson) that it’s easy to avoid. No reporter has ever straight out asked him. Besides, he’s not gay. He’s bisexual. So when Jack usually tells them, “No.” it’s not a lie. However, this time it feels different. Maybe it wasn’t just this particular time, but all the times added onto each other that’s finally causing him to really think about what hole he’s digging himself into.

The blunt question has him feeling panicky and the other presser notice his reaction too. Jack can’t say no, because that’s not true. He is into men. Jack’s panic quickly shifts, and now he just feels like shoving the microphones away and storming out, because this is hockey goddammit. Not E! news.

“Excuse me?” Jack clears his throat, trying to buy himself some time to think of a properly crafted response. Over the years, he’s developed a talent for that.

But everything is on overdrive and he feels his breath start to quicken again–

“Are you into men?” Another reporter asks, and it takes Jack a moment to realize that the reporter isn’t asking him. He’s asking the man who popped the question in the first place.

 All attention, including Jack’s, turns to the small blonde that got lost in the bundle of people. He holds up his mic towards the reporter who popped the question in the first place. 

Keep reading

` ° • ✧ TANGLED SENTENCE STARTERS.

’ Call it what you will… fate… destiny… ’
’ You smell that? Take a deep breath through the nose. ’
’ Really let that seep in. ’
’ What are you getting? ’
’ Your thoughts? ’
’ I don’t know why, but overall it just smells like the color brown. ’
’ I could get used to a view like this. ’
’ Yep, I’m used to it. Guys I want a castle. ’
’ Great. Now I’m the bad guy. ’
’ Look in that mirror. ’
’ I see a strong, confident, beautiful young lady. ’
’ Oh look, you’re here too. ’
’ Skip the drama, stay with Mama! ’
’ This is the story of how I died. ’
’ Don’t worry, this is actually a very fun story and the truth is, it isn’t even mine. ’
’ Oh… oh no… where is my satchel? ’
’ I’ve hidden it. Somewhere you’ll never find it. ’
’ It’s in that pot, isn’t it? ’
’ I’m just teasing! ’
’ How you manage to do that every single day without fail! ’
’ It looks absolutely exhausting, darling! ’
’ Then I don’t know why it takes so long. ’
’ Oh, it’s nothing. ’
’ Who are you, and how did you find me? ’
’ I know not who you are, nor how I came to find you. ’
’ May I just say… Hi. How ya doin’? ’
’ You were my new dream. ’
’ You should know that this is the strangest thing I’ve ever done! ’
’ Let’s just assume for the moment that everyone in here doesn’t like me! ’
’ How ‘bout best two out of three? ’
’ Who’s that? ’
’ They don’t like me. ’
’ Too weak to handle myself out there, huh, ______? ’
’ Go. Live your dream. ’
’ Your dream stinks. I was talking to her. ’
’ I was saying tomorrow is a really big day, and you didn’t really respond. ’
’ I distinctly remember, your birthday was last year. ’
’ No no no, can’t be. ’
’ That’s the funny thing about birthdays, they’re kind of an annual thing. ’
’ You know how I feel about the mumbling. ’
’ Blah blah blah blah blah, it’s very annoying! ’
’ I’m just teasing, you’re adorable. ’
’ I love you so much, darling. ’
’ Let me just get this straight. ’
’ I take you to see the lanterns, bring you back home, and you’ll give me back my satchel? ’
’ When I promise something, I never ever break that promise. ’
’ I didn’t want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice. ’
’ This is kind of an off-day for me. This doesn’t normally happen. ’
’ Fine! I’ll take you to see the lanterns. ’
’ You broke my smolder. ’
’ Here comes the smolder. ’
’ This is bad, this is very very bad, this is really bad… ’
’ They just can’t get my nose right! ’
’ Who cares? ’
’ Well, it’s easy for you to say… ’
’ The party lasted an entire week, and honestly, I don’t remember most of it. ’
’ I’ve been dreaming about them my entire life! ’
’ Haven’t any of you ever had a dream? ’
’ What’s your dream? ’
’ Sorry, boys. I don’t sing. ’
’ Well, I hope you’re here to apologize. ’
’ I have something for you too. ’
’ I should have given it to you before, but I was scared. ’
’ And the thing is, I’m not scared anymore. ’
’ You know what I mean? ’
’ All right, okay, give me a boost, and I’ll pull you up. ’
’ I just… I can’t believe that after all we’ve been through together, you don’t… trust me? ’
’ Sorry… my hands are full. ’
’ I’ve been looking out of a window for eighteen years. ’
’ And what if it is? What do I do then? ’
’ What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be? ’
’ Well, that’s the good part I guess. ’
’ You get to go find a new dream. ’
’ That’s a lot of hair. ’
’ Oh, now they’re just being mean. ’
’ I can’t believe I did this! ’
’ I mean, what she doesn’t know won’t kill her, right? ’
’ I have made the decision to trust you. ’
’ So, what do you want with my hair? To cut it? ’
’ Listen, the only thing I want to do with your hair is to get out of it… ’
’ I have a big surprise! ’
’ Did I ever tell you I’ve got a thing for brunettes? ’
’ Is it ruffians? Thugs? Have they come for me? ’
’ Stay calm. It can probably smell fear. ’
’ You should see your faces because you look - ’
’ I didn’t see that coming. ’
’ But I know what the big question is? ’
’ So! Hey can I ask you something? ’
’ Because I’m not gonna lie, that would be stupendous… ’
’ Is there any chance that I’m going to get super strength in my hand? ’
’ Oh. Sorry yes, just… lost in thought I guess. ’
’ Whoaaaa! Somebody get me a glass! ’
’ Frying pans… who knew, right? ’
’ Sorry! Just, don’t… don’t freak out. ’
’ Is that blood in your mustache? ’
’ Look at all the blood in his mustache! ’
’ I can’t help but notice you seem a little at war with yourself here. ’
’ Now, I’m only picking up bits and pieces here, of course. ’
’ A little rebellion, a little adventure, that’s good. Healthy, even. ’
’ I mean, this is serious stuff. ’
’ But let me ease your conscience. This is part of growing up. ’
’ You’re way over thinking this, trust me. ’
’ I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m letting you out of the deal. ’
’ What is it going to take for me to get my satchel back? ’
’ You can’t tell anyone about this, okay? ’
’ Well, I’ve gotta say, I didn’t know you had that in you back there. ’
’ Now, I know I’m not supposed to mention the hair. ’
’ Frankly, I’m too scared to ask about the frog. ’
’ If you want to see the lanterns so badly, why haven’t you gone before? ’
’ Why would you ask such a ridiculous question? ’
’ I’ve spent my entire life hiding from people who would use me for my power… ’
’ That criminal is to be hanged for his crimes. ’
’ Hmm. I have magic hair that glows when I sing. ’
🔮WITCHY TIPS!🔮

(I just came up with this. I haven’t heard of it before but it probably isn’t a new idea)

🍵Drink a lot of tea? 🍃Want another use for the leftover teabags?⚡Want extra oomph in your craft?

⭐Grab some paper (lined, printer paper, whatever you like)

⭐"Paint" with the teabag all over the paper, front and back.

⭐Allow the paper to dry. Keep it stored away for whenever you need to carry a small spell on you, or a sigil, or for when you need to write something and burn it.

⭐Keep track of which paper has which tea on it so you know what benefits you’re getting from it.

⭐You can cut off what you need from your paper to make it go further. (For sigils you might only need a small corner, but it’s up to you. I like to save time and paper)

⭐Bonus: the paper gets an aged vibe, especially if crumpled up before painting it, so it looks fancy.

speaking of being a massive ecology nerd, guess what season it is, folks! That’s right, it’s FLEDGLING BIRD SEASON here in North America, which means it’s time for an annual reminder that most species of birds have almost no sense of smell. Someone probably told you that if you touch a baby bird, the mother will smell you on it and reject her baby. THAT IS NOT THE CASE. 

Pictured: a young Mourning Dove, after being rescued from the tender mercies of my dog, circa spring 2005. It’s a fledgling! Note how it has most of its feathers, but still looks a bit awkward and scruffy, and, being unable to properly fly, can be caught by an elderly husky or a child. 

  • Hatchlings: IF it is covered in fluffy down (or partly naked) and cannot flutter successfully, it’s a hatchling, and has fallen from its nest prematurely. Look for the nest- if you find it and can reach it, return baby and then gtfo and let the parents return. If you can’t find the nest, or if you find it in pieces on the ground, use a small box lined with dryer lint or dog hair or similar fluff and attach as close as possible to where you found the bird or where you think the nest was. Return baby!!!! 
  • Fledglings: If you spot a young bird covered with feathers on the ground, chances are it’s a fledgling (bird tween, can flutter) who is not doing well in flying 101, but it is probably NOT injured or sick. Hanging out on the ground is part of the learning to fly process! If it looks like it’s in immediate danger (i.e. of being run over, stepped on, or eaten by a cat or dog), the best thing you can do for it is to gently scoop it up and place it in the branches of a nearby tree or shrub, and then LEAVE. The parents are likely nearby, and will return once the coast is clear of humans/predators. If it flutter-hops away from you and you can’t catch it, then don’t worry! It just successfully avoided a predator (you), and therefore can probably continue to do so. 
  • DON’T DON’T DON’T: Try to feed it, bring it into your house or car, or take it to your local vet or animal shelter. 
  • IF it IS actually for-real injured, you can catch it and contact a local wildlife rehabilitation professional (and then listen to whatever they tell you), but keep in mind that they get a LOT of fledgling birds, and those birds have a pretty high mortality rate. They may tell you that there is nothing you or they can do but allow nature to take its course, and that’s hard, but important to hear and respect.

Okay but what if the reason Natsu was so attached to Lucy so quickly is because she smells familiar? Anna made his scarf, so it probably smelled like her for a time, if only just a little bit. We know that Dragon Slayers have super noses and we also know that children smell at least a little bit like their parents.

What if he brought her to the guild and stuck by her side this entire time because, for some reason he can’t understand, this strange girl he met in Hargreon smells a little bit like “home?”

I finished @thepenumbrapodcast and all I got was these lousy feels.