One Last Wish
This is for @leiascully “Resentment” challenge
You’re sitting alone at the kitchen table, your mind buzzing like a hive. Full of memories of the first seven years you and Scully spent on The X-Files. Your memory regurgitating images, conversations, near misses, and almost disasters. As so often is the case on nights like this, one conversation, one case, one moment in particular is clawing it’s way to the forefront.
You and Scully were investigating a case centered around a Genie, you being you, you somehow ended up the lucky recipient of three wishes. Wanting to be sure you were making the right choices, but ultimately to curry favor, you asked the Genie what she would wish for.
“I’d wish I never heard the word wish before, I’d wish that I could live my life moment by moment, enjoying it for what it is instead of worrying about what it isn’t. I’d sit down somewhere with a great cup of coffee and watch the world go by.”
You were getting a handle on the situation now, make the wishes more about the fulfillment of others not just yourself and you’d succeed. The first two wishes you had fouled up, but the third one you weren’t going to waste. Oh no you were going to plan it, having the wording perfect. You were finally going to get that elusive happy ending for you and Scully.
When the Genie asked, “ Are you ready?” you weren’t filled with a single doubt, this was going to fix everything for all of you.
“How bout I tell you what I’m thinking first?”
“Go for it.”
“I’d want you and Scully to each get what you desire most. For you it would be freedom from your mark. For Scully it would be to have a child. Our child. Is that something you can do?”
“You wish it, I can do it.”
“OK well I wrote it out, so I guess I’ll, I’ll just read it then.”
“I can hardly wait.”
“I wish for you and Scully to have what you both desire most in life right now. For you, your freedom from the mark of the Genie. For Scully I wish for her and I to conceive a child. A child who is born happy and healthy. A child who’s life is filled with unending love, great successes, boundless intelligence, and prosperous joy.”
As quickly as she had dropped into your life she was gone, leaving you full of questions. Questions like was Scully pregnant now from the previous encounters you two shared, or would it be the next encounter that sealed the deal. Why bother wondering you’d thought to yourself when you can go make it happen.
Your mind is yanked back into the present as you feel tears begin to form along your lashes. You never told Scully. You never will tell Scully. The resentment and hatred you feel towards yourself is enough. Like tiny little sandbags coursing through your veins forever weighing you down. Keeping you rooted at the very bottom of the darkness. Just out of reach, always keeping Scully at bay lest she ever find out the truth.
Not to say you don’t blame the Genie herself because you do. The resentment you feel towards her lays thick like tar in the back of your throat, hot and sticky, you taste it everyday. What a fool-hearty mistake to think that if she had got exactly what she wanted, she’d ensure you would too. But it didn’t work like that, she was simply the conduit. A mere pawn on life’s chessboard. Such hubris to think you alone could provide a miracle. Looking back you understand it all, one cannot simply alter fate expecting no repercussions. The universe will always come calling, demanding payment for what you stole.
Still, sometimes you torment yourself and think if only I had wished all those things to be true with us. For Scully and I to be his parents, to be the ones raising him, loving him, watching him succeed. If only, if only. As your tears fall to the kitchen table you can her the Genie’s voice mocking you,
“You should have been more specific.”