If you don’t know how to be an SB then get the FUCK OUT of the tag- not for my sake, but for yours and the sake of your fucking followers!
What is this shit I’m reading on some of your SB stories? Some of you have a bloody screw loose!
Here’s an example of what an SB story should NOT look like:
“Soooo…I met this guy on AM and he looked really nice. said he was looking for a financial arrangement. I said my minimum allowance was 4k a month for three meets he agreed- he said he would take me to a restaurant, take me shopping, give me the first part of my allowance and then we could have sex at his hotel. Then a couple of days before our meet he changes his tactic and said that he won’t give me my allowance until AFTER I sleep with him and I was like ookaay?? Like I wasn’t okay with it, but I’m a pro SB so I kept it cool. So we meet up and he was super aggressive and controlling- he said he wanted to keep my bag in his car for ‘safe-keeping’ and I was like, okayyy then wtf?? But I did cos them dolla bitches ;P Anyway we got dinner at the Red Lobster and he got me some things at Sephora…he said we should take his car so we did. Then I found out it wasn’t a hotel at all, it was his house?? And it wouldn’t tell me where we were?? But I was cool cos I’m an SB after all… So we did it, I come down the next morning and there’s only $70 on the counter? I mean ugh- SALT alert! Never again, hunnies! But POT date tonight planned so yah hopefully things are better.”
-This piece is dedicated to the hundred fucking ridiculous stories I have thus seen today.
If you see yourself at all in this piece and think: “Did she maybe read my story and…?”
YES PROBABLY NOW PLEASE FOR GOD SAKES LISTEN I JUST WANT TO FUCKING HELP YOU
- NEVER lower your standards. You see when the girl in the fake story, let’s call her Miss A. You know when Miss A backed down on her set conditions to accomodate what he wanted. A) That makes you look desperate. B) Now he knows he can back you down. C) Now she’s agreed to have sex with him before he gives her the allowance- why is this wrong? Well…
- NEVER have sex with him before he gives you the allowance. Read this back. What did I just say? “But he-” NOPE. “He promised-” NO. “But he’s a Leo and I’m a Scorpio and Leos never lie to Sc-” FUCKING LISTEN. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM BEFORE THE ALLOWANCE IF YOU DON’T FOLLOW THIS RULE THEN STOP BEING AN SB IT IS THAT SIMPLE.
- “But he bought me some gifts first!” So fucking what? He took you around the mall and got you some $50 hand soap, I don’t see the cold hard cash, do you?
- NEVER get in his car. Don’t go near his car. Don’t leave your stuff in it- jesus do you really need me to tell you this? Do you want to get raped/killed/kidnapped? Don’t. Fucking. Trust. Him. He’s a man you just met and you are a young girl, fucking don’t fling yourself arse first in dangerous situations!
- Also, what happened to Miss A? They ended up at his house. What’d you think I’m going to say about that? Consider it. What do you think I’m going to say? DON’T GO INTO A POT’S HOUSE. EVER. NEVER. I don’t care if your appendix is bursting and you need a place to lie down and you’re in a middle of the desert with a thunderstorm above you and his house is four yards away. Gather bush craft materials and stay fucking smart.
- So Miss A got fucked out of her money. Did she deserve it? You might think yes, but I don’t think any working girl should get fucked out of anything. This is sad truth and happens to a lot of girls. Unless the 90% of stories I’ve been reading on the tag are dummied up. “How do I avoid this?” If you read the above of this text, you already know how.
- Miss A rationalized her lack of action with ‘keeping cool about it’ or ‘being cool’. Is being cool more important than not being raped? Is it more important than gathering up the beer stained 1s off the counter after a night of terrible sex? If something isn’t right- MAKE A FUSS. If he starts behaving weirdly, raise your voice, start to cry, get people to NOTICE the situation because nothing scares a potential rapist/murderer/fuckboy off more than people scrutinizing the situation. And NOW he knows you’re not going to stand there like a mute dumbfuck while he goes about his fuckery.
- You see how Miss A jumped right back into her sugar game after this monumental series of mistakes? You see how she didn’t take a breather, reevaluate her game, even recognise the places where she went wrong? If Miss A and you could be SB twins, listen to me: You’ve been stupid but I love you and here’s what you have to do:
- Take out at least two weeks of serious thinking. Firstly, is this really for you? It’s okay if it isn’t by the way. Set limits, goals and STICK TO THEM. See my safety guidelines up there? Please for the love of anything you believe in: FOLLOW THEM.
- Background research. Research your POTs as much as possible. Look at the SB blacklist.
- When messaging, be classy, confident but FIRM. Let them know they can’t fuck with you and what you say goes.
- Get the money FIRST.
- No ‘private spaces’ on the first date. Some SBs might tell you different and that it’s a ‘personal choice’ but honestly if you’re already entangled in Miss A’s situation, just don’t.
- Is he acting creepy? BOLT. BOOK IT. LEG IT. IT NEVER ENDS WELL. “Well maybe he’s just a little awkward.” Yeah and maybe he’s got girl’s severed heads lined up in his basement. Is it WORTH IT?!
Look. I had to write this. I had to at least try to do something about the influx of young, sweet SBs who get stars in their eyes from all the designer bags and money shots from the older ladies on the tag.
How did the experienced, successful SBs we know and love get there?
I keep forgetting to post my art here oOP S but ey I drew my queen hwasa after me and my friends decided to go on a mamamoo spree since me and nhy decided to introduce this beautiful group to our friend kuma and now all of us are being mamamoo trash together what a great friendship
A new and improved snowbaz amusement park au: they meet in line and have sustained eye contact/waving throughout the day (mind you, they’ve said about 6 words each) whenever they see each other in different lines until at the end of the day one of them gives the other their phone number
soooo Anabelle wanted to trade my shirt with a kitchen set I never had before, & I have spare shirts sooooo ye, I wasn’t expecting her to put it on right away though, she looks cute with the shirt on (´∀`)
even more reasons why a remastered da:o would be the best thing ever bc thats all ive been able to think about the last 30 minutes and didnt want to make this post unnecessarily long so i made my own:
THE CHARACTER CREATOR. i know if it were to be like in inquisition, we’d get pretty awful eyebrows and hairstyles but lets be real, i’d trade the da:o cc without mods for the vanilla cc in inquisition in a second (also id manage to make my warden look exactly how i imagine her bc i accomplished that in the inquisition cc ayy)
(speaking of which, da:i also had pretty amazing eyebrow and hair mods)
i know it was already adressed in the other post but the characters, locations and…. well…… pretty much everything would look just amazing. da:o has an amazing story but the graphics are soooo bad
the forests would actually look nice and i wouldnt hate all the quests so much
EPIC BATTLES IN HD!!!!!!!
grey warden uniforms!!!!
also bioware developed each nation’s architecture, fashion and culture a lot since da:o came out? fereldan clothes and buildings would look much more characteristic, also the tevinter ruins/artifacts would actually look different from fereldan ones?? iMAGINE!?
ALSO imagine they’d actually let u wear dresses?? like at the landsmeet or in the cousland origin OR IF YOURE CROWNED QUEEN!!
also id probably kill to get proper romance cutscenes like in da:i with better smooches or actually seeing how alistair gives me that rose??? or zevran that earring? or giving leliana these flowers her mom loved so much or seeing morrigan holding back tears when she admits she loves u??? i wanna see it all
ALSO ZEVRAN IN HD
ISABELA IN HD WITH HER DA2 VOICE (i mean i love mika simmons but isabela should have the da2 one)
ALSO MORE SCREENTIME FOR HD ANORA MY DARLING?!??
the reason (besides the fact that i hate orzammar) why i never play as a dwarf is because they look weird as hell in dao and they fixed that in inquisition? i mean dwarves are so cute now holy shit id really like to have a dwarf warden but in dai looks
ID SEE MY FAVORITE FAMILY THE COUSLANDS AGAIN IN HIGH QUALITY AND CRY REAL HD TEARS
aside from that the warden is p much the most badass character in the dragon age franchise and id kill to hear them say some of these lines?
and i kno i already added this in the tags from the other one but one time someone said theyd like if natalie dormer did the voice for a human female warden, also an actress w/ that cute dialect for dalish elves and a cute american voice actress for a dwarf and this is all i accept now sorry i dont make the rules
the only con would be that teagan looks like nigel thornberry again and i dont want that
feel free to add more bc i tried to keep the list short