they keep me laughing

why is the first phrase that comes to mind when I wake up ‘wakey wakey eggs spaghetti’ like srsly brain now is not the time for carbonara

Two short stories from Bread-Milk

1. A guy comes in wanting chew. No problem, he looks like 40 so no carding necessary. The whole time he’s being super vague about the kind he wants so I have to go back to the shelves like three times. When it’s done I hand him his change and a quarter drops out of his hand. He looks at me and goes, “What’d you drop it for?” I kind of laugh a little, but he keeps staring at me dead serious and repeats, “What’d you drop it for?” Like??? It happens??? Usually the customer’s fault because they move their hand after I’ve let go of the money??? Literally one centimeter above their hand???

2. This guy comes up to my till and as I’m ringing things up he says, “I wanna get one of those beef jerkies.” The beef jerkies in question are in a case in front of the warmer, which he walked past on the way to the till. They come in three shapes (stick, little sheet, big sheet) that are all different prices. And he’s made it clear that he wants to grab it after he’s paid. I ask him which shape he wants so I can add it on the till. It takes a good two minutes and him pointing to three different things before I can figure out what he wants. Afterwards he goes to the box and asks, “Do I just grab it with my hands or is there a thing I can grab it with?” I reply, “There’s a tongs on top of the box.” He lifts the lid, the tongs secure in their holder going with it, and asks, “Where’s the thing I can grab it with?” I again say, “On the top of the box.” He looks at it a second longer, grabs the stick with his hands, closes the box, and walks out.

anonymous asked:

Loved it. The eye rolling when jackson never makes promises he can't keep from April HAD me laughing. I think that's the one promise he can't keep, their marriage. I don't think April is expecting anything anymore, yes they had sex but that's it. Not getting my hope up at least they will be civil now

April has the best facial expressions sometimes!

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.