they keel you

DM: Okay, Elmer - your turn.
Bard: What’s in front of me?
DM: There’s just one orc sentry remaining by the mouth of the cave. 
Bard: Right, and I’m invisible, so I sneak up behind him and whisper over his shoulder:
“According to all known laws of aviation, there’s no reason that a bee should be able to fly—”
Group: *bursts out laughing*
Bard: And I cast Dissonant Whispers. 
DM: Okay, he makes the save.
Bard: Then he takes only 8 points of psychic damage.
DM(laughing): It’s enough! He keels over.
Rogue: YOU KILLED HIM WITH THE BEE MOVIE
Cleric: Holy fuck.
Bard: To bee or not to bee.

2

Beautiful, angry Sammy  (¬‿¬ )

damn the delivery boy.

Pairing: Jeon Jeongguk / Reader.

Genre: Expecting Parents AU / Fluff and Non-explicit smut.

Summary: Jeon Jeongguk is a computer science major working as a pizza delivery boy, and you are an uninspired published author who has just started an art degree. When you realise that the delivery boy is your old high school crush, he keeps coming back, but with more to offer than just puff pastry and vegetarian supreme. Though little did he know that he would end up giving you something much more that flips both of your worlds completely upside down in the form of two blue lines and nine months.

Count: 9,656 words.


month one.

Two lines.

The second is a little faint, but it is there, undeniably there, growing stronger by the second as your heart sinks deeper into the pit of your stomach and suddenly you are keeling over the sink, throwing up a combination of panic and regret. You wipe your mouth, sit back on the closed lid of the toilet, shut your eyes and take a deep breath, holding it until your lungs burn and your lashes fly back apart to look at the test still shaking between your fingertips.

There, right before your eyes, two fucking blue lines protruding like two middle fingers, poking up at you and saying – Congratulations sucker, you are pregnant!

Twenty-three years old and pregnant.

You throw up again.

This has got to be the biggest mistake of your life.

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The Fire In My Heart

Group: BTS

Pairing: JUNGKOOK X READER

Excerpt: “Guk, you’re rather bold aren’t you? But I think you’ve just lit a fire in my heart.”

Genre: fluff, firefighter au

Length: 1.3k

A/N:  I love a man in uniform ;)

Originally posted by hey-seoul-sistah

If you had known when you had put on your mismatching pants and bra after your shower and started to cook in them, that within the hour you’d be in a gorgeous firefighter’s arms as your apartment was in flames you would have chosen sexier pants; not the pale pink ones with cartoon rabbits on the ass. But how were you meant to guess what was going to happen that fateful night?

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youtube

“Shape of You” by Ed Sheeran | Choreography by Blake McGrath

at Millennium Dance Complex in LA

ft. dancers: Blake McGrath, Sean Lew, Maddie Ziegler, Noelle Marsh, Kalani Hilliker, Zachary Venegas, Tori Caro, Mollee Gray, Camryn Nevaeh, Hallie Keel, Sam Mcwilliams

You’re the Tony Rydinger to my Violet Parr

Originally posted by hollandoakes

Written by Christina

Category: Fluff

Word Count: 2171

Requested by anonymous: Hello! Can I request a peter parker x reader where the reader has invisibility and force field powers but is super shy at peter’s school and one day she gets bullied and Peter saves her and when he’s Spider-Man she saves him and he falls in love with her plz and thanks 😋 

A/N: I really hope you guys like this one! Please let us know if you have any feedback, positive or negative. I had fun writing this one. :) I thought of Violet from “The Incredibles”, hence the title lol 


 You crouched down, hiding by the convenience store across the street from the bank that was in the middle of being robbed. Three men were inside, shoving cash into large black duffel bags. They all were clad in black, complete with stereotypical ski masks. You took a deep breath, slowing your thumping heart and felt a slight chill run from the tips of your toes all the way up to your scalp. You glanced down, unable to see your hands or legs. You smiled a little as your confidence surged, glad you were finally gaining more control of your powers. You had them your whole life, but the only control you had over them was to keep them a secret; never using them. But, ever since you saw Spider-Man online one night, when you were supposed to be studying for your calculus exam the next day, you knew you could use your obscuration ability to help him out, even if you were invisible to him.

You saw the robbers you were observing dash out of the bank, each of them carrying duffel bags full of cash. You felt your heart skip a beat, suddenly feeling anxious as your mind began to race through every single worse case scenario. Hey, you told yourself, it’ll be fine. Just don’t think about it. You imagined your mind as a whiteboard and yourself wiping all of your thoughts away, and with one more deep breath, and held your arm out, concentrating. Moving targets were always the hardest. You imagined a giant bubble enclosing the robbers, keeping them contained. Only, this bubble didn’t pop. You heard one of the guys yell, making the other three halt, spinning on their heels to see what was going on.

One of the men was in the middle of the sidewalk, pounding on an imaginary barrier like a mime. Except you knew he wasn’t miming. Your force field only caught one of the men. You winced at the pain the captured man was causing you; if anyone hit your shields, it was a like someone was slamming a hammer against your skull. You kept up the shield and raised your other hand, trapping the three other men in another bubble before they could run to assist their pal. All three of the men crashed into the wall of their bubble falling to the ground and the resulting pain causing you to yelp and drop your shields. You moaned as the pain subsided, rubbing your temple.

“What the heck was that?” One of the men yelled, turning this way and that to try to see a source of the mysterious boundaries. You felt your heartbeat and adrenaline pick up again, making your knees shake. You glanced down, you were still invisible. Well, partially; one arm was exposed. You were glad you decided to hide in the shadows, just in case this happened. You exhaled, a chill running down your arm as it turned invisible. As your arm disappeared, an odd swishing sound ripped through the air. You lifted your head up, toward the source.

The one and only Spider-Man was crouched on top of a street light, hands extended as he launched web after web at the bad guys, trapping them to the ground. You stared in awe, admiring how swift he was, the vivid color of his suit, the way his biceps bulged under the constraint of the near skin-tight uniform… You shook your head, stepping out of the shadows and dashing across the street to meet your idol, keeping your steps as light and silent as you could. Spider-Man froze, his head cocked to the side like he was listening. You had reached him when he stopped webbing up the bad guys, so you froze too, a few feet behind him. For some reason, you felt incredibly nervous all of the sudden, your heart pounding so hard it felt like it might break your ribs. Spider-Man turned around, facing you. You gasped a little and double-checked that your invisibility was still functional. Spider-Man stared in your direction. Did he see you?

“Hello?” Spider-Man called out, his voice cracking ever so slightly. Your vocal cords froze. You just stood there, three feet in front of Spider-Man, invisibility powers concealing you. After an eternity, Spider-Man called out again, but when he got no response, he sighed and turned, flinging a web toward the building in front of him.

“Good job, Spidey,” You heard him say, “You’re just hearing things. Thanks, Spider-sense, for giving me a heart attack.” He swung away, leaving you in front of the bank, the four bad guys trying to fight their way out of their sticky situation. You sighed, feeling warmth seep into your skin as you switched your invisibility powers off. The sound of the four robbers screaming like little girls when they saw someone suddenly appear out of thin air made you jump and unconsciously switch you invisibility back on, making them scream even louder. You ran toward your place, done with fighting villainy for the night.

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Handprints (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Summary: You almost hit Bucky Barnes with your car, leaving an impressive handprint on your hood. If only you knew then what else those hands would do.

 Words: 1,308

 Warnings: blood, bruising, near-death action stuff, swearing, smut,

 A/N: I really wanted to experiment with my writing style for this one, I tried to make it feel more like a poem or stylized prose while taking a kind of minimalist approach, but I didn’t really stick to that as strictly as I would have liked. I’d love to hear what ya’ll think about the style (and anything else- i’m always open to constructive criticism)

HUGE shout-out to the amazing @lowkeybuckytrash for proofreading this for me and being an all around wonderful person <3 <3


Your hand searches blindly for the ringing phone in your bag. You’re trying to keep your eyes on the road. Finally, you find it in the depths of your bag and answer the call without looking. “Talk to me.” You pull up to a red light and roll to a stop.

“Hey, this is Hill. Are you on your way to the tower? There’s been a development in the case, we need you here for the mission brief, ASAP.”

The light turns green, you rush forward.

“Yeah, I’m already on my way, just a few blocks out. What happened that it’s suddenly so urgent?”

“Another scientist has gone missing, this is more serious than we thought.”

“Alright, I’ll be there in a-SHIT!”

You slam the brakes.

A hand! The screeching of tires and the sound of crunching metal. A metal hand crashes into the hood of your car, forcing you to a stop. You look up, shaken; bright blue eyes glare at you through the windshield. The lights had changed, you hadn’t noticed.

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Dogs? Dogs are extremely resilient when it comes to abdominal surgery. We create a lot of inflammation after surgery, but the body clears it. I’ve seen a dog swallow a toothpick and have it penetrate the body wall. They don’t care.
Horses? You can drop a junior mint in there and they’re gonna die.
—  Our Radiology professor comparing dogs and horses

these voices shall keep me waiting- (m/a)


Kingdom / Fantasy AU

Characters: Yoongi, Jimin, Jungkook, Reader, and the OC The King 

Pairing(s): Yoongi x Jungkook x Jimin Yoongi x Jimin Jungkook x Y/n |

Warnings: dubious consent, mentions of rape, underage sex, mentions of death (no actual death), smut, angst with a happy ending ;))

Words: 40,815

| mobile tumblr has a hard time with long fics like this, so here’s an ao3 link to the fic if you’re having issues |

(( this isn’t at all historically correct, while it wasn’t meaning to be. it gives no specific dates to when this is taking place, so imagine it the past, or if you’d like, the future ))



Act One- Love for the King 

;

This is the kingdom. A simple village, and separated from it, the castle. It’s walled in layers of brick, which at the tops of its 4 corners, are stations where guards stand day and night. There is a King and a Queen, along with their many staff. The rain is incessant, relentless; and when it isn’t raining, a thick veil of fog lays itself along the ankles of the staff. If mapped, there are 3 things to show of it, a tower that’s up in the clouds, a field for the horses, and the long strip of building which is the castle. This is where one enters, and does not leave, if in pure faith to the King, in pure fear, or if only a body beneath the Ostrich Ferns, of no use to the King any longer.

A question, to those who work for the King: have you been soaked in the grease of his fingertips over your skin? Have you drowned in it? Have you drowned in him? Have you been bruised at the knees, bruised at the eyes, at the heart, with your love for your King?

There isn’t much an answer though. There are gruesome answers, as it is a gruesome story. Not gory in its violence, nor are there any wars. It’s gruesome in pretty boys wrecked on wrinkled duvets, and the nitty gritty kinds of details that twist one’s nose. Of course, love stories can sprout from such sickly conditions such as those; the same love stories can as well wilt. 

The King is not defeated by the end, dethroned from his power. Yet, it’s still a happy ending. An ending of maybe two boys falling in love with the clouds, floating off from the Kingdom finally. Or another boy growing a daisy amidst the mud, until the rain is sparse enough to let it grow. Perhaps a girl cuts her dress so as not to trip over it anymore. That can be your happy ending, if you dare allow it to be.

This is the love story of when the sour rain turned sweet. 

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Common Estonian Slang

You can turn every word into a slang word. Remember that.

Take an English word and use it in a sentence instead of the Estonian word. Or add an Estonian ending to it. Or take the English word and just change it until nobody can understand it anymore. Also, when writing, add Ä Ö Ü Õ everywhere and you’re good to go.

  • laptop = läpakas (when speaking or in text)
  • thanks = tänks (when speaking) // tnx, tänx (when in text)
  • nice = naiss (when speaking or in text)

Just leave out all vowels.

  • kuradi = krdi (can sometimes be heard when speaking as well)
  • kurat = krt

Take a Russian word and use it instead of the Estonian one. But don’t use Russian letters or pronunciation. (these are mainly used when speaking)

  • bad = плохая = plohaaja
  • much = много = mnooga

A great list of all Estonian slang “words” used when texting (obviously we use all English ones too):

  • what = mida = mda
  • what = mida värki = mv (the same “mv” can also mean something a lot worse but you ain’t gonna learn it from me, maybe don’t use this)
  • just = niisama = ns
  • anyways = nii või naa / nii või nii = nvn
  • anyways = nii kui nii = nkn (used more when complaining)
  • I’m grinning = irvan = irw (basically the Estonian “lol”)
  • then = siis = ss
  • for example = näiteks = nt / ntx
  • or? (what?) = või? = vä? (used at the end of the sentence)
  • idk = ma ei tea = mtea / mdea
  • basically = põhimõtteliselt = pmst

Weekdays (and honestly all other events that end with “päev” can be shortened the same way)

  • Monday = esmaspäev = esmasp
  • Tuesday = teisipäev = teisip
  • Wednesday = kolmapäev = kolmap
  • Thursday = neljapäev = neljap
  • Friday = reede (no slang word, as far as I’m aware)
  • Saturday = laupäev = laup
  • Sunday = pühapäev = pühap

Longer words are usually left without the ending.

  • field trip = ekskursioon = ekskurs
  • inspiration = inspiratsioon = insp

Some other random words you might hear:

  • suicide = enesetapp = enekas (not to confuse with enekas = selfie)
  • drugs = narkootikumid = narkots
  • birthday = sünnipäev = sünna
  • nerd = nohik = nohkar
  • guitar = kitarr = kidra

There is a lot of “older” slang here so please… don’t sue me, alright.

Routine Part One (Lin x Fem!Reader)

I AM SO SORRY. I would’ve had this out earlier, but I went on a band trip to Disney World. I thought I would have this done before I left but I wasn’t satisfied with it.

YAY!! MY FIRST CAST FIC!!! Also, just saying this now, I am a sucker for young Lin. Like it’s a big problem.

This is going to be a multiple part thing, so be ready for that. I really hope you guys enjoy this, love you!!

Prompt List//Request Something//Masterlist

(Part Two)(Part Three)(Part Four)

requested: no

Prompts used:

150) It is too early for you to be this loud.

Summary: Reader and Lin have the same routine every day. Go to school, bicker all throughout 1st period, ignore each other for the rest of the day until seventh period where they bicker again, repeat. This keeps happening until one day they have to work together to save the arts program at their school. Their routine is very different after that.

Warnings: high school bullies, teen!lin being a jerk, reader being a jerk, just everyone being a jerk

Words: 1553


Originally posted by purelintrash

You walk into your first period class on a Monday morning during your senior year with a coffee in hand, which is the only thing keeping you from keeling over from exhaustion. You say hello to your English teacher, and sit in the back row like you do everyday. 

You grab your books out of your backpack and lay your head down on the desk, like you did every morning.

And just like every morning. Lin came in singing Les Mis at the top of his lungs which makes the girls in your class swoon. Once upon a time, hearing him sing would have made you do the same thing, but now all it makes you want to do is barf.

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Protective/Supportive Aaron

For @bartsugsy and @sapphicsugden as requested (Includes some paraphrasing.)

•6th February 2015 Remember that one minor incident when Aaron sent Robert away to get married and rid Wylie’s of any evidence that they were ever there and continued to keep that secret even after he found out Robert pushed Katie. Which is the only reason Robert’s gorgeous ass hasn’t been rotting away in a prison cell for the last two years. But no big deal. Just Aaron saving Robert on a daily basis.
•9th February 2015 Aaron’s new mantra where Robert and Katie’s death are concerned “It’s not his fault!” 
•10th February 2015 The slap heard round the world when mama bear Chas turns feral on her cub because Aaron dares to blame Katie for sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. Obviously it was Katie’s fault Robert burnt down her caravan.
•11th February 2015 Go ahead and tell Chrissie I’ve been boning her husband mum and WE ARE DONE!!! 
•9th April 2015 BTW Paddy. I totally text Katie and told her to meet me at Wylie’s that day. It was all totes my fault and you shouldn’t blame Robert for anything! EVER!!!
•12th May 2015 God Robert why are you such a human disastercase getting drunk off a single pint (👀👀👀) of whiskey? Let me help you back to the pub, get you a glass of water and kindly let you sneak in a little snog.
•13th May 2015 *Clears throat* Excuse me Chrissie, I might have been one of the people who broke into your house so I know for a fact Robert’s super sorry about it. Now can you please take your sad sack of a husband back? (Even if I still kind of sort of love him and want him to be mine.)
•25th June 2015 Cain my man! I know Robert might look really good with a bruised face but you still can’t beat the hell out of him like this. Here babes. Let me help you home and pretend it has nothing to do with my ongoing struggle over how much I still love you. K…K…cool.
•21st July 2015 Geez “Dad”! My boyfriend’s a total idiot who likes to run his mouth off but stop making up lies and saying he tried to bury you in a grain pit. While you’re at it stay away from me!  
•25th September 2015 (Also 22nd October 2015) Listen dude, I really hate you but I’m still going to cry over your bleeding body while I try to stop the life from leaving you and decide if I really want you to live or die.
•18th March 2016 *Chokes on beer* LIV! It’s super inappropriate to ask someone what it’s like getting shot and we defs don’t ask to see the scar. (Side eye…especially since I still haven’t seen it yet.)
•5th April 2016 So the thing is Robert, my little sister is a bit confused right now and she recorded you saying you bribed Ryan. Now we both know that was a really ridic move on your part but you’ve been super amazing and taken care of me a lot and I really don’t want anything to happen to you for protecting me so I’ll try to do the same for you.
•10th May 2016 Hey now missy! I will tolerate a lot but I draw the line at comparing my boyfriends godlike face to that of a rodent. Show some respect. You know I missed out on some…..tea time…with him yesterday because of you.
• 6th June 2016 Okay I’ve been in jail enough times to know the rules so you need to let my guy go before I really start to lose it. And you Olivia Flaherty take a good look at everything Robert has done recently because guess what. THAT’S LOVE! ALL OF IT WAS BECAUSE HE LOVES ME!
•14 July 2016 *Staring at Robert dreamily* What’s that officer? I was busy mooning over him calling me his boyfriend. Oh yeah. He DEFINITELY bought me a super sweet expensive watch back in February.
•16 August 2016 Babe that purse doesn’t really go with your outfit AND NEITHER WILL HANDCUFFS IF YOU GET SENT DOWN FOR HELPING YOUR BROTHER. Please don’t risk your life and our future for that. I can’t lose you.
•17 August 2016 Fiiiiiiiiine……..I’ll help you take down Lachlan and the Whites (even though I dont really think it’s a good idea) but we have to be super careful or someone (namely us) could get hurt.
•31 August 2016 Lachlan: I’m gonna kill you. Aaron: Human shield activate. Robert: That was hot as hell! He is so getting laid tonight.
•17 October 2016 Hey there Lachlan! Let me show you what happens when vile little cretins such as yourself threaten my love and my life. First, you get your head shoved in this conveniently placed barrel of water. Then thrown in the boot of my car.
•20 October 2016 ROBERT PLEASE GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING CAR! I’M SCARED OF DYING BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I NEED YOU TO LIVE!
•08 November 2016 Diane, Robert was just trying to help Andy and do what he thought was best for your family. *mumbles under breath* Not that any of you would ever notice or appreciate the way he bends over backwards for you anyways.
• 11th November 2016 Here love. Let me rub your back and console you while you mourn your mother. Sorry your siblings couldn’t make it.
•1st December 2016 THE HE’S MINE BACK OFF LADY DEATH STARE!!! If looks could kill Rebecca would be long gone and this storyline would never have happened. (I’m counting it! Fight me!)
•5th January 2017 I’m sorry Chrissie, remind me again how it’s Robert’s fault Lachlan shot your dad? Pretty sure he picked that gun up all on his own. So stop ruining my birthday! 
•20th January 2017 Robert you really are a total flaming idiot if you don’t take this opportunity to run a mile because I’m not good for you. 
•21st February 2017 Robert Jacob Sugden you are amazing! You did everything in your power to give me the wedding of my dreams and more importantly than that you chose the pub where I was dared you to stand up and proudly announce to everyone who and what you are. 
•21st February 2017 Whoa there Diane how about we get you a drink and avoid talking about Jack. (Because he totally didn’t deserve someone as incredible as Robert. He should have loved him unconditionally and if he was here today I’d probably knock him on his ass for messing with this beautiful man’s head.) Although, babe you really should think about talking to Vic and Diane about it. It might help you to move on.
•6th April 2017 OMG babe! I’m so sorry I accidentally punched you’re perfect beautiful face. (This time I really didn’t mean it.) Here let me caress it softly and make it all better. There there now.
•12th April 2017 Listen Robert we both know you didn’t get that tummy by running on the regular. Save yourself and go home before you keel over and die. I’ll be fine. (Okay so it’s a stretch but I feel a tummy mention is just expected of me at this point.)

mélange | part 1

fandom: monsta x
member/reader: kihyun, female, minhyuk (mentioned)
genre/warning(s): smut, slight!degradation, spanking, toys: belt
length: 2K+
summary: in which your new neighbor next door has really loud sex and so you decide to have a competition because there is no way blondie is having better sex than you.

Prologue  | Part 1  | Part 2  | Part 3  | Part 4

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A Light in the Dark

by: mldrgrl
Rated: PG
Summary:  Just a little scene unscene from Darkness Falls

Mulder had never seen his partner so wound up.  She was always so calm, so steadfast, so unflappable.  Seeing her overcome with fear was almost a relief, in a way.  He felt bad about it, of course, but he also breathed a bit easier knowing she was capable of being irrational every once in awhile.  Maybe that wasn’t fair. there were microscopic, shadow-hating, human-sized cocoon-weaving bugs infiltrating the cabin, so her fear wasn’t exactly irrational.  For once, he just wasn’t as worried about it as she was.

Somewhere in the back of his brain, he knew he should be worried, but someone had to think clearly and be dependable.  It almost made him laugh.  Irrational and Unreliable could’ve been his two middle names.  When Scully had nearly broken the only lightbulb they had to get them through the night though, his responsible side kicked in.  It was then that he noticed she was actually shaking.  She wasn’t just afraid, she was trembling.

“Come on,” Mulder said, slipping his arm around her shoulders and sitting her back down on her cot.  Moore was still holding the cord of the lightbulb to keep it from swaying.  “Remember, everything will be fine if we just stay in the light.”

“I can feel them,” she whispered, running her fingers over her arms like claws.  “We’re not safe.”

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12x19 coda: phantoms in the early dark

[1.5k | gen | read on ao3]

Sam wakes up on his side in the dirt, shivering. It’s dark, and the damp sand under him is leaching through his clothes, chilling him to his bones. There’s a sharp pain in his neck, bent awkwardly against the ground. His back aches fiercely.

Dean is on his knees crouching over him. His hand is on Sam’s shoulder and he’s speaking in that increasingly urgent tone that means he’s been trying to get Sam to wake up for a while now. “Come on, Sammy. Open your eyes. Sam!”

“What happened?” Sam says, and it comes out more whispery than he intends.

Dean exhales in visible relief. “Cas took off with Kelly. We gotta go after them, come on.”

He extends a hand to Sam. Sam grasps it, hoists himself, but the upward movement wrenches something in his abdomen and he winds up on his knees instead, vomiting onto the ground.

“Whoa!” Dean steps back quickly but keeps a hand on Sam’s shoulder.

The retching hurts Sam’s back and stomach so badly it feels like he’s being torn apart from the inside. He’s vaguely surprised he doesn’t vomit blood. When it finally stops, he stays on the ground while he catches his breath, wipes hurriedly at his eyes, then struggles to his feet.

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