a letter from sam to cas about dean
I really don’t know what to say. God, Cas. One moment you were there, out of the portal, and I could practically feel the relief and happiness and utter love radiating off Dean and -
You died, Cas.
You went ahead and died on him, on us.
Son of a bitch.
I’m so sorry I didn’t stay behind. It all happened in a blur, man. Mom rushed into the portal with Lucifer and I rushed instead to Kelly and the Nephilim.
Dean didn’t come inside, Cas.
He stayed outside, and I don’t know if he hugged you or if he prayed or if he kissed you, but if I know my brother, I know that he cried.
He can’t live without you, Cas. He’s been drinking for weeks now, and I’ve only just got him to sober up. He’s stopped cooking, so we’ve had to make do with my terrible food and takeouts.
He’s stopped eating burgers, because they were your favourite.
He’s taking cases with me, but now he’s faster and he has this weird glint in his eye. I think your facing up to Lucifer and the portal reminded him of Purgatory, Cas. You guys never really told me what happened down there, but I know that it wasn’t great.
I noticed that when you both came back, you looked at each longingly and you touched more and smiled more and were a little more happy around each other and just -
He loves you. He loves you so much more than his own life. He loves you just a little less than me (no offence, Cas) He loves you and he’s never loved like this before.
You need to come back, man.
We both need you, Dean just a little more.
Hey, and if you come back, bring Gabriel with you, maybe?
You need to wake up.
He won’t stop crying.
Sam Winchester (on behalf of his idiot brother Dean).