they just amuse me

roddyjo  asked:

Not a Friends chat prompt. Just something that amuses me. Harry/Pansy. Pansy learning to deal with muggle appliances. Please and thank you. 😉

Okay this took embarrassingly long I’m sorry but I hope you like it!


“Pansy, that’s a phone,” was the first thing Harry said as soon as he walked in through the door. She was lying on the couch, staring at the shiny gold-rose Muggle equipment that Harry knew for a fact was the new iPhone.

“Obviously, I know what a phone is. And hello to you too,” she replied, not taking her eyes away from the lit screen.

Harry shrugged his jacket off and placed it on a chair, even though he knew Pansy hated it when he did that. He walked over to her and kissed her head.

She smiled. “Granger has been pestering everybody to get one. You have one. I thought it was time to join the club,” she explained and then groaned frustrated. “I’ve been trying to Floo Draco for like an hour! They must have given me a defective one. I’m going back to the store.” She attempted to stand up but Harry quickly sat next to her and pulled her down.

“First of all.” He took the phone off her hands and turned it right side up. She narrowed her eyes and took it back. “Second of all, I assume you mean a video call and you need to download an app for that. And third, this model came out today. I saw it on the Muggle news. How did you manage to get it?”

Pansy shrugged one shoulder as she continued to open and close the camera app in hopes it would do something different. “Let’s just say somebody owed me one.”

Harry nodded. “So, you threatened Ron I assume.”

“Hey, you both know he was doomed when I agreed to invest in his business,” she explained, smiling sweetly. Harry couldn’t help but stare fondly at the screen where her face was popping on and off thanks to the camera, “You’ll help me learn how to use it, no?”

She looked at him then and Harry wondered when her mannerisms had rubbed off on him so much because suddenly he was smirking. He took the phone from her hand and placed it on the coffee table as he advanced on her, his body almost covering hers entirely. Pansy seemed surprised.

“As long as you owe me one.”

My boyfriend told me over text that he didn't know the Minotaur story
  • Boyfriend: I... I don't even know the story that well babe, I can't even say xD
  • Me: Okay so
  • Me: Poseidon gives a bull to King Minos, the best and shiniest bull you ever saw, and he's like "You can have this, but only if you promise to sacrifice it to me later" and Minos is like "Sure yeah okay man whatever" so Poseidon sends this bestest bull ever galloping up out of the salty sea spray, and everyone standing around is like "Hot fuck look at that bull" And Minos agrees, and he likes the bull SO much he decides to just quietly sort of...keep it. And he does kill a bull for Poseidon but it's one of his own, lame normal bulls, and Poseidon's no pushover so of course he notices.
  • Me: Poseidon is also notoriously easily angered, and he's royal pissed about this, so he comes up with one of the most devious punishments ever, and he infects Minos' wife Pasiphae with a desperate, DESPERATE thirst for the bull. Like she can think of nothing but getting some of that hot Bull D.
  • Boyfriend: ..........Thefuck.
  • Me: But it's hard to convince a bull, especially a divinely spawned bull, to fuck you if you are in fact not a cow but a human queen, so she comes up with a plan
  • Boyfriend: I thought some god comes down in bull form and fucks her??
  • Me: Ohh, no no no, that's the much much more tame story of Europa, who has sex with Zeus in bull form. This is different
  • Me: She goes to the best inventor she knows, Daedalus, and she's like "I need this bull to fuck me I NEED IT" and Daedalus is like "That's really weird maybe you should talk to someone" and she's like "I am talking to you and I am your queen so you better fucking make this happen for me I am going to peel my own skin off if I don't get some bull dick ASAP. But he doesn't want me because I am not fat, four-legged, and mooing."
  • Boyfriend: Oh..... oh no.
  • Me: So Daedalus shrugs, probably shudders a little, and builds the prettiest, most fuckable wooden cow a bull ever saw, but he makes it hollow, presumably with some openings in some awkward places.
  • Boyfriend: OH GOD. NO.
  • Me: So Pasiphae puts this monstrosity in the field with the bull, climbs in it, and waits. And Daedalus really is a skilled inventor, and he apparently knows what a bull likes, because Pasiphae finally gets the hot bull loving she's been dreaming of
  • Boyfriend: I........ I need an aspirin. That is disgusting.
  • Me: Only she apparently hasn't been tracking her cycles, because she gets pregnant, and births the minotaur and King Minos is like "What the fuck?" and Pasiphae is like "Honey I need to tell you something"
  • Me: And that is how it happened
  • Boyfriend: That is NOT HOW THAT WORKS
  • Me: Welcome to Mythology.

I’m scrolling through tumblr and my fiancé is sleeping next to me, it’s 3:20AM and suddenly he whispers “there’s… too much meat”

I ask him wtf are you talking about and he just continues mumbling about “too much meat”. I’m like are you even awake??? He just answers yea and smiles. It’s quiet for a while and i already thought he had fallen asleep again or whatever, but then i hear a small laugh and “…not enough salad”

#can we just take a moment to picture the double dates#magnus is just so amused and giggly#alec’s half trying and giving the ‘what do you want from me?’ look to izzy#WHO HAS HER ARMS CROSSED BC YOU TWO ARE GOING TO GET ALONG#and simon’s just standing there giving the awkward 'what can you do?’ shrug to magnus#i’m so in love with this tiny moment

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY DEAR TALES OF ZESTIRIA FANDOM

let’s just say it’s my present for y’all because I love you <3

please don’t kick me out of this fandom

#mollyhadthenightwatch 😔
  • : : *IGNORES SERIES FOUR SUPER HARD...EXCEPT THIS ONCE. MILD SPOILERS FOR THE LYING DETECTIVE*
  • *221B*
  • Sherlock & Molly: *sitting opposite each other*
  • Sherlock: ...
  • Molly: ...
  • Sherlock: *reaches for his phone*
  • Molly: *sits up*
  • Sherlock: *rolls his eyes* Relax. I'm ordering takeaway.
  • Molly: *frowns*
  • Sherlock: *smiles* For two.
  • Molly: *folds her arms*
  • Sherlock: *sighs; hands over his phone*
  • Molly: *stuffs it in her bra* I'm ordering *goes to the laptop*
  • Sherlock: ...
  • AN HOUR LATER
  • Molly: *eating chips*
  • Sherlock: *staring at her*
  • Molly: What?
  • Sherlock: You answered the door like that?
  • Molly: *confused* Like what?
  • Sherlock: *shakes his head* Nevermind. I could snap you in half.
  • Molly: *raises her eyebrows* Excuse-
  • Sherlock: *annoyed* If I wanted to, Molly. I could easily overpower you. What makes you think you stand a chance?
  • Molly: *giggles* Try me.
  • FIVE MINUTES LATER
  • Molly: *pinning Sherlock to the ground; smug* Satisfied?
  • Sherlock: *his face pressed into the floor* You're deceptively strong.
  • Molly: *stands up; smiling* And don't you forget it.
  • Sherlock: *jumps up; brushing himself down* By the way, that was arousing.
  • Molly: *gives him the look*
  • Sherlock: *sits down* Sorry.

Armin: Do you know that Jesus loves you?

Jean: [turns to Marco] Marco!

Marco: What?

Jean: Do you love me, pal?

Marco: No, I hate you.

Jean: [throws broom at him]