they have the faces of a god

God damnit, Hargen

Context: Our party is two dwarves and a human, and we were in a town that was being attacked by just about everything on the face of the planet, including a fire demon and a really shitty necromancer.

DM: Hargen, roll a d20 to see if you avoid the fire stream.
Hargen, OOC: *Rolls a 9* FUCK
Dm: So, Hargen attempts to dive out of the way of the incoming flames, but in the process his clothes are caught alight, roll to see how badly.
Hargen, OOC: *Rolls a 2* Oh god I’m dead aren’t I?
DM, now with terrifying smile: Wrong, while narrowly dodging the fire, Hargen’s clothes and beard catch alight-
Our party: WAIT WHAT
DM: And within a few seconds Hargen is left naked and beardless, for all the world to see. Take ten damage.

Our party pretty much lost it, but then the DM, still with that evil grin, rolls a few dice, and says this.

Dm: The neceomancer, incredibely flustered at the sudden showing of such a high quality anatomical form, the enlarging magic it was directing at the demon goes haywire and is now aimed at whatever part of Hargen’s body he is focusing on *Proceeds to roll natural one*
Dm: Hargen’s dick grows four times it’s regular size
Hargen, OOC: FUCKING SCORE
Orgar: HARGEN THE WALL’S ALMOST DONE FOR AND YOUR NAKED FOR FUCKS SAKE PICK UP YOUR PILLAR DICK AND RUN
Hargen, OOC, and face lighting up: I lost my sword earlier, right?
DM: Yes? Why’d you ask?
Hargen, OOC: Can I slap the demon with my dick?
We had to stop for five minutes because we couldn’t stop laughing. I ended up having to renounce my god and call upon a new one just to save his ass while Orgar tried to drag civilians out of the burning tavern because they were too caught up staring at Hargen’s lengthed staff.

Do You Wanna Be A Serpent? Part 6

She was sugar and honey and everything right about the world, her lips were soft as satin and her hands buried deep in his hair sent the kind of chills down his spine that he only felt when the cold poured from his body and warmth took over. She was blonde ponytails and tiny skirts, she was motor oil and worn out novels, she was light and dark, fire and rain. Betty Cooper was everything and there was no way on this planet Jughead Jones was going to lose her, not now and not ever.

She was healing him, stitching up the broken pieces of the young Serpent hole by hole.

Since that kiss in the girls locker room the two had been inseparable, you hardly ever saw the beautiful cheerleader without her leather clad boyfriend towering over her frame. He was intimidating , that much was certain, from his gang of bikers that followed closely behind no matter where he went, to the protective and slightly frightening gaze he cast on nearly every Riverdale Student who dared to stare just a little too long at his Betty. And she was, his that is, he treated her as an extension of himself, and he supposed She was, she was carrying his heart after all.

But there was one minor problem, a nagging itch that tapped at that back of Jugheads brain, an insecurity fed by years of mistreatment and shame. Betty had yet to invite him to her home, it had been just two weeks since the beginning of their relationship but it still weighed heavily on Jugheads mind. Any talk of her family was quickly pushed aside, her parents were never mentioned and all he knew of her home life was that her sister had gotten pregnant and went to live on a farm in Tulsa. He wanted to know all of her and her family, her upbringing, that was such a huge part of her it seemed to leave an empty gap in Betty’s heart, one she wasn’t willing to give away quite yet.

Not that he didn’t mind their nights curled up on the couch in his fathers trailer, Betty’s perfectly hand written notes for the blue and gold sprawled out beneath them. One night Betty walked into his tiny home with an armful of clothing, tattered and torn, her cheeks rosy as she dropped the clothes on the couch, her hands reaching in her back pack for a sewing kit, when Jughead had stared at her curiously she just smiled.

“Sweetpea asked me to fix up a couple of his shirts and I guess a few of the gang heard that I’m pretty handy with a sewing needle so they asked me to do a little mending.” She shrugged, her smile bright as she changed the topic to the latest drama on the cheerleading team.

That was one of the things jughead loved most about Betty, she never judged, never pitied, she just…did. Most of the women on the Southside weren’t particularly the maternal type, most of the young Serpents moms had run off shortly after they were born and the ones that had stayed? Well, They weren’t the type to fix clothes or cook dinner.

But Betty was. she was happy to come over and make dinner for Jughead and his friends, happy to patch up the bruises and cuts that the gang members would get after particularly brutal street fights, she did it all with a smile, a real one, one so genuine it lit up the entire room. The once dark and dull Southside seemed to be getting brighter by the day. It was no secret that the tiny journalist was the main reason for the change.

That brought them to where they were right now , Betty’s legs wrapped around jugheads waist, her hands in his hair as she peppered kisses to his neck, her button down blouse halfway undone. She was sin personified and normally he was plenty happy to enjoy the feel of her perfect body pressed against his, her curious hands exploring, setting sparks to his skin. But tonight? Well he was a little distracted.

“I want to meet your parents” he mumbled into her loose honey blonde waves. The sentence was muffled in a mumble and it came out sounding more like “ na mee your parents.”

Betty pulled away, her eyebrows scrunched, a giggle escaping her lips as she ran her fingers down his jaw

“Come again handsome?”

Jughead let his hands wander Betty’s curves before he took a deep breathe, his rainstorm blue eyes meeting her meadow green ones

“I want to meet your parents.” He spoke more clearly.

Betty stiffened, fingers falling from his face and pulling away as she buttoned up her blouse

“My parents aren’t home. They’re away.” She spoke briskly, sliding from his lap and adjusting the the tiny green skirt she was wearing.

“For how long?” Jughead pressed, he was still shirtless but now he was standing, trying desperately to get her to look at him, to explain.

“I don’t know Jughead, god why do we even have to talk about this? I met your dad, you don’t really need to meet my parents. We know we’re official what does it matter?” Betty huffed, her arms crossing around her chest, the button down she was wearing rose up on her forearms revealing a deep purple bruise, fingerprints visible around her wrist.

“What the hell is that?” Jughead barked, moving to her so quickly she didn’t even have time to pull down her sleeve before he was gently clutching her arm in his hands.

Betty inhaled sharply

“someone must have grabbed me too hard at practice last week, it’s no big deal.”

Jughead stopped back, something dangerous in his eyes

“I know bruises Betty, and that ones fresh, you haven’t had cheerleading practice in two days and you’ve been wearing long sleeves for three. It’s summer Betty, now tell me. Who. Is. Hurting. You?” He didn’t want to scare her but he was damn close to shaking, his words coming out in a growl, someone was hurting his girl, Someone was hurting Betty and he was going to find out who.

“No one! No one is hurting me! Just drop it Jughead, please!” Betty cried, tears welling in the corners of her eyes as she backed into the trailer wall.

“Bullshit! Someone is beating on you. I’m your boyfriend! I want to help you! God Betty just let me help you!” He was yelling now, his hands flaring.

Betty shook her head aggressively

“I don’t need your help! Just leave it alone, I’m asking you to leave it alone!” She begged.

“I can’t leave this alone Betty, you know who I am, What I am! You have to tell me who’s doing this to you, I’m not going to let it happen again, I can keep you safe!” The dark haired boy was pleading with her, searching her face for some kind of indication, he was such a fool, he hadn’t seen it, hadn’t paid attention to the bruises.

“no one can keep me safe! Don’t you get that?! I’m not safe anywhere!” She was sobbing now, her chest heaving under the anxiety and guttural cries

“What about your parents? Your dad? Does he know?!”

It was just a split second,a flicker of her eyes, the way her body tensed at the mention of him. Jugheads eyes widened, in an instant he was grabbing his leather jacket and pulling his shirt on, his hand was on the door handle when he felt Betty’s body press against his

“Where are you going?! Please stop, just stay please, just stay!” Her entire body shook with unrestrained sobs. “I need you to stay.” She whispered her voice so broken he had no other option but to turn around and wrap his arms around his beautiful girlfriend, sliding them both down the wall and squeezing her against his body.

After a few minutes Jughead whispered

“I want to kill him. I want him dead.”

Betty shivered against his chest

“Sometimes I think I do too. It’s been happening since I was little, it’s why Polly ran away, she wanted to take me with her but I couldn’t leave, I can’t leave my mom. I wasn’t lying when I said they went away, they left this morning for a journalism convention they’ll be home tomorrow .”

Jughead nodded slowly, wheels turning in his mind

“You’ll stay here for the night, I want you right next to me, where I can see you, feel you.”

Betty nodded, not a moment of hesitation

“I don’t really want to be alone tonight.” She whispered

Jughead shook his head

“You’re never alone. Not anymore, I’m right here sunshine and I’m not going anywhere. Not now and not ever.”

After what felt like hours Betty’s breathing slowed, her head pressed against his chest slipped slowly. She was sleeping, thank god. Jugheads arms moved under her knees, picking her up bridal style as she sleepily swung her arms over his neck involuntarily, finding comfort close to him even in her dreams. Gently laying her down into his bed and sliding into the space beside her, the Serpent Prince stared down at his beautiful princess, he had meant it when he told Archie he was going to protect her, keep her safe.

He was willing to do whatever it takes.

anonymous asked:

honestly the whole pinof tradition is so freaking weird that’s it’s amazing. like two grown ass men draw bad cat whiskers on each other’s faces and then do a normal q&a that’s also not normal at all because they’re fucking crazy and ominously gay. and also like random noises inbetween like screaming, quaking, yelling, etc. why do we all worship this shit so much??? idk but sign me up.

yeah when you put it that way it’s just like a regular q&a but then it’s them and they make it to have fun while also keeping the tradition that they made eight years ago and it means as much to them as it does to us :( god i love it.

stevieandbuckaroo  asked:

“Oh god! Sorry Doll!” Steve and Bucky quickly turned around after they walked into your room as you were changing. A clear blush staining Steve’s neck and hitting the tops of Bucky’s ears. “Guys, we have literally slept together for months. You can see me change” The sheepish looks you got just made you roll your eyes and continue getting ready. (1/7)

Even though they had turned back to face you, both were resolutely staring anywhere but at you. “Alright, one of you had better explain what’s going on. I’m feeling real self conscious right about now.” That quickly got their eyes on you. “Sweetheart it has nothing to do with you! It’s…” “NO! God no! You’re perfect! It’s just… well…” they stuttered “What?” You snapped feeling prickly. (2/7)

It feels improper!” Steve threw out, quickly covering his flaming face. Bucky pinches the bridge of his nose knowing what his boyfriend said sounded ridiculous. “What this eloquent moron means Doll, back in our time, a fella never saw his best girl like this. Not unless they were married. Girls were always done up when they left the house. No clothes out of place, hair and face all done up. No alone time. Seeing a girl in underclothes or in house clothes it’s intimate” Bucky explained. (3/7)

Steve finally found his voice again & added “We aren’t embarrassed it’s just…we find it so fucking sexy that you let us see you like this. Our thoughts are the furthest from appropriate.” You quickly understood what they were saying & it made several moments over the last few months suddenly become crystal clear. “Is that why you always kiss me so hard when I come home from work?” Steve gave a long suffering sigh “Baby! The way you just throw your heels off & let your hair fall.” (4/7)

Keep reading

why did i imagine the egos doing a seance or something to mess with dark because dark is like a spirit in a sense and dark is just “shut the hell up, i’m not a demon” and the others just freak out

“OH MY GOD THE DEMON SPOKE TO US”


“IT’S DEMONS JIMS RUN!!!


and Dark just buries his face in his hands groaning loudly. he just wanted to sit in peace and quiet and not have the egos come in with a ouija board.

anonymous asked:

Merlahad- We all know Merlin is alive damn it and he wouldn’t miss Eggsy’s wedding. So he watches from the back so no one has to see him and his metal legs and scars. Harry finds him afterwards because god damn it he can pick his husband out no matter what.

As soon as the ceremony was over and Eggsy and Tilde were busy taking photograph after photograph with their families, Harry quickly made his way outside of the church where he saw Merlin exit earlier. He knew it was Merlin because Harry knew that face. He knew the curve of that head, the line of that jaw, the soft intensity of those green-hazel eyes–they had been by his side for decades, only to be ripped away from him in mere instants, once by a bullet, and again by a landmine. But Harry knew that face.

He turned his head left and right, trying to catch sight of the man he had thought was dead. A tap on his shoulder caused him to turn around, and Harry was at once face-to-face with none other than Merlin.

“Merlin,” he said gently, his one eye scanning the other man’s face, not wanting to miss a single inch.

Merlin smiled softly. “Hello, Harry. Sorry I’m late.”

Tears began to form in Harry’s eye as he choked back a sob. “It’s usually me who does that, isn’t it?”

“A bad habit I picked up from you, I suppose,” Merlin said.

Harry let out a watery laugh before pulling Merlin into a searing kiss, gently cradling his head in his hands, and Merlin’s hands made their way to the small of his back. They parted and Harry rested his forehead against Merlin’s.

“Tomorrow,” he murmured, “I shall yell at you and be cross for making me think you’ve been dead this whole time. But for now, I’m not going to question anything, and just be glad that you’re here.”

Merlin chuckled and gave Harry another chaste kiss. “That sounds acceptable.”

“Harry, we gotta get a picture with–what the fuck?”

Harry and Merlin turned around, Harry’s hands dropping from Merlin’s face to instead lace their fingers together, and saw a pale and shocked Eggsy standing before them.

Merlin, ever the collected man, smiled at Eggsy. “Congratulations, lad. It was a lovely ceremony.”

Harry bit back a laugh as he watched the poor boy’s eyes widen and jaw hang slack at the sight before him.

“I do hope it’s alright that I have an unexpected plus one, Eggsy.”

Eggsy turned his eyes to him, and Harry could no longer hold in the laugh at Eggsy’s incredulous face.

If all the dregs were Grisha
  • Kaz would be a Heartrender. He would render the living (or dying in his case) hell out of people. Ketterdam would fear him. The entirety of SoC would have never ensued because Kaz Brekker killed every inhabitant of the barrel. Thank god they don’t give powers to people this morally depraved.
  • Inej as a Tailor. Oh god. Imagine the best spy in the world. Now imagine she could change her face. Mothers would probably tell her children the horror stories for centuries to come. 
  • Wylan as an Inferni would be cute I guess. Especially in competition with Kuwei. Also a fun concept: Burning down everything that Jan van Eck loves (all his money) because he deserves it.
  • Matthias as a Tidemaker would be so sad because imagine a Fjerdan born with Grisha powers that goes on to become a Drüskelle and learn that his powers are wrong so he hides them from everybody but then Nina comes along and helps him accept himself and… whops, he’s dead, but it’s even more depressing now.

sir-scandalous  asked:

Sick shance headcanon for you! Okay so, everyone is so jealous Lance managed to start dating Takashi Shirogane, so hot, so talented and smart and organised. However, when Shiro's sick, he's the complete opposite. He's snappy and disheveled and a husk of his former self; he's always surprised when Lance insists on going out with him to get hot soup and flaunting Shiro just as much as before as if he's still the most beautiful thing in the universe even when he looks like a scruffy cryptid

GOD BLESS YOU, SIR. YOU’RE DOING THE LORD’S WORK 💙🖤

Also, imagine Shiro having a hoodie on to hide his sickly pale face while they’re out and Lance tries to tell him he doesn’t need to hide his face because he’s beautiful no matter what. But Shiro stubbornly pulls on the strings of his hoodie and closes it around his face. Lance has to pry open the closed hood and when he finally does, he presses a kiss to a pouty Shiro’s forehead.

Hey uhhh remember that Shance Singer!AU i did where Shiro is Keith and Katie’s dad? Well, i kinda have some hcs about kid Keith and Katie 😁

* i suck at drawing kids 🙃🙃*

Keep reading

Wait. Hold up.

So like im watching S2 E9 of Camp Camp 

So im watching this scene right?
and like, after Nikki says “Oh sure, YOU get to eat all the bugs you want.”
Neil Looks the other way and sees a egg then says, “Hmmm. That’s Queer.”

Max then sits up and and says this.

With a slightly pissed of face.
I kinda got confused here.
Queer means weird or odd.
So like.
Why did Max say that..?
Did he mean that Neil shouldn’t say eating bugs is weird?
Because Nikki does it?
Is he basically defending Nikki a little right here??
am I getting too into this?
probably lmao
idk my dudes.
I just think its cute if Max actually is defending her.
God i have pr ob lems

anonymous asked:

Can you do "Don't touch me. We're fighting" with your Vegas au?

“Daveed Diggs, I swear to God-”

“Look, Y/N, I’m sorry, okay?” Daveed ran after you in the hall leading to your dressing room in the Richard Rogers’.

“No, you’re not sorry.” You stopped to turn around and face him, pointing a finger at him. “The first time this whole jealousy thing happened was at the Warriors game with Steph Curry - and, you know, I’m not gonna lie, it was hot as fuck - but god damn it, Daveed, you can’t get jealous every single time I talk to a guy I used to have or still have a celebrity crush on!”

“Do you know how hard it is to just stand by and watch you ogle at another dude as he talks to you. Or to watch him make heart eyes at you? How am I just supposed to let it slide, Y/N?” Daveed asked, throwing his arms out to the side.

“You just do, D.” You sighed, exasperated. “I’m your girlfriend. I’m in love with you. Not Stephen Curry. Not OBJ. Not Zac Efron. You are the one I’m in love with, Daveed Diggs. I just…why can’t you trust me?”

Daveed’s composure softened dramatically. “I do trust you, Y/N. More than anyone else. You know that.” He said softly.

“Then stop the jealousy every time another celebrity visits Hamilton. I swear, you’ve given the cold shoulder to at least one guy I’ve talked to after each show in the past couple weeks.” You said, crossing your arms over your chest. “It needs to stop, Diggs. Today, okay? You know I only want you, so why is this a problem, anyway?”

Daveed sighed and took a step towards you, his arms dropping to gently grab your wrists which were still crossed over your chest.

“Don’t touch me. Not until you say sorry.” You said, looking up at him. “We’re fighting.”

He disobeyed you as he still held your wrists in his hands and pressed a kiss to each one. “But I did say sorry,” he mumbled against your skin, his eyes flitting up to hold your gaze.

“Say it again, then.” You said stubbornly.

Daveed sighed once more, letting your wrists drop to your sides only to let his hands grab onto your waist. He rested his forehead on yours as he murmured his apology once more. “I’m sorry, baby. It won’t happen again. I’ll be cool from now on, I promise.”

You looked up at your boyfriend, knowing his apology was sincere. Gently, you brought up your hand to caress his cheek as you gave him a soft chaste kiss. “Good.” You whispered against him.

“I love you.” Daveed said genuinely, kissing you once more.

“I love you.” You replied with a hint of a smile on your lips.

incubomilite  asked:

Drunken Lucio attempting to have a fluffy moment with a confused/annoyed Avohkii??? Sorry, this seems really amusing to me

Lucio wasn’t an attractive drunk. He was loud, slurred his words, and very touchy. And what little filter he did have was completely gone.

He pouted, watching Avohkii play with Mercedes and Melchior in front of the fireplace. The dogs were jumping around them as they play tackled the two of them, laughing to themself as the dogs licked their face in retaliation.

Gods, why did they look so cute when they were smiling?

“Avohkii.” The magician looked from their spot on the floor, Mercedes still licking their face as they raise an eyebrow at Lucio. “Come ‘ere.” Avohkii looks confused, but pushes themselves to their feet all the same. Patting the dogs as they roll around in front of the fireplace, they stop in front of Lucio’s chair. Face still confused.

Lucio surged forward and pulled Avohkii toward him, arms holding Avohkii tight as he hugs them.Eyes closed so he doesn’t have to see what he’s doing, Lucio just mutters, “‘m sorry.”

He feels Avohkii sigh before a hand falls into Lucio’s hair, patting it as they stand there.

It was definitely the alcohol.

because we belong to the song,
and the rock goes on and on and on…

this started out as a jim henson birthday gift… thing… but look at how that turned out. im a little under 2 months late haha

ive recently started having Big Boy Feelings for cantus and how much i love his character, and i got to rewatch the honk of honks a couple days ago. it finally inspired me to pick this up again!
this was partly painting, partly not. the face, hair, and eyes were all painted on one layer, as were the cloak and pipe. i developed a whole new brush for it! (well… not whole new, but settings id never used before.) it was fun!
im really proud of how the pipe turned out! im slowly learning how to draw it, and though im sure its not the most accurate in the world, i like it.

i also have a cold and it’s 2 in the morning… i should probably go to bed. im sorry if theres any mistakes!!!

cantus belongs to jim henson, and so does fraggle rock!
the watermark means this is mine; that’s just another blog of mine, my main

thank you!!

anonymous asked:

Your only royal claim is to a frozen wasteland, Frost Giant, and your blood family wanted you dead at birth. You grew up thinking you were an Asgardian Prince, a God... What are you now?

anonymous has angered the trickster //

How DARE you! HOW DARE YOU!! What gives you the authority to talk to me in such a manner?! YOU who hide behind the grey-face, cowering in the shadows. I may be of Jotunheim, but I have long-since denounced my heritage! I was raised Aesir! I AM Aesir! I am still a Prince of Asgard, whilst you are NOTHING! “