they have no mascot

What if by alien standards we are really cute?

And I don’t mean like attractive cute, I mean like baby otter cute. What if the stumble upon us and go “ohhhhh my god!!! Oh my god!!!! I’m dying this is- look at it! Look at them!!! Oh my god!!!”

We usually imagine having to come up with some Devils trade or unholy arrangement to get tech and trade with aliens, but the instant they see us the aliens immediately set out into conservation efforts. They’re like “their habitat is becoming harsh and unlivable for them! We have to save them!” And everyone just puts a picture of us next to this information and they all agree “Look at them! We have to save them!!” We become like the panda mascots of intergalactic conservation efforts.

Simultaneously, our main export is just streams, videos, holograms, and photos of us. Aliens lose their composure completely over videos of us sneezing or yawning or eating pop tarts or playing video games or taking care of our kids.

There are lines of aliens who would LOVE to have a human in their home or on their ship. It’s a little condescending (we’re not sure if we’re guests or well treated exotic pets) but still a good opportunity, and any human who wants can go to space at any time basically for free or even for profit, and the aliens will go out of their way to give you anything you ask for.

There are obvious downsides. We struggle to be taken seriously. While it’s usually shut down pretty quickly, every once in a while some alien group sees the demand for us and tries to start an illegal trade. But at the same time, it’s neat that somewhere out there is an alien (or usually a LOT of aliens) that would love you unconditionally, find every flaw and idiosyncrasy endearing, be worried about you and do anything they could to make you safe and happy. They work hard to make our planet and our personal lives better and don’t ask for anything in return. They just do it because they decided we are important and worth saving just for existing. It’s an odd relationship, and we’re not always sure what to make of it, but honestly it goes a lot better than we worried alien contact would.

5

For those of you who claim Cherokee and know you’re not, please note that the tribe will not hesitate to call you out!

Some Ilvermorny headcanons
  • First and foremost, every day is cranberry pie day
  • While students do have robes, the clothes they wear underneath the robes are not uniforms. There is an eclectic mix of tastes, from the very serious horned serpent who wears button-downs and ties every day, to the wampus who has enchanted their graphic t-shirt to move, to the thunderbirds and pukwudgies who mutually exist solely for sweater weather.
  • Every year on James Steward’s birthday, there is a school-sponsored cranberry pie bake-off. Pukwudgie house nearly always wins. Once, thunderbird won and good lord you would think it was the civil war all over again
  • There are a lot of local professors, of course, so you get some really thick Boston accents, but there are also professors with southern belle accents who serve iced tea in class, professors with Canadian accents, professors with midwest accents, several Native American professors with smooth, lulling accents, and some Mexican professors who slip into Spanish when they get super excited about their subject. There was a visiting professor from Ireland once, and 96% of female students (and some male students) had major crushes on him.
  • Wampus house is where you go to get body-crushing, soul-lifting hugs
  • Horned serpents may be scholars, but they are also some of the keenest observers. They watch the whole school from afar and quietly play matchmaker to all of their friends. No one suspects them because - what, horned serpent? No. They don’t know about emotions. Meanwhile, the house president makes a killing on the bet she made to predict the homecoming king/queen. 
  • Thanksgiving at Ilvermorny is a spectacle that has to be seen to be believed. It’s almost bigger than Christmas. The thanksgiving feasts at Ilvermorny put Hogwarts to shame. Turkey, ham, real cranberry sauce, pies - oh my god so many pies. They’ve got cider, and tea, and cocoa like you wouldn’t believe. There are New English dishes and Southern dishes and Native dishes and Mexican dishes and Canadian dishes and West Coast dishes - essentially it’s a gigantic continental potluck, and it goes on all day long. Also, their pumpkin juice tastes 1000 times better.
  • While things like dueling and fighting with wands may be frowned upon at Hogwarts, at Ilvermorny it’s kind of just assumed that stuff happens, and the profs are very chill about it. “Just don’t kill each other okay” “just take it outside” “no casting destruction spells indoors” “bring some band-aids with you” “if you break your nose don’t bleed on your homework”
  • Pukwudgies are a pretty agreeable house over all, if not a bit salty and surly around the edges, they’ll still help you with your homework and bring you soup when you’ve got a cold. But all bets are off when they step onto the lacrosse field. Maybe its a pride thing, but pukwudgies are frikkin animals when playing lacrosse.
  • Wampus beats pukwudgie at lacrosse fairly often. They don’t actually practice that much, they just kind of win.
  • This fact has fueled a sports rivalry - friendly in wampus’ eyes, bloodthirsty in pukwudgie’s eyes. 
  • At wampus/pukwudgie games, horned serpents sell special blends of popcorn. Thunderbirds purchase, hoard, and eat 89% of this popcorn.
  • Horned serpents and pukwudgies often, though not always, end up having an unspoken rivalry in potions class.
  • Contrary to popular belief, wampus is not full of athletic jocks. However, they are the most body-positive of all of the schools, and, somewhat ironically to the stereotype, will never judge anyone for their athletic ability. They want everyone to be able to enjoy athleticism and bravery and adventure in the ways they are most able and gifted.
  • That being said, they do have the kind of student body who, if called upon, could become a minute militia.
  • When there is a freak hurricane or tornado headed headed for the school, it will be a wampus student who is patrolling the halls and telling students where to go for safety. If there is a bully in school, you had better bet your bottom dollar that s/he will be beaten to a pulp by the next day, and it will be a wampus student sporting mysteriously bloody knuckles.
  • Pukwudgies are the ones who patch up the bully; they might accidentally wind the bandages a little too tight.
  • Thunderbirds love a good game of hide-and-seek. They have a tradition of, every halloween, playing hide-and-seek in the dark in the woods.
  • Horned serpents are the students least often caught for sneaking in contraband into school. Caught being the key word. Most students learn at some point in their education that if you want a nice stiff drink, you go to horned serpent. During secret designated holidays, horned serpent common room turns into a speakeasy. 
  • Unexpectedly, it is pukwudgies who carry the most weapons and dangerous materials on their person at any given time. If a group of Ilvermorny students were going through a security check, it would be the pukwudgies held at the line while they emptied their pockets (bigger on the inside, of course) of various poisons and weapons. When asked, they would just shrug and say “just in case”.
  • The town around Ilvermorny is home to several franchised chain restaurants that, although they are no-maj brands, have been taken over by Ilvermorny alumni and thus serve predominantly wizarding patrons. Cups levitate to customers in the Starbucks, there are magic-only options on the menu; the chik-fil-a floor sweeps itself; at dominos the pizzas assemble themselves while the one clerk waits, bored, at the register. There are in-house cues for magic patrons whenever a no-maj walks in. The clerk rings a bell or taps loudly on the counter, or yells out an order than is actually a code word for stop doing magic stuff. It’s like red light green light.
  • There are some old service tunnels beneath the school left over from WWII and the Cold War. They’re like a labyrinth, and Thunderbird has a monopoly on the maps to the tunnels. Some of the more obscure tunnels have large rooms that are perfect for parties and impromptu speakeasies (lookin at you, horned serpent). Thunderbirds will rent out these rooms to fellow students at a fair and competitive rate.
  • Unlike hogwarts, Ilvermorny students are more apt to use modern technology. Electrics can be weird around witches and wizards, but they still enjoy a lot of no-maj programming. They use computers instead of quills (but still have to print off their essays, ugh,) and listen to music, and watch TV.
  • Star Trek has long been a school cult favorite. Pukwudgies have adopted Bones as their pop culture mascot; Kirk is Thunderbird’s, Spock, horned serpent. Wampus vacillates on which of these three they like most, though it must be said, when they start watching Next Gen, many wampus students find themselves enamored with Worf,
  • There has only been one no-maj to ever make it past the magic shields of Ilvermorny unaided. This instance was in 1985. His name was Chad, who at the time was 1) stoned out of his mind and 2) delivering chinese takeout to a horned serpent pulling an all-nighter. School admin found out later, and there was hell to pay. They never did track down Chad to wipe his memory.
  • Pukwudgie house does have more than its fair share of healers, so they are definitely the ones to go to for cold remedies, home made soup, the best cures for menstrual cramps, and really good back rubs.
  • However, they are also the ones to go to for less medical remedies: the best hot cocoa, the most gourmet teas, and home made food.
  • Each house has a class president who is elected for a two-year term (unless they’re a final year student, in which case they will serve one before being taken over by their VP). They have some influence within their houses, but never as much as they’d like. For instance, the thunderbird president once attempted to institute mid-day dancing parties, but school admin said no.
  • Pukwudgies are usually not super athletic, but are often very good at things like darts, archery, and waterbaloon fights.
  • Wampus takes ultimate frisbee very, very seriously.
  • Thunderbird hosts an ongoing scavenger hunt throughout the semester.
  • The women of horned serpent blow off steam and the stuffy acadmic pressures of their house by making pillow forts and watching rom coms with each other.
  • Back in the eighties some wizard created a magic version of D&D, and it has become a weekend favorite of many students across all of the houses.
  • After graduation, instead of having a class ring, it has become tradition for Ilvermorny students to make a pendant out of their golden cloak buttons.
  • Ilvermorny may be separated by inter-house squabbles much like at Hogwarts, but at the end of the day, they all leave school wearing the same blue and cranberry robes, sporting the same skill with a wand, raised to the same scrappy, witty, mod-podge tenacity that American witches and wizards embody so well.
what i want in a sinnoh remake: a very long list of unreasonable demands

- diamond and pearl opening- bring back being attacked by starly. c’mon. that as a fully animated cutscene would be a lot more impactful than platinum’s opening

- and while we’re at lake verity, throw in a mesprit sighting. links the player into the overarching plot much earlier on; when did we first hear about the lake spirits in the originals? celestic town? i cant remember it’s been too long

- speaking of surfing, for the love of Arceus please make surfing faster and reduce the encounter rate for water (and caves while we’re at it- mt. coronet without repels is more of a hell than the distortion world could ever hope to be)

- bidoof is every ride pokemon. need to fly somewhere? tie it to a drifblim. surf? tape it to a floatzel. fight me.

- also can we have a way to get through that snow faster like please. give us skis or something. i don’t want to deal with that every time i want to get a glaceon or some shit.

- can we have the option of wearing platinum clothes before we go up to snowpoint? think of poor dawn. she’s in a miniskirt. in a blizzard.

- please use the platinum regional dex oh my god if i have to use a rapidash again i might cry

- bring back mega evolutions- z moves are an alolan thing and we need a way to get more mega stones in gen 7 anyways

- put a key stone / z crystal port on the poketch bc otherwise we’ve got like three wrist things to wear

- more battles with dawn/lucas, tag battle or regular battle, i don’t care, include them more

- i’d suggest triple battles with dawn/lucas/barry but given that this would (hopefully) be on the sun and moon engine that would probably be slower than surfing in d/p/pt was

- cyrus had such a good backstory incorporate it into the main story please

- hey remember those walk cycles datamined from sun and moon? if they are only used in amity square im going to cut someone use them in the whole overworld you cowards

- fix the great marsh, and make it memorable- it’s the last safari zone we’re probably gonna see for a long time

- please don’t kill the game corner please don’t kill the game corner please dont kill the

- if you have to kill the game corner, keep the music and put it somewhere else

- spear pillar goes down exactly like dppt except, you guessed it, giratina shows up and drags everyone into the distortion world. if you really wanna make it about the mascot legendaries you could, like, make giratina unbattleable and have it holding the mascot hostage and you have to battle it to save it or whatever

- INTERNET CONNECTIVITY IN UNDERGROUND

- since pokemon bank is now a thing, the pal park will probably be obsolete- replace it with something really cool, don’t just leave it there and have it permanently closed or something

- opinion: don’t bring back the festival plaza. it made interacting with friends online way too complicated. the wifi plaza in the basement of the pokemon center could probably do a good job of replacing it

- battle frontier or riot

- give me a lillie cameo please please please

- arceus post story please

- incorporate the darkrai event- that was bomb af


okay that’s all i have thank u for reading

OC Questions: Meta Edition

4th wall breaking, fandom/creator interpretations, self inserts, etc. As always, I’ll be splitting some of these questions up into separate posts, so don’t worry about answering all of them here (unless, of course, you wanna). Enjoy!

  1. Which OC is the most likely to break the 4th wall?
  2. One OC will protect you, and the others will try to kill you. Which OC would you pick to be your defender?
  3. Would you rather live in your OCs’ universe or this one?
  4. Your OC finds out that you are their creator. How do they react?
  5. What is your noncanon nickname for your OC?
  6. What is/would be the fandom nickname for your story?
  7. What is/would be the nickname for a fan of your OC?
  8. Which OC is most likely to be called “son”/ “daughter” / “child” by fans?
  9. Which OC is most likely to be called “husband” / “wife” / “spouse” by fans?
  10. If you could tell your OC one thing, what would it be?
  11. What kind of advice would your OC give you?
  12. Which OC is/would be “woobified” by the fandom?
  13. What song would you sing to audition for the role of your OC?
  14. Your OC finds themselves in your universe and you are their only contact. How well do they handle the adjustment and how would you try to help/hinder/contain them?
  15. f/m/k: OC edition
  16. Who would you cast to play the part of your OC in a TV show or movie?
  17. If you could choose to meet one of your OCs in person, who would you pick?
  18. Which OC would you absolutely NOT want to be a real person?
  19. What is your dream medium for your story (book series, video game, comic, movie, cartoon/anime, etc)?
  20. Which OC is the most likely to become a “mascot” for your story?
7

Needless to say, Tojiko was not impressed with the new attempt to gain popularity points for having a cute animal mascot. Just because she’s from the same game doesn’t mean she’s here to help!

Well to kick off the event, here’s a piece for Desire Drive! A month-long event to try and bring a bit more attention to the very underappreciated cast of Ten Desires. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing everyone’s entries as the month goes on! 

Bonus: