they don't get me in texas

Me: *Gets up from seat and takes deep breath*


Hamilton characters as things I've heard in class
  • Hamilton: I have a pretty big ass I don't get it I'm a dude, I mean, it's a good ass though
  • Burr: Who was the person, who <i>FUCKED</i> A LLAMA.
  • Laurens: What can I say, I like nudes and dudes
  • Lafayette: Bitch I'm <i>proud</i> of my nipples
  • Hercules Mulligan: How about this pick up line, <b>*clears throat*</b> neener neener here's my wiener
  • Eliza: Did you really just wake me up to ask if weed I legal in Texas
  • Angelica: I regret my parents not using a condom
  • Peggy: Are you talking to me or the pasta?
  • King George: okay today I will be reading "Love Letter to Suzy"; <b>clears throat</b> Dear Suzy, you are a bitch, but you're my bitch now
  • Philip: Are ducks mammals?
  • Maria Reynolds: I must strip, it is my natural instinct
  • Jefferson: You make me want to kill myself but I mean that in the best possible way
  • Madison: This isn't small talk, this is depressing talk
  • <b> *Bonus*</b>
  • Jefferson: Bitch I got head that night
  • Hamilton: BET
  • Jefferson: I DID, FIGHT ME
Humans are weird - Accents

So the alien crew have gotten used to their human teammates by now and are fully integrated and all that and they’ve gotten used to their speech patterns and slang and weird abbreviations for words (I mean come on it’s just lazy now).

But say the human crew’s all American and they don’t have a regional accent? and then they hire a new human? and they have a strong accent? They now need to recalibrate their translators ‘cause no way in hell is that the same language and we checked they spoke English and the crew’s just like “nah, they’re just from Texas (or whatever)”.

And they get used to it after a while and then they hire another human and this one’s British and (like me) starts off with a nice regular accent like on TV and then rapidly descends into a Northern one when they get flustered? and now NOBODY knows what their saying and the aliens are just like?


we know they speak English, they ARE English, WTF? 



this one’s sorta based on my personal experience playing pyro. sometimes you get called useless, other times you get thanked by the engineer for helping them defend the last point.

  • Mulder: We're going to Jasper, Arkansas.
  • Scully: What's in Jasper?
  • Mulder: Besides the best grits you've ever had? Four moderate Repblican sightings in three months.
  • Scully: Mulder, there is no evidence that any moderate Republicans exist. They're a folktale told by pundits to give themselves a sense of order.
  • Mulder: Batonville, Tennessee, 1982.
  • Scully: Mulder...
  • Mulder: Batonville, Tennessee, 1982. Three eye witness accounts of a city councilman voting to keep pollutants from the water.
  • Scully: Adrenaline has been proven to alter perceptions and distort memories. These accounts are fiction, Mulder. Bored reporters and politicos trying to make stories where there are none.
  • Mulder: They've been spotted all over the country, Scully. People from all walks of life have reported seeing moderate Republicans since at least 1922.
  • Scully: anecdotal evidence is not evidence.
  • Mulder: It's not just in modern times, the Hualapai tribe of Arizona have for centuries told of the Macopei, "those who welcome immigrants,"
  • Scully: With all due respect to the Hualapai, myths are not facts.
  • Mulder: Fine, don't just take my word for it. *Turns on a projector*. What do you see?
  • Scully: I see a building.
  • Mulder: You're seeing an abortion clinic in Stone County, Mississippi. This photo was taken by a photojournalist in 1996. Days after being built.
  • Scully: Mulder, that building could be anything, it's not proof that the Mississippi legislature approved of a new abortion clinic.
  • Mulder: What about this? *clicks projector*.
  • Scully: It's a blurry picture of a computer screen.
  • Mulder: I had that screen analyzed and confirmed it showed a gun permit being denied to a mentally ill person.
  • Sculy: I don't see what this proves.
  • Mulder: in Texas, Scully. West Texas.
  • Scully: so let's say I believe you. Let's say there are Republicans roaming the South making sure a suicidal person can't get a gun. What does that have to do with the Bureau?
  • Mulder: I got a call from an old friend in Jasper saying that a cop was shot and the police report says the shooter was white. They didn't invent a black or Hispanic suspect. That doesn't just happen, Scully, that's indirect evidence of a centrist individual or individuals inside a governmental institution.
  • Scully: Alright, but you're buying me those grits.
((Information is changed for confidentiality)) This is no word of a lie. This actually happened.
  • Me: What's your first and last name?
  • Customer: John Smith
  • Me: And your zip code?
  • Customer: Smith.
  • Me: Your zip code please?
  • Customer: S-M-I-T-H.
  • Me: No sir, your ZIP Code
  • Customer: John.
  • Me: (mutes customer) Are we having the same conversation?
  • Me: (unmutes customer) No sir, what is your ZIP CODE?
  • Customer: What's that?
  • Me: The zip code for your address.
  • Customer: 123 Easy St., Houston Texas.
  • Me: ..... I'm sorry sir I need your Zip Code.
  • Customer: My member ID number?
  • Me: No sir ... I need you to confirm your zip code ...
  • Customer: I don't know what that is.
  • Me: ZIP CODE ((trying to pronounce it clearer))
  • Customer: IP Code?
  • Me: No sir your zip code.
  • Customer: Spell it for me.
  • Me: Z-I-P Code
  • Customer: Cip code?
  • Me: No sir, z as in zebra.
  • Customer: Sip code?
  • Me: Yes sir, your zip code.
  • Customer: S as in sam?
  • Me: No sir Z as in Zebra.
  • Customer: I still don't know what that is. Look I want to cancel.
  • Me: I'm sorry sir I need to locate your account. I need your zip code.
  • Customer: OH MY ZIP CODE?!
  • Me: ..... Yes sir.
  • Customer: Z as in Zoo right? ZIP?
  • Me: ......... Yes sir .....
  • Customer: 302
  • Me: ....... I'm sorry what was that?
  • Customer: 302
  • Me: No not your area code, your zip code.
  • Customer: 302 is my zip code.
  • Me: That's too short to be a zip code sir, it's a 5 digit number.
  • Customer: Oh, I don't know what that is. Why can't you just cancel my account?
  • Me: Because there are 24 John Smith's in my system here, 14 of which are active, I need to know which one is you.
  • Customer: Well what do you need then?
  • Me: Your zip code please?
  • Customer: Hold on, talk to my wife.
  • Customer's Wife: Hello.
  • Me: Hello ma'am, can I get your zip code please.
  • Customer's wife: What's that?
  • Me: (mutes customer) God here we go again.
  • Me: (unmutes customer) The zip code for your address.
  • Customer's wife: 123 Easy St., Houston Texas.
  • Me: And the zip code?!
  • Customer's wife: 302
  • Me: No no, the zip code.
  • Customer's wife: He already told you this information. The zip code is 302.
  • Me: ..... Okay ma'am, Do you have a piece of mail or something that has your address on it?
  • Customer's wife: Yes, ma'am.
  • Me: Okay So your address is 123 Easy St., Houston Texas.
  • Customer's wife: Yes ma'am.
  • Me: What's the 5 digits under that?
  • Customer's wife: On what?
  • Me: Under your address.
  • Customer's wife: My address isn't on here.
  • Me: Can you get a piece of mail that has your address on it?
  • Customer's wife: Yeah hold on. ((puts me on hold for 6 minutes))
  • Customer's wife: ((Comes back)) Okay I got it.
  • Me: Okay so you're looking at your address on the letter.
  • Customer's wife: Yes ma'am.
  • Me: Okay what's the 5 digit number under your address.
  • Customer's wife: 75468
  • Me: Thank you!

anonymous asked:

I really get pissed at adult customers who throw tantrums about having to show an ID to buy something. Here in Texas it's the law that we put in your drivers license info when you buy a B.B. Gun (silly I know, but it's so kids don't buy them) I've had people give me the dirtiest looks, refuse to show me, and cancel their entire purchase, then complain to the manager. Why is showing a drivers license so bad???

Don’t want to be tracked if they have a warrant out on them? *takes of tinfoil hat*
Maybe they are too lazy to get it out.


anonymous asked:

how do you manage to keep track of all the kpop stuff if you live in texas? the time zone difference is huuuge. I imagine you americans must be watching all the mvs at school when they come out or you just don't sleep at night geez

i get notifications on my phone at ass o clock and they wake me up n i jst lie there awake reconsidering my choices for a moment

kwinpuddle  asked:

A ficlet for Mothman where it's a particularly chilly night for his little human S/O and their heater is broken. So while they attempt to sleep in their ice cold home he Drops in and uses his fluff to warm them up and lull them to sleep? I thought this was cute and I'm in the same situation except my A/C is broken and I live in Texas so it's hot as heCk 😣 ((do tell me if I missed anything, I wish to be respectful to you in all forms and I understand If you don't/can't do this one))

You were miserable. It was the middle of December, in Mon-fucking-Tana, USA, and your heater decided NOW was a good time to act like a spoiled brat, and refused to even turn on.

You had been sitting in front of it, hopelessly turning the knobs in an attempt to get it to sputter to life- even just for a second, any kind of relief from this cold would be fantastic! But, sadly, fate has better plans for you, and those plans seem like freezing to death on your hardwood floor. You frowned, almost ready to cry from how miserable you felt- you weren’t used to the cold, and lord knows it was far too late to try and stake it out in a McDonalds.

You rubbed your face, trying to force yourself to calm down, before you got up. No use in staying on the floor, anyhow- if you were going to freeze to death, you’d much rather do so in your bed, where you can at least hide from the spooky monsters at night.

You made your way upstairs, chastising yourself for not buying one of those portable, plug in the wall space heaters from Walmart the other day. You had THOUGHT about it, but did you buy the damn thing? No. Because your heating ‘worked at home’. Past you is a dick.

You opened your door, only to hear a sudden fluttering outside of your window, followed by a very heavy, very painful-sounding SMACK against the window pane. You stared forward into your room, exhaling through your nose, before going over to the window, and opening the blinds.

Fluttering outside of your window, hands pressed against the glass and large, red eyes unblinking, was the coveted cryptid- Mothman. He was large, lumbering, and covered in dark gray moth-fur. He was also trying to open your locked window.

You stared at him for a moment, before flicking the latch, and opening the window for him. He immediately climbed in through your window, chittering out his thanks, before grabbing you, giving you his signature I missed you hug.

“You couldn’t have come at a better time.” You inform him, hugging him back, tightly, and burying your face in his mane. “My heater broke- and I need an external heat source. Do you mind spending the night?”

He seems to think for a moment, before picking you up, and sitting on your bed, carefully. He placed you in his ‘lap’, and simple ran one of his many hands through your hair. He was nonverbal, sure, but he always had his ways of talking nonetheless.

“You’re the best,” You murmur, squirming to try and get close to him. He used his remaining arms to wrap around you, and as you drifted off to sleep, comforted by the warmth of his fur, you couldn’t help but be incredibly thankful that you didn’t douse him with Bug-Off! when you first met.

anonymous asked:

How much do you generally spend on needles for t? I've seen boxes at the pharmacy around $50 but I'm not sure how many are in them, or if they're the right ones. I know my doctor will tell me all that info, but I really want to try to budget for it ahead of time and I don't see him until next month. Also, how long does a vial typically last? I don't have that much income, so I want to make sure I can actually do it.

Depends what size vial you get. When I get 10mL vials they last like 4 months. But lately the pharmacy has been giving me 1mL vials which I have to refill more often and is annoying. A 10mL was like $50 something for me at the clinic I went to in Nyc. It was around $80 in Texas I think after the pharmacist gave me a discount (my insurance doesn’t cover my t). As for needles I bought mine in bulk– I got a box of 100 of both sizes (one including syringes) and it was like $30 I think? I got them from the clinic I went to. I would just ask the pharmacy how many is in it and your doctor will tell you what length/gauge you need for whichever type of injection you’re doing. I do a shot a week so 100 needles will last me over a year so I don’t have to think about buying them again anytime soon.

You can use the app goodRX to help get a deal on your testosterone, so it isn’t as financially stressful. And if you go to a clinic like I went to in Nyc they were used to lower income patients who often didn’t have insurance so their pharmacy was very affordable and accommodating.

Please don't forget Texas

This is the most rain and the worst flooding Texas has gotten in its recorded history

There have been at least 2000 rescue operations, but the real number may be much higher.

911 lines are tied up. Let me repeat that, 911 lines are tied up. So many people are calling 911 that there are no available operators.

There have been multiple confirmed casualties

Highways are completely underwater

Private citizens are going out in boats to rescue neighbors because the state and federal government simply don’t have the resources to get to everyone

People are having to flee to their roofs to avoid floodwaters

As much as it’s fun to make jokes about this storm and everything; please remember that this is an emergency, and people are loosing their lives and lively hoods

sauce-que  asked:

Hello, I'm a Daddy looking for his little girl. I'm 22 years old. From Texas. I don't really have a distance limit. You can message me here or on kik @ josiahhs if you'd like to get to know me a bit better (:

Male - Dominant

You told me morality didn’t mean much to you anymore/ Guess that’s why your best friend lives in a cheating encore/ While her fiancé prays “dear god let me live to get back to her” serving across seas/ She’s moaning “dear god don’t let this end” between some dorm sheets “Just whatever makes someone happy, you know?”/ Doubt that’s what your mom said when your dad stopped coming home/ Didn’t cheating ruin your young life?/ I just don’t get how with you that sits right

anonymous asked:

Can you tell me what's wrong with Texas Dream's dlo's? I don't get it

They are super low. They don’t set correctly so they end up whipping them around and landing low, which is really hard on the achilles. Here’s the apex of Ragan’s:

and here’s how she lands:

Clearly putting a lot of stress on her achilles as she’s hunched over and her hands are almost grazing the ground.

Here’s Catalina Ponor at the apex of her DLO:

Lots of height. It doesn’t look like she’s gonna smash into the ground. And here’s how she lands:

She’s upright, which isn’t as hard on the body.

It’s true that Cata is a bit sloppy and Ragan has good form in the air, but when it comes to the mechanics of the skill Cata is far superior. Everyone that KZB has ever taught to do a DLO does them this way, and Malabuyo’s at Japan International podium training looked especially scary.

anonymous asked:

was reading your betta care guide and one part requires a heater. that's so weird to me because as someone who lives in the south my aquariums need fans because it gets way too hot. I don't house bettas but if I did I'd probably still need a fan to keep it at 82 degrees. anyway just a heads up

Air temperature doesn’t always equate to tank temperature. Over summer, yes, I know people in Texas and other southern states have to work harder to keep their tanks cool! But during the rest of the seasons a heater is still important to regulate temperature. @painthekiller will know more, due to actually living in the south and keeping bettas.
Thanks for the heads up, I’m sticking by my claim, even for southern states.