they ate my plants to the ground

anonymous asked:

I loved the story you told of Etrigan the cat. Do you have any more tales of him?

He eats plants.

Like, he ate my Christmas cactus down to the ground 3 times.  The second 2 times I had soaked it in bitter spray so much that a dry finger touched to the dry plant would come away bitter enough to make you wash your mouth out.  

Etrigan would lurk by the door and dart in past my feet and try to get himself closed in there with it so he could really take his time with it.  I finally had to give it to a friend.  He was just too much of a hazard.  I can’t have plants because my fucking cat will eat them.

Cat grass has been suggested but you have to understand that Etrigan is fundamentally incapable of understanding “for humans” and “for cats” when it comes to food, so I think it will be of limited help. Providing alternatives doesn’t work. He wants the specific thing he wants, and that’s all there is to that.

I mean, he’s sort of just a glutton in general.  He preferentially eats bread.  If you gave him a choice between meat and bread, I am pretty sure he would eat the bread.  I can’t test this, though.  I can’t give him ANY human food at all or he starts getting bold about it, and has on several occasions just walked up and taken a bite out of whatever I’m eating like it was no big deal.  He would straight-up MURDER any of his brothers for a thumbnail-sized piece of Hawaiian bread.

His favorites are Hawaiian bread, pie crust, and glazed donuts, in that order, but he will also eat pizza crust, crackers, and Pop Tarts.  Basically, there’s not a bread product he doesn’t like.

If he gets hold of something tasty sometimes he won’t just turn loose of it.  He will hang on, like a dog playing tug-o’-war.

And he’s figured out how to open drawers, meaning we had to move all the cat treats into a cabinet until we get a baby lock for the drawer.

He sleeps pretty hard sometimes. Check this out:

3

When I was a teenager, a family friend brought back a cutting from a Brunswick fig tree in Sicily (where my grandfather is from). My dad planted it, but he’s a toxic person, and he never managed to get it to really grow. When my dad left us my senior year of high school, I took over caring for it. I moved it to a new location, fertilized it, loved it, and it flourished.

Then one day, I woke up to find it utterly mutilated. Every branch torn off, the trunk shredded straight down to the Earth. I still have no idea who did it, or why, but I cried a lot over my tree. I prayed for it to come back to me.

Then, I noticed something–it was reblooming from the shredded stump. New sprouts sprung up from the ground, and it started branching off into a whole new plant. Its new incarnation, which I dubbed a “fig bush,” since it didn’t look much like a tree anymore, was so fruitful I didn’t even know what to do with it. My toddler ate figs every day. We spent many afternoons underneath its spotty canopy, basking in its beauty.

Eventually, the property it was planted on got sold. The new owners tore it out by the roots. It would never grow again. But it remains in my heart as the representation of how you can recover from any tragedy so long as you are rooted in love.

I don’t think I understand the problem my companions today had with harvesting young shriekers. Two of them exclaim that veal is one of their favorite things to eat, yet they have trouble with my harvesting of a plant creature with no actual intelligence. Baffling. Of course all of them ate the dish when it was finished.

Stuffed Shrieker

Ingredients:

- Fourteen small-sized, or new growth shriekers
- 1 tbsp oil
- 1 lb ground pork
- ¼ cup onion, minced
- 1 clove of garlic, minced
- 1 cup of dried bread cubes
- 4 tbsp mayonaisse
- 1 tsp black pepper
- 1 tsp salt
- 1/3 cup mozzarella cheese
- 1 tbsp chopped parsley

Directions:

Clean the shriekers thoroughly, and remove their caps from their stems. The stems, can now be chopped into fine pieces. If the caps aren’t domed, hollow them out with a spoon. Otherwise lay them hollow-up on baking sheet.
Pour the oil into a pan over a medium flame stove, and add in the pork, mushroom stems, onion, garlic, salt, and pepper. Cook thoroughly, then allow to cool off of the heat.
Mix meat with bread cubes, mayonnaise, and cheese. Spoon onto the shrieker caps, and bake in a high-flame oven for 20 - 25 minutes. Top with parsley and additional cheese if liked.

Imagine cuddling with Poe after an argument

Requested by Anonymous: Heyy if you are down for Poe (and not one of those writers who is totally sick of him) can I get a reader x Poe fight based off the thing Leia said where Poe’s commitment to the resistance is absolute, she just wonders what it will cost him? And Poe leaves to go on a mission with them still not talking…but he comes back and finds reader in his room curled up in a ball wearing one of his shirts and he just becomes a cuddle ball of sappiness? Thank you dear for considering :)

           Author’s Note: I’ve had a really hard week, so this was so comforting and nice to write. Hope you all love it!


           Hot tears prick at your eyes, vision blurring as you take in the man’s face before you. His warm brown eyes that once brought you comfort and solace now only bear sadness and shame which pierces through your heart like a knife.

           It had been a long morning for both you and your boyfriend of six months, Poe Dameron. After he received information during breakfast for a dangerous mission to a First Order outpost, the two of you had gone back to his quarters, where your mind had begun to wander, picturing all the horrible accidents he could get himself into. Images flashed through your mind of his broken, scorched flesh within his X-Wing, and you couldn’t help but remember Leia’s words stating that his commitment to the Resistance is binding and absolute.

           “Poe,” you whisper, choking back tears as he pulls his orange flight suit over his clothes. “Please, you don’t have to do this.”

           “But I do, Y/N,” he replies, furrowing his eyebrows and shaking his head. “You know that I can’t abandon the Resistance. I am a leader here; there are so many people who are depending on me and look up to me.”

           “But at what cost?” another tear slides down your cheek, and you force yourself to plant your feet into the ground, so as to not rush into his embrace. “I know it’s only been six months, but I can’t bear to lose you. You’re my best friend, and I love you. Every time you leave on a mission with BeeBee-Ate, I feel like it’s the last time I’ll ever see you. I can’t live like this, Poe.”

           “Y/N,” he strides towards you, cupping your cheek in his hand, before you flinch away from his touch. “I am doing this to protect you. If there is any hope of us living free together, in the future, then I have to help go against the tyranny of the First Order. I want to be with you, I truly do, but I want us to be free from the danger which surrounds us both.”

           You shake your head, pondering his words. “But does it have to be this way all the time? I hardly get to see you anymore, because you’re always gone! How can this work if you’re off saving the galaxy every day and come home to me once or twice a week at most?”

           This seems to strike a nerve inside of Poe, and he stiffens noticeably. “I can’t just abandon my post, Y/N. As much as I care about you, the only way this will ever work is if we stick through this. If you really cared about me, you would know that the Resistance is an important part in my life- heck, it is my life! If you can’t accept that, then there is no point in making this relationship work.”

           You stumble backwards, shock as hurt seeping into your heart as his words sink in. “Are… are you breaking up with me?

           “I might be,” Poe mutters, zipping up his orange flight suit. “It depends on how much you want this to work between us.”

           Before you can reply, BB-8 rolls into the room, beeping to you sympathetically. Although you can’t understand what the droid is trying to tell you, seeing him seems to twist the knife inside your heart, and you force yourself to blink back tears. As your body begins to tremble, the small orange and white droid turns to Poe, beeping out something unintelligible.

           “I have to go,” the young man explains, grabbing his belongings and not meeting your eyes. “You can show yourself out.”

           And with those words, he is gone.

           A chasm seems to crack open inside of you, and suddenly you crumple to the floor, choking on your sobs as you replay the scene in your mind, over and over. How could he ever want someone like you in the first place? All you did was cause drama where there shouldn’t be. What could you possibly have to offer that he would actually want you? Deep down, you knew that you were a fool to ever think this could ever work between the two of you. Perhaps this was better- a clean break from everything you two had shared.

           But something inside you refused to believe that things were over this quickly. You loved Poe, truly, deeply. He was your best friend, your confident, your soulmate. He had helped you become a better, kinder, more sympathetic person throughout the past six months. The two of you had shared laughter, heartache, and unforgettable memories together. It couldn’t possibly be the end for you two, even if it wasn’t the perfect relationship.

           Slowly, still choking back tears, you rise to your feet and make your way towards the small sofa against the far wall. Here, in this very spot, you and Poe had shared your first kiss, as well as spent numerous nights holding each other through all the difficult times you had faced. Draped across the worn, black fabric was an article of clothing which had become all too familiar to you. Poe’s favorite brown leather jacket, which had been stretched and conformed to his muscled frame over the years of donning it.

           Gingerly picking it up, you raise the coat towards your nose, and inhale the warm, familiar scent of leather, motor oil, and Poe Dameron. The impact of the fragrance makes you dizzy for a moment, before washing over you comfortingly. Tears begin to slide down your cheeks yet again, and you bury your face into the soft folds of the jacket. Before you can stop yourself, you slip the coat around your shoulders and curl up on the couch, allowing the perfume of the love you had shared to overpower your senses. Closing your eyes, you allow yourself to sniffle quietly, until your world fades into darkness and oblivion.


           Hours later, you awake with a start as the door to the room slides open. As the previous events which led to you falling asleep on the couch rush back into your mind, a feeling of dread creeps into your gut as you gaze upwards groggily, meeting a pair of familiar brown eyes.

           “Oh my- I am so sor- I was just leaving!” you scramble to a seated position, afraid to meet Poe’s gaze as you shake your head hurriedly.

           “No,” Poe smiles gently, and you blink in surprise as he places his warm hand on your cheek, gently tipping your chin upwards to meet his warm dark eyes as he squats downwards to face you. “Stay with me, please.”

The words slip out of your mouth in a hurried rush of their own accord. “Poe, I am so sorry for everything I said to you before. I love you so much, and I want to make this work between us. I don’t know what got into me back there, and I-”

You are interrupted as his soft lips press against yours, and you close your eyes, feeling warm and pleasant. Gingerly cupping his face in your hands, you deepen the kiss, before pulling away slowly.

“My jacket!” Poe chuckles, taking in your appearance.

A blush creeps into your cheeks. “I… um… it was comforting to have a piece of you with me, while you were gone, and I couldn’t help it. Here, you can have it-”

“No,” he laughs, tracing your jaw with his thumb. “I like it on you. It suits you.” With a warm smile, Poe takes a seat on the couch beside you, wrapping an arm around you and kissing your forehead.

“I love you so incredibly much,” you lean into his solid, warm frame. “I don’t know what I would possibly do without you in my life, and I believe that we can make it through this together.”

Lacing his fingers into your hair, Poe gently presses his lips to yours yet again, and you feel your head spin with contentment.

Tests

Originally posted by markinganx


Tests

Hank McCoy x reader

Warnings: none?

“This is amazing (y/n), you are amazing”, Hank said as he looked up from his computer.

Hank had asked you earlier today if he could run some test on you. You, of course, said yes because you had a major crush on the scientist and you wanted to find out how powerful you are anyway. Your powers were the ability to stop and fast forward time or rewind time, which made you one of the most powerful people in the school next to Jean Grey.

“You really think so,” you said as you held up a picture of you with a dinosaur.

“Yes, I’ve never seen anything like it. You may be up to a class three or four mutant, close to the professor’s power level.” You smiled as you started to walk over toward Hank who wasn’t paying attention.

“Is there any more test you need to run,” you asked as you placed a hand onto Hanks’ shoulder which made his head turn.

You smiled at him and he smiled back and cleared his throat, “um no but..” he stuttered.

“But what,” you asked curiously as you pulled out a stool from under the desk he was at.

“It’s nothing (y/n),” he put his focus back on his computer. You frowned and wished he would have told you what he was going to say.

Rolling your eyes you grabbed Hank’s chair and spun him toward you, “Hey. do you want to go and get some lunch with me? I heard that the food today is good and I know a gorgeous spot to eat outside.”

“I….I would love to (y/n),” you offered him a hand and the two of you, hand in hand, ran toward the lunchroom. You grabbed some of the food and a coke and continued to pull Hank to your destination.

“You don’t need to pull me there you know, I can run,” he said as you were running out on the grass.

“Sorry Hank,” and you let go of his shirts sleeve and you led him toward a large willow tree  with great big branches with long leaves that created a curtain like a shield from the burning sun.

Hank stood there bewildered by the sight of the amazing tree and looked back at you shyly, “This Salix babylonica is amazing I wonder why I have not noticed it before.”

“What?”

“Salix babylonica is the scientific name for the whomping willow (y/n). I went through a stage when I was young I was obsessed with plants and this was my favorite because it allowed me to get away from the bullies when I was young.” There was a long silence and you looked at the ground and you started to feel bad for hank and how he was bullied when he was young.

“Let’s eat.” trying to get your mind off of  the thought. You sat on the grassy ground as the both of you ate and made talk about your abilities and how he would want to meet many famous scientists who have passed away by now. You didn’t even know that it was already five in the afternoon, the both of you have been talking for three hours and that you needed to break from the conversation soon.

You leaned closer toward Hank and smiled at him, “(y/n) what are you doing”

“Something that I have been meaning to do since the day I met you,” you leaned in close enough so that your lips met in a soft kiss. Your hands wrapped around his shoulders and his arms wrapped around you. He broke from the kiss.

“I should have done that earlier (Y/n),” He said giving you a smirk. You smiled and kissed him one last time before retreating into the mansion.

Here’s Carlos’ email back to me just now:

“Cecil, I’ll do my best to answer your questions, but do know that I don’t specialize in botany or dendrology. I am a scientist. I study science, not plants or nature.

“I did drive out past John’s farm a month ago, and there wasn’t a single tree; just acres and acres of rocky, cracked, flat ground. There’s no way he could have grown anything natural on that land, let alone a bountiful orange grove, especially in just a few weeks.

“As far as your other question goes, let’s stay home tonight. We ate out last night. Plus, there’s a new documentary about scatterplot matrices on Netflix I’ve been wanting to see. Also, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance is on TBS again. We could re-watch that.

I’ll make pasta, if you can pick up some…”

Uhmm, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, Carlos goes on about weekend bowling plans, y– you know what? You don’t need all this.

OK. I think that’s all he had about the orange trees.

I do hope we watch Liberty Valance, though. Ha! I love that film.

— 

Welcome to Night Vale

Episode 38 - Orange Grove

2

Yesterday, I tried out a recipe my grandma gave me recently and those vegan rissoles turned out amazing! The nutty flavor works wonderful with my toppings of fresh chili, garlic, yellow curry powder, freshly grounded black pepper and creamy white balsamic vinegar. Ate some of them for lunch with spicy tomato sauce and handmade guacamole with lemon, which tastes really delicious, but there are many other ways of eating those beauties. Who wants the recipe? xx Amber