they are staring into my soul

Jimin asks you to be his fake girlfriend pt.2

[pt.1] [pt.2]

Originally posted by chimcheroo

After he had picked me up from my home, we drove to our favourite cafe and took our favourite spot near the back of the building. He told me I looked pretty today, something he would always tell me, but today it felt different. As if he poured his heart and soul into telling me those four words. I excused myself to use the restroom shortly after arriving and as I returned I noticed from afar, the way he smiled staring at his phone. Did I want to go through with this plan of his, just to hear the words he said he was going to tell me today? They say curiosity kills the cat, and here I am standing here waiting to pretend to be my best friend’s fake girlfriend. I didn’t mind so much, on the pure fact that Jimin’s ex wasn’t the nicest - but still he fell for her over and over again and gave her one too many chances, only to have her break his heart all over again. But this time, at least he’s taking the initiative and taking control of the situation this time and not letting her back in to ruin his life. 

But what was it, what was so intriguing about the way he dodged my question to get me to agree and act as if I wanted to kiss him willingly? Don’t get me wrong, Jimin has always been an amazing guy; he’s my best friend and there had been multiple occasions where I’ve wanted to grab his cheeks and kiss him, and when we were younger we had kissed before, but as time passed and the whole ordeal with his ex girlfriend, those feelings seem to have faded. Every time I told him that she was no good, he would cry and tell me that she made a mistake again, and that he feels bad because she’s crying over him. So he would take her back. What made him change his mind this time? Not that it’s not a good thing of course, but there must be a strong desire from him to make him not care about that crying bitch. 

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Weekend lovers.

We’ve only had a few moments together. Three days to be exact. I can remember most of it if I think really hard. The one reminder of our short affair that sticks out the most to me you probably already forgot. We were on your bed and it was late, you’re so close to me I can feel the breath of you exhaling on my cheek. Darkness covers my eyes, but my soul can see everything in front of me. I’m feeling things I shouldn’t. I hear the shuffle of your hand move from my lower back. Anxiety tenses my body again, only to be melted away when your thumb strokes my jawbone. I inhale deeply, and as I release the breath I was holding your face comes closer to mine. When you kiss my hairline my eyes flutter open just to make sure I’m not dreaming. I close them shut quickly before you catch me staring at you. The only sounds I heard were the electric fan and my heart. I wonder if you were counting how many times my heart danced around my brain. I wonder if you could hear my thoughts of fear and bliss having a bloody war in my head. I wonder if you were having your own war. Was it you vs. your ego, or you vs. the walls that were starting to crumble?

2

I DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN.

I was so nervous so I say to him and i show him a pose of an eskimo kiss and the handler said he cant touch noses and im like thats fine. The handler shows my phone with the pose and jensen understood and without hesitation he stares right into my soul. His eyes are so green i couldn’t help but smile or i was so nervous i wanted to laugh but It was so worth it. Then i asked for a hug and he said of course. He then patted my back ❤️.

As I quietly descend deeper into madness, face pale, eyes wide and awed with fright and horror, staring into the darkest void from which no person has ever gazed upon and remained with their sanity entact, I mutter gently under my breath as the void pierces through my earthly shell and directly into my fragile soul: fuck you ghost house

My bard after discovering one horrible artwork after another which my party keeps mistaken for innocent, joyful pieces

I’m retiring this blog. I don’t know if I’m going to delete it yet, but it’s time to hang it up.

Going from a soul sucking, anxiety inducing joke of a job, to breaking my ankle, to starting a new series of antidepressants has left me devoid of any type of creative energy. I open Sai, stare at a canvas, unable to do anything. I haven’t been able to work on any sort of project for weeks going on months. And I give up. Maybe I’ll be able to start drawing again in the future, but it’s not going to be on this blog. Bye.

4

i love the third years

you didn’t ask for playlists but here

all are from { my spotify }

dancing around the room with wet hair and mismatched socks

these songs give me unrealistic expectations for my first date and I’m kinda okay with that

rain is when the clouds cry and my soul wants to sing

that one person who sits in the corner brooding listens to this as they stare at everyone

let’s sneak out on the roof just to stare at the stars while the wind blows around us

you really don’t want to talk to me if this is playing

it’s dark and we’re running through dimly lit streets, sitting and staring and not caring and feeling too much

when everyone leaves and it’s just me alone at night on my bed with my laptop

never been in a relationship but I made a breakup playlist anyway

there’s a stillness about the night that’s extremely calming