I ate lasagna for a trip to Fairyland
So I’ve just realised that I never told you about the time my parents conned me into being the perfect daughter by pretending that a group of fairies lived behind my bookcase for an entire year, and they kept up this devious ploy by dedicating themselves to a world-building scheme so intricate that it would rival Tolkien, and writing letters purporting to be from the ‘rose fairies’ and leaving them behind the bookcase
and loads of the notes were basically just fairy-speak for ‘tidy your damn room’
(Text says: Dear Anwen, thank you for your lovely note. We couldn’t write back earlier because Bimbo has been in your room all day and we’re scared of him. We are rose fairies so we love living in such a beautiful pink bedroom - even if it is a little untidy sometimes! Love the fairies xx)
(Text says: Dear Anwen, thank you for the beautiful gold tinsel. We have used it to decorate our dresses. You will be able to see them when we all go to the Daisy Fairies tomorrow night. We will come and pick you up at midnight. Lots of love, the Rose Fairies. PS your room is very untidy at the moment. We will have trouble coming to get you if you don’t tidy it!)
And sometimes they basically said ‘eat your damn greens’, or ‘why did you like lasagna last week and now would rather eat soil?’:
(Text says: Dear Anwen, I love sweet things too. I also like cucumber and lettuce do you? Be good and write soon. Love Isaria)
(Text says: ‘Dear Anwen, I do like spag bog. I also like lasagna and chicken pie do you? I always try to eat my dinner all up. Love Tiffy)
And they constructed this entire world in which there were hundreds of different kinds of fairies, all named after flowers, including the Daisy fairies and the Foxglove fairies, and presumably the Japanese Knotweed fairies. The Rose fairies would come at midnight, when I was asleep, and whisk me away to Fairyland with all of my favourite toys, who would come to life, like some kind of diet Toy Story. Fairyland was ruled by a queen named Aromia, who honestly should lend her name to a brand of air freshener, and all the fairies behind my bookshelf had names, including my ‘personal fairy’, who was a bit like a fairy godmother except totally useless.
Some examples of my parents’ incredible world building dedication:
(Text says: Dear Anwen, we’ve left you the key to the Fairyland palace. Keep it very safe and don’t lose it! Use it when you come to see us next time in Fairyland. You left us two little baby fairies. Be a good girl and tidy your room! Lots of love, the Rose Fairies)
(Text says: Dear Anwen, what nice new furniture you’ve got now. Your bedroom looks very smart. You are a very lucky girl to have such a beautiful room. Our names are: Isaria, your fairy; Maura, Tallia, Aria, Staria, Dixie, Millie, Razia, Maris, Jay, Essa, Meera, Tima, Pico, Saron, Vetie, Tiffy, Miron, Lattie, Lutim. See you soon, love the Rose Fairies)
(Text says: Dear Anwen, we’re about 6-7 of your years old. Fairy years are different. We’re about 160-170 fairy years old. Love the Rose fairies)
But also, they would give me advice on problems that I was having at school, being an 8 year old with such terrible issues as ‘I have two best friends’:
(Text says: Dear Anwen, why can’t you have two best friends? It’s not fair to expect you to choose between them. Perhaps if you tell them that they’ll understand. You should tell them that they’re both your best friends. Love the Rose Fairies)
And this went on until I realised that it was MY MUM’S HANDWRITING, which coincidentally was also the same as Father Christmas’ handwriting and the Tooth Fairy’s handwriting, but that was honestly a step too far for my 8 year old mind, because I couldn’t lose that damn much. Not the Tooth Fairy too. God, the Rose fairies were enough of a sacrifice. I couldn’t bleed myself dry.
My room was never tidier than it was that year and I have never been more embarrassed than when I found all these letters last month and realised what a fucking gullible nerd I was when I was 8. Aromia would be so disappointed.