things my cousin (who used to go to catholic boarding school) said while watching bare: a pop opera

*obviously there’s gonna be spoilers you’ve been warned*
Epiphany- “Ew flashbacks- wait so his favorite flavor of popsicle is d-d-d-d-dick”
You and I- “Stranger danger and odd euphemisms”
Role of a Lifetime- “Protect my child”
Auditions- “and they all think he’s heterosexual?”
Plain Jane Fat Ass- “ME BITCH”
Wonderland- “ayy kids wanna buy some drugs”
A Quiet Night At Home- “Protect my other child”
Best Kept Secret- “*just crying*”
Confession- “if this bitch spills the tea”
Portrait of a Girl- “see don’t slut shame”
Birthday, Bitch!- “I’m just gonna sing this to you on your birthday while everyone else is singing happy birthday”
Are You There- “he already fuckin knew”
911! Emergency!- “come out come out wherever you are”
Reputation Stain’d- “….daaaaamn”
Ever After- “We gotta write a fairytale with gay heroes. That’s it. It’s our life goal.”
One- “can you believe? i cannot- just- the audacity…”
Act Two
Wedding Bells- “Let’s stop it here look they got married there’s that ever after.”
In The Hallway- “woah lotta things”
Touch My Soul- “is this another weird euphemism”
See Me- “him gay”
Warning- “‘am i supposed to feel sorry for her…cause i don’t’”
Pilgrim’s Hands- “YEE MA BOIS”
God Don’t Make No Trash- “it’s me when you came out to me”
All Grown Up- “use protection, kids”
Promise- “shit. is. going. DOWN.”
Cross- “man fuck off he can be gay”
Two Households- “this is fucking me up”
Bare- “wait this is too cute to end well”
Queen Mab- “is he good”
A Glooming Peace- “NO HE’S NOT”
Absolution- “he’s fine. he’s fine. he’s fine. no he’s not damn it.”
No Voice- “i’m a broken woman”

Castle 8x05

- Castle telling Mia that the world is a better place with her running around in it (good kill)

-Beckett asking to pick up her stuff (bad kill)

-Esposito passing the exam (good)

-Ryan not passing (bad)

-Mia loving Martha (good)

-Mia’s monologue about Caskett’s love (good)

-Ass-Posito (nuf said)

-Ryan smacking his ass in the precinct (nuf said)

-Beckett still being surprised that Castle got into their investigation (come on)

-Hayley’s back(good)

-The Sniff perp walk (Mia’s face)

-Beckett Hayley interrogation (bad ass)

-“Desperate times call for desperate measures” (damn)

-Caskett theory/foreplay building (now take it to the bedroom)

- Esposito needs a new pair of “trousers” (aww)

-Hayley calling Castle (she knows how to get it done)

-Castle taking Mia with him to find the car (adventures she will tell people one day)

-The guy with the phone’s (sitcom moment)

-Mia and Castle capturing Liam in the trunk of his own car (got yo ass)

-Castle amd Mia joking around with Ryan and Espo (“Cause we’re awesome and you guys suck”)

-Ryan pulling out his dad voice on Liam (“That’s it sit down! Sit down right now!)

-"Restaurant food? HELL no” (I love her)

-“You’re my ride Castle. Come on. ” (still love her)

-POWER OF THEATRE (thespians unite!)
-Castle/Lucy/Mia take down (Not the money maker!)

- Beckett’s slight pause before going in the loft (just come home!)

-“Then its up to us” (yes. Yes it is.)

-Mandatory Therapy (You gon learn today)

-Paper Flowers for Mia (how cute!)

-Beckett smelling Castle’ s shirt and vice versa (which under normal circumstances would be weird but considering their main witness, totally understandable)

-Beckett leaving her NYPD shirt behind (she’ll be back)

-THREE WEEKS?!?!?!?!! WTF?! (BAD kill)