these-lights-are-killing-me

Snooze.

More Grillster! Ref used for the skeleton hand and the pose (I forgot to add that earlier ahh I’m such a dumb.)

Yes he sleeps with the robe on; he feels strange whenever it’s not on him. Grillby was super fun to color, and since he’s OT Grillby it allowed me to go crazy with his colors and the space effects. Lighting killed me as usual.

Someone asked me if I RP my Gaster the other day, but I only write him with one person. I worry that he’s too uh.. flashy.. to be taken seriously by a lot of people ahaha;; and people chew up AU characters so much I’m kind of nervous to write him anywhere other than in familiar company. 

cigarettes
remind me

of ex lovers
with red lips
stained around the filter
blowing kisses
into my chest

of dead friends
with smiling eyes
in the middle of a field
while her favorite song
plays for her

and despite this
i cannot resist the urge to light up
if cancer doesn’t kill me
the memories
of what i can never get back 
will
—  maybe i’m okay with that 🚬
(cc, 2017) 
My body missed the bruises from the fall. From crashing to the ground in the fits of anger and love. I loved and loathed you all at once; unable to understand how similar we were. You were the sunny days to my dark nights, reminding me that there was more than what meets the eye. In my darkness, you were the light that slowly killed me. Creeping toward me until the sunrise appeared, I disappeared in the brightness of the sun.
Depression (MGG)

Request: 

Ok. Well the reader (you can name her or whatever) has depression issues and one day feels really down and suicidal calls Matthew while he’s filming and he doesn’t answer. They are just friends and he doesn’t know about the depression. Anyways when he doesn’t answer she desides to try and kill herself. She leaves him a voicemail saying she loves him and she’s gonna hurt herself  But he saves her just in time.

Warnings: depression, mentions of suicide (Not edited) 

A/N: If you ever feel depressed or are having suicidal thoughts I highly recommend confiding in someone and have someone help. I am also here to talk if you need it. 

your pov:

The walls were closing in around me. The sick feeling in my stomach became more prominent and deep. My heart was beating hard making it course throughout my body. I felt there was no way out. No way on how to ever deal with the deep pain. The chemically imbalance in my brain was getting too much. Making me feel like if I were gone, it’d be better. If i weren’t here to suffer anymore then it’d be better. As I sat at home I felt my heart breaking bit by bit making me sadder and sadder. Feeling the loneliness and the worthlessness my mind as possessed as normal. 

The hot tears rolled down my burning red face, “I-I know you’re filming today but um everything has gotten a bit too much. I don’t really know what to do anymore. I just feel like if I were gone it’d be better. I love you so much. I didn’t ever tell you before but I just uh I need to go I hope you can someday forgive me. I love you.” My body felt numb. I felt weak. My head pounded feeling the effects of the hard crying. I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself splashing the water on my face trying to debate about whether it was a good idea to do this or not. I opened the bottle of medicine downing all of them. I waited for the effects to take over my body laying on my bed. I continued to cry until I felt the high of all the drugs. I closed my eyes and drifted into the heavy sleep. 

his pov:

My body tensed up and my mind was clouded with confusion. Was she drunk? I didn’t understand her upset state of mind. She always had been so happy and never sad. I decided it’d be best if I had gone and checked on her. She wasn’t answering her phone and I’d be lying to say I wasn’t worried about her. The message pulled strings of my heart. To hear her crying made me upset. I drove as fast as I could to her apartment trying to make sense of what she was talking about. Could she be depressed? Why didn’t she tell me? I thought we were best friends? All the thoughts swirled in my mind. I loved her too but how was I supposed to tell her that now? 

I parked and quickly got out of the car not even caring if my car was locked or not. My heart pounded into my chest as I rode impatiently up the elevator. As I approached her apartment I felt something wrong. My stomach twisted. I pulled out the key she once gave me in case I ever needed a place to crash. She was so caring and thoughtful like that. I brought my shaky hands up the the key hole and unlocked the door. I slowly entered and walked into the eerie dark hallway. “Y/N? Are you here? I got your voicemail. I want to talk.” I said looking around her tidy apartment, switching on a light. I walked closer to her bedroom seeing her body laid on the bed. “Y/N? Wake up.” I said walking to her side, placing my hands on her shoulder. “Y/N come on this isn’t funny wake up.” I said louder shaking her shoulder. “No, no, no, no Y/N please wake up.” I said, my voice cracking. “Where’s my phone” I said sniffing searching my pockets and body. Fuck it. I went and I grabbed her apartment landline. “911 operator what’s the nature of your emergency?” The operator asked. “My girlfriend, my friend she’s trying to kill herself. She she isn’t moving or waking up please just hurry.” I said starting to cry. “Okay sir where is your address.” I wiped my nose on the back of my hand. “1201 Arrow Lane the Arrow Apartments. I’ll wait outside with her please hurry.” “Okay sir and what’s your name?” I groaned. “Why do you keep asking me questions just fucking get here her life is leaving her body and I will never fucking get to tell her that I love her so please just get here.” I said hanging up the phone, going back to her lifeless body. I lifted her body in my arms letting my tears free fall. I tucked her head into my neck patting her hair. “I’m so sorry Y/N. I should’ve know. Baby I’m so sorry.” I said through my sobs. I didn’t care about any of the stares people were giving me. I heard the faint sounds of the ambulance. “Are you the one who called about the suicide attempt?” I nodded my head letting them bring out the gurney placing her softly on the stretcher. The checked for a pulse in her neck telling me there is still a faint beat. I was hopeful. 

your pov:

My body felt heavy and numb. I tried to open my eyes but something weighed them down. I heard the faint beeping of the heart monitor. “Look who’s up.” The doctor said as I opened my eyes slightly. I coughed and squinted my eyes. “Can you turn the lights off my head is killing me.” He laughed softly. “I will when I leave. How are you feeling?” He asked me flashing a flashlight in my eyes. “I feel like I’ve been hit my a truck.” I said weakly. I tried to set myself up when I winced at the pain of my head. “Easy there. You are going to need to rest. I’ll go get your boyfriend.” He said walking towards the door. “Boyfriend?” I questioned him. “Yeah? The tall man with brown hair?” I blushed at the embarrassing message that I left him. “Oh, he’s not my boyfriend.” He nodded and walked out of the room shutting off the light. I laid back in bed and closed my eyes. “Are you okay?” I heard a timid voice from the door say. I opened my eyes and looked to see Matthew. I bit my lip and flushed in embarrassment. “Uh I guess?” I pondered. He sniffed and tucked his hair behind his ears walking slowly to my side. “Why didn’t you tell me Y/N?” He whispered. “Matthew you couldn’t have helped me. “No but I could’ve gotten you help.” He said sniffling. “Come on Matthew place don’t cry.” I said offering my hand out to him. He say down in the chair beside the bed and held my hand to his cheek. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to tell you.” He said letting the stray tears fall. I furrowed my eyebrows and tilted my head. “What do you mean?” I asked confused. He stared at my broken face making me feel vulnerable and shy. I turned away from his gaze, looking down at my lap. I felt his hands wrap around mine moving them to his lips letting them linger over the back of my hand. “I love you too.” My head turned to him shocked. “I love you. And I don’t care if you are mentally ill I’ll help you Y/N. I love you and I want to be with you. Just please let me get you help. I’ll work on it with you too.” He said pleading, holding my hand to his chest. I slowly nodded my head and let the few tears go myself. “Okay.” 

1000 FORMS OF FEAR sentence meme. change pronouns if and when necessary! warnings: allusions to murder. animal death. drugs. drinking. nsfw.

“ache for love.”
“ache for us.”
“another one bites the dust.”
“big girls cry when their hearts are breaking.”
“burn me.”
“don’t leave me, stay here and frighten me.”
“don’t lock me up.”
“don’t you want to free us?”
“emancipate me.”
“for a good time, call.”
“feel the acid rain.”
“free the animal.”
“give me all you got, give me your wallet and your watch.”
“hurt me.”
“i’ll hold steady.”
“i’ll hold you in my arms.”
“i’ll take you on.”
“i’m a criminal in these parts.”
“i’m at home, on my own.”
“i’m burning alive.”
“i’m doing everything i can.”
“i’m gonna fly like a bird through the night.”
“i’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist.”
“i’m holding on for dear life.”
“i’m in pain.”
“i’m just holding on for tonight.”
“i’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard.”
“i’m stealing time.”
“i’m still fighting for peace.”
“i’ve always had the upper hand.”
“i’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart.”
“i’ve got to run from this.”
“i can barely breathe.”
“i don’t care if i don’t look pretty.”
“i feel the love.”
“i got all i need.”
“i know that i can survive.”
“i know that we could make some love.”
“i love you so.”
“i may cry.”
“i may snap.”
“i might have thought that we were one.”
“i move fast.”
“i walked through fire to save my life.”
“i want my life so bad.”
“i want to burn with you tonight.”
“i want to play a fair game.”
“i want to throw you from the roof.”
“i wanted it and i wanted it bad.”
“i wanted to fight this war without weapons.”
“i will squeeze you tight until you take your last breath.”
“i will stay up through the night.”
“i won’t close my eyes.”
“i won’t let the terror in.”
“i won’t make it through tonight.”
“if i move on, i admit you’re gone and i’m not ready.”
“if your goal was to love, you scored an epic miss.”
“it all begins with just one kiss.”
“it might be too sharp.”
“it’s dangerous to fall in love.”
“it’s hard to lose a chosen one.”
“it’s lonely at the top.”
“just blow me up or run me down or cut my throat.”
“keep my glass full until morning light.”
“kill me like an animal.”
“kill me with your loving.”
“let’s be clear, trust no one.”
“look at me– i’m such a basket case.”
“look at what you’ve done to me.”
“murder me.”
“no time for games.”
“no time for hate.”
“no time for love.”
“party girls don’t get hurt.”
“place your past into a book, burn the pages.”
“pour acid rain on me.”
“put me in cuffs.”
“smile through the pain.”
“strike the match.”
“take me down.”
“the pleasure’s pain and fire.”
“the secret life of us keeps me in handcuffs.”
“there were so many red flags.”
“there’s two of us.”
“they weigh me down.”
“this love immortal is an assassin’s delight.”
“this prison is rough but i can’t enough.”
“this secret burns but i’m imprisoned.”
“we were meant for one another.”
“we’re a perfect match, somehow.”
“we’re bristling with desire.”
“we’re letting go tonight!”
“while i fall apart, you’ll hide all my pills again.”
“why can i not conquer love?”
“why don’t you come a little closer?”
“you are the cop and i’m on the run.”
“you bring me to life then you shut me out.”
“you covered my heart in kisses.”
“you did not break me.”
“you keep me silent when i should shout.”
“you make me come.”
“you make me cry.”
“you saw your chance to kill.”
“you take your chances when you kiss the hitman.”
“you went straight for the knife, and i prepared to die.”
“you won’t see me fall apart.”
“your melody is an art.”
“you’re locked inside my heart.”
“you’re twisted up like a slipknot.”

I Don't Love You: 3

A/N: So, here is the third installment of what was originally a oneshot. You can read the second part here and I hope you all enjoy this part, too!
Warnings: Angst, swearing, crying, fluff.


“What did he want?” Steve asked as you sat back down beside him, chewing on your lip. “I think he might be a little jealous.” You confessed, and Steve looked at you with a strange expression on his face. “Why would he be jealous?” He wondered, and you shrugged. “He thinks that I’m going to try and sleep with you for some sort of revenge.” You told him honestly, and he shook his head slowly. “And he apparently has a surprise for me that involves me meeting him in his room in ten minutes.” You continued, and Steve let out a long sigh. “Y/N… you know he doesn’t deserve you, don’t you?” He asked softly, and you let out a sad chuckle as you pushed your hair back. “I just can’t help but wonder what went wrong..” You whispered, and you suddenly felt Steve’s arm wrap around your shoulders.

“Why do you assume it was something you did, doll?” You could feel tears stinging the back of your eyes and you took in a shuddering breath. “It has to be something I did, right? Why wasn’t I enough for him?” You asked, your voice breaking. Steve’s grip on you tightened as he pulled you into his chest, his lips pressing to the top of your head. “And when I left, I thought I could just forget, move on.. but I wasn’t who I wanted to be, without him. I was a fucking zombie, Steve. I-I agreed to marry someone on a whim because I didn’t want to be alone, and then I-I just destroyed him, too.” You admitted, and Steve stayed silent, waiting for you to continue. “Is this what I’m meant for? Constant destruction and heartbreak?” You breathed, and he pressed another kiss to your head.

“I can deal with it, the pain, when I’m around other people.. I’m fine as long as I’m distracted.. I can pretend I’m happy..” you paused, wiping a tear from your cheek. “But when I’m alone, and I turn off the lights.. I swear it could kill me.. I would give anything to just go back in time and fix whatever I did, do whatever I could to be enough.. I’m so tired of sleeping alone, Steve.” You whispered, tears falling from your eyes quickly. “Y/N, doll.” He gripped your chin gently, turning you to face him. His eyes searched yours for what seemed like hours before he spoke. “You deserve to be happy. Really happy. And one day, you’ll be loved like you’ve never known.” His thumb rubbed your cheek tenderly. “I swear to you, you were meant for so much more than this.” He whispered, and you smiled up at him through your tears, placing your hand over his. “What would I do without you, Stevie?” You asked hoarsely.

He let you rest your head on his shoulder for a few moments so you could calm down. You couldn’t deny the way your heart fluttered when he pressed soft kisses to your temple and nuzzled his face into your hair. “I should probably go see what he wanted.” You told him softly, and he nodded reluctantly. You stood slowly, straightening out your sweater. “Y/N?” He asked, and you looked down at his puzzled expression. “If you need me… for anything.. don’t hesitate to come to me, okay?” He told you, and you nodded. “Thanks, Stevie.” You whispered, leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before you turned to head back inside the building.

You took your time walking to Bucky’s room, your heart racing the entire time. What could he have planned for you? Was this some sort of sick ploy to get you in his bed again? Because that definitely wasn’t happening.

When you finally approached his door, you knocked softly, jumping when the door opened almost immediately. “Y/N.” Bucky breathed when he saw you, and you forced a small smile. “Hello.” You whispered. He opened the door further so you could step in, and you had to stifle a gasp when you saw what was in front of you.

He’d laid out dozens of candles around his room, that being the only light inside. There were several vases of roses placed strategically around the room, and you could also smell that he’d been burning incense. He closed the door behind you before coming over to stand in front of you. “What is all of this, Bucky?” You asked him softly, and he smiled shyly. “We never did.. celebrate our anniversary, you know..” he told you, and you felt a pang in your chest. “Bucky.. we.. I don’t want to do this with you.” You whispered, feeling the familiar sensation of tears forming in the back of your eyes. You could see his heart break in his eyes as he stared at you.

“Is this because of Steve?” He asked, his tone harsh, but quiet. You shook your head, wrapping your arms around yourself. “This has nothing to do with Steve. This is about us.” You told him, regretting the words as soon as they left your lips, and hope lit up his eyes. “Us?” He wondered, taking a step towards you. You swallowed, hard, digging your nails into your arms through your sleeves. Just get it over with. “Bucky..” You started, clearing your throat. He was now only mere inches away from you, and you had to close your eyes so you could control yourself.

“I.. I don’t think this is going to work out, like you want it to.” You told him softly. “Y/N..” He started to speak, but you cut him off by holding your index finger up. “Let me get this out, please.” You breathed, and you heard him huff. You opened your eyes, tears shining in them as you looked up at him. “I’m never going to be enough for you, Buck.. and I’ve come to terms with that. It took me a long while to understand it… but I know that’s why you cheated on me. There was something missing, with us, that you found with her..” You told him, and he shook his head, gripping your shoulders as he pulled you closer. “What I did was not your fault, Y/N. I was a fucking idiot, okay? Don’t you dare blame yourself.” He practically growled, and you let out a sad chuckle. “You know, Buck.. you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me..” You breathed, and his eyes softened as he bit into his lip.

You wiped your cheeks quickly, blinking a few times. “I would’ve married you, you know.” You whispered, almost inaudible. You heard him suck in a breath, and then his hands cupped your face, forcing you to look at him. “We can get back to that. We can. I’ll do anything, Y/N, please.” He begged, but you shook your head. “You lost me, babe.” You told him, and he slowly sank to his knees in front of you. “There’s.. there’s nothing I can do..?” He asked you slowly, and you sunk your teeth into your lip as you looked down at him.

You could see the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes, and your heart ached for him. You did love him, so much. All of your feelings were still there, you just weren’t sure what to do with them, now. He gripped your thighs right above your knees as his head fell forward, resting on your hip gently. “Please.. I’m.. I’m so sorry..” he whispered, and you felt a fresh wave of tears hit you as you placed your hand in his hair gently, missing the way it felt between your fingers. “You’ll be okay, Buck..” You told him softly, and he shook his head against you. “I waited an entire year for you.. I can wait a little longer.”

You let out a sigh as he stood up slowly, his hands coming to rest on your shoulders. “I don’t want you to wait for me, Bucky..” You insisted, but he shook his head before resting his forehead against yours. “I love you, Y/N.” You shut your eyes, letting out a shaky breath. “And I know you love me too.” He continued, and you shook your head, “How do you know that?” You wondered, and his hands made their way up your neck, to your jaw. “Because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t let me do this.”

He pressed his lips to yours softly, and you whimpered at the contact before you found yourself melting into it. He was so familiar, so comfortable. Your lips moved against his, your mouth parting open slightly as his tongue swiped across your lower lip. Your hands tangled in his hair, tugging gently as you felt fresh tears fall from your eyes. His left hand moved down to your back, pulling your body closer to his as he continued to kiss you, making you feel lightheaded and your heart swell.

You pushed him away from you after a moment, both of you struggling to catch your breath. “I.. I have to go.” You told him, biting back a sob. “Y/N.” he came towards you, his beautiful eyes shining in the candlelight, but you shook your head, turning and walking out of the room.

You hurried down the hallways to your room, your vision blinded by your tears. Why did he do this to you? Why did you let him do this to you? You were so stupid.

You were so caught up in your own thoughts, stumbling through the dark, that you didn’t even notice someone walking towards you, and you collided with them suddenly. “Y/N?” It was Steve, and as you looked up at him, the dam containing your tears broke. You threw yourself into his arms, sobbing loudly, and he immediately wrapped his arms around you, picking you up. “Shhh.” He soothed as you wrapped your legs tightly around his waist. You heard more footsteps in the hallway, and felt Steve’s muscles tense under you. “Is she okay?” Is was Bucky’s voice that spoke. “Does she look okay, Buck?” Steve asked, his voice as cold as steel. You sniffled, hiding your face in the crook of Steve’s neck. “You know, Buck. I think it might be best if you leave Y/N alone.” Steve spoke again, a warning in his voice as his grip on you tightened.

“I think we both know that isn’t going to happen.”

Originally posted by mrsawkwardseb

Originally posted by stupidteletubbie


TAGS: @dellabellas @girl-next-door-writes @hollycornish @sarahfhealy @imagine-this-motherfucker @maximoff-owned @ackles-got-snackles @heismyhunter