After the apparent popularity of my post on Trolls, I think I’ll do an analysis on Humans now. I’ve noticed that a lot of humans don’t even know a lot about humans.
Humans are a fleshy bipedal species that really like to wear silly symbols on their shirts. Unlike Trolls, they are averse to murder (generally), don’t live in tyrannies (once again, generally), and are more social creatures. They like to get wrapped into petty issues and tend to worry about real-world issues, even after the world blows up. They are the most prevalent of Replayers, mostly due to convenient physiology and mental stability. They usually don’t hold many unnatural abilities like the incredible strength or psychic aptitude of Trolls, the immense potential of Ć̢h̶͟͢͟͝e̛͜r̛̀͢ư̴͠҉͞b̕͘s̵̡̛͝ or anything like that, but they get by through virtue of being a Jack-Of-All, so to speak.
Human Replayers tend to hail from the 2000′s, although there have been some from the 1980′s and 2400′s. Sometimes players from different time periods coexist in a session. Expect time fuckery. Such societies are run by politicians, the most powerful among them being a President. They are more benevolent than the tyrannical Condesce, but usually only because they don’t commit mass murder if you make a meme of them. President is regarded as thew highest you can be, although your Session Leader has a lot more responsibility. The President also has less of a tendency to appear in the game proper, but things can still be weird. Such precense is usually regarded as hilarious.
As for the people within, most are milquetoast. They choose to bide their business and dump their time and efforts in their odd hobbies. Such hobbies vary from Video Games to Imageboards to Coding. Others choose to get more involved in the day-to-day world, striving for justice, peace, and all that jazz. They are insufferable. Replayers of their ilk are even worse, because I have to listen to them for a few more weeks after the meteors come.
When the game comes along, the true colours of humans becomes apparent. The fragile temper, the proud shatter, and the innocent and compassionate become killers and corpses. There’s a bit of poetry for you.
Diversity (and “Pale Humans”)
Humans come in more spades than Trolls usually do. Trolls mostly blend into a sea of signs, blood, and horns. Humans, on the other hand, come in a fashion of shades, hundreds of identities, complex personality. Races, Genders, Sexualities, Religions, Beliefs, Identities, and varying levels of terrible. This is due to that fact that VIRTUALLY EVERYONE hates everyone else for a lot of traits, most of which they can’t control. In this facet, human society resembles Troll society, with Highbloods lording over Lowbloods, and Lowbloods hating Highbloods. Even benefactors. The main difference is that it’s less class-based, and more fluid, cannibalistic, hypocritical. It for this reason that I prefer living in this repeating Hell than the slow, inevitable decay of society.
Among the human tones, there is, of course, a SBURBan phenomenon of humans with an unusual skin tone. For those wondering, this is the usual spectrum of skin tones.
As you can see, even in the lower tones, there’s still hints of pink in them.
The lady on the left is a regular human with a human skin tone. The girl on the right has unnaturally alabaster skin unattainable by humans short of albinism/bleaching/bleaching AND albinism. This type of human is known as “Alabaster”, thanks to the unusual coloration. Other traits of Alabaster humans is impossible/improbable eye colour, and very “plain” features.
If you were to ask me about the Alabaster trait, of which I am one too, I would explain it thusly; Traditional humanoids were found all throughout their globe, and the globe has a lot of hot places and a lot of cold places. This is due to the sun, which, not unlike Alternia, nobody likes. It’s a huge fiery ball that causes cancer. However, early humans had to deal with the beast, and sometimes worship it. In places where there was no snow and it was really hot, humans developed melanin to absorb the rays and stay safe, resulting in a darker hue. Humans that didn’t need to adapt simply didn’t, and thus have pale complexions. However, all Replayers are not normal by any means. We come into the world through Ectobiology. All the regular humans have a tree of lineage, dating back to traditional humans. We don’t. It’s a self-containing loop, most of the time. So these “Alabaster humans” don’t have that tie to all the other humans. Innately apart. They didn’t have to go through the process of adapting to the sun, so they don’t have regular human features. That’s my take on the matter.
As for why regular humans appear, despite also being Ectobiologically created, I will make a hypothesis that needs further testing. Regular humans tend to have family dynamics outside the Trollian “Troll/Lusus/Ancestor” dynamic and the Alabaster “Kid/Guardian” dynamic. This dynamic consists of (usually), Mother&Father, Siblings, Aunts&Uncles, Grandparents, Cousins, and names for all the cousins and children of your cousins and children. So perhaps, this dynamic exists, the Presession child is dropped in by meteor, and, in Ectobiology, the slime is taken from the prospective Parents, who are dropped a child? But this would cause complications with TWO candidates to be the replacement player in a Scratched Session. Perhaps they are raised by an Alabaster Guardian and the two are borne of themselves? Or the oddest possibility, they aren’t created Ectobiologically, but enter the Session anyway? That seems impossible. Will need to interview human Replayers, or even go “hands-on” in the next Presession…
If Presession even comes, that is…
Humans aren’t as strong as Trolls, nor do they have the military training, so they have to be better if they want to survive their session. Oddly enough, this means a lot of Humans are oddballs who get by, Bunny-Eared style. Here’s some traits I’ve noticed in Humans that Trolls and Non-Players don’t exhibit.
SBURBan Intuition: A lot of Seers and Sages (sup), as well as Mages and Witches, and some aspects like Light have the ability, it’s their job, to learn how the game works, and help the team/themselves so they don’t croak. This is normal. What’s not normal is when you’re the Light of Light McSmartPants and the Heir of Void walks in on you shitting yourself about how impossible it is to figure out the obtuse Alchemy system, and he just says “okee i got this” and he just smacks together a hammer and a nokia phone and makes this basically invulnerable hammer like it was no deal. Dude totally cucked me out of my Roleplaying. And then an Imp hit me between the legs. It’s hoofbeast shit..
Unnatural Physical/Mental Capabilities: By this, I mean 13-16 year old kids who are running faster than Olympians, know how to code advanced AI, or are proficient with ~ATH, ^CAKE, or DIS*.
PSI: Not unlike the Psionics capable of Trolls, some humans are capable of PSI, and the strange powers that come with it, such as healing, fire, telekinesis, that stuff. Don’t count on t, however. The amount of players recorded as having PSI is 2%. Out of nearly 2000 Replayers. That’s 40 people. Not to mention Sesions with PSI have a drastically higher chance of involving malicious alien presence.
Owning a Sylladex: Seriously only Players carry those. Then again, I’m a recluse, and I really only talk to Replayers. And even then, only when I have to.
Esoteric Browsers: Most Replayers tend to have really weird browsers that nobody else uses or has even heard of it. This is, as usual, extremely significant. The name of your dumb browser is going to be the name of your Denizen. Also, please, don’t make any connection between your browser’s dysfunction and your Denizen. First, it’s stupid to argue that a magic monster corrupted your files, and Second, your Denizen will harangue you for it endlessly.
Random Useless Statistics and Facts
30% of Replayers Humans are Alabaster.
2% have the ability of PSI.
10% are Religious in some way. The other 80% is entirely composed of Fedorathiests. (I am the 1%).
This part is tricky for Trolls, so hang in while I explain. Humans are traditionally Heterosexual, mating and reproducing with the opposite sex. However, a fair portion of overall humans and a sizable portion of the the Replayernet is not Heterosexual, and are what is known as “LGBT”. I don’t like comparing it to breaking out of quadrants because Society is dead, but that’s an apt comparison for now.
That said, I have not researched how many Replayers are LGBT because I don’t want to, it’s always annoying.
4% swear Pacifism ever since SBURB, which translates to about 80 coffins.
40% practice or believe in the supernatural.
Humans have the most trouble operating ~ATH, but have minimal problems with ^CAKE.
Humans tend to make intelligent robots while Trolls make stronger ones. The intelligent robots don’t like getting smooched though.
Humans are a combination of Jack-of-All and Bunny Ears Lawyer, and while deeply flawed, they make up for it by being trained in the most unusual of hobbies, and holding out a lot of hope. I spoke ill of Humans a lot here, but it was mostly out of pent-up anger. And starvation madness. A lot of starvation madness… But still, you have to look on the light side of bad situations, and humans really excel at doing that.
Summary: Beware the women of the warrior class for all they touched was both beautiful and deadly
Pairing: mentions of NaruHina/Sunshine Family, mainly Hinata-centric.
AN: I saw this too late yesterday to submit this on time but I wanted to contribute something anyway! Written in support of tachipaws‘ #supporthinatasknitting. (Also extra bonus points if anyone can catch where I referenced the quote in the summary from!) Enjoy! (Also on ff.net.)
There was a common saying in court, to beware the women of the warrior class for all they touched was both beautiful and deadly.