these two are determined to kill me

There was a little girl in church, about 5, and her parents obviously let her get dressed herself that day because she came waddling in with the puffiest coat on in the summer in North Carolina. She comes and sits in the pew in front of us. 15 minutes into mass she turns around and hands my husand an orange. Her parents are mortified.


“Savannah not again!” They scold! (Again kills me)


They appologize and she turns back around. A few moments later she goes to hand me an orange but her parents grab it from her before she can.


Savannah is determined. She reaches her tiny fists into her puffy coat and pulls out two more ornages. She begins to distribute them. Her parents are now beat red and in shock. There is no stopping small Savannah now.


This small child proceeds to laugh a laugh I can only call maniacal (in a Catholic church) unzip the inner line of her coat and releases what had to have been 20-30 of those little kid oranges into the pews.


WE EAT Savannah yells cackeling


The priest can no longer contain his glee

The entire church is dying with laughter


She felt like Jesus on the moutian with the baskets of fish that day I’m sure.


Children are amazing.

GAME GRUMPS SENTENCE STARTERS. 

  • ❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞
  • ❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞
  • ❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞
  • ❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞
  • ❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞
  • ❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞
  • ❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞
  • ❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 
  • ❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞
  • ❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞
  • ❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞
  • ❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞
  • ❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞
  • ❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞
  • ❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞
  • ❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞
  • ❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS.
  • ❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞
  • ❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞
  • ❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞
  • ❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞
  • ❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞
  • ❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞
  • ❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞
  • ❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞
  • ❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞
  • ❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 
  • ❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 
  • ❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞
  • ❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 
  • ❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 
  • ❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 
  • ❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞
  • ❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞
  • ❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 
  • ❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞
  • ❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 
  • ❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞
  • ❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 
  • ❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞
  • ❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞
  • ❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   
  • ❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞
  • ❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 
  • ❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 
  • ❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞
  • ❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞
  • ❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 
  • ❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞
Park Chanyeol//The Rhythm of Hate - Part 2

Summary: You hate each other, even though you’re soulmates. You try and stay away from each other, but a shared course and a project is determined to keep you two facing off. (Part 1/Part 2)
Scenario: Soulmate!AU, college!AU
Word Count: 6,726

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(Unfortunately our consistent party tends to be just three people: myself, my husband, and a friend of ours. When I’m DM, I’m almost constantly caught off guard by the things my players do. Even when I go out of my way to try and come up with every possible thing they could do, they manage to do something unexpected. Here’s a few examples…)

Bear Hunting

(Story is an elven man is a mentor to a young human boy. His parents died under mysterious circumstances; everyone believes a bear killed his parents. After some investigating, it was determined that the elven man killed both parents with arrows to the heart, on account of they were going to sell their son into slavery. This follows.)

Husband: I let the elf go and go hunting.

Me: Uh, okay. What are you hunting for?

Husband: A bear.

Me: ….. *retrieves Bestiary* Ooookay then…

(He eventually succeeds in killing two bears, then brought one to the boy as ‘the one that killed his parents’. I actually, honestly expected him to kill the elf mentor…)

Overreacting

(A young boy is causing a scene in a city, harassing some guards. My players come and get the situation calmed, getting the guards to leave. It turns out that the boy’s father was a wizard who was wrongfully executed and he’s taking out his anger on the guards. Then this happens…)

Me: The boy, still distraught, casts Magic Missile at (husband). Take 2 damage.

Husband: Ow.

Friend (a ninja): I jump kick the boy in the head.

Me: ….what.

Friend: *hard stare*

Me: …. (We roll appropriately) He takes 12 nonlethal damage and is knocked unconscious.

Friend: *to my husband, in character* Shall I dispatch this miscreant for you, master?

Husband: NO.

Brothel Battle

(A slaver ship captain is in a brothel. I expected the players to just wait on the docks for him to return. Instead, they split up and end up at the brothel together. One is an Inquisitor (husband), the other is a vigilante (friend). Both are male. I fully expect both of them to enter as patrons. Instead…)

Friend: I disguise myself as a woman named ‘Rose’.

Me: …..Okay.

Husband: *shaking head*

Friend: I go inside and pretend to be looking for a job.

(We RP him approaching the Madame, and her offering rates and such things for 'Rose’. Note that the vigilante’s hero name is “The Wild Rose”, the brothel’s name is “The Blooming Rose”, and the Madame’s name is “Rosa”. The place is also heavily guarded by false patrons wearing masks. Husband comes in as a patron looking for a woman of Rose’s exact description, so he’s escorted to her room as her first patron. Then they just wait in the room for the man they suspect to be the captain to come by. After actually yanking him into the room when he turned down Rose’s advances [he preferred strong women, but Rose was dainty and childlike], they fight, and win. However, an alert goes up. I expect the pair to jump out the window. Instead…)

Husband: I run out of the room and around the corner, duck into another room, and cast Invisibility on myself.

Friend: I scream and pretend (Inquisitor) killed my customer.

(They proceeded to escape and even took the captain’s boots before they left, both of them invisible at this point.)

A Whole New Use for Bear Traps

(Same as the previous game, the two are sneaking around the house of a rich family and spot bear traps in the garden. I expect them to either move the traps, spring them, or ignore them. Instead…)

Friend: I PICK UP THE BEAR TRAPS.

Me: ….Okay, you do so.

(Few moments later, after a successful perception check to notice footsteps nearby…)

Me: You hear someone sneaking around.

Friend: …..I HOLD THE BEAR TRAPS IN MY HANDS AND READY AN ATTACK.

Me: …..WHY.

(It was an ally of theirs sneaking around, but he barely managed to NOT get her head stuck in a bear trap. Later on he used them again on a guard. Rather than roll damage, I just accepted it as the guard died instantly. For his sake…)

Your hands feel like home

Request: Some college au lance and keith, where maybe keith gets like really badly sick (Up to you my friend how) and lance has to force him to stop going to classes/go to the hospital but keith gets so freaking stressed because he must have perfect grades (Klance if you want!!) Thank!!! C:

Summary: When Keith comes down sick, he assumes its nothing and carries on. But as classes and deadlines start to take their toll, it becomes more and more obvious to both Keith and his boyfriend Lance, that this ‘cold’ is anything but normal. How he made it to lectures with full blown pneumonia, he’ll never know, but something he does know is that no matter what, Lance will always be by his side. 


‘Babe, did you get the coffee?’

Keith raised his head, pausing in his feeble attempt to remove his shoes without experiencing a rapid, unplanned introduction to the floor.

‘Huh?’ he called, a small wince seeping through his teeth at the irritable scrape in his throat. He had been feeling ill for days, sluggish and tired, with a growing wet cough that burned his airways and pounded his head like a hammer on an anvil. He knew he had a fever - that morning while Lance had still been sleeping he had snuck into his bathroom and borrowed his thermometer, only find that his temperature had risen to 38.5 degrees. But college was just too busy to take a day off from, and so he had popped a few fever reducers and paracetamol and gotten on with his day.

‘Coffee,’ Lance repeated, sticking his head out of the kitchen door to raise his eyebrows at Keith. ‘you said you were gonna stop by the store on your way here and pick some up. I’m nearly out,’

Keith groaned, leaning his head against the wall, second shoe all but forgotten. ‘Damnit.. I forgot, sorry. Want me to go back out and get some?’ he asked, but every fibre of his body was praying that Lance would say no. Apparently, whatever Gods were looking down on him chose to be kind, and Lance shook his head, at ease.

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the time a blackmailer dominated a game

So, I’ve noticed over my years of playing TOS that Blackmailer isn’t exactly a likeable role. People complain they don’t get to do much.
I kind of felt the same until I witnessed the best BM gameplay I’ve ever seen, he managed to kill 6+ people and win the game without any help from his teammates.

Firstly, I was a witch. This was my first time playing after the buff, so I was excited to be able to determine people’s roles. N1, I picked someone at random and found they were the blackmailer. I made him target someone random. The next day, he claimed lookout, for some reason.

N2, he targeted me. It was a random guess, but I was blackmailed. That day, he told the town he had watched me last night, and that I had been visited by two people (he listed 2 random people.) When I was asked why I wasn’t killed, I could only spam the vote buttons to show I was blackmailed.
The town was lead to believe the random innocent townie was the blackmailer, and was quickly lynched.
The next night, I was blackmailed again. I didn’t want to waste a turn on making him target someone else. He repeated yesterday, claiming someone visited me. Lynched again.
This happened once more before the town no longer fell for it.
The mafia had been picking off a few people, but they were mostly useful, kept getting roleblocked. So I forced him to target someone else, and whispered to him the next day that I was witch, and wanted to side with mafia. I began feeding him information about everyone’s roles, and he continuously blackmailed the right people, while calling others out as guilty. Tricking the town into continuously lynching the innocent.
In the end, the rest of the mafia died making the BM a mafioso. We were left with me (the ‘invest’), him (the ‘lookout’), an arsonist, and a townie. We revealed our roles, lynched the arsonist, and killed the townie that night.

I have never seen blackmailer played so well since then.

2

The raven-haired boy held his hands underneath the running faucet inside the corner store’s restroom. His t-shirt and jacket laid crumbled on the floor on top of his backpack that was leaning against the wall. He took the bar of soap and ran it under the water, rubbing it until suds began to form. Once the soap was foamy enough in his hands, he began to scrub his arms, up to his elbows and then to his armpits taking a little extra time there. He had deodorant and body spray tucked away in that backpack of his.

Jughead Jones was homeless. This little sink was going to be his bath for right now. At least he didn’t have school the next day, but he didn’t want to walk around smelling like he walked out of a dumpster. He would shower at the school, but since it was Saturday morning and they were having some sort of sports game, he knew it would be too risky. Once his body seemed to be covered in soap, he took some water into his palms and began to rinse it off. He slipped off his beanie, tucking it into his back pocket and then used the soap bar to rinse his hair. He took the towel he had lifted from the locker rooms at school and began to dry himself off.

The situation he was in sucked. It was embarrassing but he had to make it work. He didn’t have much money on him and his dad would barely offer anything to him. Maybe he would offer one or two words of encouragement, but words can’t buy food or clothes. He grabbed the deodorant from his bag and rubbed it onto his armpits. Taking a quick sniff of himself, he nodded in approval. Jughead got changed, packing up his bath supplies and slipped out the beanie from his back pocket. He adjusted it onto his head and draped the backpack over his shoulders. Walking out of the bathroom, he snatched a few candy bars and went to the counter. The clerk looked at Jughead and then started to scan the bars. Jughead hadn’t noticed the droplets of water sliding down his face until they dripped onto the counter.

The teen paid for the bars and then walked out, unwrapping one of the chocolate bars. He took a bite from it and then started down the sidewalk. He munched away and surveying the neighborhood. Inside the teen’s mind was his plot about where he was going to sleep. Which house was empty or had a for sale sign? It wasn’t going to take long to figure out how to shimmy through a window or unlock the door. However, he did have to watch out for those alarms. The last time he pried open a window, a loud beeping started and dogs in the neighborhood started to bark. Before he could close the window, he took off running in the opposite direction. He managed to find an empty warehouse and sought shelter until the cops passed, but then he ended up falling asleep.

All that remained of the candy was its wrapper. He headed to the nearby park, tossed the wrapper into the trash can and went to sit down at a picnic table. He set his bag down and exhaled. The silence broke when he heard his nickname. The boy turned his head in the direction and saw his friend, Betty approaching him with a cute smile on her lips.

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inlovewithvkook  asked:

Heyy! Its summer holidays and I'm bored as fuck, so do you guys know any fics that would blow my mind? Like a long fic with an amazing well-made interesting plot? Thats not really specific im sorry, im willing to read anything as long as it has an impressive, mind blowing, not boring at all plot Thank you for this amazing blog 💖

I’ll keep this as short as I can since it’s such a broad request and I have no idea what you guys have already read lol you can also look through our above 50k tag for long fics, and if we rec’ced them we probably gave some kind of opinion on them so you’ll know what we thought of them

Only When the Sun Sets by sacramento - Jeon Jeongguk was never meant to handle so much responsibility, but when he sees a vision foretelling the King’s death, he cannot just sit back and let it happen. The ‘right’ thing to do would be to stop it, but as Jeongguk soon discovers, doing the ‘right’ thing is never so simple, or easy. Stuck in between underhanded plots for the Iron Throne, Jeongguk must figure out who he is and what he stands for. He must choose a side, and he must choose well, for in the Game of Thrones, you win… or you die. There is no middle ground.

Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast by Kavbj - Taehyung has magic in his veins and Jungkook’s determined not to let it kill him. 

Lucky strike by expplipo - “You’re bad luck, I’m good luck. Two sides of a coin. Head and tails. We match.”

Terrible Things Happen (Sometimes, They Save You) by mindheist - Min Yoongi wakes up from a nightmare on a sunless afternoon to a reality more twisted than his dizziest daydreams.

refrigerator humming, chewing gum and instant karma by locks - Taehyung sets the flowers down on the dining table, plucking the card off the little holder. “Dearest Taehyung, just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you. I hope you’re thinking about me too. Love–” he pauses and squints before cocking an eyebrow and pursing his lips. “Hyung, why is the boss of your little boy band gang professing his love for me?” Yoongi drops the noodles on the floor with a loud curse as he burns his hand. Or, Taehyung’s been trying his hardest to avoid Yoongi’s criminal life for a long ass time, but a cute kid and his infuriating father keep pulling him deeper into the mix.

trust your heart if the seas catch fire by maxx - “Sometimes I wonder whether you’d be better off without me. Whether you really need me at all.” Taehyung has always doubted his necessity to the group, as well as to Jungkook. Usually a knock on the head would suffice to bring him back to his senses. But this time, it seems someone was listening to his request. Now, everything has changed. He’s in a world where Jungkook and the rest of the group are still famous, but he isn’t.

Veni, Vidi, Amavi by yourluckytae - (I came, I saw, I loved) Ever since that day, Taehyung has been looking for something, chasing a dream he seems to be missing. Something important that makes his heart whole. It’s a creeping sense of someone he can’t quite grasp, who’s always on the tip of his tongue, nails on a chalkboard screeching loudly in his ear to remember. But every time he tries, it hurts. But he chases the dreams, the feelings, whatever it is that he’s missing because he thinks it would hurt more to never find whatever’s gone. Jeongguk stares at his palms absent-mindedly, body rocking with the movement of the train. His fingers trace over non existent words on his right palm. Something he hadn’t thought about in years. He has a feeling; something deep and nostalgic bubbling inside him tasting like chocolate muffins and caramel lattes and smelling of vanilla and strawberries. It stirs within him as his fingers trace each stroke over his palm. It stirs something melancholy, something sad. A feeling. (Kimi no Na Wa (Your Name) Au)

起死回生; To Live Again by mindheist - Fiction gives us a second chance that life denies us.

Abaddon’s Waltz by eclairdeluxe - Hell hath no fury like a lover scorned.

(thought you knew) you were in this song by expplipo - Taehyung nearly chokes, but only nearly. Instead he raises an eyebrow and puts on the most suave smile he can manage. Hopes he looks far more collected than his for-some-reason racing heartbeat would let on, more suit-and-wine than elementary-schooler-with-a-new-crush. “You like me?” Jeongguk blushes, and looks at his feet. He’s smiling. “Of course.” “Really?” Taehyung says. “Like? Or like like?” (So much for suit-and-wine.)

I’ve read all the ones I just listed and I know for sure those are good, but these next ones I haven’t read. most are on my list to read and seem pretty good from skimming the writing a bit and the plots all seem interesting, or they’re ones I know other people love, but I can’t be 100% sure since I haven’t read them

Swamp Magic by GinForInk - Two witches lure Jungkook into their cabin in the woods.

(I know admin guk read this and really loved it, and I read one other fic from this author and it was amazing)

Lupus Tales by kpopismydrug - This is one summer break that Taehyung will never forget. From dealing with a moody mare that likes to think she’s a stroppy teenager rather than a horse, to dealing with childhood memories that threaten to choke him, Taehyung will soon find out that when you take a trip down memory lane, some things are more than just memories.

(super long series that I know admin s loves)

An Interstellar Anomaly by PaprikaFetus - They are two heirs that belong to opposite sides of the universe.

Hustlers by tbz - Jungkook hadn’t meant to lose nine million. He certainly hadn’t meant to lose his kidney. And he hadn’t meant to meet Kim Taehyung.

summer; blue by Batman - More than you can manage, more than you can hide: a study in light.

Mutual Fiend by kkumkkatcher - “I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.” An AU where Jungkook needs to kill Taehyung, but Taehyung also needs to kill Jungkook, and things get (more than) a bit complicated.

All the Years of Us by TrappingLightningBugs - From the moment a new family hobbled into town, having come a long way for sanctuary, Taehyung had eyes only for Jeon Jungkook.

Shifting On My Feet by MarionetteFtHJM - With the ever-growing crime rate in the city there’s no telling what the leading figures will do to remain leading. The safety of the people is at risk and the possible collateral damage looms over the authorities. There is only one safe option, sacrifice a few to save the lives of many. Tear them from the inside, cool the situation down- should be easy enough, right? Jeongguk was just trying to live out his days peacefully, but running from one’s past never really worked out for anybody- so why would he be an exception? He’s not. Demons tend to find who they’re looking for in the end.

Taste of Ink by sugamins - Jungkook is a drug runner for the largest gang in the whole of Busan: the Sam Yong Pa. One day he bumps into a runner for a rival gang in the next district that has trespassed into their territory: a Geum Sung Pa boy called Jimin. Jimin has a friend, a goon for the rival gang. Taehyung beats people up for a living, and boy, does he look good when he’s doing it.But their blossoming friendships reignite old gang flames and causes the most brutal gang war the country has ever seen.Dragons destroy and stars explode.

i know you wanna go to heaven (but you’re human tonight) by moonlightae - Taehyung just thought it would be a one night stand, but he gets more than he bargained for

Assassin’s Order by TaeSyubDKook - CEO Taehyung gets tangled up in some illegal business without even knowing and when Assasin Jeongguk gets assigned to extract information from him after being caught, he realizes in what mess he’s gotten himself into and agrees to cooperate with the assassins, after learning their true reasons, to bring down his uncle’s company. What Jeongguk and Taehyung didn’t expect was falling for each other in the progress.

Kiss With a Fist by byeolguk - “Need a little help, love?” Jungkook asks, teasing him. “Nah I had it all under control, sweetheart,” Taehyung answers with a smile, blood oozing from his split lip. Goddamn even smiling hurt now. Fuckity fuck fuck. Jungkook only rolls his eyes, his cocky smirk never slipping and Taehyung almost forgets how much pain he’s in. prompt-Can you please write the “ kick his ass for me” prompt with taekook!

got a question or request? check our tags page first to see if what you’re looking for is already there, or use the search bar on our blog! if you don’t have any luck with that, feel free to send us an ask when the inbox is open^^

for @s0ftmalec who requested:  Malec + fireworks (Alec proposing to Magnus during the fireworks)

It was New Years Eve and instead of the usual extravaganza that Magnus would be throwing; there was a quiet get together of friends. Clary and Izzy were sat on the sofa, giggling over a shared bottle of wine. Jace was sat on the sofa watching Simon talk about Star Wars, with a fond look on his face. Luke and Maryse were talking quietly by the food table, while Raphael and Meliorn were bickering like they were an old married couple.

Magnus however was stood on the balcony, watching people run down the street and all the party goers trying to walk straight as they celebrated the end of another year. Magnus smiled as he felt familiar arms go around his waist, and a head nuzzle into the crook of his neck. He leant back into the warm embrace of his boyfriend, a small sigh escaping his lips.

“It’s not like you to stay away from the party, that’s usually my job.” Alec’s voice was muffled from being buried in his shoulder and by the sounds of the city below them.

“Oh, I thought I would try it out for size.”

“Mmm. And what’s the verdict?”

“Much better now that you’re here.” Alec scoffed at his cheesy reply as Magnus turned around in his arms, and placed his hands on his chest, grinning up at the man he loved. They had been together since they met in college almost 6 years ago and over those 6 years they had built a life and a home around them, and Magnus still to this day couldn’t believe his luck.

The couple stayed standing on the balcony, wrapped in each other’s arms, staring lovingly in each other’s eyes. Magnus was tracing small shapes into Alec’s chest, tilting his head up slightly to nuzzle their noses together, causing Alec to laugh softly. They stayed like that, peaceful in their little bubble, until they heard the group from inside start the countdown to the next year.

“You ready to start a brand new year with me, Alexander?”

“Can’t wait.”

“Happy New Year!” Magnus grinned up at the love of his life as everyone toasted to a new year and hecupped his cheeks, pulling him in for a deep kiss as all noise tuned out, the two getting lost in this moment together. When Magnus pulled back, he noticed an array of colours lighting up Alec’s face, his eyes lighting up as he pulled away to turn and look at the firework display that was illuminating the sky.

“So, Alexander, what are your resolutions for this year? Not that you ever keep them.”

“Ha ha, very funny. And I’ll have you know, I fully intend on keeping this one.” Magnus smiled at his boyfriends determination, keeping his eyes locked on the sky.

“The anticipation is killing me Alexander, do tell what it is.”

“My resolution is to marry you.”

Wait – what?

Magnus froze, his eyes widening. He slowly turned to face Alec, but was instead met with his boyfriend down on one knee in front of him, holding out a box with a silver engagement band sitting inside.

“I- You- What?” Magnus couldn’t believe this was happening. This beautiful man was really knelt down in front of him, with a grin on his face and colours illuminating his skin and a look of pure love in his eyes.

“Magnus, these past 6 years have been the best years of my life. And I know I know that you are the only one for me. I want to spend the rest of our lives together. I want to stand up in front of all our friends and family and show them how much I truly love you. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and call you my husband and I want a family with you. I want everything; I want a forever with you. I love you so much Magnus and I feel like I’m rambling right now. God, you are my life, my everything, and I love you.

So, Magnus Bane, will you marry me?”

Oh fuck, he was serious. Magnus stood staring at Alec, disbelief in his eyes. He must have been stood there for a while because Alec’s face started to drop a little, his arms falling slightly as concern started to etch over his features. But before he could ask if Magnus was okay, Magnus broke out of his trance, a grin splitting his face.

“Oh my God, Alexander. Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you! I want all that too, I love you, Oh my God. Yes!” Magnus pulled Alec up from his knees and dragged him into a hug so tight, anyone would be worried they would break the others bones. But really it felt like they weren’t holding the other tight enough, it felt like they needed to be so much closer.

The two were unaware of their friends and family watching the scene from inside, as Alec pulled back slightly to put the engagement ring onto Magnus’ shaking hand. Magnus looked up at Alec, his fiancé, his future, with tears in his eyes and a grin on his face.

Magnus leaned forward and pressed his lips against Alec’s and really it was quite tragic that the fireworks in the sky would never be as bold and as beautiful as the ones between them as they kissed, sealing their future together.

The Joker x Reader - “The Bucket List” part 2

Two months after breaking up with The Joker, you found out the bad news. You didn’t have a choice but to ask for his help and J didn’t even show up for the meeting. Of course he didn’t care, but now that he heard why you wanted to see him so badly, it might be too late for any amendments.

Part 1: http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/161143650396/the-joker-x-reader-the-bucket-list

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/161645099431/the-joker-x-reader-the-bucket-list-part-3

8:30am - your home

You quietly get out of bed, groggy from the meds you have to take at 6am. The Joker is still sleeping and you try not to wake him up. After a few steps a wave of violent cough hits and you cover your mouth, rushing for the bathroom. You close the door behind you and keep coughing above the sink, a few drops of blood staining the white marble. You turn on the water to cover the sounds, hoping J won’t hear you.

After a few moments you calm down and wash your face, starting to brush your teeth.

“Pumpkin, are you OK?” he impatiently knocks on the door.

“Yes, I’m fine, go back to sleep please,” you muffle the words, finishing your morning routine.

J walks in and you run behind the bamboo panel, starting to take your PJ’s off, getting ready for a shower.

“Why do you always hide behind that?” The Joker crosses his arms on his chest, waiting for the reply. You are so self-conscious about your appearance you don’t really want him to see you naked anymore.

“Umm…I just think it’s better to…”

“Get out of there!” he commands, sucking on his teeth.

“I can’t…” you whisper, gulping.

“I wanna see you, stop hiding behind that thing all the time!”

You quickly wrap yourself in a towel and step away from the screen. The Joker rolls his eyes, leaning against the mahogany cabinet.  

“Drop the towel, Doll!”

You whimper, anxious to his demand:

“I don’t want to…Don’t make me!”

“Drop the damned towel, Princess!” he snaps and you slowly uncover your body, not remembering feeling so vulnerable in your entire life.

“This is humiliating,” you stare at him while he grins, pleased you complied so fast.

“Like I’ve never seen you naked before,” he scoffs, analyzing the view.

“I look horrible!” you blur out, covering your breasts with one hand.

“Well,” he pretends to debate,” you’re scrawny and I have to admit the lack of hair doesn’t give you extra points, but…”

You gasp, frowning.

“You definitely are a terrible person!”

“Yet another skill I take great pride in. Anyway, my point is that it could be worse, Kitten.We gotta work with what we have, hm? Turn around.”

You take a deep breath, nervous as hell.

“Not too bad, Y/N, but you do have a big butt. If you go in the backyard like this, I think we’ll have another solar eclipse.”

“What?!” you turn your head to glare, alarmed.

“Ha!” J snorts, “I made you look.”

You start laughing, embarrassed:

“You’re so horrible!”

“U-hum. Com’ere!” he signals and you hesitantly go in his arms. “I believe that…” You don’t let him finish. You reach for his lips and kiss him, pulling down on his boxers.

“Well, well, well,” he purrs, “What is this, Doll?”

“Something on my bucket list,” you mutter in his ear, still tense.

“I don’t recall seeing this on that piece of paper,” he teases, smirking.

“I didn’t have a chance to write it down,” you trace the playing cards tattoo on his neck as innocently as possible.

“Interesting,” he lifts you up and you wrap your legs around his waist. “Just admit you want to get in my boxers.”

You giggle, not answering.

“You’re so light,” J sulks, beginning to walk back towards the bedroom. “You think you can handle me, Princess?”

You raise your shoulders up, kissing him again.

“Oh, yeah,” you moan, determined to make love to him even if it kills you.

“Two baldies having sex, that’s pretty hot, huh?” he winks at you and then bites your lower lip, placing you on the bed.

“Not quite,” you chuckle, caressing his hairless head.

“Speak for yourself, woman; I’m still handsome. Plus, I don’t have a huge butt,” The Joker maliciously laughs when he sees how big your eyes got.

“You’re the worst person ever!” you yank his hand, stunned.

“From all the skills I’m proud of, this is my top favorite. Now stop praising me, I’m starting to blush,” he dramatically accentuates his little speech with a sneer, glad he got you all worked up.

3pm

You didn’t want to go with him at the warehouse because you don’t feel too good, but J insisted. You see the henchmen running around with a bunch of boxes, making space and getting rid of the old stuff you guys didn’t use in forever.

“What did you want to show me?” you lean on his arm, grateful you already took your painkillers since your body is getting stiff again.

“Your stupid bucket list, Doll,” he explains. “You wanted to go to Japan and you are aware we can’t because we’ll get caught. We don’t use this place very often so I got you a bunch of Japanese items; do what you want with them. Tell our men where you want everything and they’ll move it for you.”

He senses you’re squeezing his hand really hard and your eyes get watery.

“Spare me, Y/N!” he elbows you, irritated. “Let’s skip the drama!” but he kisses your temple and you nod in acceptance, excited to see what he got for you.

“What else did you have on that’s stupid list? Oh, yeah: a family,” The Joker answers his own question, mad about it. You want to say a few things but he keeps on yapping.

“Why do you need a family for, huh? Nothing but trouble. See these jerks here?” and he points out towards the goons laboring hard to accomplish the task at hand. “They’ll do whatever you ask them and won’t fight back. Better than a family. And you have me. I hate you, but we gotta work with what we have, OK?”J gets angrier since he hopes you won’t get very emotional again; he can’t stand it.

“OK…” you are fast to please him but start crying, unable to hold it in. The henchmen keep on glaring your way, rapidly averting their gaze when they realize there’s something very intimate going on between the both of you: you’re sobbing on J’s shoulder and he has this “fed up with everything” expression on his face while holding your waist. The lack of hair makes him look even more imposing, menacing and vicious.

8:03pm

The Joker dragged you to one of the clubs where he will have a meeting with one of his smugglers that has a new medication for you. Another experimental product found only on the black market that might help.

It’s your IV day so you retreated to the sound proof room, trying to take a nap until the IV bag is done.  J is in the VIP section, talking to Nix. Frost is there also, keeping an eye on things. The discussion is going reasonably smooth until the asshole forgets who he’s talking to.

“I can’t believe you’re dating the same bitch, Mister J!” he puffs, acting surprised. Jonny lifts his eyebrows, ready to react but his boss didn’t signal him yet. The Joker holds his breath for a few long seconds, then loudly exhales.

“Yeah, same bitch,” he stares at the guy with a crazy sparkle in his blue eyes.

“So the pills are for her? I heard she’s really sick, but still alive and kicking. Tough bitch I guess,” Nix laughs, confident of his funny remarks. He has a reputation of being fierce and stepping over boundaries because he has access to a lot of merchandise on the black market that not too many smugglers can obtain.

“Tough bitch indeed,” J agrees, holding his breath again.

“Word is you shaved your head for her. Now, I’ve never thought I’ll see a man like you in love, Mister J,” Nix snickers, taking the tablets out of the suitcase.

Is this fucking prick for reals?! Frost thinks, waiting for a sign and he finally sees J tapping his fingers on the cane. Jonny cracks his neck, relieved.

It’s gonna be my pleasure, he grins, punching his fists together.

9pm

The door being busted makes you open your eyes. J turns the lights on and pushes Nix in front of you, kicking him in the shin so hard he collapses on his knees.

“What’s going on, baby?” you rub your face, getting up on your elbow.

“This asshole is here to apologize!” The Joker barks and you have no clue about this new outburst. “Apologize to my Queen!!” he yells at the guy who’s in a pretty bad shape with a black eye, busted lip and a few visible bruises.

“I-I’m sorry…” Nix stammers, groaning in pain.

“For what?!” you feel the need to ask, baffled.

“You don’t need to know!” J shouts. “You are owed apologies and that’s it!”

You don’t fight it and slide to the left corner of the velvet couch, careful not to move the needle in your vein.

“Apologize for waking her up too, you bastard!” and J lifts Nix up, violently pulling him towards the door where Frost is waiting to take over.
“I’m s-sorry…for waking you up,” the guy stutters as he gets shoved out of your sound proof retreat.

“Take care of this!” The joker tells Jonny, still fuming.

“Anything I should know?” you reach for your anti-nausea medication and take some.

“Nope, go back to sleep,” J hisses, displeased at how the night turned out. “After your IV is done, we’ll go for a ride.”

“That sounds nice.” You feel like crap but you still give him a smile.

He turns off the lights and hears you:

“Were you defending my honor or something?”

“What honor, Pumpkin?!” he grumbles, shutting the door so you can rest in darkness.

10:05pm

J returned to the VIP room and he’s typing on his laptop. Frost is overseeing what’s going on in the club behind the smoky windows. You part the gold beads and step inside, barely seeing where you’re going; your vision is clouded from the liquid medication you just finished.

“I’m done, baby,” you announce, holding onto the armchair. “I’m drained, I don’t think I can go on that ride tonight. I need to rest, it hurts all over. Can we please go tomorrow?” you beg, closing your eyes when the stomach-turning vertigo sensation creeps up on you.

The Joker gives you a cold stare, still flustered from the earlier incident and not happy to find out about your rain check. He goes back to his typing, mumbling:

“If you’re so miserable, why don’t you hurry up and die, hmm?”
Frost immediately peeks your way, shocked about what came out of his boss’s mouth; he’s seen you having a lot of bad days before, but you never looked more in pain like you do now.

“Well…” you dig your nails in the purple leather and sigh, heartbroken. “If there is one thing I am very good at lately is dying. So… don’t worry, it will happen soon enough,” and you rush out, stumbling a few times while trying to get away from his venom as fast as possible.

5 more minutes pass and J finally stops typing, annoyed.

“Shit… … … Frost, go get her!” he voices out and Jonny moves away from the window and stops in front of him, speaking up without hesitation:

“Sir, that was very cruel to say to somebody struggling to survive from one day to the other.”

J’s temple is twitching, definitely not liking what Jonny just articulated with such vehemence.

“Did I ask for your opinion, Frost?!” he raises his voice, pissed at the trespass.

“No, sir.”

“Is this a rebellion of some sort?!”

“No, sir, I wouldn’t dare,” Jonny replies with a calm attitude, figuring out this is the best way to go about it.

“Then shut your mouth and bring me my girl!!!” The Joker snarls, considering blowing his trusted man’s brains out.

“Yes, sir,” is the last thing he discerns before the deafening music takes over the club.

10:20pm

Frost couldn’t find you and one of the bouncers reports that saw you driving away in J’s SUV.  The news doesn’t go well with The Clown Prince of Crime.

“How is Y/N going to drive in the state she’s in?! She has to take her medications and can’t skip doses!!” J screams at everyone, taken aback by the conflict he created himself, not that he would ever admit it’s his fault. “We have to find her!!!” he directs the operation, instructing all of them to seek in some places he guesses you might be. They are searching all night, unable to find any traces of you.

Finally, around 7am, Richard reports he found J’s car parked near the beach, close to your favorite spot you like to go and look at the ocean. It’s a small, hidden strip of sand behind the highway; at least you went to one of the places The Joker thought you might go to. J doesn’t even know when he got there, driving so fast he almost got unwanted attention from the cops.

You spent the night on the beach, having to stop a lot of times on your way there because you had a hard time seeing and concentrating on driving. You didn’t take your pills, not really giving a damn since they don’t really help anyway as far as you’re concerned. You have a bag full of all the stuff you take, taking out a few at a time and tossing them in the ocean from the flat rock you found refuge on at the crack of dawn.

“That’s 2000 dollars a piece on the black market you’re throwing away Doll,” you hear J’s voice and ignore him, continuing to do as you please. You’re wheezing pretty loud, fighting to breathe since the salty, strong air puts quite the strain on your weakened lungs. You don't’ care: what’s another issue added to the others?!

You shrivel under your thick hoodie, covering your face even more, not wanting to see him.

J comes and sits by you, quietly watching the waves crushing on the nearby stones. He hears you sniffle but doesn’t attempt to uncover your head. His right arm reaches in front of you, holding a purple capsule in the palm of his hand:

“If you take the new med, you don’t have to take the white and brown tablets anymore. I’ll trade you…yes?” The Joker’s voice gets really deep as you move away from him, not replying. “Fine, then I’ll take it! I don’t want to waste 5000 dollars on just one capsule,” and he almost puts it in his mouth when you scoot back towards him and slap his hand. He drops the pill on the sandy rock and you are irked:

“Are you insane?!”

“Is this a trick question, kid?” he licks his lower lip, intrigued.

“It will make you sick, it’s not for healthy people!” you slowly blink and turn to finally face him. He inspects you and it doesn’t look great: your eyes are red from crying all night and the grimace of pain on your face lets him know you didn’t even take your painkillers; your labored breathing makes you shake a bit and the dried blood stains on the sleeve you used to clean your lips with after coughing disturb him.

“Somebody has to take it, it’s expensive!” The Joker has a smooth comeback (in his opinion).

“You have a shitty strategy, you know that?” you pick the capsule up from the sand, wiping it on your pants and swallow it, grumpier than you were before he arrived.

Without any warning, he buries his face in your lap, wrapping his arms around your knees. You try to push him away but he won’t budge.

“I don’t want you to die,” you hear the muttered sentence and it strikes a chord in your heart. “I don’t hate you,” he persists and you whimper when you feel his grip getting tighter. “But you can’t tell anybody, it will ruin my reputation,” he rambles on and you snort, wiping your tears. “As your knight in shining armor…”

“You’re not my knight in shining armor!” you interrupt, softly kicking his arm with your knee.

“Oh, I’m soooorry!” he lifts his head up from your lap, shifting so he can look up to you.” I didn’t see a huge line of suitors fighting for the title!” J sarcastically indicates. “You think that loser will ever show up?? Forget about it, it’s a myth! I’m the only one around so we gotta work with what we have, OK?… Just nod a yes, woman, and stop crying! Can we skip the drama for once?” he kisses your wrist and inhales your scent again. “You smell nice, what is it?” he diverts your attention since he masters this skill also.

“Death,” you divulge, smiling through tears.

He growls, exasperated, pinching your side.

“Shut up! You’re not dying!”

You take the small roll-on perfume decorated with a silver skull out of your pocket, showing him the name: Death.

“Why would you wear a fragrance with this name?!” J snaps, irked.

“It smells nice, you said so yourself,” you defend your choice, forgetting about your emotional surge.

“Gimme!” he urges you and you hand the tiny vial over. He takes it, glances at it for a few seconds then gets up and tosses it as far as he can in the ocean.

You gasp.

“Did you just…throw away my perfume?!”

“Yeah, it sucks! Use another one, you have so many,” The Joker cuts you off, keeping both hands on his bald head, satisfied at his accomplishment. Before you can protest some more, he proceeds with new updates:

“Tonight I’ll have Commissar Gordon kidnaped for you. I’ve been working on it for a month; we’ll take him to your Japanese oasis. Another thing on your dumb bucket list taken care of. “

You have such a happy smirk flourishing on your lips he feels he has no choice but to sit down by you again.

“You’ll get him for me?!”

“U-hum… Wanna kill him?” he pretends not to notice your sudden cough that calms down after you cover your mouth with the side of your hoodie.
“Kill him?! No way, he’s my favorite; I just want to see him.”

“Huh?! I thought Batsy is your favorite!” J waves his hands around, vexed.

“No, Batsy is your favorite, mine is Gordon; you know that,” and you are so dizzy you lean to rest your forehead on his shoulder. The new med must be very strong, you can already tell.

“I don’t know who you are anymore, Pumpkin,” he rolls his eyes, faking his surprise.

“Fuck…” you whisper, sweating even if you are cold as ice. “This crap is messing me up, I think I need to go home now…”
“Penthouse or your house?” J gives you the choice, instantly serious.

“My house, please,” you groan in pain when he helps you up. He signals you to get on his back and you obey, enjoying the piggyback ride. At this point it would be hard for you to walk anyway.

“Why do you have finding out who Batsy is on your list?! Like, why do we care to know who that jerk is ?! Our job is to keep him busy since he seems the type that gets bored easily, am I right? Hey, Doll, wake up,” he pats your leg and you moan, napping since you are so tired and uncomfortable. As soon as you get home, you’ll definitely need at least two painkillers.

The Joker continues to walk, basically talking to himself at this point.

“I know you also wanted to steal more diamonds but I can’t take you on a heist like this: consider it crossed off your idiotic Bucket list. I got you 3 boxes of jewelry so it should be fine for now. We gotta work with what we have, hm?”

He lifts you up higher on his back and struts on the beach.

“Hey, Y/N, I’ll send the boys to get the other vehicle… God, Princess, you’re so light,” he puckers his lips, listening to your heavy breathing in his ear. “I really don’t want you to die…” he stops in his tracks and gently spanks your thighs behind his back. “But I really do hate you, I lied when I said I don’t…”

“Mmmm…” you grumble in your sleep, probably out of it.

J takes advantage of you not being able to fight him and restarts walking:

“You know why it’s clouded? I bet you anything it is because of your big butt, hm? We are having a solar eclipse right now and you’re responsible,” he grins and squints his eyes when he senses your fingers nipping his skin.

“I heard that…” you protest, too tired to do more and doze off again.

The Joker mischievously snickers, sprinting towards the cars he can see in the distance.

He is not the ideal knight in shining armor and you are not the same woman you were before you got ill. But you gotta work with what you have.

Life’s too short to complain.

 Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

7 years ago my father committed suicide, some of you might have known about this since I wrote about it here. I always wish someone could have warned me about it, because I was so foolish back then.


In that Saturday I travelled back home to see him smilling and funny teasing, I thought he finally recovered. Little did I knew that would be his last smile that I will ever saw. My father has depression for 5 years and was always always sad, theres no such thing like recover over night. Its the sign that he gave up and determined to do it, I only learnt about this from some mental health article later on.


His office always opened, but around two weeks before he killed himself in that very office, he shut himself inside it. All alone in that dark room, all along. But his coworkers said nothing to us, his family. Perhaps ignorance is a bliss, people have no idea about mental illness back then.


It would really break my heart if any of you has suicidal thought. I want you to at least think, that even though Im a stranger, I WILL SURELY CRY so please just wait. Talk. Tell us. Anything.


If you have friend who has such thought and you’re worried, tell me too, I will spread the word with everything I have.

2

XVI - Charles Vane: I will be no slave again. And as I am free, I hereby claim the same for Nassau. She is free today, and so long as I draw breath, she shall remain free. Richard Guthrie was engaged in an effort to see her return to the rule of a king, to see the yoke returned. He betrayed Nassau.

XXVIII - Long John Silver: On the night I confiscated the pardon rolls, the night I started becoming, I made clear my position that there would be two sorts of men on the island going forward. Those like Captain Vane, determined to stand by their oath to the very end, and those like Captain Throckmorton, happy to be the first to betray it.

And thus, as always, to traitors.

NDRV3 Boys With an S/O That Caught the Despair Disease

I tried to make each boy suffer with an S/O that had a different Despair Disease, so hopefully it’s not toooo confusing. Had to take a few liberties with the diseases, especially Momota’s, but I hope it’s good nonetheless! Done by Mod Iruma.

SAIHARA SHUICHI (Lying Disease)

  • He figures out extremely quickly that his S/O is infected; but that doesn’t deter him from spending time with you at all.
  • You’re very grateful when he brings in some homemade tomato soup while you’re stuck in the hospital.
  • Doesn’t stop your heart from breaking when the despair disease forces you to say that you don’t want the soup.
  • At first, Saihara is crestfallen, but seems to scrape together some confidence as he asks again, pushing the soup towards you.
  • The despair disease forces you to sneer that you never thought his homemade soup was good anyway, but you gratefully lap it up despite your words.
  • Saihara’s caught on. He’s not the Ultimate Detective for nothing. If anything, he almost seems… flattered at your words. 
  • You’re glad he knows you’re just Ouma Kokichi-ing for a while now, and you give him a great big smile as you tell him his soup was the absolute worst soup you’ve ever had the displeasure of tasting.
  • He shifts his hat over his face to shadow his blush.

AMAMI RANTAROU (Pain/Pleasure Swap Disease)

  • You have to appreciate your boyfriend’s sense of humor, despite the situation. He’s been walking with you around the hospital the whole day, almost babying you.
  • “S/O, you okay? You need anything? Hey, don’t go banging into the wall, c’mon. We’ll be late for lunch—”
  • He figures out what your disease does when he lovingly gives you a headpat and you wince in pain.
  • The second the whimper leaves your mouth he jerks his hand back and starts to sheepishly apologize.
  • You shake your head and say that it wasn’t his fault, he shouldn’t be sorry, you should be the one sorry…
  • But then he crosses his arms and says he should’ve been more observant, he’s a bad boyfriend…
  • The incredibly weird argument continues until Amami accidentally steps on your foot, and you let out a sigh of complete bliss.
  • There’s a pause, and the two of you stare at one another.
  • The argument over who should be apologizing continues anew (even if the two of you come to an agreement to keep touching to a minimum until the disease is cured).

OUMA KOKICHI (Gullible Disease)

  • When you’re forced into the hospital for catching the disease, Ouma’s already in your hospital room before you are.
  • He bombards you with questions about your condition, sneaking a few unrelated questions in there, until you’re tired enough you stop responding.
  • “Ugh, with that personality, you’ve gotta be the Ultimate Emo Teenager.”
  • “I see, Ouma-kun! I didn’t even know that about myself!”
  • He blinks, but then explodes in laughter after he realizes what your disease is.
  • Even though the disease is clouding your mind, you’re already filled with such utter despair when you realize what’s going to happen next.
  • After an hour passes, you’re 1000% confident that you were born on Mars and came to this planet to serve Ouma Kokichi by making him breakfast every morning and also giving Momota a wedgie whenever he walked by, and also, whenever Ouma snaps his fingers you drop down onto the floor and do the worm because you were descended from them.
  • Even after the despair disease passes, some of what Ouma made you believe still exists in remnants. You shiver every time Ouma’s fingers look like they’re about to snap.

MOMOTA KAITO (Supervillain Disease)

  • He’s very confused when he barges into your room, intending to ask where his jacket is, and he finds it immediately.
  • Because you’re using it as a flag for your evil fort that you made.
  • “Nishishishi! I’m the evil supervillain, Poison Ghost!”
  • At first, he starts screaming for Ouma to show himself. But when you poke your head out, face all flushed from the despair disease, he… sort of understands.
  • You think he does, at least. Because he starts screaming that a ghost possessed you and made you a supervillain.
  • You wave a stick at him and tell him to begone, lest you destroy him using your dastardly supervillain powers!
  • He meekly nods and tip-toes over to the flag, but your stick hits him in time.
  • “Fool…! That’s the flag for the Ghost Gorge, my evil fort! Don’t take it!”
  • He splutters something about how unfair you’re being, and you want to agree and get out of this fort. Unfortunately, the despair disease is the boss of you right now.
  • …disease-you and normal-you seem to come to some sort of agreement, and say that Momota can have his jacket back if he joins the ranks of the Poison Ghost’s evil army!
  • Now, Momota can deal with many things. He can deal with bullies. He can deal with punching bags. He can evil deal with you.
  • But he can’t deal with ghosts, so he shrieks out a yes and tumbles into the fort. You’re pleased.
  • He doesn’t seem to be too pleased after he notices that Saihara and Iruma are both tied up in the back of the fort, duct tape over their mouths.

HOSHI RYOMA (Oblivious Disease)

  • He figured you had the despair disease after he caught you when you accidentally walked off a roof.
  • When he was giving you a lecture on why you have to be careful because you got the Oblivious Disease, you almost got impaled on a ceremonial sword before Hoshi jerked you away.
  • He let out a discontented sigh, but resigned himself to sticking with you so you don’t “go and kill yourself out of stupidity”.
  • You don’t mind him being your personal bodyguard; he’s saved you from certain death about 30 times now
  • Even when the two of you rest in the hospital bed for the night, you can still tell he’s awake, ready to prevent you from trying to die in your sleep
  • -”Hoshi-kun… why are you so determined to protect me?”
  • He chuckles and pats your back.
  • “You’ve already saved my life by giving it meaning, kiddo. I’m just returning the favor.”

SHINGUUJI KOREKIYO (Hot Disease)

  • Shinguuji figured something was amiss when you complained the temperature was wayyy too hot.
  • He furrowed his brow and looked at the thermometer. It’s below freezing outside.
  • Despite your clear delusionalness, Shinguuji sighs and grabs a fan from the other room.
  • A paper fan.
  • Unfortunately, Shinguuji’s impressive paper fan skills do nothing to cool you down.
  • “Hey, Shinguuji-kun… could you turn on the air conditioner?”
  • His eyes practically bulge out
  • “No, no. I’m positive… you’ll cool down with this fan…”
  • You try to tell him that maybe a mechanical fan would be better, but he doesn’t care.
  • You spend the entire day dying of heat, pouring freezing water all over yourself, as Korekiyo lazily fans you and tells you stories about arctic voyages.
  • …You still wish he turned on the air conditioning, though.

GOKUHARA GONTA (Horny Disease)

  • “S/O…? Are you okay? Gonta’s worried.”
  • You nodded as you continued to sit in Gonta’s lap and play with his shirt, tugging at it.
  • Gonta giggled and took it and his vest off, but before you could pounce (as the disease wanted you to), he put them on you.
  • You looked at Gonta with a deadpan expression. He was just happy that you liked his shirt enough that the two of you could share!
  • Whatever. You just leaned into his chest, purring at the muscles. He happily laughed and patted you on the back.
  • “I think that shirt looks very good on you! It’s a little big, though…”
  • An idea comes to mind. You smirk.
  • “Hey, Gonta-kun… y’know… I think your pants would look even BETTER on me!”
  • Gonta actually flushes at that., and does his best to deter you by saying it would be very ungentlemanly for his pants to be off! He loves you, but he can’t just take it OFF!
  • You pout, and resign yourself to rubbing against Gonta’s legs and chest. He doesn’t notice.

KIIBO (DESPAIR Disease)

  • Kiibo learns about your despair disease when you suddenly start shrieking from the other room about the gloriousness of despair.
  • He runs into the room to find the room half destroyed, the window smashed, and his S/O laughing hysterically on the unmade bed.
  • “LOVELOVELOVELOVE—”
  • Kiibo screams in horror and jumps on you, using his “strong-old-man” strength to pin you onto the bed. You’re still raving mad.
  • “S/O, this is clearly not you…! Please, snap out of it!”
  • The despair disease forces you to scream out a negative and begin ranting about how you’re going to kill everyone.
  • Kiibo tries to stop you, but the despair disease pushes your strength beyond a strong old man and you begin to make a dash towards the door, knife in hand.
  • “W-W-W-WAIT…!! Instead of killing anyone, um, how about you just… talk bad about me for a few hours…?”
  • You pause and look back at him. He’s trembling. You smile.
  • Akamatsu finds you two five hours later, you slinging pretty awful insults at him about being a robot the entire time
  • (You can’t apologize to Kiibo enough after. He’s just happy that you didn’t go out and murder anyone.)

Things I love about the original Star Wars trilogy:

  • I love the beginning. I love that first moment of anticipation in the blue letters of “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…” I love the explosion of music and excitement and adrenaline as the opening crawl begins, the immediate sensation that you have flown headfirst into something incredible. I love reading that Princess Leia races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy and that it is a dark time for the rebellion and that Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine in an attempt to rescue his friend Han Solo from the clutches of the vile gangster Jabba the Hutt

  • I love Luke’s journey. I love how at first glance he’s just an ordinary farm boy who dreams of a bigger destiny but who has to help his aunt and uncle, stuck on a barren planet he fears he’ll never get off of. I love his pain and his devastation when he loses his home even though he always wanted to leave it. I love how he gets caught up in a whirlwind adventure because of the arrival of two droids. I love how he’s brave and true and loyal. I love that a simple farm boy becomes a hero, that he rescues Leia and destroys the Death Star and joins the rebellion. I love how he’d do anything to help his friends, how he leaves Dagobah to save Han and Leia and how he goes to get Han from Tatooine. I love how he always idolized his father, how his jedi training was centered around the desire to follow in Anakin Skywalker’s footsteps, and I love his conflict when he learns the truth. I love that he won’t kill Vader even knowing the evil he’s committed and his determination to save the man he once was. I love that the greater destiny he always wanted comes to a fork in the road, and that he stands at the precipice of two fates: is he doomed by the legacy of his blood, or can he forge his own path? I love that he strays to the very edge of the Dark side, and I love that Luke Skywalker does not fall. I love when he says, “I am a jedi, like my father before me.” I love that the Light in him prevails.

  • I love Leia. I love that she’s a princess AND and a spy AND a rebel soldier. I love her cinnamon bun hair. I love that she stands toe to toe with the most feared man in the galaxy and doesn’t cower. I love that she’s so strong that she can withstand Vader’s torture and that she takes control of her own rescue. I love how she can shoot a blaster and command troops and fly the Falcon. I love that she doesn’t even abandon her post on Hoth when the Empire is on their doorstep and the command center is under fire and she’s supposed to already be on her transport. I love that she’s dedicated to bringing peace to the galaxy. I love that even though she seems tough as nails, she still feels and hurts and fears and cries and that her strength doesn’t come at the price of her humanity. I love that she doesn’t ever stop fighting–not when her ship is captured, not when she’s taken prisoner, not when her planet is destroyed, not when the man she loves is taken, and not when she’s shot on the battlefield. I love that she’s Luke’s sister. I love that it’s her message that brings him into the story. I love that brother and sister separated at birth are drawn together by destiny, and I love that she’s just as nuanced as he is, that their paths and experiences are balanced–that he must cope with the knowledge that the father he idolized is a monster, while she must deal with the revelation that the monster she hated is her father. I love that she is an Organa and a Skywalker. I love when she learns who she is. I love that she has the Force. I love, “That boy is our last hope.” “No, there is another.” I love, “You’re wrong, Leia. You have that power, too.

  • I love that Han is just a smuggler and a rogue who wants nothing to do with the rebellion or the Force or the fight for the galaxy, but he takes a job transporting passengers to Alderaan and gets swept up in the whole mess. I love how he’s not the selfless mercenary that he seems to be. I love how he claims to care about only money, but then he turns around to help the rebels at Yavin. I love that he has a conscience. I love that he can’t help but get attached to the dumb kid he picked up in Mos Eisley and the haughty princess who insulted him the second they met. I love that he volunteers to go out into the freezing conditions on Hoth without a second thought because his friend’s out in it. I love that he gets his clearance to leave but he won’t get out of danger when he knows that stubborn, crazy Leia isn’t safe yet. I love how he’s so smart and daring and can fly through an asteroid field and that he escapes from the Empire by hiding on a Star Destroyer right under the enemy’s nose and drifting off with the trash. I love, “Never tell me the odds.” I love that he doesn’t even think of himself when he’s about to be frozen in carbonite. I love how that smuggler that “ain’t in it for your revolution” becomes a general in the rebellion who would sacrifice his life for his friends. I love that Han doesn’t have the Force. I love that he’s just a regular person with an enormous heart that he pretends not to have who gets through thanks to his cunning and his stubbornness and his courage. I love that he’s a good man.

  • I love that a princess and a scoundrel find true love. I love the way they bicker and fight and drive each other crazy. I love how Han calls Leia ridiculous names like “Your Worship” and “Your Highnessness” and I love how Leia gives it right back to him. I love that neither of them are willing to admit how they feel. I love that they’re both afraid. I love the angst because Han has to leave and Leia doesn’t want to give her heart away to a man who’s going to take off, and I love that Han doesn’t want her to get hurt because of him and the bounty on his head. I love “Do you think a princess and a guy like me…?” I love when they finally kiss on the Millennium Falcon. I love that Han would do anything to protect her. I love that he tells Chewie to take care of her when he knows he’s probably going to die. I love their desperate embrace in front of Vader and Boba Fett and all the stormtroopers. I love that Leia leaves the rebel alliance to go rescue him. I love that Han was willing to step aside for her to be with Luke when he thinks that would make her happy. I love that they’re equals–that they’re both strong and smart and independent. I love that they have each other’s backs in battle. I love that they bring out the best in each other. I love “I love you.” “I know.

  • I love that the Millennium Falcon is the fastest ship in the galaxy. I love how much Han loves it. I love that there’s always something wrong with it and that Han and Chewie are always having to repair something. I love when Luke calls it a piece of junk and I love that Leia is always insulting it and I love that it becomes a part of them just like it’s a part of Han and because Han becomes a part of them. I love when it jumps to lightspeed. I love the cockpit and when they’re all in it. I love the gun turrets and the holochess table and the smuggling compartments and the circuitry bay. I love the blue light of the hyperdrive. I love what the Millennium Falcon represents.

  • I love the medal ceremony on Yavin. I love Luke’s yellow jacket and Han’s confident swagger and the look on Leia’s face when they march down the aisle. I love the music and the feeling of triumph. I love that Threepio and Artoo are there and that our sassy not-so-damsel-in-distress princess is rewarding the farm boy and the smuggler and the Wookiee for their bravery and their victory. I love how all of our heroes are together and how it cements the bond that has been forged between all of them. I love this ending to our first chapter.

  • I love the rebels and their hidden bases and their ragtag fighters. I love Rogue Squadron. I love the call signs. I love X-wings and space battles. I love watching them take down AT-ATs and AT-STs and TIE fighters and Death Stars. I love that the underdogs win. I love the look on Leia’s face when they hear Han and Chewie come back to cover Luke so he can destroy the first Death Star and I love General Rieekan shaking Han’s hand and the corridors of Echo Base and I love Admiral Ackbar saying “It’s a trap!” and that Mon Mothma is the leader of it all.

  • I love Dagobah. I love Luke training with Yoda. I love watching him learn to use the Force. I love seeing his vision in the cave, and the foreshadowing that his face in Vader’s helmet represents–that not only is Vader his father, but that this is what Luke will become if he falls to the Dark Side, as well. I love when Yoda lifts the x-wing out of the swamp. I love “Wars do not make one great” and “Do or do not. There is no try” and “Luminous beings are we.” I love that there’s mist and snakes everywhere. I love Yoda making Luke run around with him on his back. I love levitating Artoo and rocks and one-handed handstands. I love when Luke goes back in Episode VI and learns that he’s done with his training but that he must defeat Vader; confirms that Vader is his father then learns that Leia is his sister. I love how much he’s changed between when he first crash lands in the mud and when he leaves there for the last time. I love the mantle of responsibility that he must take upon his shoulders.

  • I love how Lando was in a tough position and tries to redeem himself by rescuing Han from Jabba’s. I love how Chewie is referred to as “The Mighty Chewbacca.” I love that tiny little Leia is disguised as the bounty hunter who theoretically took the enormous Wookiee down. I love “Someone who loves you,” and how Han reacts to the sound of her voice. I love Chewie running to hug Han in their cell. I love “Together again, huh?” “Wouldn’t miss it.” “How are we doing?” “Same as always.” “That bad, huh?” I love that Leia frees herself and strangles the vile scum who forced her into that degrading outfit and chained her to his throne like an animal or a decoration. I love seeing Luke’s green lightsaber in action for the first time. I love “Don’t forget the droids.” I love the relief.

  • I love the scene in the trash compactor and how all of them keep yelling at each other. I love when Han keeps shouting at Leia to get on top of it. I love when Threepio thinks they’re dying. I love that Han and Leia hug.

  • I love when Leia hears Luke call to her through the Force. I love when she makes Chewie turn the Falcon around to go get him. I love the ending of ESB, and how even in the wake of such turmoil–Han frozen and taken by Boba Fett and Luke losing his hand and his lightsaber and learning that Vader is his father and Leia losing the man she loves–it still leaves you with hope and determination. I love when Luke and Leia watch Lando and Chewie fly off in the Falcon. I love Lando promising her that they’d find Han. I love the final image of the rebel fleet and the crescendo of music and those final chills before the credits roll.

  • I love that the Emperor underestimates love. I love the battle between Luke and Darth Vader. I love that the moment Vader says, “So, you have a twin sister? … If you will not turn to the Dark Side, perhaps she will,” is the moment when Luke unleashes his fury. I love when Luke refuses to kill his father. I love when Vader refuses to let his son die. I love that Luke refused to give up on Anakin, and I love that Anakin Skywalker’s two final requests are to look upon his son with his own eyes and for his daughter to be told that Luke had been right about their father all along–that even after everything he’d done, there had still been good in him. I love that Leia can sense Luke’s survival. I love that Luke build’s his father a funeral pyre. I love the Skywalker legacy.

  • And I love the end. I love the final scene of the trilogy. I love where it leaves us. I love that our heroes have survived. I love that they bled and fought and sacrificed and cried and feared and hoped and that they come through it all. I love that they win despite the odds. I love that even though the war was long and hard and that all that evil and injustice seemed impossible to ever defeat, they do it. I love Luke and Leia hugging–brother and sister who loved each other even before they knew the truth, who’d been brought back together by fate and who together were the hope for the galaxy. I love that they found each other. I love when Han and Luke embrace like brothers, and the look of understanding as they grip arms and look into each other’s faces. I love their friendship–that what started as hiring a pilot in a seedy cantina has become this absolute, binding trust. I love the tenderness on Han’s face as he holds Leia to his chest, and the happiness and devotion on hers as she closes her eyes and smiles. I love that their love endured every conflict. I love that all three of them all got tossed together against their will and found belonging in each other. I love that last shot. I love Luke and Leia and Han and Chewie and Lando and Threepio and Artoo all together, smiling and victorious. I love that they’re family. I love that the story is one where hope can pay off. Where good can overcome evil. Where somewhere in a galaxy far, far away, a band of misfits–planetless princesses and smugglers with Wookiee first mates and starry-eyed youths from the middle of nowhere–can fight against adversity and win. I love the feeling in my chest that last second on Endor, knowing that those characters and what they believed in prevailed. I love Star Wars.

I was saying this on twitter but I also need people to appreciate what a GENIUS CON ARTIST Emori is, because if there’s anything I’ve learned from Leverage the best trick to persuading someone to do what you want is to convince them it was *their idea*.

Clarke didn’t know Emori heard about the radiation chamber at all, and she didn’t want to reveal how much she knew. If she suggested “let’s microwave this rando intruder” herself, Clarke (and Abby) probably would’ve pushed back against it, at least at first. She had to set it up where it was a reasonable alternative to “I am determined to revenge-kill this guy and you can’t stop me” and wait for the creepy “what if INSTEAD we kill two birds with one stone?” lightbulb to go off in her head. (Which is pretty fucked-up, Clarke, by the way.) She played her so well and I’m just really proud and horrified.

Essays in Existentialism: Laser Tag

Hi! Here’s a clarke/lexa au prompt if it strikes your fancy: a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit, if I’m going down, you’re going down with me.
i’m terrible at laser tag. like, my gun never works, so i have a bit of a hatred for it. but I like this anyway.

“Is there anyone left?” Clarke called, peaking her head up over a barricade, hoping to see any kind of movement.

“Just me!” A voice came from another side of the complex. Clarke looked around, unable to pinpoint it. From the corner of her eye, she saw some movement, and she held up the weapon, waiting for another. “It’s Clarke, right?”

“Yeah.”

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A Rose for You

A/N: I got really inspired by Shawn’s performance of Roses in Glasgow, and I decided to write my own version of Roses. Hope you like it! Also, Shawn released a snippet of a song that hasn’t been released yet, and I added it to this story. I took the lyrics to the song from here.

Shawn’s POV 

“Look here!” “Over here!” “Shawn!”

There are so many flashing cameras that it’s almost impossible to keep your eyes open. The red carpet for this awards show moves a lot quicker than the ones I’m used to, and usually that’s a good thing. Unless I want to see someone arrive. And I do. 

“Over here!” “Jesse!”

And she’s here.

“Danny! Look here!”

So is he.

She comes onto the carpet in a long, tight, purple dress. It flares a little bit on the bottom, but I can still see her black heels. Her wavy hair is pulled back in a ponytail, and her makeup is simple yet elegant. She’s so beautiful that I can almost forget about the boy standing next to her. Almost.

Just because I try to forget him doesn’t mean he’s not there. 

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Shelter from Your Storm (Part 24)

Blindspot fanfic.

(Part 1 | Part 2 |  Part 3 |  Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10| Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23)

So no, I’m not dead, and this fic has not been abandoned. Life has been a little crazy lately. And to be totally honest, married-but-separated canon Jeller was kind of messing with my married-but-oblivious fanfic Jeller, and it took me longer than I expected to get back into the headspace of this story.

Thanks for still being here!

Also, here you go, @kate-dammit-run and @zumbagirl8302. Please include chocolate with future nagging for faster response. ::blows kisses at you both::


Jane shifted in the chair beside Roman’s bed. It was more comfortable than the one she’d spent three hours on in the waiting room, but she still couldn’t manage to relax.

“You gonna talk about it, or just sit there and sigh all night?” Roman cracked one eye open.

“I can go. You should rest.” She put her hands on the arms of the chair, preparing to stand.

“I’m kidding.” He opened both eyes to peer at her. “How’s your head? Sure you don’t want to check in? They’ll give you the good stuff.”

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