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A Brief History Of Peter Doherty Being Awesome

- Outraged by the price of bottled water
- Walks backwards through pasty shop doors due to said outrage
- Tried to bury a dead cat in a pond only to discover dead things float
- Wears flip flops with a suit
- Lives in a van
- Purchased a giant taxidermy turtle
- Cannot locate creaking sounds from rocking chairs he’s rocking in
- Arrived at Courtney Love’s hotel room with a top hat full of kittens
- Fellates microphones
- Likes licking Carl Barat’s face
- Raised a nest of rats in a cupboard
- Favours brightly coloured underpants
- Was chased round a movie theatre howling like a banshee after failing to commit cheque fraud
- Won’t tip hotel staff unless he can slip a 20 out of Carl’s wallet
- Bit Gary Powell on his bare ass
- Named three women he was in love with in the space of one interview
- Owns a dozen Fifty Cent records - on vinyl
- Denied writing a love song about his best friend then immediately proceeded to list the bits of the song that were in fact about him
- Carried around a tub of hummus
- Wiped his sweat off on an interviewer’s cardigan then asked for her number
- Publicly denied that a naked mannequin strapped to the front of his house actually belonged to him
- Cartwheeled into a pile of poop while being filmed for a documentary
- May have gently lathered a male groupie with soap in his shower
- Once claimed Kate Moss dumped him because his manhood was too small
- Has published several photos of said manhood
- Tested various pink lipsticks in the supermarket and didn’t buy any of them
- Bought a book on cat psychology to understand his cats better
- Subsequently tried to dump his cats in the forest but they all just walked back home
- Threatened to punch Morrissey, his childhood hero, next time he saw him
- Took a bite out of a concert ticket when he was too plastered to sign it
- Cancelled a Babyshambles gig to midwife a kitten birth
- Watches a lot of Columbo, makes everyone else watch it too
- Plays snooker naked
- Talks to chickens