these past four years

171218 Taeyang Instagram:

Hello everyone, this is Taeyang.
Today, I want to share with you guys about the most important and joyful promise I have made in my life.
I have pledged to spend the rest of my life with Min Hyorin, the one who has always stuck by me for the past four years. Through all the good times and the bad times, she has always believed in me and now I look forward to making a beautiful life together.
To all the fans who always treated me as if I was family, to all of my Big Bang members, to all of my YG family, to everyone I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with and meet, I want to say THANK YOU. I will continue to live my life with responsibility and humility. My hope is that you will continue to support us and give your blessings for our future ahead as a couple.

“My first time was October 18th, 2013. I was a freshman in college. I was alone in my dorm room and I’d just eaten a bunch of Halloween candy. So I purged it. I felt great afterward. I thought I’d discovered a new tool. It seemed like a way to stop gaining weight. But it became very powerful, very quickly. My second time was two days later. Soon it became most meals. I became addicted to watching the numbers drop. I lost all power over it. I was dizzy and depressed all the time. I couldn’t focus in class or go out with friends. For five months, I lost all control. Then I finally got help. I started talking about it. And the more I talked about it, the more control I got back. The eating disorder lost its power when it stopped being a secret. I’m much better now, but I’ll always be recovering. A few weeks ago I had a relapse. It was the first time in months. Even though I was disappointed, I reminded myself that it wasn’t the end of the world. I haven’t lost all the progress I’ve made over the past four years. I just need to stay positive. And keep talking about it.”

DO NOT IGNORE THIS

The other day I made a post about the effect the loss of net neutrality would have on me and my friends. When I looked for it in my archive, it was gone. I think I’ve been censored. Net neutrality is (unofficially) gone so I am suspicious that it might have something to do with that. As far as I know, no one liked or reblogged the post before it was taken down. This is not a word for word redo of that post, but I’ll try.

If net neutrality really gets taken away, my friends will be stolen from me. These are people I’ve met and bonded with and loved over the past four years. And quite a few of us are quite close. I really don’t know what I’d do or what would happen to me emotionally and possibly psychologically/mentally if I had no contact with them or no way to contact them, but that is exactly what would happen if net neutrality is done away with. It would be very bad for me and everyone else. I don’t know what state I’d be left in but I’d feel very lost, probably traumatised, and indubitably devastated.

If you ignore this and if you don’t spread the word, then you are only making that social, emotional and mental ruin inch closer and closer to being our reality. And it won’t just affect me. It will affect you too. It will affect everyone everywhere. So please DO NOT IGNORE THIS. Don’t just like this post. REBLOG IT. SHARE IT. ANYTHING TO SPREAD THE WORD AND HELP TO SAVE US ALL.

The Sand Witch has won the baking competition for the past twenty four years in a row, but this year will be different, this year you have one of the few copies of the Nom’nom’nomicon.

Lana Del Rey says Donald Trump helped shape her album ‘Lust For Life’ — and the world needs feminism more than ever.
The singer has returned to the world of music with her fourth studio album in five years.

By Jacqui Swift for The Sun (UK).

LANA DEL REY’s latest album glitters with an all-star cast.
On ‘Lust For Life,’ her most impressive album yet, Lana teams up with heavyweights such as The Weeknd, Stevie Nicks, Sean Ono Lennon and A$AP Rocky.

They are the first collaborations in her career so far, which spans five studio albums, including four in the past five years — an impressive work rate for the Los Angeles-based star.

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Hey everyone! Just wanted to say hey and introduce myself!  I’m a nameless seal that has been waiting in the wings for the past four years now ever since officialunitedstates brought me to his corporate headquarters and put me in the avatar holding cells. I have been training for this day and am very proud to have finally been bumped up to quarterback of the officialunitedstates avatar team. Mr. Eagle has personally let me know that although he had some good times, he wishes me all the best in my stint representing officialunitedstates enterprises. Let’s all give Mr. Eagle a big round of applause for his service.  I thank you for opening your hearts to me as well and look forward to a great future term.

All the best,

Nameless seal

⇁ tessellate | 01

sequel to nudes, not flowers with more angst and more filth

pairing⇁Hoseok x Reader x Jungkook

genre⇁smut, slight angst || fuckboi!au

warnings⇁public indecency, cumplay, exhibitionism, rough sex, dom/sub undertones, dom!junghope, jealousy, mentions of infidelity, sex in front of a mirror, oh n light daddy kink 

word count⇁15k

“ Triangles are my favorite shape
Three points where two lines meet.” (tessellate)

Triangles are supposed to be the strongest and most stable of all geometric shapes. You wonder how true this statement is if applied to real life situations. The way you see it: triangles aren’t a reliable structure for relationships, especially if the parties you’re involved with find commitment to be a foreign concept. 

or : a fuckboy’s guide to polyamory 

start | 01 | 02

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It Wasn’t Real (finale)

Summary: You’re part of the infamous Loser’s Club, and often asked, what are you afraid of? You reply, nothing, but what your friends don’t know is that your biggest fear is them.

prologue - one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten -eleven - finale

A/N: THIS IS IT, THE FINAL PART! FINALEEEEEEEEE

I just wanna say like thank you all so much for the wonderful support on this story, i’m seriously gonna miss writing it SO MUCH! It’s crazy to believe i’m already done, but I mean, I did upload like everyday lol. Anyway, thank you all again so much.

I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Send me a little comment in the ask section or leave it below on what you thought of this chapter. It doesn’t have to be long, I appreciate every single comment I receive and telling me just helps inspire me to write it more frequently.

Pairing: Richie x Reader, and Loser’s Club x Reader, also slight Stan x Reader

Warnings: force, bullying, depressing and sad tones.

Tag’s List: @chalatea - @darlingimafangirl - @chalatea - @myfriendmagislit -@frozenhealswrites - @fl0werb0nes18 - @emotionallyenterprised - @alec-lighwccd - @bellasett - @starshininginthedark - @tastefulcaring - @impulsivesuperrobin - @newtandthediamonds - @huge-waste-of-time​ - @jess-sxcks​ - @theoraekensnotsosecretlover​ - @moonageharry​ - @nieligator​ - @sufferingstilinski​ - @the-fantastic-fandom-dork - @horsiesandstuff​ - @arianamichelle04​ - @alloffmyships​ - @darlingimawriter​ - @gcnnyweasleys​ - @redvelvet-cupcake​ - @almusanzug​ - @d0nt-g0-imagines​ - @brighter-thanthe-sky​ - @murphamy-minefeild​ - @celestesfairy​ - @fly-like-a-grayson​ - @emrysaaryn - @holy-minseok - @antiherojason - @multifandom-states - @mysticsthinking - @ladyfairenvale - @crazyinlovewithbatman - @shaniacboogara - @welcometoourcomputershow - @17marvelousfreak - @funtik2011 - @anon-leaning-against-a-trashbin - @terrashrone - @im-fandom-trash - @mrgrytyrll - @ponyboys-sunsets - @captainslugcat - @eachandeveryfandom - @queenylime - @catwoman2502 - @1enchantedfantasy1 - @downtherabbithole66
bolded is who I couldn’t tag.


Originally posted by jayqueenofhell

“It’s coming back now.” Stan explained, nodding at his friends who surrounded him. The group was silent, standing around Stan, battered by what had just happened in the sewers but happy that it was over and their friend was standing before them alive. “Only bits and pieces, but I remember IT just suddenly being there and that’s it. Then I woke up with you guys around.”

Silence echoed Stan’s words, as he slowly let his eyes move around the people surrounding him; hesitant to ask what was on his mind. “What happened?” It was obvious what had happened. IT had come back, just like you’d tried to tell him but Stan had been too stupid, too in-denial to listen, that’s how he found himself here. But, it was almost like there was more; like the day and a bit he’d been gone more had happened then he could ever imagine.

“Y/N t-told us about how IT had taken you.” Bill finally answered, his eyes landing on you for a split second before gazing back at Stan. “She said s-she found the words “W-WHERE’S STAN?” written on h-her ceiling in blood. A-After that, w-we came here to find you.”

As Bill explained, Stan’s eyes fell on you as you looked to the ground. The last time you’d spoken, he’d left you just standing there after practically begging for help. No part of you was mad, but you could tell he felt guilty, just by his gaze. And it didn’t help that he’d bee wrong, that’d just been proven after what’d happened.

“And um- Henry’s dead.” It wasn’t needed, but you felt like you had to say it. Henry was terrible to you but you’d still killed someone. You didn’t know what would happen, though you knew none of them would ever say anything but you’d physically murdered someone; didn’t matter if he was an asshat half of the time. “So there’s that.”

Richie noticed your discomfort, and could only imagine what you must be thinking. Leaning over, he grabbed your hand; ignoring the looks he received from the others. “You did what you had to do.” 

“Bu-”

“Richie’s right, Y/N.” Eddie interrupted you, turning to look at you with a sincere gaze. “Henry would’ve killed you if you hadn’t done what you did. He deserved it.” Richie squeezed your hand as you reluctantly nodded, giving a small smile his way.

But, we’re glad you’re okay, Stan.” Beverly smiled, her blue eyes brighter than before. Despite the fact that you’d all just come from a fight with a murderous clown and quite literally from a trip in the sewers, everyones faces seemed a whole lot brighter. Even you yourself, you felt less empty than you’d felt for so long. The world seemed brighter and a lot more colourful, rather than the dull black and white you’d been seeing it in for the past four years. 

“Yeah.” Mike agreed, nodding with a smile on his face.

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9

Thank you WWE for making Dean happy.

For 27 years this guy probably felt worthless and unloved and for the past four years, you’ve let us fans prove how much he’s loved and how much he’s worth. Most wrestlers celebrate with their family after winning a title by going backstage, but Dean celebrates with us the WWE universe and loves us because we accepted the “screwed up” kid from Ohio with a broken but big heart with all his imperfections and faults. And for that, we made him happy and to feel human once more,so I can’t thank you enough WWE for seeing his potential and accepting him when no one else would. Because you gave him a family in Roman and Seth, and also us the WWE Universe because we also became Deans family.

Thank you WWE for giving Dean the family he deserves

The Girl Who Ran With Gods

Author: Nat / @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69

Requested: Yes - Anonymous

Tagging: @claireisbetterthandom

Fandom: Thor


Summary: Reader is a girl from Earth who helps Thor’s save Asgard.

Relationship: Pre-Established; Loki x Reader

Word Count: 868

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR RAGNAROK!!!

Originally posted by hiddlescheekbones

 

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It Wasn’t Real (part eight)

Summary: You’re part of the infamous Loser’s Club, and often asked, what are you afraid of? You reply, nothing, but what your friends don’t know is that your biggest fear is them.

prologue - one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten - eleven - finale

A/N: ALSO, WARNING: This is kinda seeming like a Stan x Reader with how much i mention Stan but don’t get it twisted: IT WILL BE A RICHIE X READER! It’s just Stan was so close to winning i wanna still make him a strong, prominent character!

I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Send me a little comment in the ask section or leave it below on what you thought of this chapter. It doesn’t have to be long, I appreciate every single comment I receive and telling me just helps inspire me to write it more frequently.

Pairing: Loser’s Club x Reader, slight Henry x Reader (you’ll see) Richie x Reader and very slight Eddie x Reader

Warnings: force, bullying, depressing and sad tones, and sexual abuse (mild) plus Henry being a dick, so….

Tag’s List: @chalatea - @darlingimafangirl - @chalatea - @myfriendmagislit -@frozenhealswrites - @fl0werb0nes18 - @emotionallyenterprised - @alec-lighwccd - @bellasett - @starshininginthedark - @tastefulcaring - @impulsivesuperrobin - @newtandthediamonds - @huge-waste-of-time​ - @jess-sxcks​ - @theoraekensnotsosecretlover​ - @moonageharry​ - @nieligator​ - @sufferingstilinski​ - @the-fantastic-fandom-dork - @horsiesandstuff​ - @arianamichelle04​ - @alloffmyships​ - @darlingimawriter​ - @gcnnyweasleys​ - @redvelvet-cupcake​ - @almusanzug​ - @d0nt-g0-imagines​ - @brighter-thanthe-sky​ - @murphamy-minefeild​ - @celestesfairy​ - @fly-like-a-grayson​ - @emrysaaryn - @holy-minseok - @antiherojason - @multifandom-states - @mysticsthinking - @ladyfairenvale - @crazyinlovewithbatman - @shaniacboogara - @welcometoourcomputershow - @17marvelousfreak - @funtik2011 - @anon-leaning-against-a-trashbin - @terrashrone - @im-fandom-trash - @mrgrytyrll - @ponyboys-sunsets - @captainslugcat - @eachandeveryfandom - @queenylime - @catwoman2502 - @1enchantedfantasy1
I will no longer be adding anyone!
bolded is who I couldn’t tag.


Originally posted by edsgazebos

“Y/N, do you know what this is?”

You paused, staring at the six that surrounded you. No. No you didn’t know what this was. In truth yo’d all began, right at the quarry. And you had no idea why. “No.” You muttered with a shake of your head; “no I don’t. What is this?”

“Y/N, we’re sorry.” Mike spoke up, stepping into your line of vision. There was a sinking feeling within you and you felt yourself at a loss on what to say. They’re sorry? Sorry for what? For leaving you? Abandoning you? Pretending like you didn’t exist for the past four years? 

As silence carried on, everyone staring at you for a response, you felt your eyes water. They’d yet to answer your question on where Stan was, but you’d wait. You wanted to know why they were so sorry, why they’d done what they’d done. “You’re sorry.” You repeated finally, looking down at your feet. “You’re sorry?” The moment you’d been waiting for was finally coming true, and you didn’t understand why. It’d been so easy to leave you, Bill, Beverly, Ben, all of them, must have stopped talking to you for a reason.

“Y-Yes.” Bill replied, letting his hand fall on your shoulder. 

You shook your head, your hands falling to cover your eyes and to hide the tears than begun to fall. You never expected this day to come, you never thought any of them would speak to you again, let alone apologize for everything. It was the one thing you’ve only ever wanted coming true and here you were hiding your face in your hands as you sobbed. Everything was becoming too much, it felt like this past week had gone by in a blur. “For what?”

“For leaving you when you needed us the most.” Ben answered you, and you felt the entirety of the group surround you. It was just like that day back then, when they’d saved you from Pennywise and hugged you like you were their entire world. You’d all been so close then, so bounded together that you felt like you could defeat anything. Here you were four years later, sobbing as they held you, again

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HOLIDAY FIC RECS:

Tis the Season for… Love? by @afangirlfantasy

Harry seems to have it all: A successful career as a pastry chef, a Victorian home in London, and a dedicated boyfriend who he’s been with for years.  
 One day he stops by his boyfriend’s apartment to surprise him and finds out that he’s not so dedicated to Harry after all. Shocked and too depressed to celebrate, he decides to skip Christmas and on a whim leaves on a plane to New York. In New York he meets Louis…

Or…Louis might just be what Harry’s needed all along.

All the lights are full of colour by @infinitelymint

So, fast-forwarding eight years from the day Harry met Louis, he is now a twenty-seven year old owner of one of the most up-and-coming eating establishments on the London restaurant scene, father of two wonderful boys and… separated from his husband. Now, that last part definitely was never a part of the original plan.

 Or, Harry and Louis are separated, but for the sake of their two sons, they choose to spend Christmas together. It may just lead to a Christmas miracle.

Hear your voice, in the backseat of my car by @a-writerwrites 

Louis gracelessly dropped the back of his seat so he could slide himself into the backseat, the fit tight and cramped and almost too warm. He was unbuttoning his pants when he paused for a moment and took in the sight before him.
“Christ. Look at you.” Louis stopped and just took in what he was seeing. He was speechless and a little overwhelmed but very, very ready to see what would happen next.

Louis drives a cab. Harry needs a ride.

Find You Home by @fullonlarrie

When Louis lies to his family and says he’ll bring his new boyfriend home for Christmas, his best friend and roommate Harry agrees to play the part. It’s that, or be left alone over the holidays.

What will happen? No one knows! Perhaps Santa will swoop in with a Christmas miracle.

Featuring lovesick idiots, kissing and cuddling, pies and Christmas clichés.

There Is A Light by @perfectdagger

Louis and his daughter have had a pretty bad year and things start to change when Harry tries to buy the same doll Louis intended to buy for his little girl for Christmas.

Two girls.
Two fathers.
Two families, meeting and becoming exactly what the other needed during the holidays.

Christmas/New Years AU in which Harry and Louis are single parents and they meet at an odd encounter at the toy shop and somehow, they end up together, bonded by their little ones.

Love Actually, is all around by @satellitemoments 

Love Actually AU. Louis is Prime Minister and Harry his fortunate catering manager.

All I Want For Christmas Is You (And Your Children) by @hazzboolarry 

Harry finds himself at Tesco on December 24th for a quick grocery shopping with his daughter Leah.
He thought he’d come back home with a few things for dinner (and probably a few that Leah slipped through the cart without him noticing).
He absolutely did not think about the possibility of meeting a gorgeous single father of two children.
And inviting him to his Christmas Eve dinner at home.

where the lovelight gleams by @sugarploum

It’s just that he’s so pretty, is all, and Harry’s allowed to dream. He’s not proper dated anyone in years, hasn’t even slept with anyone in months. And he’s got this problem, kind of, where he can’t really stop himself from absolutely falling arse over tit in love with any pretty boy he sees, and Tiny is pretty. Like, pathetically pretty, and Harry’s fucked. He’ll probably never see him again in his life.

They are nearing the front of the line quickly, quicker than Harry would like if not for the sole reason that he’s hardly uttered a word. He looks like a damn fool, and he knows it. It’s just that if he opens his mouth, he’ll stutter over every word, or he’ll say something stupid, and like. Silence is better than that, right?

Or, the one where Louis is an elf called Tiny who works in the Christmas Village, Gemma has a daughter called Eve, and Harry is as soft as melted butter.

A Proposal in the Park by @casuallyhl

For the past four and a half years, Harry and Louis have wanted to come to Winter Wonderland. Neither had ever been, and they both wanted to go together, to share even more amazing memories at Hyde Park. Unfortunately, with the busyness of the Christmas season and Louis’ birthday, they’d never found the time. But this year, this year they’ve finally made it. They’re going to Winter Wonderland, and Harry is determined to make sure neither of them ever forgets this day.

The ring in his coat pocket will make sure of that.

Or, Harry and Louis go on a date to Winter Wonderland.

My Only Wish by @rainbowsandlovehl

“Do you know this Harry Styles?”
“Why, is the one you have to give a gift to?” Liam asked waggling his eyebrows playfully. It’s not like he knew the bloke so why was Liam doing that weird eyebrow lift thing.
“Actually he’s the bloke who is walking towards the toilet,” Sophia added helpfully, pointing towards the bathroom door. Louis turned his head just in time to see long legs disappear behind the door. He was a little too late to glance and he hadn’t even seen his face. Unfair!


Or an Secret Santa AU where Louis doesn’t know how it works and keeps giving Harry gifts and being not so obvious about his flirting.

Let Your Heart Be Light by @larryandgaystuff

A Larry & Ziam fic inspired by The Holiday, aka the loveliest Christmas rom-com of our time.

Your Kiss by @dimpled-halo

Harry’s lips are soft, and he kisses with purpose, and Louis was a goner from the very beginning, just like he knew he would be.

It started with a kiss. Louis wonders if it will end with heartbreak.

Or- Louis and Harry are best friends who make things more complicated when they start to kiss.

Wrapped in Red by @becomeawendybird

Louis backs himself into a corner and has two days to find a date to bring to the Horan Family’s big annual Christmas party to both appease his mother, and show up an ex-boyfriend. In the midst of Christmas shopping and trying to work out his dilemma, he meets Harry Styles, the cute volunteer behind the charity gift wrapping booth.

Sugar & Spice by @hazzabooween

Stuck at Hogwarts over Christmas hols isn’t exactly Louis’ ideal holiday but then Harry’s stuck too this year and they’re actually, genuinely meeting for the first time despite Louis crushing on the younger boy for maybe a year or two.

Interacting with each other leads to a whole new level of fun and shopping and leisure time with a subtle hint of fondness and endearing affection.

So Baby Tonight Just Be the Death of Me by @ireallysawanangel

He hasn’t had much to drink, just enough to make everything feel warm and soft, kind of like the boy currently pressed up against his side.

Louis glances around the room and thinks that even though there is a couple leaning against the wall, a little too close to him, very heatedly making out, and he can hear the faint sounds of someone throwing up in the kitchen sink, and that the whole house smells of sweat and stale alcohol, there is no other place he’d rather be than on this couch with Harry curled into his side.

An AU where Louis is new in town and Harry invites him to a New Year’s party.

Chestnuts Roasting… And All That by @elsi-bee

Louis is apparently the only person at his new job who is single as can be. It’s not a big deal to just tell his new colleagues that he has a boyfriend, right? Until he has to make this imaginary boyfriend magically appear at the office holiday party. Cue fake relationship antics with a certain someone who is more than willing to play along.

Like Candy in My Veins by @littlelouishiccups

“Um…” Harry said slowly after a moment. “Okay. That’s… this is… Let me get this straight.” He lifted up a hand and swallowed. “You told your family that you have a boyfriend… and my name was the first one you thought of?”

“Harry Potter was on TV, alright? It wasn’t that much of a stretch.” Louis pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t believe he was explaining himself to Harry fucking Styles. He couldn’t believe he was stooping this low. “Forget it. I’m sorry I even thought about bringing you into this.”

Harry snorted. “What? Did you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend or something?”

or A/B/O, enemies to lovers, fake relationship, Christmas AU that nobody asked for.

Yet in Thy Dark Streets Shineth by @juliusschmidt

Louis’ life has become the very thing he’s always dreaded: routine. His job is steady, his bills are paid, his friends are preoccupied, his siblings are mostly old enough not to need him, and his mom keeps pestering him about attending church. Apparently, the new minister pulls rainbows and unicorns out of his robes.

Advent arrives three months into Harry’s first call as associate pastor at St. Andrews. Life is… not perfect. He’s still figuring out how do his job and the holidays bring a whole bundle of extra stress. On top of which, he has no friends or family nearby with whom he can decompress. Louis Tomlinson shows up to worship in the nick of time.

Oblivious

A/N: This is my first time posting a fic in years, I’m a dramatic asshole so the reader has a dramatic backstory and a lot of internal monologue and conflict. Also, this is one of those, the reader is Dustin’s older sisters fics. Hopefully, there are no errors! I had my English major brother and sister go through it to proofread. Let me know if you see a flaw though! And if you’re interested in a second part. This is only the first 3 pages of an 18-page document so I’ve got it pretty fleshed out. I’m still in limbo on whether or not it is going to be an AU where there was no upside down or if the reader is just blissfully unaware of those events. My characterization is probably garbage so sorry about that, lol. 
Summary: Dustin’s older sister has worked hard to maintain her grades and help her mother with the family responsibilities after their dad left. With their mother having become more absent, the reader takes over as head of the household. When Dustin befriends his sister’s longtime acquaintance and crush, Steve Harrington, the pair see each other more often and the reader’s feelings resurface but the reader is convinced that Steve would never be interested in her. (I’m shit at summaries, sorry)
Pairing(s): Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader, Jonathan Byers x Nancy Wheeler
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Absent(borderline neglectful) parents, language, slight self-loathing?
Word Count: 1,546

[PART 2] [PART 3] [PART 4]

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2

Happy new year everyone! 🎉 Here in Italy we use to eat lentils the last day of the year, it should brings ‘money’ (never happened in my life, but lentils are good)

also sorry for basically being a ghost in the past three/four months, uni life has been very intense this year (I barely have the time to draw for myself) but HEY it’s my last year and, if everything goes right, I might try to go to an art school after I graduate!! It’d be a dream!!! For now I wish you all a very energetic new year!! Thank you always for your support 💕

know no better

Summary: Eggsy’s got a weakness - you. || Kingsman/Marvel au!crossover

Pairing: Eggsy Unwin x Reader, feat. Bucky Barnes

Warnings: Mentions of self-hatred, insecurity

Word Count: 2.7k [wow I am so sorry]

A/N: Inspired by Sebastian’s Hugo Boss campaign photos - Bucky Barnes and Eggsy Unwin together? Hell yeah. This is dedicated to my beloved soulmate Nicole. [@buckyywiththegoodhair] - happy birthday, again, my love. | masterlist



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“Today Jin-Hyung graduated from his university, but he couldn’t go to the graduation ceremony. So knowing his personality he’s probably very upset… even though he’s pretending like he’s not” - Jimin

Important info

anonymous asked:

Naruto gets taken in and raised by Koharu. He learns everything a traditional kunoichi does, as well as those combat skills that were what made kunoichi like Koharu, Touka, and Mito so absolutely fucking terrifying. But he always maintains the elegance and poise Koharu-obaasama taught him, even when handing Sasuke his broken teeth on a platter. Sakura and Ino are SO JEALOUS™ but also SO PROUD because ladylike but still male Naruto is awesome.

“I’m not going to approve this,” Hiruzen tells his former teammate, utterly bewildered.

“Of course you are,” Koharu tells him briskly, and the look on her face is one she most often used to turn on him and Danzō when they were being particularly obtuse. “Lady Mito’s spirit came to me in a dream to point out the in injustice being done to her descendant. I’m fixing it, and you had best not get in my way, Saru.”

Perched on her lap, four-year-old Naruto turns wide-starry eyes on her. “You talk to the Hokage like that?” he asks excitedly.

Hiruzen, who is still trying to sort out the Lady Mito’s spirit part of that, catches sight of that expression out of the corner of his eye and freezes as trepidation bolts down his spine.

“I’m being perfectly polite,” Koharu tells Naruto, and it’s true. Mostly. Except she wields manners the same way she wields an explosive tag, which is to say devastatingly. “People can never say no to good manners, if you use them correctly.”

Oh no. That expression on Naruto’s face is the same one he was wearing when he saw Hiruzen use a jutsu for the first time, and it doesn’t bode well for any part of Hiruzen’s remaining sanity. “Utatane—” he starts warningly.

“Hokage-sama.” He hasn’t heard her sound that icy since he suggested it was too dangerous to go out looking for Tobirama’s body, and years of experience has him snapping his mouth shut automatically. Koharu regards him narrowly for another moment, then nods in satisfaction and sets a neat stack of papers on the desk. “Naruto is coming home with me,” she says. “I will teach him sealing and how to comport himself—no more of this wreaking havoc in the village nonsense. And you will approve it.”

This situation is slipping from Hiruzen’s grasp so quickly it’s giving him a rash. “Only if you agree to cut ties with Danzō,” he says desperately.

Koharu gives him her patented I’m disappointed you’re not more intelligent but also remain unsurprised by this fact look and taps an imperious finger on the papers. “Section three,” she says primly, because of course Utatane Koharu would never hand in paperwork that wasn’t in sections. There was a reason Tobirama liked her best, and it wasn’t her penchant for explosions. Well, not entirely. “Proof of Danzō’s continuing activities, several methods to stop him, a cost-benefit analysis of doing so immediately as compared to phasing Root out slowly, and Mitokado’s agreement not to participate in any more of Danzō’s activities.”

Hiruzen wonders what she did to poor Homura to get his compliance, but very carefully doesn’t ask. Instead, he looks at the boy who may as well be his grandson, who he’s managed to keep at arm’s length, practically neglected, for the past four years, and sighs a little.

“Naruto?” he asks quietly. “Are you all right with this?”

Koharu’s expression shades towards affront, but before she can say anything—or stuff a mild exploding tag down his robes, because that was always one of her favorite ugh you’re such a boy reactions—Naruto turns to look up at her, and…

Well. Hiruzen realizes with a start that while he’s seen Naruto happy, he’s never seen him glad before.

“Oba-sama bought me a kimono,” he says, as though this is bewildering. “Because I thought it was pretty. An’ she said I can learn to fight like a hero of Konoha.” He pronounces the words carefully, clearly aware of the reverence with which Koharu treats her heroes.

Hiruzen just wishes that her heroes weren’t Uzumaki Mito and Senju Tōka, because he knows Koharu. She doesn’t give a damn about gender—Naruto will learn kunoichi skills because she knows how to make them devastating, and because all the shinobi she looks up to used them. And that, coupled with her love of exploding tags and her fuinjutsu knowledge, and Naruto’s bloodline of genius and his chakra reserves—

It takes effort not to wince.

“Utatane—” he starts, even though he doesn’t have a solid protest formed.

A mistake, clearly, because Koharu’s dark eyes go flinty, and she rises to her feet in a swirl of perfectly arranged robes. “Saru,” she says coolly. “Your desk, top drawer on the left, under a false bottom. Second bookshelf from the right of the door, third shelf, behind the treatise on politics during the First World War. Tenth floorboard from the window, in a black box sealed with—”

Hiruzen flings himself forward right over his desk, clapping a hand across her mouth. All the blood has drained from his face, and he gives her a wild-eyed look.

“You witch,” he accuses. “Leave my literature alone.”

Koharu rolls her eyes, grips his wrist between two delicate fingers, and pulls it away from her mouth. She pauses just long enough to make sure Hiruzen knows she’s thinking about breaking it for the offense, then lets go. “Hide it better,” she retorts. “Or for heaven’s sake don’t read porn on the job.”

Naruto, always the first to latch on to something he shouldn’t—case in point, the way he’s happily perched on Koharu’s hip right this moment, and Hiruzen has the uncharitable thought that he’s surprised she hasn’t broken her hip yet, with all her marching around giving orders—perks up at that. “What’s porn?” he asks excitedly.

“A way to lead foolish men around by the nose,” Koharu says precisely. “Saru, I expect those forms to be filed with the appropriate departments by the end of the day tomorrow. Naruto, let’s go home.”

“Yes, Oba-sama!” Naruto cheers, and he waves cheerfully over her shoulder as she sweeps out of the Hokage’s office.

Hiruzen slumps back in his chair and drags his hands over his face, then leans over and fishes out a bottle of sake. For a moment he debates the cup, but then he pictures Naruto with elegance and poise and the ability to break anyone’s teeth without losing composure, and just pops the cork.

At the very least, it will be an interesting few years.

(Hiruzen really, really hopes he can retire before Naruto reaches Academy age, because that will make ‘interesting’ look like a morning stroll in comparison.)

“Terrifying old bat,” he mutters, waving the sake in vague salute, and then drinks straight from the bottle.