these man children

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.

every time I see a post that’s addressing lesbians who have little to no experience with women, it’s always like, ‘it’s okay to have not kissed a girl at 16 or 18 or even 21!!!!’ and I know tumblr skews toward younger people, but it still feels like a harsh reminder that I’m years behind, even by other lesbians’ standards.

it’s totally normal and okay to not have experience with women at any age. it’s okay if you have never been with a woman and you’re 30 or 50 or 70 or even older. it’s okay if you didn’t come out until after you married a man or had children with him. it’s okay if you didn’t even realize you were gay until 25 or 45 or older.

you’re still a ‘real’ lesbian if you didn’t realize you were gay, or if you have a long history of dating men, or if you’ve never slept with a woman. 

and no matter how old you are, you still have time. you have time to find a girlfriend or wife. you have time to make memories with a woman. you have time to fall in love.