these just give me such good laughs

anonymous asked:

She's a friend but I wish I can be more than friends with her. She always looks flawless and perfect even on the days she says she looks bad. When she stops by my dorm by surprise my leg gives out sometimes b/c i don't know how to act around her. Sometimes i feel these moments when it's just us 2 and can feel the moment of just wanting to kiss each other but we back away b/c our friends show up outta no where. I would give my kidney and left lobe of my lung to her in a snap.

Girl, you’re so gay :) I love it. And it would be such a good fiction story. I love pining. Gaze-exchange, speaking with eyes, gentle touches, sensing her smell from a distance and knowing it’s her…
you’re going to laugh at it when you finally end up being together :) I’m sending you soooo much good energy. Tell me when she’s officially your girlfriend, then when you share a flat, adopt cats together and do all the lesbian stuff we all do so soon in a relationship :) 💫💫💫



➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖ Brag about your girl. Go on anon (or not) and tell me about your girlfriend. How do you know she’s the love of your life?

Death Note (2017)

This movie was…well, it was something. And that something is terrible. My thoughts:

Good Things:

  • William Dafoe as Ryuk was amazing. He fit the part perfectly and was delightfully creepy. 
  • Kieth Stanfield was surprisingly good as L. His mannerisms were perfect, and his more emotional approach gave the character an appealing weakness amidst his oddity.
  • The few gambits that actually appeared were very well-crafted, particularly the finale. They actually felt like Death Note, unlike the rest of the film.
  • Light’s facial expressions and girlish screams made me laugh so much that I’m putting them here

Bad Things:

  • The establishing shots existing only to demonstrate how Mia and Light are edgy outcasts who will naturally have perfect chemistry
  • “Light Turner”
  • Everything about Light’s character. He’s the opposite of the original character- an outcast, stupid, easily controlled by his emotions, acts like the most suspicious person on the planet, outright admits to being Kira to L’s face- everything that made the original Light great is gone and replaced with something that doesn’t fit. 
  • How is decapitation the first method of death you think of for a school bully
  • The pacing is so bad. Like, it’s hard to even give a specific example because the entire movie counts.
  • “Your mom was kind of a hippie.” THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE HOW STUPID HIS NAME SOUNDS.
  • Where are the mind games and gambits? There were precisely two moments that felt like the original in terms of genius and complexity.
  • Character motivations. Almost no one has a believable reason for doing what they do. Mia especially. She just…comes out of left field.
  • “If we make the deaths super gory, people will think we’re cool.”
  • “If we say the word fuck a lot, people will think we’re cool.”
  • The lack of subtlety. 
  • L comes from a creepy orphanage for some reason
  • Matsuda is not here
  • The romantic plot is so. Bad. “Hey, I can impress a girl by showing her how I have the power to murder anyone I want!” “Hey, I’m into that!” “Let’s plot the deaths of dozens of people on our next date!”
  • On that note, all the dialogue is terrible
  • There’s something about the way everyone treats L that’s just…off. In the original, he was eccentric but respected. Here, he’s eccentric and no one likes him.
  • Why is Watari so obsessed with sleep????
  • Watari was pretty much wasted tbh
  • No feel of rivalry between Light and L whatsoever. 
  • THE TOP HAT
  • Why is everything so edgy????
  • The flowers that just friggin…explode when Mia lands on them
  • What is with the corny pop music at inappropriate times???
  • Light having a “Normal People Scare Me” sticker on his locker pretty much summarizes the entire movie
  • No potato chip scene. A travesty

Basically, watch this movie if you want a good laugh via ridiculous edginess, unneeded gore, and necessary swearing. I would’ve liked to see an Americanized Death Note that made better use of its differences from the original to better fit its target audience, but this movie just tried waaaaaay too hard to be dark and gritty while giving nothing of substance. But it is hilarious. And at least it’s got William Defoe.

【Japan Official Fanclub Magazine Vol.5】 BTS Ranking Q1 - 8

Q1: Which member seems to be suitable to have a heart-to-heart talk with?

1. RAP MONSTER 6323 votes
2. J-HOPE 2728 votes
3. JIMIN 2572 votes
4. SUGA 1525 votes
5. JIN 870 votes
6. JUNGKOOK 189 votes
7. V 163 votes
(RAP MONSTER: I consult with our members.)

JIN: Who do you guys think is #7?
JUNGKOOK: V hyung!
SUGA: Shouldn’t it be Jungkook, since he’s the maknae?
V: No, Jin hyung is definitely in the lower rank.
JIN: Nope,it’s V, right? (laughs)
J-HOPE: The result is… oh oh oh!
SUGA: The difference between #1 and #7’s votes is so big.
V: What does everyone think of me? (laughs)
RAP MONSTER: V is a member that we need to talk him about his troubles. (laughs)
JIMIN: The reasons for picking Rap Monster hyung are mainly “because he’s the leader that united the group”, “it seems that he can give the right advice”.
JUNGKOOK: Hyung usually listens to everyone’s worries.
V: The best leader!
RAP MONSTER: I like discussing about the worries that you guys have!
SUGA: I really want to know the reason why V is #7.
J-HOPE: They wrote “it seems that V will give unexpected answers”.
JIN: That’s right. V would unexpectedly give really good answers.
V: Yay! I got 1 vote. (laughs)

Q2: Who do you want to make lunch box for you?

1. JIN 10292 votes
2. JIMIN 1054 votes
3. JK 928 votes
4. SUGA 772 votes
5. V 539 votes
6. RAP MONSTER 421votes
7. J-HOPE 364 votes
(JIN: It has to be me when comes to cooking!)

JIMIN: Suga hyung have made sandwiches before.
SUGA: Very delicious.
V: Hyung cooks often too.
SUGA: Yeah, I’ve made lunch boxes for our members.
RAP MONSTER: It’s just V and I who can’t cook.
JIN: You’ve burnt a pan before! (laughs)
J-HOPE: Do I give people the impression that I don’t cook?
JIN: Hobi’s cooking level is average.
JUNGKOOK: It’s not very delicious and it’s not awful (laughs).

Q3: Who likes to talk for a long time on the phone?

1. V 5548 votes
2. JIMIN 3512 votes
3. J-HOPE 2142 votes
4. JIN 1915 votes
5. JUNG KOOK 542 votes
6. RAP MONSTER 475 votes
7. SUGA 236 votes
(JIMIN: The calls are short but I call often.)

RAP MONSTER: V is #1!
SUGA: A lot of people wrote “V probably can talk incessantly even if he’s alone.”
V: I won’t even notice if the other person isn’t talking (laughs) It’s right that I like to talk on the phone!
RAP MONSTER: #2 is Jimin and the reason is “he updates Twitter often, so it seems that he will call often”, a very good impression.
JIMIN: I think I’m the type that wouldn’t call a long time but I would call often.
JUNGKOOK: I don’t make calls! Sometimes when I think I have been talking for 30 minutes but it has only been 1 minute. I was so surprised.
JIN: I hate phone calls too. I like to contact people by texting. Even when I make calls, I would be like “hey, check your texts” and then end the call. (laughs)
SUGA: Me too, I always try to send texts.
RAP MONSTER: I like to make long calls, so I can talk for 3 hours.
J-HOPE: I often make video calls compared to the normal calls.
V: You follow fashion!
JIN: I completely forgot such function existed. (laughs)

Q4: If you go to the seaside together, who would be the noisiest member?

1. V 5306 votes
2.JUNG KOOK 3741 votes
3.J-Hope 3565 votes
4. JIMIN 1009 votes
5. JIN 374 votes
6. SUGA 251 votes
7. RAP MONSTER 124 votes

RAP MONSTER: Although I’m #7, I can be unexpectedly quite noisy.
JIN: Unexpectedly, I can be super noisy!
JUNGKOOK: Unexpectedly I’m not noisy. (laughs) 
JIN: Yeah, Jungkook isn’t noisy. I feel like Jimin and I will have fun until we collapse. 
V: Rap Monster hyung unexpectedly is the lively type. 
SUGA: Unexpectedly I’m not noisy. 
JIN: That’s not unexpected at all! (laughs) 
J-HOPE: I think I would change depending on the situation. 
JIMIN: The reasons for #1 V are “because he’s like a child”, “if V goes to play on his own, you probably won’t even know where he ran off to.”
RAP MONSTER: That’s right, but Jungkook would go missing if he secretly goes off by himself.
V: Yeah, Rap Monster hyung who’s next to me, you know someone is missing!

Q5: If you had to pick the first alien in BTS, who would you pick?

1. V 9312 votes
2. SUGA 1678 votes
3. RAP MONSTER 1314 votes
4. J-Hope 818 votes
5. JUNG KOOK 637 votes
6. JIN 371 votes
7. JIMIN 240 votes
(V: I’m definitely the leading #1! (laughs))

JIN: This is made for V, right? (laughs)
RAP MONSTER: The result… eh, Suga hyung is #2 and I’m #3!? So unexpected.
SUGA: After I had the appendix surgery, I couldn’t go to the space. (laughs)
JUNGKOOK: I want to go~
J-HOPE: The reason for Rap Monster is “it seems that his mind can easily be in sync with the aliens’ minds”.
ALL: (bursts out laughing)
JIMIN: This means that I give people the impression that I’m the most normal member.
V: What about me then? (laughs)

Q6: The member can do bungee jump without hesitation?  

1. JUNGKOOK 10657 votes
2. SUGA 1143 votes
3. JIMIN  650 votes
4. J-HOPE 590 votes
5. RAP MONSTER 588 votes
6. V 469 votes
7. JIN 273 votes
(JUNGKOOK: Bungee jump is fun!)

RAP MONSTER: #7 Jin hyung got so little votes. (laughs) There isn’t a big difference between #3 – 6.
JIN: Hey, including #7, there isn’t a big difference. When have I left such impression on you guys? (laughs)
J-HOPE: Those who picked Jin hyung wrote, “Jin hyung has broad shoulders, so the air resistance would be really big.”
ALL: (bursts out laughing)
JIN: Wow, this is very scientific! (laughs)
JIMIN: A lot of people wrote for #1 Jungkook, “it seems that he can jump easily.”
JUNGKOOK: Yes! That’s right.
J-HOPE: For #2 Suga, “Suga has the image that he doesn’t react to scary things.”
SUGA: If it’s for filming, I can jump otherwise I wouldn’t. It’s the occupational disease. (laughs)
V: Actually, everyone is really scared except Jungkook.
J-HOPE: Yeah, everyone can do bungee jump but only Jungkook would enjoy it.
V: I did it once and I thought I was going to die!
RAP MONSTER: I don’t want to do it ever again. (laughs)

Q7: Who do you want to be a comic duo with?

1. J-HOPE 6199 votes
2. JIN 2752 votes
3. SUGA 1677 votes
4. V 1327 votes
5. RAP MONSTER 957 votes
6. JIMIN 950 votes
7. JUNG KOOK 508 votes
(J-HOPE: Let’s make a comic duo with Suga hyung.)

SUGA: Hobi has got to be no.1.
J-HOPE: Many people want to see Suga hyung and I do a comic act.
RAP MONSTER: The silly one (boke) is Hobi and the straight man in comedy (tsukkomi) is Suga hyung.
J-HOPE: Don’t be like that!
ALL: (laughs)
V: Jungkook is #7 so unexpected. Isn’t he funny in Japan?
JUNGKOOK: No, my image in Japan is handsome/ cool.
RAP MONSTER: But Jungkook is the most hilarious, he has the ability to make people laugh.
JIMIN: No, recently Jin hyung is the funniest.
V: Yeah, I think Jin hyung is #1!

Q8: Who can’t get up? (Who’s weak in the morning)?

1. SUGA 6692 votes
2.JUNG KOOK 3590 votes
3.V 2623 votes
4.JIMIN 694 votes
5.RAP MONSTER 439 votes
6.J-Hope 229 votes
7. JIN 103 votes

SUGA: Even though I’m #1, I can get up straight away. I produce music so I often stay up at night, I would usually take naps in between the gaps.
JUNGKOOK: The most energetic in the morning is Hobi hyung, hyung always gets up the earliest.
JIN: Even if Jimin gets up early, he takes a long time to prepare.
J-HOPE: But he can’t get up. (laughs)
JIMIN: I’ve been trying recently.
JIN: Huh˜? But I can smell that someone was late today (sniffs)
JIMIN: I got up straight away in the morning. I’m not that slow these days~ 
ALL: (laughs)
RAP MONSTER: #2 Jungkook actually can’t get up, just like it’s written here “Jungkook might get angry if you wake him up.”
V: During the trainee days, I prepared a surprise for Jungkook’s birthday but he didn’t get up no matter how many times I’ve knocked on the door. I had to pull his legs to the living room. (laughs)
J-HOPE: V stop talking about other people (laughs), someone wrote “it seems that V would crawl back to sleep (or have unprotected sleep) 4 times.” This is so on point.
V: Yeah! If I wake up, I’ll fall back to sleep (laughs)

V’s palm reading; Jimin; Suga; Rap Monster; JungkookJinJ-Hope
Q: What do you want to challenge yourself this summer?
BTS Biography - Jimin
BTS Biography - V (Vol.3)BTS Biography - Suga (Vol.2)

Trans: KIMMYYANG (from Chinese - blinglingGI)

i am not a good partner. i know you say you want to stay so we can both work through this, but i’ve been up and down my own mind and i’ve never found an exit. i lash out and i laugh at the wrong things and i know you’re patient it’s just that i feel like all this good you have in you is wasted on me. you should be with someone better. i’m sorry i’m letting you stay when you should really leave. it’s just that you give me hope i could be happy. that’s sort of intoxicating.

MORNING AFTER WITH BTS || Friends version

waking up next to your best friend after a drunk one night stand can’t be good… right?

Seokjin:

★you and jin had shared a bed many times

★so waking up next to you wasn’t something that bothered him

★he was used to waking up with a dead arm because you were laid on it

★what did bother him was that the two of you were naked

★he’d scrunch up his face trying to piece the small bits of memory he had together

★the panic would rise slightly as he tried to remember if he was protected

★that would soon be quashed when he saw the foil wrapper on the bedside drawers

★he’d then begin to panic over what would happen when you woke up

★would you leave and never talk to him again?

★over something the two of you couldn’t even remember?

★he decided to just treat it like any other time you two wake up together

★he carefully moved you from his arm and onto a pillow

★pulled on a pair of pyjamas

★and went to cook breakfast for the two of you

★when you finally woke and went to find him in the kitchen he’d offer you a small smile

★’you’re making omelette?’

★’it’s your favourite’

★’no egg pun with that?’

★’my egg puns aren’t craking today’

★’oh thank god. i thought you were going to be off with me’

★’why would i do that?’

★’you might see me different after last night’

★’i do see you different’

★’oh’

★’i see you as a god/goddess. now sit down and have your breakfast’

★the two of you ate while talking about the last thing you remember from last night

★'it isn’t as bad as they make it look in movies. we haven’t screamed at eachother, nor do we regret it’

★’you don’t regret it?’

★’i got to sleep with the most handsome man in the world, what’s to regret?’

★’you’re such an idiot’



Yoongi:

★more like afternoon after 

★you woke before him

★and decided it would be best to let the poor guy try get as much sleep as possible

★when you move to get off the bed to dress and leave, he’ll groan as his sleep was disturbed

★he’d watch you pull on your clothes then clear his throat

★’so that’s it? you’re not even going to tell me how i was?’

★’how do you not know how you were?’

★’i was drunk’

★’so was i’

★’well we’re just gonna have to do it again’

★when you threw a piece of clothing at him he’d laugh and sit up

★’you want to go get breakfast?’

★’it’s two in the afternoon’ 

★’we’re breaking the fast, Y/N. therefore it’s breakfast’

★’here’s me thinking i would have breakfast made for me’

★’i’m just as disgusted about last night i deserve compensation in the form of food also’

★when you frowned at his words, he’ll reach to pull you back onto the bed

★’it’s called a joke, love’

★he’d wrap the covers around you along with his arms

★he’d nuzzle his face into you

★and his hands would come to rest on your stomach under your shirt

★’i was serious about the doing it again thing. i’d like to do it again many times’ 

★’is that your way of asking me to be your friend with benefits?”

★’no, that was my way of asking if you’d be my girlfriend/boyfriend’

★’will i get breakfast in bed?’

★’no’

★’then it’s a no from me’

★’you little shit’

★you’d both stay laid in bed until your stomach growled

★he’d order food from his phone

★’i could cook’

★’it would require you getting out of bed’

★’we can’t stay in bed forever’

★’not with that attitude you can’t’

★he really loves to play with your hands???

★he’ll trace shapes, lyrics, his shopping list

★when it’s time for you to leave, he’ll kinda just stretch out on the bed 

★and pout

★’take me up on my offer of going out with me’

★’why should i?’

★’because i never want to wake up without you again’


Hoseok:

★softest gentleman to ever live

★when he got out of bed, he’d wrap the covers over you so none of you was exposed

★he’d go and start breakfast and make you both coffee

★when he returned to the room to see you waking up he’d turn to mush

★’breakfast is cooking. do you want to join me for a quick shower?’  

★’that would be lovely’

★’i’ve only got shower gel for me, so you’ll have to smell like me for a while’

★he’d help you out of bed and walk you to the bathroom  

★when under the water, he’ll massage your shoulders and back 

★’i could get used to this’ 

★he’d laugh and pull you back to him 

★’do you want to get used to it?’

★he’d sway with you in his arms

★’we should go eat’

★helps you get dried 

★let’s you wear something from his wardrobe

★gushes over it

★is a big ball of mush for you

★sits you on the sofa and spoon feeds you breakfast



Namjoon:

★he’d warm with joy when he wakes up to see your naked form curled into him

★though his smile would quickly fade when he saw the bruises that decorated your skin

★his fingers would run over one slowly

★you’d give a groan in response and he’d move away quickly

★’why did you stop?’ 

★you moved to look up at him

★a frown of your own on your face when you saw his expression

★’do you want me to leave?’

★’no! no, it’s just that I made a mess of you’

★you’d look down to your chest and giggle at the purple spots you now adorned

★’it’s not funny! you should’ve stopped me!’

★’why? it obviously felt good’

★’it looks painful’

★’i think it looks pretty. a souvenir, if you will’

★his mood would lift back up at your laughing 

★he’d move to hover over you and kiss all over the marks  

★he’d help you get dressed 

★would try his best to brush you hair

★but ends up getting the brush stuck

★so he gives up and lets you take over

★this poor pup can’t cook for his life so out to mcdonalds you go

★he’d wrap his arm around you while you walked 

everything happens for a reason, you know’

★‘yeah, it was always destined for you to take me to mcdonalds for lunch’



Jimin:

★jimin took good care of you as your friend

★but after you’d been intimate hot damn be prepared to be treated like royalty

★you’d wake up on your own

★but a few seconds after you’d see him walk through the door with a tray in his hands

★’you’re not leaving until I’ve fed you’

★’who said i was planning on leaving?”

★you’d both giggle alot

★after eating breakfast together in bed, you’d flop next to him and sigh

★’tell me how much you liked it~’ 

★’it was alright’

★’alright? alright wouldn’t have made you moan like that’

★’how do you remember that?’

★’you don’t forget the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard’

★’shut up’ 

★he’d lay over you to stop you from getting up

★’are we still friends?’

★'you wanna be friends after i had you a quivering mess beneath me? i don’t think so. we’re walking away at least friends with benefits. but me being your boyfriend would be ideal’

★soft bub would turn red when you agreed to the whole dating thing

★he’d move to pin your arms on the bed and straddle your stomach

★’tell me you love me’

★’i don’t’

★’then why’d you say yes?’

★’you got a nice butt’

★would attack you with kisses



Taehyung:

★if you think you could sneak out of bed think again

★he’d have his limbs wrapped around you so tight while you slept

★so when you woke up, you’d try to shimmy out of his grip

★but gave up shortly after 

★so you just laid and waiting for him to wake up

★and when he did you’d be smothered in kisses

★he’d be so happy that you’re still here

★’you didn’t leave?”

★’how could i leave when you’ve got me in a death grip?’

★’oh, sorry’

★he’d free you from the cage his limbs made 

★so you can finally stretch

★upon stretching you finally feel the numbness in your lower half

★b/c my boy goes h a r d 

★when he hears you wince, he frowns and pulls you close to him

★probably says ‘sorry’ 2343223 times

★will run a bath for you to ease some of the throbbing

★but ends up joining you 

★hums while washing your hair

★when you’re dried and dressed he’ll cook for you

★and by cook i mean make toast for you

★he’d sit opposite you, watching you eat

★’is there something on my face?’

★’you’re glowing’

★he’d giggle as your cheeks turned red

★’you look very pretty in the morning’

★’you’re very greasy in the morning’

★he wouldn’t let you out of his sight

★for some reason he thinks you’re ten times more fragile after sex

if another member comes near you he’ll wrap you close to him


Jungkook:

★one huge misunderstanding

★you’d had to leave for whatever reason

★so when he woke up to find your side empty he frown

★and kinda just lay there

★trying to remember as much from last night as possible

★he thought you regretted it because you left

★so he wouldn’t text you

★he didn’t want to feel uncomfortable

★and you thought he didn’t text you beause he was ashamed 

★the two of you would just mope around

★the other members would be upset by the shift of mood

★they’d plan to lock you in a room until you sorted things out and things could go back to normal 

★’so’

★’so’

★’you alright?’

★’missed you a bit, but i’m good’

★’you missed me?’

★’yeah, not having you to talk to is awful’

★’i thought you were ashamed’

★’and i thought you were embarrased’

★’we didn’t speak for two weeks because of a misunderstanding?’ 

★’well when we’re done here you’re coming to the dorms and staying until further notice. I have two weeks to catch up on’ 

3

I had a joy playing opposite to Gal and getting a chance to fall in love with her. Patty gave me an objective which was to flirt, make her laugh. Tumble, breathe heavily like you’re doing something physical. And I said that sounds like a plan. And, you know, Gal’s my pal. So we just goofed around and had a good time. - Chris Pine on working with Gal Gadot

“Chris is such a talented, smart, funny, funny, funny, funny guy. People don’t understand how funny he is. We had to break so many takes because he made me laugh. I felt very, very comfortable working with him.” - Gal Gadot on working with Chris Pine

Baseball (M)

(I can’t get over baseball Jungkook so I had to write something)

╳ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader 

╳ Genre: smut | One shot

╳ Summary: You hated being dragged to baseball games because your best friends boyfriend was on the team. But maybe this time wasn’t going to be so bad.


“You know I hate baseball” You said, your arm being dragged as your friend pulled you across your lawn.

“Yes, and basically any sport” Your friend Rylee said, unlocking her car door. “But today is his big game and I really want you to come along!”

Keep reading

After they revive Noctis on teh throne they find that some of the damage was too severe and he’s slowly and painstakingly working back to full mobility.  He still cant walk but everyday sees minute improvements so he’s hopeful.

“What did you think about the Duchess?”
“I think we need to focus getting you on your feet before we consider political matches”
“I know, but it would be something joyful for the people to have, something positive after so long”
A wedding to focus on, their King putting on a show
“Why don’t you marry Prompto then 8D That would give them something to talk about”
And Noct starts to laugh because it WOULD
‘Youre an ass"
“mhmm”
“Send him up would you, when you see him”
“Will do”
Thought he was so subtle
Prom knocks and lets himself in half an hour later and Nocts dozing
cheeky grin
“Hey dude, Gladio said you wanted to talk to me about some proposal…Im literally the worst person to talk politics with. You realise this right??’
”…….he did, did he?“
"Yeah it was kinda weird”
“I just wanted some company
"Oh! Well, that I am VERY good at.”
And he’s start shedding layers
Before climbing over Noct to the inside of the bed and settling down in his boxers and undershirt
Noct just snorts and swats at him as he gets jabbed on the way
Noctis pushes himself closer tucking along Prompto’s side
“You okay buddy?”
“I am now”

Theyre not a couple yet
but it’s only a matter of time
Next morning
“WELL, at least we know everything’s working fine down there”
“Prompto…”
“What?? I’d want to know if it was me”
Then teasing
“Its a perfectly natural reaction…..when sharing a bed with me”
“Oh get over yourself”

Our DM hates us and seduction doesn't always work even when it does...

So this was my first time playing D&D and it was a hilarious tragedy. I’d gotten a few of my friends together for a quick adventure and the whole time we were crying with laughter… especially during this part…

Now, so far in the adventure I, a dark elf rogue, and our human bard had been getting crap for roles… not joking, we could barely role higher than 7, while our Cleric was the definition of beginners luck, rolling nat 20’s at like every turn.

We’d barely made it to this point alive, nearly getting killed by a GODDAMN RIVER, when we came to a cave being guarded by some goblins.

Now our bard was all about the charisma, the smooth talker, the charming lad, but he couldn’t speak goblin. I on the other hand could.

So he, of course, rolls a 3 for this encounter…

The goblins are now angrily charging at us and we’re kinda beat up from the river and not happy with our luck atm so I make a quick decision to try to talk to the goblins again, since I had the second highest charisma skill.

Our DM because he’s an idiot says,
“Lol what d'ya wanna do? Seduce them?”

Me: “…..yes.”

Bard: OOC: “Oh my god…”

And LOW AND BEHOLD WHEN I ROLL

DM: “……its a nat 20”

Me: OOC: “HELL YEAH.”

DM: “…You slowly unlace just the top part of your tunic, winking at them, and giving them a flirtatious line.”

Me: “Uh-huh-”

DM: “-It works too well and they rabidly jump on you.”

The bard is laughing his ass off
The Cleric is crying

Me: OOC: “20 IS SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD FOR ME, F*%# YOU!!!”

The Cleric and bard had to pull me out and the goblins met a very brutal death by Cleric bludgeoning and an unnecessarily over stabbing from the bard.
The rest of the night I couldn’t escape goblin “goo” jokes
Hate my DM, but goddammit it was hilarious

Counting Orgasms

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Type: Smut, overstimulation, multiple orgasms

Plot: You learn your lesson, a lesson about never lying. To never lie about how good your boyfriend is in bed.

Originally posted by wonhobe

I couldn’t do it. Desperate moans, fingers working vociferously at my clit. Images of my boyfriend painted in my mind. I just could not do it. No matter what I tried. A bath, a sexy movie, listening to my boyfriend’s music. Nothing worked better than his touch. And he deprived me of it recently. I just couldn’t cum without him.

I was driven mad by this. Entirely desperate for such an unobtainable release. I knew he was the only one whom could grant this, and I resented him so much for denying it. Sure, he was busy. But how busy can a man be to deprive his girlfriend of her own basic needs? I needed to vent before a fight brewed. So, I did just that.

“Y/N… Why don’t you just talk to him about it?” My best friend confided in me. We were face timing, and I was begging for a solution to such a peculiar problem.

My eyes widened, “No! Are you kidding! If I were to talk to him about this he would just write me off as being horny and annoying, not sexy and needy.”  I snapped suddenly at my friend, my own sexual tension, and frustration beginning to escape through words.

Her eyes stared at me for a moment, a smile erupting on her face, “You are so sexually frustrated Y/N.” She exclaimed, laughing to the point of tears welling in her eyes.

I rolled your eyes, finding a small laugh bubbling up within you due to hearing her’s. I sighed, “It’s not funny, okay? He hasn’t done anything with me for, like, 2 weeks. I’m dying over here.” I whined, pouting at the joke of it.

My friend snickered, “Is it because you can’t get him up anymore?” She asked deviously, making me gasp immediately.

“What? No! That’s not it at all!” I defended myself, taken aback by her question. I had wondered about this for the past 2 weeks, but soon enough came to the conclusion that it wasn’t my fault, but rather his.

“Then why on earth would your boyfriend not want to fuck you?” My friend challenged, wiggling her eyebrows. I laughed with her at this, shrugging my shoulders.

“I don’t know… He says he’s busy but when he is home he doesn’t do anything. I’ve been trying so damn hard. It feels like he doesn’t want me.” I relished in my own pity party, a frown overtaking my expression.

“Aww, Y/N… I’m sure it’s not your fault! You’re beautiful, okay? I bet he just feels awkward because he knows he isn’t fucking you right.” At this, I laughed. I laughed so hard that I snorted, catching both me and my friend by surprise.

“Come on though, Y/N… Spill it, he isn’t good in bed, is he? Because if he was, he’d be fucking you every night. Hell, if I were gay I would too.” My friend announced, making my laughter never cease to give up, “Come on! Just admit it.” She egged on.

“Okay, okay. I mean, the last time we did anything he couldn’t even make me cum.” I chimed in. My friend’s eyes lit up at this, “I knew it! He can’t make you cum, can he?” She exclaimed.

I went with the sarcasm of the situation and nodded, laughing with her, “Nope. He can’t.” I lied, making her raise her fists and cheer, “I knew it!”

“I can’t?” Yoongi’s voice cut through the happy aura of the environment, my friend going silent, holding back laughter from the awkward situation.

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in celebration of the gay ass mavin revival, here’s SOME of the gay shit michael and gavin have pulled throughout the years for your viewing pleasure:

Yet another from this long list of prompts, completely unprompted.

Number Twelve: “I’m pregnant.”


The text came in at 7:17am, and in the mean time, Stiles had made his way through four and a half breakdowns, all of them for different reasons.

Number One: Male werewolves could get pregnant, and tying into that:

Number Two: Derek had never found it relevant to their two year relationship to share this fun fact. That didn’t say much as to his thoughts on their future together, which stung.

Number Three: Stiles was going to be a father at twenty-four.

Number Four: Just the night before, with Derek in Argentina visiting Cora, Stiles ate a dinner of Cheetos, plain microwaved hotdogs wrapped in bread, and four beers before passing out on the couch with the tv remote in his hand. He was not ready to be a father.

Number Five (still ongoing, more or less halfway through): They were going to have to move because no amount of corner guards or stupid little outlet plugs could childproof the loft. The door to the kitchen was literally a jagged hole in a brick wall. Stiles caught his shins on it regularly, they were always a mess of scabs and bruises.

Actually his entire body was a mess of scabs and bruises, because that was his life now, had been since sophomore year: fighting off the forces of supernatural evil.

Too bad he couldn’t childproof his life.

Oh god, they were going to have to move out of Beacon Hills. Away from the pack.

Nothing was stable in Beacon Hills, it had been eight years of panic and anxiety and near deaths and actual deaths. They couldn’t bring a baby into their current lives, Stiles wouldn’t even bring an adult into this hellhole. Who was trained in firearms. With combat experience.

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That’s A No

A/N: i don’t do smut, so don’t ask || enjoy ♥

Fandom: Disney Descendants

Boy: Harry Hook

Word Count: 1,117

Warning(s): Fluff

‘’I want you.’’

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anonymous asked:

Good evening, Do you think it's still possible for us to win MAMA? The gap is so huge I'm loosing hope :(

Do I think we will lose? Can we still win? Did I .. give up? 

Let me share my story with you, dear. In the past I was mocked for liking BTS and told “they will flop, following a group from a small agency is suicide. You will just get hurt”. Today you will just laugh at such words but back in the days, their words made better sense than my intuition that kept telling me they can make it someday. In the past getting 1 million views on a BTS MV was something we called a goal. Winning a single award was SO HARD. Being mentioned by one Tv show or celebrity was SO RARE. And, you know?! let’s not go back too far in the past. Just last year we had a 10M voting gap in MAMA. Just last year we couldn’t even consider going against such big fandoms. YET, we still won the biggest award: A DAESANG because of WINGS achievements. After BTS’ win, haters said we don’t deserve it and cursed at us and BTS. That’s why this year ARMY tried to make it possible to win the voting too so no hater will be able to breathe a word and our boys will walk proudly to get that award hearing no more obscenities but only cheers. 

Originally posted by gu-oh

 AGAIN! why didn’t I give up back then? Why many ARMYs just like myself didn’t give up? Because even if no one believed in us, no matter how small the achievements Bangtan thanked and trusted us. When they were humiliated they smiled so we will not worry and when we were insulted they felt sorry we liked them and screamed their rage through lyrics, words that could only be told that way. All of this made us believe in ourselves and our boys more. It made us both robust. We were so weak yet our resolution made us so strong. Today we are truly influential but the resolution became frail. Maybe, we are starting to take things for granted?. This thought destroyed many fandoms before us … So remember, always, the success you all see today is no luck. It’s blood, sweat, and tears.  If BTS were the kind to fall quickly, you may not have heard of them today. If ARMY were flimsy this fandom would have never gotten any bigger. SO LISTEN! Don’t think just because the fandom is huge now your voting is insignificant. this is such a cancerous thought when many deem this way we end up losing millions of votes, not just a mere one or two. In this fandom we work hard, stay humble and aim higher. BUT we never give up.

Plainly some months ago no one would have ever given up hearing we had a 1M gap in MAMA. BTS get 500k RTs on one photo on Twitter if just half of them vote with 5 accounts we are set in a matter of seconds. 

Originally posted by frutillito

Think logically & positively ARMY! You are heartier and happier today and can walk straight and be proud. We set more records in this single month than we could ever imagine and are still going hard. I know we all have our circumstances and no one will blame anyone if they don’t vote but … I know how sturdy we became and not using our strength is too regretful

So what do you think? Isn’t it time we turn the tables again? TEAMWORK MAKE THAT FREAKING GAP SHRINK TO HELL! I mean *cough* the dream work ^^ (sorry adrenaline rush. but I meant that too though)

Thus dear, as long as you are an ARMY, NEVER lose hope! 

Tickles and cuddles - Jack Kline x Reader

Title: Tickles and cuddles

Pairing: Jack Kline x Reader

Warnings: None

Summary: You are on another hunt and you don’t want to let Jack sleep on the couch of the motel room once more so you offer your bed for sharing. After him asking you how to show affection and some tickles he ends up admiting he likes cuddling with you.

Originally posted by morweneledhwen

“There is no other option Dean.” you sighed “And no! He’s not sleeping on the couch!” you spoke up before he had the chance to retort.

“It’s big enough, (Y/n)!” Dean exclaimed and you gave him a harsh glare.

“Yeah, just like every one we’ve seen on all the motels we’ve slept in over the past two weeks! Oh and let’s not forget that in the last one he took the freaking floor! Forget it, my bed is big enough and Jack’s sleeping with me this time.” you huffed.

“This is ridiculous, (Y/n).” he rolled his eyes and you glared at him.

“If you don’t want to share a bed with Sam so bad then the couch is big enough.” you mocked him and he sighed.

“Whatever, I’m not gonna argue with you anymore. You do whatever the hell you want, but if you-” he pointed a finger at Sam “Don’t keep those freaking long limbs to your side I’m throwing you off the freaking bed.” he grumbled and Sam rolled his eyes.

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2

Requested by: 

Annon 1:
Can you do a Bill S. imagine where he’s at an interview and he gets all blushy and cute when they start showing pictures of you two together and you guys always slay red carpet events 💗           

Annon 2:
Can you do one where Bill is telling the story of him scarring his wife (reader) and she hits him out of instinct and immediately she feels bad about it? Thanks💛

Pairing: Bill Skarsgard x Reader      

A/N: Woooow! thanks for all the likes and good vibes with my previous writing, that means a lot to me <3 here’s another one because my crush on Bill is getting bigger and bigger :3 sorry for my bad english and I hope you like it <3

Title: Social experiment

They were just a few days before the world premiere of ‘It’ film, which was expected to be a success due to good reviews from websites such as Rotten Tomatoes among others, Bill had been invited to an interview to Ellen DeGeneres Show and he was more than excited to talk about the movie, so there he was, behind the scenes waiting to be introduced by Ellen to enter to the small stage, suddenly heard his name and entered as he was told.

He ran into a huge crowd which applauded and screamed to see him, his wife was in the front row and stood up like everyone else to receive him

Ellen greeted him and made some strange grimace at noting his large height, especially because she wasn’t very tall, she told him to sit on a small beige couch, Ellen sat in front of him on another identical couch.

“wooow… what a good genetics” the audience laughed

“thank you” replied Bill, smiling at her

“Well, Bill, your siblings Alexander and Gustaf have already been here, both agreed to kiss me, I hope you do too, it’s for a social experiment” the audience laughed and Bill too

“Oh Ellen!, I wish I could support you in your social experiment, but you know, my wife is among the public and I doubt she’s very happy with it” The audience laughed even harder and the camera focused on Y/N, his wife, who also laughed

“Look at her, I’m sure she will agree to support me in my experiment” The camera refocuses on Y/N and could read on her lips saying, “go ahead” and Bill laughed ashamed buried his face in his hands, they were always this playful and they loved to make a fool of each other from time to time “Well, I have her approval Bill, but we can leave it for later. Now I want to focus on your new movie, It, where you play Pennywise”

“That’s right”

“Then, tell us, how someone as handsome as you, can play this devilish and horrible clown”

“You just said it, you know, it’s in my genetics to play psycho and attractive characters”

“Were you an It fan before you got the role?”

“Well, I remember watching the 90’s movie, and I also remember sleeping with the light on for the rest of the year, so I could say yes, I was a fan”

“We already know that your wife is here with us, you have a short time being married, am I wrong?”

“We’ll celebrate our first anniversary next month” he smiled victorious “we’re excited about it”

“Oh wow! Congratulations Bill, look, here we have some pictures of you two” on the big screen behind them began to appear images of they both in different places, walking her French Bulldog, going to Starbucks and especially on red carpets and movie premieres “You both look very in love, eeh” Bill began to feel his cheeks burn and he gave a shy giggle

“We are, Ellen, Y/N is one of my favorite people in the world, she knows how to show up the best of me in the worst moments” The public said an ‘awwwwweee’, seeing to Bill so in love” I mean, every time I see her, I feel like the first moment I met her”

“How did you meet her?”

“I was visiting my brother Gustaf on Vikings set, she’s part of the cast and was wearing those weird clothes…. I could only think “that woman’s so hairy” then I realized that it was the makeup” The public laughed out loud and Ellen too

“What did she say to you when you told her that you were chosen for the role of Pennywise the dancing clown?”

“She was like ‘Fuck yes, dance to me clown daddy’” Y/N laughed along with the public and her face turns red like a tomato because those were the exact words that she had used when her husband told her that he would play Pennywise

“It’s not going to be necessary to ask her if she’s fan of the book” said Ellen, who was laughing too

“Not at all”

“I heard that both are very pranksters, and that you love to make each other all kind of heavy jokes” on the screen appear small videos taken from Y/N Instagram, where she scared Bill on countless occasions and he fell in each one of her jokes, from the smallest to the worst “We found this video on Finn Wolfhard Instagram“ a short video where Y/N appeared entering Bill’s trailer on ‘It’ set, was on the screen “We don’t have much information, we only know that Finn was dying with laughter and decided to publish it with the caption  ‘LMAO, HE DESERVES THIS, SHE’S MY IDOL’  Do you want to tell us a little more about this?” she asked

Before he could say a word, Bill started to laugh and took a drink of water “Actually, there’s a very good story behind that video, it almost cost me my fiancée, but it was worth it, until a certain point of course.  You’ll see, Y/N had made me a very heavy, like really heavy joke, so I had planned my revenge and Finn had agreed to help me, we were in the city filming some scenes, my car was in the workshop and Y/N had me taken to the set in the morning and would pick me up at night, about eight o’clock, so… She arrived and she already knew that she could park the car in my place. She called me by the phone and said she was waiting for me, but I told her to get off the car and wait for me on my trailer because I was talking with Andy and it was going to take a few more minutes. Actually, I was in my trailer, full dressed as Pennywise, even my makeup artist was behind all this because she accepted to wait to remove my makeup once I had fulfilled my plan. Then, Finn was hiding in front of my trailer and filming everything from the outside, I had left my phone inside recording everything and then he would help me to edit it. I was hidden in my trailer and the lights were completely off, I heard Y/N approached and opened the door. She couldn’t turn on the light when she tried and it was when my revenge began.  ‘Hi Y/N’, I said in my Pennywise voice and I started to laugh, ‘You’ll float too’ and I appeared in the dark laughing like a maniac, making all that clown stuff and running towards her, but instead of being scared or I dunno know, perhaps by instinct, she hit me in the face and then in my throat or she tried, but I fell to the ground and my nose began to bleed exaggeratedly” the public and Ellen began to laugh and Y/N put her hands hiding her face feeling guilty again “She approached me and when she saw my state, she panicked and pulled me out of the trailer, that’s where you can see Finn laughing at saw my nose bleeding, Y/N instantly repented, well, she repented and then when we went to the hospital, I still full dressed as a clown to get x-rays and realize that my nose wasn’t broken, she said “you deserve it”, that’s when I decided not to bother my wife never again when she just arrived from her kick boxing class”

“Did you sleep on the couch that night?”

“Uhhm, not exactly, she felt really bad for hitting me, my nose was very swollen”

“She’s lucky not having sanctions for domestic violence in her records, uh?” Ellen joked “What about kids?  Have you planned to have any?  You would give us very beautiful babies”

“Oh, thank you, Ellen” Bill laughed “But we’re not interested yet. Both Y/N and I are very focused on our careers, maybe in the future, but not now”

“That sounds good Bill!  And just to say goodbye, could you make that characteristic Pennywise’s smile?”

“Of course, for which camera?”

“Number two” Bill turned to the camera and made the smile, the audience applauded and gets excited “thank you Bill! I hope to have you here again very soon!”

“I hope so  Ellen, it was a pleasure” He stands up to say goodbye and Ellen kissed him for her “social experiment” the audience applauded and Bill turns red with embarrassment, he had completely forgotten about that…

requests are open! (x)

MASTERLIST

Drop // Richie Tozier Imagine

AN: This is loosely based off of that one scene from Stranger Things but with a lot changed from it…idk you’ll see what I mean I’ve just been binge watching the show for the millionth time

The bell had rung and everyone went to their classes and sat in their seats. Per usual routine Richie sat in his desk and the stare fest began,

There she is. (Y/N) (Y/L/N). FUCK she’s gorgeous. She probably doesn’t even know my name. I can’t take my eyes off of her. No wonder I’m failing English…oh wait I think this History class… Richie thought to himself.

The class was over an hour long and Richie just kept staring at you. You were probably the ONLY thing that keep his mouth shut. All he ever did was talk but with you…he couldn’t form words.

The class ended and everyone formed a pile out of the door plaining ignoring the teacher’s request to slow down.

~

The day was over and Richie started walking home from school alone. Bill was at home because he got sick, Eddie’s mom held him home to disinfect him from anything he might have touched of Bill’s, and Stan’s bike was being fixed so his mom decided to pick him up.

So it was just Richie, alone. He started walking down an alternate path to avoid the route Henry and his friends take when he heard a noise,

“GET OFF OF ME”

Y/N?  Richie thought to himself

He started to follow the voice and it led him to one of the bridges that overlooked the river. Richie hid behind a tree and peaked to see you being held down by Bowers and his goons,

“She’s a pretty one isn’t she?” Henry said holding her down, “Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to wonder this town alone?”

“HELLPP!” you screamed kicking and jerking every limb

Shit do something do something he thought

“No one’s gonna hear you out here” Henry said. Richie reached picked up the only two rocks he could find and chucked it at Bower’s head

SMACK

“Let her go” Richie said emerging from the trees with another rock in hand. Unexpectedly Belch comes up from behind him and kicks him in the back knocking Richie on the ground. He kneels over Richie and punches him in the face,

“Leave him alone!” you yell. Henry motions Belch to stop and then yanks you off of the ground. He flips you around so you’re facing Richie and grabs onto your neck,

“I’ll make you losers a deal” he says with a knife in his other hands. He points it at Richie,

“If you drop…her pants won’t” Richie looks up at him confused.

“Drop from bridge and I won’t touch your precious girlfriend” he says still holding you in a choke hold. You kick and cry grabbing onto his hands trying with all your strength to get them off of your neck. But you were too small and fragile compared to Henry he just held you back without trying.

“Don’t do it” you say struggling for breath, “I w-won’t blame you.”

“I don’t got all day now” Henry said looking at Richie on the floor. He adjusts his glasses and stands up walking towards the bridge,

“The rapids are too strong!” you yells with the last breaths you has, “Please don’t do it!”

Richie gets up onto the railing and overlooks the water. He takes a deep breath in,

“Richie please!” you yell

She knows my name… He thinks to himself

SPLASH

“RICHIE!” you yells. Henry puts you down and they all run over to the edge of the bridge,

“Didn’t know he had it in him..where were we?” Henry turns around to you standing with Henry’s dad’s gun pointed towards them,

“How the fuck did you?!” Henry says feeling the emptiness in his back pocket

“Go.” you say tears running down your face,

“GET. OUT.” you warn

“Look toots don’t hurt yourself…just put the gun down” you point it downwards and shoot Henry in the foot,

“SON OF A BITCH” he yells dropping to the ground. You reach the gun back up to his head and yell again,

“GO!” the boys all run away helping Henry up and into Belch’s car. They drive off fast and you run down towards the lake,

“Richie! Richie!” you yell out for him. You look down at the river hoping to God you don’t find him in there and see nothing but fast moving water.

There’s no way he walked away from that

“RICH-” you turn around and bump into a drenched and shivering Richie,

“Oh my god” you say hugging him as tight as you can

Oh shit she’s hugging me..do not pop a boner Richie

“Are you okay!?” you say frantically

“Yeah I’m okay” he says trying to act as tough as he can around you.

“Are you crazy? You barely know me and you almost killed yourself”

“I’m a good swimmer” he said showing off. You laugh and hug him again,

“Do you wanna come back to my place? I don’t think anyones home and I can give you some of my brother’s clothes so you’ll be dry” you offer. His eyes go wide, even wider than his glasses magnify,

“Yeah” he says unable to form any other words.

I’m going to Y/N’s house. I just saved her from Henry. She knew my name…the boys will never hear the end of this

Imagine your neighbor, Dean Winchester, teasing you with his scruff and lips when he knows you fantasize about him and in return you show him how dirty you can and have been for him.

Related to these: Imagine your neighbor, Dean Winchester, getting jealous when he sees a guy leave your house in the morning when your parents are gone on a trip.

Imagine your neighbor, Dean Winchester, implying there are more things he can to you than the boy you had over a few days ago. And going into detail.

Imagine changing in your room while your neighbor, Dean Winchester, is watching from his own window.

Imagine going for a swim in a bikini to tease your neighbor, Dean Winchester, who has been doing the same all day.

Imagine your neighbor, Dean Winchester, suggesting all the things he can do to you in return to you implying the things you want him to do when your parents are gone. 

You knew you should appreciate the small break he had given you, but you were too busy missing him. You were a masochist, that was the only way you could describe it. Because when he was here you couldn’t stand to be close to him for fear of just being unable to hold yourself back and kissing the life out of him or… doing much worse after all the sexual tension he kept building between the two of you. And when he was gone for three weeks to help his brother with moving in – or at least that’s what your mother had told you – you were an idiot spending time thinking about him and how you missed seeing him next door and, hell, even that sexual frustration that he brought up with teasing you. You were almost counting down the days until he was back.

What an idiot you were. An idiot and a masochist, those two words could describe you perfectly so.

“Coming!” you shouted at whoever was on the other side of the door. You had been perfectly happy snuggling with your blankets, wearing his flannel, and thinking about how much you missed him until the doorbell rung and you had be rudely interrupted.

“Hello?” you breathed out, almost even before opening the door and realizing who it was, but when you did all air got knocked out of your lungs.

“Hey” a boyish grin formed on his lips that made him look so much younger every time but now it just… wouldn’t do it because of-

“H-Hey” you stuttered, blinking “Oh uh Mr- Mr Winchester, I thought you were-” you tried to swallow the lump in your throat “With your brother, gone for uhm until the end of the week?”

“Oh uh yeah” he chuckled, licking his lips “We finished early, I mean I put a little more effort to get back soon and now here I am. Couldn’t stay very long away from you.” he winked and your heart did a flip “Missed me?” he smirked and you couldn’t even stop yourself to think.

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