these arent even funny anymore but i keep making them what is wrong with me

genderfluid nico fic

because my lovely genderfluid girlfriend is not feeling too well and i will do anything for her

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nico has always felt different. he remembers very distinctly believing as a child that he had been born a girl. his mother always corrected him, bianca always corrected him, but he had been entirely convinced that he was born a girl.

nico doesn’t tell anyone that. it’s an odd memory, something that he doesn’t care to share with another living being. 

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Alright, im on an hour break, im on mobile, this is gonna have a shitton of grammatical errors but i honestly feel this is the one topic im gonna have to put my two cents in. Also, ive got 12 messages in 2 hours asking what the hell happened and i dont think it would be fair to sum it all up in a small response when the problem is a bit bigger than what a summary can answer. This is gonna be a looooong fuckign post and i cant add a readmore until i get home…

Im black. I live in the ghetto and i live in one of the most dangerous boroughs in the entirety of New York City. Im black, and i work in a hospital where im surrounded by white people, professional white people in the dirtiest fucking borough in ny. These same white people live right here in the bronx surrounded by other minorites and despite this, i have been called a n*gger roughly 10-15 times in my line of work as a mere secretary.

By white people. Who, mixed with an obnoxious sense of superiority, throw this term around whenever they feel that someone has upset them, that someone who has fucked up deserves to be called this be it a secretary, a janitor, pct, nurse, even other doctors. I have been called n*gger multiple times at work, outside, online, on xbox, and no matter how many times i hear it, it still fucking burns me inside out without fail.

Im saying this because, when you are subjected to any form of racism, having it happen to you on a daily basis does not desensitize you. At all. No one magically becomes ‘unaffected’ when faced with blatant racism. For some people, they feel the need to fight back and rightfully so. For some people, its just better if they just stay quiet, stay on the sidelines. Racism affects people in different ways…

Im saying this because there is a very, VERY good reason as to why I no longer watch any gg videos in the Jon era.

Arin grew up in the nastiest part of the fucking south. In fact, p much everyone down South is downright racist. I have family down there, ive physically traveled there ( Georgia, South Carolina) and despite the south being full of Black people, we are still treated like absolute scum. It fucking b u r n s me but im so meek and quiet and im too scared of confrontations to ever say shit outloud. So i stay quiet and if i can help myself i try avoid anything thatll wind me up or make me uncomfortable.

This is no excuse. Theres no excuse for ever saying n*gger, absolutely none. And while i havent seen the video Arin mentioned he said the n word in, him saying any variation of the word is completely fucking unacceptable. I dont care that he was brought up in a racist fucking shit pile of a state. I dont care if he had a token 'black friend’ i dont fuckign care its disgusting and rude and its not his term to throw around.

However.

This is something he said in the past; This is something he said years ago. People can change in just a couple of years despite what tumblr will tell you and he clearly has. When you are surrounded by people with disgusting world views and you have no way of learning any better, it sticks with you. When youre caught in this nasty circlejerk of people encouraging racist behavior with no way of knowing how wrong this all is, its hard to change your ways.

Mark, Arin, Dan, name any youtuber whos been here for over 3 years and think about just how different they are now from when they started. Snide comments, slick remarks, they were almost always sexist. But being exposed to tons of people who have absolute zero tolerance for that kind of shit made them reform. Change is slow and change is difficult and I appreciate anyone whos taken a step forward no matter how slow or small that progress may look.

While ill admit that im reluctant to watch the Jon-era of videos, all the videos ive watched have been pretty tame. The occasional joke maybe, but both of them were somewhat conscious of what would be offensive to viewers. I say this bc three years later, theyve grown ALOT and I have no problem watching any Dan-era episodes or any J*ntron episodes within the past 2 years. People need to keep this in mind before they callout; they have changed so much since theyve first started and while they arent perfect, im extremely grateful that theyve made such good progress.

God this is lengthy, but i felt like i had to explain myself before I list why i dont think Arin was being a racist prick in todays mario maker.

To start this off, Dan didnt even have to bring up the commercial, it was in bad taste anyway so before we all fucking throttle Arins neck think about that.

Dan wanted to share this story but he wanted to do it in the least offensive way possible. Which is already a task. He specifically said he didnt want to say the n word, even if it was for the sake of storytelling m, bc that shit couldve been taken out of context. And hes right! No one wants to have that shit out there in the open. When Arin responds, he matter of factly states that hes used the term before. Of course Dan laughs like 'ha, good for YOU but im not cool w that’

But i honest to god believe with every fiber of my being that he meant nothing by that? People have said that he was boasting about it but i honestly cant believe that, especially after hearing the sound clip. Like i firmly believe he was just trying to contribute to the conversation. 'Oh i dont wanna say the word bc people will have a sound clip they can misuse.’ 'Oh, ive actually said that word years ago so technically people have a sound clip of me saying it.’ Like he just states a fact. Its true! If someone wants to make a sound clip, they can do it and noone can stop him. I dont think he was proud of saying it but he wasnt deeply ashamed of saying it either? Before people try to paint his pale ass like hes a saint.

I think… what matters is that he knows that that shit isnt acceptable anymore… Hes said it in the past but theres no way he can go back in time to stop him from saying and i think he feels the same way about that. But its not in a remorseful 'oh god i wish i hadnt said that, i was so immature’ but more like ’ no amount of me feeling bad about it is gonna change anything and make it better so im just not gonna care. I know better now so im just gonna make sure from now on im not gonna do it’. Its always a touchy subject when he talks about jokes. Theres such a thin t h i n line between trying to tell a funny joke and telling a joke thats extremely offensive. Its like practically nonexistent and the more he treads on this line the more likely somethjng will slip like what happened today.

This is long, and confusing and complicated but i hope this somewhat explains why im not freaking out over this. Im in no way trying to speak for all black people who watch gg. We all have a very legitimate reason for being pissed off and if someone decides that they arent worth the trouble anymore then thats their prerogative. They have absolutely every right to no longer watch them or contribute to the fandom any longer and anyone who thinks theyre overreacting should be ashamed of themselves. Youre in no position to decide who should and shouldnt be hurt by his words.

I just, wanted to give a reason as to why I PERSONALLY will keep watching him. Hes a sweetheart, hes got a wonderful personality and he cares about his circle of friends SO much. He hates all kinds of jerks (real and online) and he truly believes that theres too much hate in the world to feel the need to contribute to it. He likes to make people laugh and he genuinely cares about the people who look up to him. He divulged a wonderful story about being bi ( or at least his first bi experience ) and he supports all kinds of artists. His literal advice was to just be kind and put out work. ..

I dunno.

No amount of disclaimers is gonna stop people from messaging me lmao but there u go

2

my coloring, cap creds go to x

omggg so i have reached 2k! i want to say thank you to everyone mentioned and also any helpful ppl along the way, ily all~

italics- people who are super cool

bold- people i admire 

friends at the bottom with special messages!

A-C

 akason akinakami angrycucco assnologia ayase4 braiya bugie78 celestial-winter celestiallucyheartfilia chihayaz 

D-F

 dragneelbooty feelytail flamedork fulllbuster

G-I

gloomyjuvia heartfiliae ichiyas 

J-L

 jellalstitties  juvia-makes-it-rain juvla kiyohko laurentarzan lgneel  lokes-ass lonestorm lucy-chii 

M-O

maberuu mardgeer  nalutbh  natsudorkoneel natsus-ass owarinozeref

P-R

parfumsass raiijinshuu rainladyjuvia rivendell101

S-U

seieiryu  shadoouge sonodasumi soprana-snap tfwnatsu tinyjudar ultears-ass 

V-X

 vermiliions  xfairydrawing 

friends

deanscatsiel

julie, you have been my bff since we were 5 and i think you re fuvjk ingh terrible, i love you a lot though so its okay. im pissed we dont have any classes this year but its okay. we are both in different fandoms but we still put up with each other and i think thats awesome, ilysm.

lvpislvzuli

abby! we havent been friends for very long but im really glad we are, im so hype we have chorus together again this year:D hopefully we will be good friends throughout high school! i think your super pretty and you also hate tomatoes so you are smart.

avengersandguardians

mia, your okay i guess, jk! ily a lot and i think your super funny. even though we joke about you a lot we all love you honestly, its just that your a gemini so its hard to not joke around with you. anyways, ik you dont like nc very much but im glad you moved so i got to meet you! i hope we also have great times in high school together:D

dobengal

cam… your adorable, and suppper sweet omg! and lately you’ve been sooo much help to me with coloring advice it makes me so happy, and you also boost my confidence when it comes to my colorings! even though you are only a year younger than me i feel the need to protect you from everything and omg you are soo talented with edits!

vastiias 

arlie you make me piss my pants ngl, you also have given me a lot of awesome coloring advice! i think your extremely talented your art slays me every time.  whenever i need help with anything you help me out and i think thats awesome, and honestly we are salty sisters omg.

lucyheartfllia

sara my love live bff! you taught me everything i know about sif and now im trash. whenever i talk to you, you bright up my day! you send me the funniest vines that make me pee and always send me hanayo cards when i need them. you helped me sooo much when i was ordering that hanayo nend and it really made me happy! ily

vanllle

Will….stop spreading rumoRS ABOUT ME THAT ARENT TRU E OKAY! anyways, your super funny and nice and we are also salty about a lot of things together, i like how i can talk to you about a lot of things and also vent. your chill but also nOT CHILL!

yuyuhakubro 

meg, you are sinful and i have heard you say sindaddy so many times it doesnt even phase me anymore. i can ask you for so much advice and also weird questions and you always answer me without making me feel silly and that makes me so happy! your an amazing writer and i really admire how hard you work:D

gray-fullbuster13

pd, we always show each other na.lu nsfw and sometimes ill get it in the wrong places and ill just laugh! i think your hilarious and your writing is also amazing! your blog is also incredibly organized and ngl i admire that bc mine is a mess tBH. im glad i can vent to you when i need to. 

urmilkovich

ary! you are sooooo amazing at edits and they slay me each time. i think your super nice and a very welcoming person. i remember having the hugest tumblr crush on you and when you followed back i DIEd. so thank you so much for being so nice to me:D

jellal

cc you are so cool omg, i also remember having a big tumblr crush on you and when you followed me back i was soo happy! you are an amazing artist and so creative, i have only read a bit of your writing but i can tell your book will be published one day it sounds amazing! keep up the good work:D (also we need to talk about chend.y more plz)

jjuvia

EM ILYSM BUT I ALSO HATE YOU FOR SPREADING THAT I WATCHED HEN.TAI THAT ONE TIME FUCK  YOU. anyways, your edits are incredible and i admire you a lot! your the first british person i have ever known so sometimes i have no idea what your talking about omg. i hope i can talk to you more!

ohmynatsu

my natsu loving buddy! rissa i love talking to you bc you’re so nice and funny and i can always come to you for fanfic recs! your colorings are amazing and i wanna be as good as you one day!! i hope i can talk to you more bc ily 

rinshoshizoras 

molly, we havent talked much yet but i can tell we will be great friends, you love love live, i love love live, it works out. i hope i can talk to you way more in the future and im glad your in the chat now! you’re incredibly nice but also Will calls you the devil so i can tell you’ll be able to help me play jokes on Will >:D

littlemcgarden

KRIS, your headcanons and scenarios are sooo well thought out i read them ALL the time, you’re so creative! when you arent in the chat it just isnt the same so im extremely glad you are back!

demonkingdragneel 

leah! we just started talking but i hope i can talk to you more, you are also my natsu and nalu buddy and that makes me soo happy, we talk about nalu fic and how much it kills us fml and i think your super nice and hilarious! 

akashiiiya

blake, you are funny and you’re talented at making edits! 

freedjustined

sriiiii, you are so sweet and so cute i love you! i hope to talk to you more bc you are so sweet.

warriorsofrave

BRI YOU ARE SO CUTE AND YOUR ART IS CUTE HOW DO YOU DO BOTH! i really wanna start talking to you more bc i think you’re supppeerrr chill and funny af, so message me sometime i’d love to talk!

romsass

babu babu sara… my child.  i fEEL SO TERRIBLE BC I HAVENT TALKED TO YOU IN FOREVS BUT ILYSM YOU ARE MY LOVE LIVE PAL AND WE ARE BOTH TRASH IDOL FANS. you are a super cutie and your tweets always make my daY