these are the things i'll remember

i keep trying to memorize every detail of the moments i live in. in the soreness of my legs from standing so long at a concert, the chill of the night, the patterns of a tablecloth, the oily texture in my mouth after eating fried bananas. i keep trying to memorize the feelings, the quiet contentedness, the laughter, the excitement. i keep trying to memorize the people, their smiles, the way they speak, what makes them laugh. i’m constantly on the cusp of the next part of my life and that’s just so.. strange. but it makes it so much easier to find happiness no matter what’s happening to me, in a way? because i’m already kind of looking at life with those rose-colored glasses of nostalgia, simply because i know these are times i’ll never be able to live again, and these are people i might not always have, and that makes it so much easier to appreciate everything i might miss later. 

2

time to dance // panic! at the disco

Here to shake things up

[Ko-fi / Redbubble]

Darling, I hope that you’ll meet someone who always knew what you deserve. From the things you wanted to feel to the words you needed to hear. I hope you will meet someone who will not mock you—laugh at you when you started blurting out all the crazy things that touched your heart. Someone who will not walk away from you when you started telling them about all the precious things—that runs through your mind. I hope you will meet someone who will not only promise you to stay, but also do everything just to keep you with them. I hope you will meet someone who will embrace every little piece of you. Someone who understands your passion and supports you in loving it . And if you meet that someone, I hope that there will be mutual feelings between the two of you. That even if you are the moon and he is the sun, both of you will always remember that you always light each other’s life. That when you get tired, he will always be there to lift you up—and the same thing as for you to him. I hope you will find someone who will make you feel all the best things you deserve to experience. Because like other people in this world, you deserve to be genuinely happy, even if you thought that you will never be.
—  ma.c.a // Sunlight and Moonlight, Makes a Day
the signs as things boys at my school have said/done part 2
  • aries: i only write in capital letters now. this is the new me
  • taurus: *yelling marco up a flight of stairs*
  • gemini: if you're not sinning you're not winning
  • cancer: party hard, work hard
  • leo: *sticking hand out of the classroom window* this is football weather
  • virgo: *uses his notebook as a pillow to nap in class*
  • libra: i keep putting the back of this pen in my mouth but then i remember i found it on the floor
  • scorpio: *to his friend* trip me again and i'll break your knee
  • sagittarius: *yelling polo down a flight of stairs*
  • capricorn: why did god make humans flammable
  • aquarius: i can make some sick dolphin noises wanna hear
  • pisces: *holding his butt the entire class because he sat on the radiator for too long*

Pinky.

I remember all the promises we’ve made together—all the good things you’ve said that I thought would last forever. We were like kids writing our futures without knowing how time could change us—how the world will try to always make us reminisce the past. How the people around us will try to mold us into something we didn’t want.

Ring.

It was the different type of love. I don’t know if fate is real or if destiny confuses us about what we feel. But I always imagine you with me, and my heart beating with yours in symphony. It was the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. The most wonderful feeling I couldn’t get tired of.

Middle.

There’s always something that goes in between. Pedestrians passing by— every time the traffic lights signal us to stop. When you were walking fast yet caught up behind someone who is walking slowly enough. When you already want to do the things you love, but you saw something that puts a doubt in your heart. When you thought you already found someone who you can’t enjoy living without.

Index.

I choose you over anything else, hoping that you’ll also end up picking me over everybody else. Yet I put a finger on your lips telling you to stop spreading all the sugar coated lies. I point to your chest, hoping for you to be honest. Darling I think I couldn’t take it anymore, if you continue to pretend that you still love me more.

Thumb.

Believe when I say that everything will be okay, even if it will take a lot of time for me to heal. In the end I will surely learn from all of this things. I will still carry the love I have somewhere inside me. Not for you, but for—each and every—broken part of me. This is how I should let go of you. One by one, I’ll remove my fingertips away from holding your hands. One by one I’ll let go of you so you can rest and breathe. Day by day, letting go will ease the pain.

And until my hands stop bleeding, my soul will suddenly appreciate the wonderful life I’m living. In the end my heart will learn how to love myself more—and will finally consider it as my home.

—  ma.c.a // I should stop holding on you

Dear you

Hi…it’s me I know you don’t care to listen to anything I have to say but I have so many things on my mind, so many questions.

Could we just rewind our time together and pause at the exact moment where we went wrong. or where I went wrong?

I can’t sleep without thinking, what did I do so wrong to make you hate me or love me less? What happened to us against the world? now it’s you against me..

Please tell me why you can’t stand to hear my name or treat it like it  is a forbidden word in your secret language in which I thought I understood but these days it has become questionable.

Do you remember the promise we made to one another? the one about never leaving each other behind? well I guess that was nothing more than a phrase to you which had no meaning to you but did you know it meant everything to me?

I cried every single day helplessly begging for you to just reach out to me or throw me a life jacket but instead you abandon me and left to drown because I couldn’t keep myself afloat.

Call me naïve but I really believed you were on my side, call me pathetic for thinking you truly loved me. call me whatever you want but just know despite the bitterness you were the sweetest love I ever knew.

Hey….I know you remember me because you told me you will never forget me but I hope you remember me as the only one who loved every part of you even though you tore me apart and left me with emptiness in my heart and soul.

One last thing please love the next person the way you couldn’t love me, you at least owe them that.

sincerely
me

—  Tenari Ioapo Excerpt from a book I may write.
Fyre Festival is Hilarious and I'll Tell You Why

As a Louisiana resident, I find all the people rushing in to defend the Fyre Festival goers behavior hilarious. Here’s why.

I’m someone who is familiar with disasters, from floods taking out homes to hurricanes ripping through my state. I am also familiar with the horrible things said about the people in my state, primarily the poor, when they resort to methods of survival such as scavenging for supplies in unmanned stores in times of disaster. I also remember how people were so eager people were to call names and point fingers during Katrina when people were recorded fighting and stealing from others. Somehow my people were deemed ‘savages’ and 'animals’ for all of their behavior.

Now here’s Fyre Festival’s rich attendees who:

1. Are not actually stranded (bc people low to throw around that word). Being stranded suggests there is no foreseeable way out. They have a way out, they just have to wait as groups of people are going out in droves.

2. Have enough money to buy supplies and things from another area if needed.

3. Were not there for more than a day and started looting, stealing, and destructing property.

4. Have actually been provided with some form of food and shelter. Ironically, disaster relief shelter lol.

People are acting like they experiences the Hunger Games when really it was more the first few pages Lord of the Flies before shit hit the fan. Does it suck they lost thousands. Of course. Do they have the right to be mad. HELL YEAH! I would be too. However, I’m still going to laugh at this reaction by the attendees and the media. How these people would survive in real danger I will never know lol.

‘Why did you fall for him?’
I’ve never been able to answer this question and I wonder if I ever will be. The only thing I know is that I spent years not knowing him and one day he just was there.
I still remember him, just sitting there on a wooden picnic table, I still remember him looking up at me, I still remember the look in his eyes, I still remember the feeling I had. Both were pure, clean because nothing had happened yet.
There we were on that chilly spring morning, not yet knowing how we would change each other’s lives.

'Why do you still love him?’
How will I ever be able to answer? I just do. He’s such a big part of my life, I can’t imagine it without him. No, there hasn’t been an easy moment ever since I met him and yes, at times it hurts, a lot.
But I guess I just live for him, for the signature grins I get from him, for the way he calls my name, for the sparkle in his eyes when I make him laugh. For the way he can still make me stutter after 5 years and for the princess-like feeling he can give me.

I know everyone tells me to let him go. And I get why. Perhaps I could let him go if I only met him a few months ago, but he has marked too many memories, predominated too many years. He’s the only thing in my life that never changes.

—  Confessions
A Handful of Questions to Ask Yourself While Creating a Character

Compelling characters make compelling stories. Here’s a bunch of questions you can ask yourself while developing a character. 

1) What does your character want from life? What is their motivation? What drives them? Most people want things - it could be as small as wanting a sandwich, or something huge like wanting to change the world. Does your character want something? Does your character dream? What about? And if they don’t, why don’t they? 

2) Is your character shy? Outgoing? Insecure? Proud? Why are they the way they are? My favourite example of this question answered well is Ron Weasley from Harry Potter. He’s insecure because he doesn’t come from a wealthy family, has a bunch of older brothers who are all amazing in some form or way, his mother always wanted a daughter, Ginny, and so he doesn’t feel as wanted. Also, one of his best friends is the Chosen One, and the other is the brightest witch of her age - a cocktail that would make anyone doubt themselves. 

3) What kind of clothes does your character wear? Why? The way you dress says a lot about who you are. For instance, If a character wears designer clothes and the latest fashions, it shows that they have the means to keep up with the trends. However if they wear a medley of things bought second-hand, or buy cheap stuff from supermarkets, they might not have the money to spare on outfits, or maybe they just don’t care about fashion.

4) How does your character speak?  Speech patterns have origins. An accent, language, a dialect, all signify geography, social class, personality. It could be as simple as cussing too much. But be sure you know why your character speaks the way they do. And if it’s not a speech pattern you’re familiar with, do your research!

5) Likes and dislikes I sometimes give characters specific likes (”I like tomatoes”) or specific dislikes (”I dislike eggs”), simply because it humanises them. You don’t have to do this, or be as specific as that, if it doesn’t serve your story. But it’s definitely something you can consider. Everyone has those little things they love and hate, and you can go places with them. (”I hate eggs because my childhood bully threw an egg at me and scarred me for life.”) Be creative and have fun with it.

6) Who does your character love? Romantic attraction isn’t necessary to create a wholesome character. Nevertheless, if they are in love with someone, be sure to understand why they love someone. Love is at its best, a complicated emotion difficult to break down, but a relationship has to be believable. As a reader, I need to be able to look at a couple and think, yeah, I can see what their love is built on. 

7) What would their favourite songs be? This is not so much a question as it is a trick I use to get a better feel for who my character is. No matter what time period your story is set in, you can use this to understand your character better. Take your playlist and pick what songs they would enjoy. It says a lot about who they are. For instance, one of my characters would enjoy Western classical music and nothing else. Another character listens to the worst kind of pop and loves it. 

8) How does your character react under stress? Can they cope with it? Do they get tense? Angry? Teary? Why? Why not? How a person deals with stress is a vital part of their personality. Decisions taken under stress can be the worst you’ve ever made, or (depending on how you handle stress), can be effective solutions to problems. The way a person reacts to stress often has a lot to do with their background and upbringing. Example (this is a generalisation, of course): someone who comes from a difficult family background may have more extreme reactions to stress than someone who is well-adjusted and comes from a happy family. 

9) What does your character do when they’re alone? You’re often a different person alone than when you are with other people. The pretences and false faces come away, and all the little thoughts you usually ignore now have time to play in the open. Who is your character when they’re alone? What do they do? What do they think about? Why do they think about/do things in that way?

10) Where does your character fail? Characters must have flaws to be compelling. Nobody is perfect, and your character shouldn’t be either. Whether its insecurity or anger, or a lack of initiative, or smaller things like not being a good artist, or not being the best at sports–we all have personal failings and we all have things we aren’t good at. Consider: where does your character mess up? 

I hope this helps! Remember to have fun. Developing characters can be the most exciting thing. Keep an open mind while working. Happy writing! 

I like to hear all your stories being told, not once, not twice but many times. Not because I don’t remember what you said but because I enjoy hearing about who you were before you met me. I like to see the little sparkle in your eye when you tell me about the memories you are most fond of. I love learning new things about you, I love seeing how shy you get when your mum talks about childhood stories of you. You don’t need to feel embarrassed at all about anything, you interest me in every way and I love you for you.

11 p.m. is for single mothers
who cradle a glass of wine in their fingers
and wait for the sound of a child crying
they hope will never come—
it always does.

12 a.m. is for high school students
to do homework they didn’t have time to do
after lacrosse practice and dance rehearsal—
they yearn to rest their tired eyes
but cannot.

1 a.m. is for sneaking into your bedroom
on a school night at seventeen,
reminding yourself how tired
you will be in the morning,
convincing yourself it was worth it.

2 a.m. is for star-crossed lovers
rolling in bed sheets smelling of
alcohol and tragic dreams that
ironically lull them to sleep.

3 a.m. is for hopeless romantics
wishing under late-night skies
for someone to talk to,
for someone who gets it.

And all of those people think
they’ve got it bad, but
when 4 a.m. rolls around the corner,
the past sinks into your veins—

4 a.m. is too late for anyone to save you,
for when 4 a.m. tells you,
“You can’t do this anymore,”
you believe it.

—  4 a.m.
4

After weeks of procrastination blood & sweat & tears & endless complaints, this doujinshi is finally finished!  \(*゚∀゚*)/ \(*゚∀゚*)/ \(*゚∀゚*)/

My ramblings thoughts are on the Afterword page. Hope people enjoy this simple story! [rest of the pages under cut]

Keep reading